M45
Polyamory and sexual promiscuity
October 28 2018
Comments
RHP User
6 years ago
I havent the time at the moment for one relationship never mind several. Ive met a couple who keep a chart, so that they make time to meet each other and each of their other partners. But its not for me. I dont think I have the capacity to love more than one partner at a time. I admire those who can, and manage to keep their primary relationship special. It would be too complicated for me.
EarthQueen
6 years ago
But it's not just women who don't want the commitment.
The term gets thrown around a lot but basically to me it means nothing unless you have that strong primary relationship. The idea is interesting but I'm a pretty sensitive person so the reality of being in it and managing those emotions might negate the rewards. But maybe I just haven't met the right person yet? I think it would be easier in some ways if you were already a reasonably long term couple and decided to make the change. .RHP User
6 years ago
Promiscuity implies an indiscriminate and unselective approach, polyamory, for me at least, is far from indiscriminate.So I guess I'm polyamory but far from promiscuous.
FeistyFatty
6 years ago
I agree with completely. I'm in an open marriage and neither of us would consider ourselves promiscuous. We seek more intimate connections with lovers and don't seek out one offs or hookups etc.
Interesting topic OP, thanks for posting 😊
- Posted from rhpmobile
MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
There are some great ladies out there. I know as I have met them. You are right, ladies are spoilt for choice. However, sometimes we are not given the right choices. I know myself, what I look for, need and want the freedom to be able to choose the right relationship for me, as I know exactly what it is. For me, it does not have to be a Polygamous or monogamous. As long as that person gives me my freedom, treats me right, respects me and that I am happy. At the end of the day, that's all that matters, my happiness and their happiness with mutual respect.
Ms Foxy
Deep_Love
6 years ago
Note: A lot of polyamourous Australians are now using the term 'Poly Am' instead of 'Poly.' I'm told Polynesians claimed that term first.
I think you have your terms mixed up a little. Polygamy in it's pure form is illegal in Oz it's the act of having more than one Husband or wife at the same time.
Polyamoury meaning 'many loves' is the act of connecting, having emotion and love for more than one person at a time.
The 'Love' part doesn't have to be the deep everlasting love that comes with a long term relationship, there are many different kinds of love. I 'love' all my sexual partners that doesn't mean, I need to run off marry them and bear their children.
I don't understand your statement about women are spoilt for choice so therefore are taking up a non monogamous lifestyle ?? WTF?
I'm glad you raised the topic of polyamoury but from how you have written this, I would say you an outsider looking into the lifestyle with no real understanding of the practice and what it entails.
I'm not sure what your point was. Can you elaborate further?
If you are considering poly am as a way of life, read, research understand and go to some meet ups as a poly am single.
Mrs Deep_LoveRHP User
6 years ago
Ive been intruiged by it ever since I met someone practicing it a while back.
The Netflix show 3 Wives One Husband (I think thats the title?) has only served to heighten that interest.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Given much thought to this and I'm more certain every day that this is where my future needs, wants and desires can only truely exist to make a happy life. The reality would take alot.of trust, respect and contined care Id imagine.
I already have people in my life that are sometimes sexual and non sexual. Female and male friends all I care for and some love like my love of my family.
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
U should never copy someone else's spelling. 😆
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
Great post.
As a married couple who have tinkered around the edges of polyamory have found a spectrum of relationships and feelings in regards to "getting the feels" for someone.
Over the years it's become easier to communicate with each other without jealousy and realise that with every person there's a different relationship and each should have value for everyone involved.
Like others have said, relationships should be based on mutual respect and care, and does it matter what form this comes or what definition we give it?
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
6 years ago
As a married woman, men seem extremely reluctant to form any kind of bond, the ones that have come close generally leave for monogamous relationships,
- Posted from rhpmobile
countrytouch82
6 years ago
I am close to that situation. I've known a couple for about three years now. I have a strong bond with the both of them, but more so (ie, romantically) with the woman. It is also a deep seated friendship with both.
You could probably also just call it a friends with benefits situation, just a FWB with a couple (they are always together). If anything, the other terminology would be more applicable to her, and not myself, as I am otherwise single, and do not have anyone else. But it also happens to be basically exclusive between the three of us, but that is really by circumstance, as I have still spent that time searching for a regular single woman to date (and the odd play party invite also comes up).
I tend to call it FWB as it is not actual love, and I tend to see true Polyamoury as about being in a loving relationship with more than one person.
Obviously the old sense of humour comes up, there's not much point in called one's self polyamorous, if either zero or one is the number of partners you are likely to have at any one time! People can spend many many years just looking for one!
But as Red referred to above, yes, the discussion has come up about what happens, if anything, to the current FWB situation, should I find a regular ongoing date (leading to a conventional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship). Would I leave the existing connection (at least sexually only) to concentrate solely on our new relationship? It would make sense somewhat, and I would love to explore life with a normal girlfriend, but then I still have someone else's feelings to consider. Meeting someone new in this kind of environment, seeing more than one person could be more likely to be understood, but of course until I meet such person, I can't know her possible position on the matter either. It's a case of crossing that bridge if and when it happens.
I do declare a connection with a couple on my profile. I'm not sure if this turns away normal dating prospects that might otherwise be interested? (Although perhaps a moot point as I don't have this mentioned on vanilla site profiles).RHP User
6 years ago
We've had similar relationships to the one you describe with my attachment varying depending on that person.
I wouldn't call it love either, but a strong friendship definitely.
Only yesterday a guy that we had been seeing on and off msgd me to say he'd met someone and that the sexual relationship had to end, but he wanted to continue with the friendship.
This has happened to me before. The first time I took it hard, but now I'm grateful for that friendship and happy for him. It still made me sad, but I now move on pretty quickly...after all, I have a sexy, loving and devoted partner at home who is also fully supportive of my feelings for others as I am of his.
We might not see him much now or at all, but it's nice to know we can msg each other to chat now and then.
If we'd had the opportunity to see each other more, I think love could have developed, but we're unlikely to get that chance, which is probably for the best as life is complicated enough!
Ms Red
- Posted from rhpmobile
cat_n_the_hatter
6 years ago
Polyamory, polygamy and promiscuity, three unrelated issues. I don't even know what you wanted to say.
Interesting situation Ms Red. In my opinion msg alone leads to - fading away.
In that case what happens when a “friend” decides that he would like to resume the sexual relationship with you again for whatever reason ? (Ms)RHP User
6 years ago
Ms Cat
Agree about the fading away, but if I msg him he does respond, however he rarely msgs me. I do understand that given he has a new relationship and is being respectful of that.
Funny you should ask about him making contact to catch up again, because this has happened before.
This is his 3rd relationship attempt with another woman and when it has failed he has come back for a sexual connection as a 3some which makes me happy too.RHP User
6 years ago
Hang in there OP, there are plenty if women seeking a monogamous relationship, that said there are more traditional dating sites that may be better suited to what you are looking for.
On being 'spoiled for choice' there is a significant difference between receiving a saturation of attention and having a wide selection of men to choose from that are suitable. Some of the attention is lovely, if I were to put a statistic on it, I would say about 5% of the messages I receive are potential dates, the rest are men mesaaging that do not match what I am looking for or couples.
Promiscuity/Polyamory/Polysexual are all very different things.
Perhaps one could even consider you to be promiscuous (carnal or debquched) simply for being on a site which predominantly caters to swingers, those looking for less than a relationship, sexually positive people qho prefer their encouters to be a little more adventurous and less traditional.
As has been stated in earlier posts, Polyamory is to love many, love is defined in a very individual and personal way. There are different ways we all give, receive and feel love. There are various types of love and degrees of depth.
Polysexual (to me) is what it sounds like, sex with many. Transient sex may be a way of understanding it. I would hazzard a guess that a good portion of singles on this site fall into this category but it is just a guess. Casual swx does not imply that someone is a player, a player requires one person to be oblivious to the nature of the encounter and often involves a degree of manipulation. I'm pretty sure we all know what hook-ups are and what NSA means.
I can only speak form my own experience, I am not in a position to consider a relationship at this juncture and frankly, even if I were, I still would not choose to be in one right now. I am ethically non monogamous, exploring myself and my sexuality. I am a connection bunny and thrive on the intimacy I share with men I have beautiful friendships with. They are friends I talk with, dine with, go away with, Netflix witn. They are also men I cauddle, kiss, hold hands with and have sex with. They are what I would consider Lovers in the European sense of the word. I find it somewhat more difficult to conduct these types of relationships in Australia because enjoying intimacy and connection is often confused for the desire to pursue a more traditional type relationship.
I'm also a little kinky and enjoy my sex a little left of centre. I would consider myself both promiscuous and polyamorous, I love my friends, I'm not in love with them but I do them them.
It's easy to get confused dating these days but Rhp tends to eradicate some of the confusion for me. I still struggle, mostly bucking against other peoples experiences before me but I also grapple with my own paradoxical nature.
...that and nothing teaches us more about ourselves, what we want, don't want and where we need to grow than our interactions with others. My last few years have been a succession of hard lessons with growing pains.
Wishing you well. x
Samnite
6 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy'
There are some great ladies out there. I know as I have met them. You are right, ladies are spoilt for choice. However, sometimes we are not given the right choices. I know myself, what I look for, need and want the freedom to be able to choose the right relationship for me, as I know exactly what it is. For me, it does not have to be a Polygamous or monogamous. As long as that person gives me my freedom, treats me right, respects me and that I am happy. At the end of the day, that's all that matters, my happiness and their happiness with mutual respect.
Ms Foxy
WOW! I could not have put that any better. In very broad terms that is exactly what I am looking for.Miss_J
5 years ago
I agreee with Red Licorice - Not spoiled for choice 😔 QUOTE
“As a married woman, men seem extremely reluctant to form any kind of bond, the ones that have come close generally leave for monogamous relationships, “
YES this has been my experience too. Men are happy for a quick fling but not happy to make any connections. I have only managed to have a second man in my life for about 3 months before he was unhappy about not having me in his bed every night 😔
I’m not a wham bam kind a girl, I like a connection AND a second man to look forward to and look after. Happily we kept a casual friendship when he found a “normal” relationship.
Sensual_play
5 years ago
It's refreshing to see a number of people on rhp who value connection. While I have a deeply loving relationship when I choose to engage with someone I value the connection. I guess this is why exploring and playing with friends seems to work easier than meeting people on rhp for me. Having said that though I have made a few great friends on rhp that have gone well beyond the sexual adventures :-)
btw Jc_superstar, I'd love to meet someday since your local and sound like you are on the same page as us ;-)RHP User
5 years ago
I can’t even get a text back let alone a guy willing to commit to me & another woman! 😂😂
RHP User
5 years ago
I would text you back.
I'm sure many ithers would too.
And front and sideways.
But I digress!
Meetup and facey are good for poly discissions and maybe connections.
Thats my ultimate goal tbh, a long term poly commitment, 3 or preferably more, if only we could all get along.
It's nit easy being green, and poly
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