M40
Pushing from vanilla to kink. How?
January 11 2025
You know that feeling you have when you really want to turn fantasy into reality but fear holds us back? How do you get past it? How do you make it work either alone or with someone?
I appreciate it’s a slightly ambiguous question but I’m sat here in the UK in a very philosophical mood.
Comments
wanderlustQLD
2 months ago
If it's a physical safety hazard, such as restraints or choking, I tend not to engage in these activities until I know my partner reasonably well - I need a high level of trust when my physical safety is involved. Alternatively, if I am playing in a group setting, I can also entrust others to be Safery Bob.
So it depends... because if it's just a case of trying something new and different with no physical safety concerns, I just do it or ask for it. Having said that I tend to be pretty open and adventurous and like people who are the same.
What do you have to lose? Are you worried someone will think you're weird or dislike you for being curious or having a kink?
Life's too short not to try stuff at least twice 😉 There's even things I didn't think I liked that my partner liked, and I agreed to try in the spirit of adventure. I was surprised to find I quite enjoyed as well - when initially I assumed it was not for me!
RachWandered
2 months ago
This is a tricky one
not all kink relationships begin vanilla and some start kinky then merge into a smush of kinky/vanilla/friends etc - like a sexy Neapolitan
I feel like this is one of those non-defined areas and the boundaries are defined and re-defined by the participants
I’ve found more recently that I’m enjoying exploring within the context of safe relationships with safe people- I can be vanilla, kinky, fat and tired, hedonistic and so on … feeling like there’s space to morph is more important than defining a point at which the crossover takes place
MrandMrsEss
2 months ago
I'm naturally a Yes person and if something looks good, I'll want to jump in and have a go, MrsS is naturally a No person and will immediately say no to anything new, you could offer her chocolate and she's say no if she hadn't tried it before. Now you'd think this would be a match made in hell but it has worked extremely well for us. She appreciates that I get her thinking and when her No becomes a Yes she is thankful for the experiences and I appreciate that when her No stays a no it is often in the best interest of all involved.
Our exploration is a slow burn and after nearly a decade I really appreciate the slowness of it all as each new experience is really savoured over time. Recently one of her hard No's became a surprise yes and that was so intense and made all the better as I knew she wasn't just letting me have my way but had made the choice to try it.
So what are you doing in the UK?
nightingale8
2 months ago
It’s an interesting question. I have no idea where that threshold lies though my best guess is that it’s entirely illogical. Factors are definitely the amount of trust I have in him and freedom to be myself but also curiosity, magnetism, horniness and how much he enjoys it.
I don’t think I’m all that kinky, at least by your (OP’s) standards though. A lot of so called kink is now pretty mainstream, don’t you think?
And then there’s KINK.
Mrs_Deep_Love
2 months ago
Unfortunately I've found that the best kink relationship I've had didn't have that trust 100%.
When you're contemplating walking into an apartment and getting down on your knees and facing away with someone you don't fully trust it's exciting and exhilarating.
But so unsafe 😕.
I balanced it with quickly texting my gorgeous husband the unit number.
But he was still 20 mins away if quickly needed.Mrs_Deep_Love
2 months ago
To answer your question more directly.
3 - 5 standard drinks 🤣
EroticKinkCoach
2 months ago
For me, open, honest communication with someone who doesn't judge me for my desires. Rather offers their desires that align closely. We then negotiate what is mutually compatible, play within these boundaries. Check-in during and after; part of why aftercare is so important. I find this builds trust and respect for future events to expand boundaries and fulfill desires.
If their boundaries are too restrictive for you, thank them for being authentic and move on to find what you truly desire to be fulfilled so that your authentic to yourself.
Communication is the key. All the best in your journey. It's an amazing realm to play in when it aligns and can be immensely devastating when it doesn't.
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