Polyamory - frivolous or practical?

Comments

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Polyamory is usually more than just fun and frivolity. It usually refers to a more committed relationship rather than just a friendly arrangement. I have seen it work well in a few couples but unless there is total commitment from everyone involved it usually falls apart.If you are referring to the partners having friends with benefits arrangements or casual meetings with the others knowledge and consent, providing everyone is happy I don't see why not. I deal with guys who's wives are happy to send them to me because they can't do what I do to make their husbands happy.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I dont know about practical. I mean, it's very complicated. In any case, I thought polyamory was acceptance that we can readily be in love with more than one person at a time.... if we're not talking about love.. then it's not polyamory.... it's just rooting around isn't it? Anyway, I recognise that some people are quite each capable of being in love with more than one person at a time, and accept that they do not, cannot, nor should they choose one of those loves over the other. When I said it was complicated, I wasn't foolin'!By that reasoning, I don't think polyamory has anything to do with relationship doldrums. I think relationship counselling might be the best course for that problem.HugsStalky

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  It is neither! It is definitely NOT a solution to relationship doldrums. . Polyamory is a lifestyle choice, a philosophy of sorts and definitely not for the faint of heart. I've just realised halfway through my post that I should have read Stalky's comments first, as they mirror my own. . I disagree with Wiki's definition as I don't believe it is expansive enough. Polyamory is an expansion on non-monogamy and very much involves commitment to multiple relationships. Polyamory is to love more than one. As Stalky says, people are certainly capable of loving more than one person and a poly lifestyle differs from an open relationship or non-monogamy in that there exists no primary/secondary relationship structures. In most but not all poly relationships, all parties in that relationship hold equal footing and jointly make decisions affecting the relationship. It can be complicated, yet for many who live this philosophy, it can be amazingly simple. . I disagree also that there are a large number of happy long term couples on RHP who lead a polyamorous lifestyle. Firstly, they would not be 'couples' if they were in a true poly setup. Secondly, I suspect you may be likening polyamory to that of non-monogamy or open relationships/marriages and they are in no way alike. I certainly believe there are many here who have successful open relationships, but know of only two (in my limited knowledge) who have a polyamorous relationship. . Polyamory is not fun and frivolity and nor is it any form of a solution to anything, least of all relationship doldrums. As with any committed relationship, it requires hard work and an equal investment in the relationship's growth by all partners. . A good website to learn more about this 'way of life' is polyamory.org. . But it's definitely not as you describe it here and that wiki entry needs serious correcting! . Flirty x

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  but they'd have to change the name. Polyamory sounds like a high school subject. In fact I heard somewhere that that is why they called it Polyamory - sort of as a deterrent. Also in the running was Algebroot.. . Either way - I'm going to give it a go in the very near future.... I have been in a committed relationship for a few years now with someone just a little younger than me, I've put a lot of time into it and it hasn't been without serious complications. When we first met she was a fucking mess, and that is putting it kindly. A few years on... is our relationship perfect? I wouldn't say so. Sometimes we are lucky to spend 15 minutes together a week, but sometimes we are at it from dawn to dusk all weekend. But this weekend I will be picking up a much younger model and the two will need to cohabitate in fairly close quarters. We won't be sharing a bed though... it's just not big enough. . But I'm confident I can do it. I am hoping I am not going to confine the older one to the back corner while I explore every inch of the younger one... indulge in the smells, explore the curves and learn all about her imperfections. It's way too easy to overlook or pay less attention to something that has become a part of the furniture, so I need to be mindful of both of their feelings and ensure I put equal effort and work into both. After all if all goes well I'll be able to reap the rewards for years to come.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Apologies everyone, I used the wrong terminology..I am talking about truly open relationships. I've heard too many conversations lately where people use the word polyamorous to describe open relationships. My bad!.My question is actually about:boredom in monogomous long term relationships causing cheatingvsopen and trusting non-monogomous relationships where the relationship is still between two people

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Of course we can love more than one deeply, we all do don't we? Do you love mum more than dad more than partner? Of course the love is expressed differently (well I hope so) but he DEPTH is the same. So loving multiple partners isn't really that big a mind stretch is it? In the past we have had a lover (or two) who we both felt we could go down this path with. For us the biggest complication with it was how it would work in our wider circle of the community. Alas we found it impossible to be able to fit this kind of relationship in the rest of our life. Work, friends, family wouldn't accept it and at the end of the day it is these relationships that are more important to us. We love the idea though and would be a tiny bit jealous of those that can open their lives to it.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Sounds to me like you will be needing a cheer squad and a towel bearer. I can only volunteer a couple hours or so. :pHugsStalky Quoting 'Jean_Girard' but they'd have to change the name. Polyamory sounds like a high school subject. In fact I heard somewhere that that is why they called it Polyamory - sort of as a deterrent. Also in the running was Algebroot.. . Either way - I'm going to give it a go in the very near future.... I have been in a committed relationship for a few years now with someone just a little younger than me, I've put a lot of time into it and it hasn't been without serious complications. When we first met she was a fucking mess, and that is putting it kindly. A few years on... is our relationship perfect? I wouldn't say so. Sometimes we are lucky to spend 15 minutes together a week, but sometimes we are at it from dawn to dusk all weekend. But this weekend I will be picking up a much younger model and the two will need to cohabitate in fairly close quarters. We won't be sharing a bed though... it's just not big enough. . But I'm confident I can do it. I am hoping I am not going to confine the older one to the back corner while I explore every inch of the younger one... indulge in the smells, explore the curves and learn all about her imperfections. It's way too easy to overlook or pay less attention to something that has become a part of the furniture, so I need to be mindful of both of their feelings and ensure I put equal effort and work into both. After all if all goes well I'll be able to reap the rewards for years to come.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'stalky'Sounds to me like you will be needing a cheer squad and a towel bearer. I can only volunteer a couple hours or so. :pHugsStalkyOr a bigger garage ..

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I think it would be natural for within large polyamorous groups that certain prefrences would arise. You would, inevitably have to find one person the most attractive (even whilst you could effectivley find everyone attractive). But I would think it would go beyond that to being able to express sex and sexuality freely within a household. That takes the automatic boundries around sex away. It's no longer private, it's everyone's bussiness. What freedom!One of my best friends was in a 3 person polygamy for 2 years - he refers to it as a great time of his life and remembers it fondly.Hell, where do I sign up? :)

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'Jean_Girard' but they'd have to change the name. Polyamory sounds like a high school subject. In fact I heard somewhere that that is why they called it Polyamory - sort of as a deterrent. Also in the running was Algebroot.. . Either way - I'm going to give it a go in the very near future.... I have been in a committed relationship for a few years now with someone just a little younger than me, I've put a lot of time into it and it hasn't been without serious complications. When we first met she was a fucking mess, and that is putting it kindly. A few years on... is our relationship perfect? I wouldn't say so. Sometimes we are lucky to spend 15 minutes together a week, but sometimes we are at it from dawn to dusk all weekend. But this weekend I will be picking up a much younger model and the two will need to cohabitate in fairly close quarters. We won't be sharing a bed though... it's just not big enough. . But I'm confident I can do it. I am hoping I am not going to confine the older one to the back corner while I explore every inch of the younger one... indulge in the smells, explore the curves and learn all about her imperfections. It's way too easy to overlook or pay less attention to something that has become a part of the furniture, so I need to be mindful of both of their feelings and ensure I put equal effort and work into both. After all if all goes well I'll be able to reap the rewards for years to come. pmsl....(been laughing at this for 2 days now) . I think the older one would be ok with a good run every now and then....sometimes it's just the quailty of the time spent together that matters rather than the quantity ;P

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I think in an age where we are 'conditioned' through the multiplicity of choice, from the benign to quite profound it's somewhat who we are today. From the rows of breakfast cereals on offer, to the selection of online dating sites we frequent, in the hope of meeting someone 'special'. The offerings are almost too convenient, which lends itself to a pretty obvious human conditioning. Boredom seem almost the normal, symptomatic outcome when spoiled for choice. I mean we're only human right?... So take a broad philosophical approach whereby choice is encouraged as our cultural staple. Something we take for unconsciously desire, in our day-to-day lives... Is it any wonder we consider the grass greener on the other side? So we evolve right? I read the other day schools are phasing out handwriting and embracing the digital age instead. No handwriting? Are you serious? It seems a leap to ignore something so deeply entrenched in the institution of school. Something that seems fundamental and has stood the test of time. Ok, ok... My point! Monogamy versus polyamory seems a leap to some. Paradoxically opposite as they may be, the concept of exclusivity seems like an anachronism, that flies in the face of our culturally evolving psyches. What may (or may not) have worked in the past, seems more an idea than reality. Polyamory maybe where we are all heading, if we embrace the age we live in? Do I wholehearedly believe that?... Million dollar question that's almost too loaded to answer. But choices are everywhere and easier than ever to explore. Like I said, we are only human!

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'irresponsibility'Apologies everyone, I used the wrong terminology. . I am talking about truly open relationships. I've heard too many conversations lately where people use the word polyamorous to describe open relationships. My bad! . My question is actually about: boredom in monogomous long term relationships causing cheating vs open and trusting non-monogomous relationships where the relationship is still between two people So you are talking swinging or open relations. Swinging the couple does together, they catch up with another couple or single and play. You are right it does remove the logic to cheat, swinging must have saved millions of marriages worldwide, its a fun thing couples do together: Open relationships. The couple date separately as if they were single but they tell their partners everything. Our opinion this is more risky as there is the possibility of emotional bonds the couple are not playing together.

  reply

  like

• 

  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'Morticiaaa' pmsl....(been laughing at this for 2 days now) . I think the older one would be ok with a good run every now and then....sometimes it's just the quailty of the time spent together that matters rather than the quantity ;PThat is so right... I mean the way I see it the older one is the go for endurance and reliability, you kinda know what you're going to get whereas the younger lady will probably go hard and fast but be a little more fragile, twitchy and possibly higher maintenance. That's the great thing about algebrooting though, you get to match up with whatever is most suitable for your mood.

  reply

  like