F50
Politely declining
November 23 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
It's hard and you don't want to hurt anybodies feelings. Most people appreciate and respect honesty, so I would be honest or maybe ,you could meet up as friends? If the attraction is not there, there are no nice words which can be put in writing or said to soften the reality :(.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You can't make a person feel good about a rejection and if you felt a connection to them on a personal level but could not reconcile your perception with the reality, you will feel guilty and shallow. We have to set our own stanards and then stand by them. Perhaps you need to reverse the procedure. Insist on sapping pics up front before entering into exchanging correspondence. That's the way of things in the real world. Your initial attraction is always to looks. Getting to know each other is the next step.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Before swapping pics I always say something like "let's agree that if we're not attracted once we see each other's pic, we'll just say so straight away, no hard feelings". Everyone I've said that to has appreciated the approach, and when I've seen pics and not been attracted I've just said, "you seem lovely, but sadly not my type". Those men have all pretty much said "thanks for your honesty, and all the best". This has worked really well for me. I'm interested to hear how others deal with it :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
We try and exchange photos early on in the piece for that reason. If you're not feeling it than you're just not feeling it, and it's ok to say that.I think it's much better and more respectful to politely decline than it is to just stop responding.It's not so much relevant to your situation, but I remember reading on the forums once something that really stuck with me: two couples meeting is not twice as hard as a singles meet but four times - there are eight lines of attraction, with each of the four people have to be attracted to two others!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yes, Bees, I agree that honesty is the best approach and for those with whom I'm in the initial communication stages, it's no problem. I like your approach brave, especially the softener of 'you seem lovely'.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Have a 'not too sexy' chat first, ask for pics if you haven't yet seen them, when you know it's all guns ablazing get into the nitty gritty chats and set up a meeting.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Just say ,sorry your pic does not do it for me,that would be better than no reply after sending pics :(At least a bloke knows where he stands then.Thanks :-)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Why I never engage in an exchange that could lead somewhere if they don't show their face. But to address this, a simple "sorry but I am no longer interested," should do the trick, as its better than "OMG, you're hideous" might offend. If they get the shits, that's their issue, you've only guaranteed honesty, not marriage.
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RHP User
13 years ago
had experience like this. We just sent them a message that said,I'm sorry, we've talked and don't think it's going to work out with us.We also had set up to meet them, but once SKyped hubs wasn't comfortable. I explained in the message that I wished them luck with their search and hope they have fun and find what they're looking for....seemed to work. they sent a thank you message back :) xx Mrs C
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RHP User
13 years ago
I will be watching this post with intensity... :) I certainly know a fair few ways SOME girls have done it :) FIRST HAND
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RHP User
13 years ago
I try to do the pic swapping in the first few messages to give each other the chance to run. There are times though that the first message is so engaging and funny that I forget to ask for a pic. And when I see the pic, I always picture myself kissing them, and if I can't go there, then I say: "You're good looking, but you don't tickle my fancy. All the best." Most have been good about it and would reply with a "thank you, good luck to you too".
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RHP User
13 years ago
'You seem lovely, but sadly not my type' message. I'll let you know how it goes down
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hello to all,this my first post:). I am thinking on this matter if people want to put themselves on a site like this ,then maybe a note explaining each has individual taste and it is not a personal attack or physical put down,obviously some will miss the point and could be translated in another way then what i just wrote and attatch on the initial opening of account,might work might not?, however it's a nice little information point to put out there for new commers who may not of looked At things in such a way.Allow people to be own person without having to feel guilt of saying no thanks. Respect to the people who are honest with themselves:) and last but not least, PEOPLE put photos up or if you need to be hidden,put one in private gallery and send with first contact allowing another to make a informed choice for one self without been put on the spot after talking then when crunch time comes it gets hard ( I know perfect world stuff). I have had it happen to me once or twice( sorry to the people that I have done this too) but didn't respond,had great convo and enjoyed banter would be good friends,just wasn't within myself what I wanted. By no means am i a Fabio and have been denied in my requests to lady's in past and the answer that I appreciate and have received is a real answer,not what I'm looking for,not my type or lol, no answer as I am on ground level and subtle as being poked in niddle of fit doesn't match with them,but have other times
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RHP User
13 years ago
Being left in limbo is like - will he/she wont he/she LOL....good luck with your approach too.
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RHP User
13 years ago
We make face pics an early hi priority and I (Mr) do most of the rhp activity but Mrs rainbow is never far away. The first thing she always asks me if I comment on some profile is “show me the pics”. You can tell so much from a face / faces and the back ground. Which is why a lot of profiles on here could benefit from better and well thought out pics. If we like a profile we sometimes send a msg with our pg (of our faces not our bits) with it straight up. It could be a somewhat direct approach for some people. Some say “hi”, some say “no thanks” and most we never hear from. One couple sent us this which was interesting it went something like this “one of us was interested and the other was unsure of future sexual endeavours with you and we only play together. We don't mean to sound harsh or rude but we do respect each others decisions regardless of how our differences of opinions towards couples are. We did enjoy talking with you both and are happy to meet on a social level for ‘open’ conversation and good company; if you are interested making new friends? A last point of interest is that, sometimes I am completely wrong with what I expect Mrs reaction to the pics will be, positive or negative.
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RHP User
13 years ago
be honest...if they arent what you want, dont dance around the truth for the sake of being polite or considerate, tell them....'sorry, but i've reconsidered' or whatever, or if theyve done something/shown something/said something thats driven a change of heart.....tell them what it was, but move on....they will appreciate your being honest. usually....
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RHP User
13 years ago
I've yet to meet anyone from this site although know we all have certain types of 'knock out punches' that can be delivered. I've looked at some of the profiles here and the pictures range from 'Oh...my...GAWD' to "Oh...that's...nice" to 'Uh-oh...I'd sure as hell think twice". I'm also inclined toward a mental translation of what that person may look like all messed up with pillow hair and make-up smeared about a bit, pictures alone can be deceiving so I guess unless I see them as patently fuggly beyond all hope, I may make a very small investment in drink and a quick hello. The third dimension is presence and personality which can cover a lot of ground, they may look all hot as or line-ball so rather than write someone off entirely (subject to all initial filters) I may just see if the complete package is as good or bad as I initially though. This happens all the time in real life too, looks great until you spend time watching them picking their nose whilst talking or has a voice that drives you nuts, LOL - if I buy the drinks we're good to go and if we go dutch were good to go, going, gone!
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RHP User
13 years ago
insist on photos after 1st message, if you dont get photos or a excuse we just ignore them. Some will say "need to do a rain check" or "will get back to you" or "simply dont respond" etc ........ For the newbies, they might think people should say it as it is, but after time on here you will learn the intent....and carry on looking. But consider carefully if you reject someone "they wont give you a second chance", we wont, put them on your block list.....bet you really dont want to play with someone who obviously takes you as 2nd choice. Its easier not respond and in the future you can say ....never got that message.
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Cheekyarses
13 years ago
Agree with brave_heart xxxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
"Thank you, but you're not quite what I'm looking for" does the trick for me. And 9 out of 10 times I receive a reply thaying thanks for responding. Apparently that is a rarity!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think rule number one should be all profiles to have a passport like face pic . Bright day light no makeup full face straight on , that would work . Second a suggestion once a person has a rating there should be tiers so as in the hot or what categories so it will be easy to find where one belongs thirdly if one was interested in someone from a different tier want to bat above their average or below a request be sent for a temporary access to that area . Finally maybe it should be a paid member site only. just some random thoughts .
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wannabyummymummy
13 years ago
I really hope you are taking the piss here?? especially since your profile doesnt currently have a face pic on it lol Quoting 'lapetitemort' I think rule number one should be all profiles to have a passport like face pic . Bright day light no makeup full face straight on , that would work . Second a suggestion once a person has a rating there should be tiers so as in the hot or what categories so it will be easy to find where one belongs thirdly if one was interested in someone from a different tier want to bat above their average or below a request be sent for a temporary access to that area . Finally maybe it should be a paid member site only. just some random thoughts .
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think both Jensman and Braveheart's comments are right on the mark. Dont pay the ferryman, but if it happens, pull the cork out for sure...just give them a pair of floaties first.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. Well, the couple I sent the 'thanks but no thanks' message to hasn't replied. I don't suppose I can blame them...It would have been good to appease myself if i had gotten a 'thanks for your honesty' but why should I expect it?
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RHP User
13 years ago
tonight, I find myself blocked by a person I had a very steamy back and forth with (on another site). All was great, he mentioned 'catching up tomorrow', then when I go to send him a flirt, apparently I'm blocked. Weird. we seemed to be getting along great. Anyway, his loss. Dammit....All I can think is he didn't like what he saw when I sent my pics! Oh well, back at me I suppose!
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RHP User
13 years ago
not so polite!
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have said "sorry, but the Pantsfeelings I was hoping to have, just aren't happening" he was lovely about it and we still chat occasionally on line. Granted, it wasn't from this site though. I find it annoying when the initial pics that got you interested are completely different from follow up pics. Grr... I smell a rat then and all attraction is gone when I think someone has been mis-representing themselves.
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RHP User
13 years ago
if not a message saying your are not what I am looking for , ignoring works but then are you just too busy have not got to all your flirts and emails .
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RHP User
13 years ago
On the other hand I have a met a few people which it took me a long time to consider because their photos didnt seem appealing. I havent regretted them at all and have often gone back to look at the photo and said much better in person.So I suppose it depends on eeek!!! if it has been so bad though I have told them straight up I cant see anything happening and yes they appreciate the honesty.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Seems in the 21st Century looks are all that counts.I blame Hollywood for the demise of society.I always try and take people for who they are ,but in saying that we all want an attractive mate.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Personally i find the person is what i'm attracted to rather than the physical. I won't lie i do need some physical attraction but i'm a little rare in that its not the main factor. The style of pics used by people on dating sites is interesting. So often people use studio or oiled up posing shots which really gives no indication of reality. The last thing you want is to play yourself up with spectacular pics only to get a whopping dose of disappointment when you see the look on the face of the person you're meeting once you've met. I just took ordinary photos in normal light, in a standard room wearing tacky undies to get as close to reality as i could get. Having said that i think there is a better option than using pics as they only give a basic idea of identity and height to weight ratio. A better option is to cam up on msn, yahoo, skype or other chat device. It will give you a better idea on whether to meet rather than agreeing to meet based just on pics. So often many feel meeting was a waste of time...the getting ready, the transport etc, (then the old "they look nothing like their pics" comment is said) when camming up first gives you a more accurate indication on whether or not to go through the entire meeting process.
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RHP User
13 years ago
hands out brown paper bags . Problem solvered
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'lapetitemort'I think rule number one should be all profiles to have a passport like face pic . Bright day light no makeup full face straight on , that would work . Second a suggestion once a person has a rating there should be tiers so as in the hot or what categories so it will be easy to find where one belongs thirdly if one was interested in someone from a different tier want to bat above their average or below a request be sent for a temporary access to that area . Finally maybe it should be a paid member site only. just some random thoughts . now i am screwed, I would be on the scrapping the bottom of the barrel tier...bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Enigmaoflove' Personally i find the person is what i'm attracted to rather than the physical. I won't lie i do need some physical attraction but i'm a little rare in that its not the main factor. I totally agree. There has to be an initial attraction of some kind, especially when we're here looking for what exactly?I don't have a long, or impossible list of 'must haves' or a set criteria such as a six pack, perky breasts, perfect teeth, trim body etc. But I do have to find a potential playmate physically appealing in order to go there. This could be as simple as sparking eyes, or a cheeky smile, pride in their appearance, an effort...
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RHP User
13 years ago
"Hey I'm going to have to put off meeting anyone until I find out what this rash is all about" lol.
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