M53 F51
Please leave your bags at the door
March 27 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
While irratating to many of us, myself included, some of these people you're unhappy with may have benefited emotionally by expressing their pent up hostilities here with us. A lot of the posts get a bit long winded and I give up and scroll past. The benefit they get is in the writing, not in having me read it, so no skin off my nose. I've found this to be a beneficial outlet for me too, which leads me to suspect that I've bored a few readers to tears myself. You may remember a thread I started about self worth. Well, while I still have issues, I'm feeling a little better about myself and I'm finally off antidepressants. I know that there are some embittered writers on this forum, especially in a couple of the threads you mentioned, who will never let go of their anguish but live and let live. Just scroll on down past them or any of the others, myself included, that annoy you. I promise we won't hold it against you. Please don't begrudge us this outlet. Hugs and kisses, jensman.
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RHP User
14 years ago
1. I am happily single... again 2. I am learning to practise mindfulness 3. I am reconnecting with the person I choose to be
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RHP User
14 years ago
Gosh only three....sooo many to choose from but here ya go 1 Happy to be a born again slut rather than virgin,,,,,er meant born again virgin that is 3 No longer work in human services.....can actually be a human 4 Living near the water again surrounded by my own small rainforest Heaps more but I would like to thank my kind enemies who made it all possible
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sometimes things written down are done to clarify it in our minds. The thoughts of others help cement or challenge these ideas. Often a witness in court will say what they have in mind to say no matter what question is put to them... they just want to lighten their load. All these human things make a forum interesting, so I'm highly tolerant of indiscretions off tangent. That is because this forum, unlike real life, is for the most part anonymous. People can unload their baggage here relatively discretely, whereas it is likely to be far more emotionally taxing on them to do so with their family and friends, many of whom have either heard it too much already, or can't be trusted with such personal info. People will bring their baggage. People and baggage are inseparable. Just how do you propose that any one of us leave our life's influences at the door? Sure, we can all pretend everything is rosey, smile and grin. Smiling people get dates after all. Why don't we all revert to the 1950's sunshine and lollipops? Let's ignore punk rock, emo, post modernist movements, the Berlin wall, and follow the yellow brick road, just for Mr Chick's romantic dream of the ideal community. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Passionate people come to these forums, they come to cum lol, they come for advice, they come to let the world know via the written word that something has gone wrong and want input as to whether they have responded to it in a way that others would. They come to chat and shoot the breeze with like minded (and for the most part open minded) people that share the same love of sex that they do, they can't speak like this in their day to day world. Sure , we will hear the negative and non-forward-moving type spiels also, but it has balance when you then read of someone who has grown and embraced a new sexual or emotional journey since joining. Do as you say Mr.Chick, look for the positive, embrace the differences good and bad, have a mind that not all here are even aware that they are on a journey ;) Get excited with them, get sad with them, have a go at them, give them a hand, lol give them head Embrace the passionate nature of humans who are allowed to look ,hear and feel differently. Peace love and mung beans baby
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RHP User
14 years ago
..."give them head" *sigh* So sorry, easily distracted. I digress Op (apologies) but I have to say I love the responses to date. Stalks mentioned something that has been on my mind for a while now "tolerance". It's a trait not too many folk have I'm afraid which I think is dam sad. And my "3 things": an oven that works properly (yay -love my roast vegies). Insight (gotta love that too). And lastly: courage. KK xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think for a lot of people that their sex life is woven so deeply into their personal lives... And so when you bring up the topic of why it is that they're here, it brings up a whole variety of stories and experiences, in other words, the 'baggage' of how it is that they got here. I mean, to be honest, no one would be here if they were 100% happy with their sex lives, would they? There's a story behind everyone... After five years, I am: 1. A fit and healthy (psychologically, physically, emotionally and mentally) size 8/10 rather than 14; 2. happily single and enjoying the lifestyle that comes with it; 3. Sassy, confident and more mature than I've ever been (although my girlfriends may dispute that at times!) xCC
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RHP User
14 years ago
Requires leaving the passion behind as well. Becomeing cold and emotionless in order to answer the questions posted. Many of which are actually emotive topics. The forums are not only an outlet for emotions, they are also a place where we can get an idea of how others think on issues which may impact on our decisions whether or not to contact that person.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quote: Most of us have had some sort of crap in our lives at some point, some have had quite a lot. If you are the type to store it all for later then please leave it at the door on the way in. Better still, find a constructive way to deal with it in the real world and leave it behind altogether. It's only holding you back. Unquote Mr Chick..firstly may I say I’ve always enjoyed your postings, however I must admit I was surprised when I read your quote from above I found this paragraph rather condescending; however I will also take into account that the written word can so often be misconstrued and I could be misinterpreting. Yep we all have baggage . …some have hand luggage, some - 20 kilos and under and some in excess….last time I checked, I found that all passengers who were willing to take the journey, were allowed to take their required luggage with them…no one had to leave it at the door. And why should we ?? because you have willed it ? and who are you to say what is a “constructive way to deal with it?”- how do you know they aren’t dealing with it ? who are you to judge what is holding one back ? How do you know this ?.. because of their forums posting ? because their postings may be filled with anger, hurt, bitterness etc…..,so what if it is ???? and why should we leave it all behind because you believe it could be holding someone back….back from what exactly ?????....we all have a different definition of a “Life well lived””…do we have to conform to your definition of a “Life well lived ?” We are all products of our past and will continue to be so. We grieve, mourn, rejoice and “move on” when we are ready…and if we chose to bring this into our postings then so be it….if a post doesn’t attract your attention, bores you to tears, or gets up your nose…then skip over it. Tolerance is the key here………one of the most condescending things I have ever been told to do is “move on”- yeah I will - WHEN IM READY –when I have finished raging, mourning, grieving etc, experiencing a perfectly natural cycle for loss etc..., I will…..when I’m ready – my own experience has shown that people who tend to make this comment , are always in a rather smug place themselves, that all is rite in their world (good for them) and so they feel they can impart that benevolent statement onto those who are going thru difficulties….when in fact the most beneficial thing they could do, is just listen….without judgement. I have reflected on the three things that are “better” in my life now than 5 years ago and I will be honest, my life was actually better 5 years ago than it is now…it is what it is…My hope is that 5 years into the future, it will be considerably better than it is now….we all have peaks and troughs, at the moment I’m in a valley…Im ok with this..is a great learning experience and you get a chance to sort the wheat from the chaff. So what I will write, is 3 things that I’m grateful for rite now… I live in a beautiful (adopted) free country which embraces opportunity, I am surrounded and supported by my gorgeous girlfriends and I’m alive….to enjoy it all..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Baggage just equates to lifes experiences,good bad etc and as such will colour one's view of every topic posted,so" Even if we choose not to refer to them,we still drag here with us the cultural impedementia of our social class,our parent's lives,our bank balances,our sexual and emotional expectations,our whole biographies-all the bits and pieces of our unique existences." quote from Angela Carter...which for me sums it up....
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RHP User
14 years ago
In between the all the " grand standing, name calling, diatribe and a whole lot of judgement.", there are posts from members that have shared their negative life experiences and what they have done to turn that around...which, for someone reading the post, going through the same negative experience, may actually find the strength to change their life for the better...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Three things. I managed to turn Fifty. I have more hair now than I did then. It's hump day again... only two more sleeps. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
1. I am finding the person I once was again 2. I am so much more comfortable with myself sexually 3. And I'm looking forward to what each year will bring me now, instead of 'just getting through them'
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RHP User
14 years ago
People post on these here forums for a variety of reasons. For some it is a popularity contest, they have to post in nearly every thread, they are rarely controversial and normally post light hearted remarks.For others, this is the place to vent their spleen, to finally roar in public (in an anonymous format) what has been keeping them awake at night. Sure, often their venting has nothing to do with the actual topic of the thread but I bet they feel better afterwards!And then there are some who use the forums as a cheap way of getting noticed. Those that always say nice things to those they chase, or the old chestnut "A need advice on my profile" (hmm wonder if that actually works apart from getting a lot of profile views?).But I would like to think the majority come into the forums with an open mind and post their own opinions on the appropriate threads. Sure at times their opinion might differ with most of the posts, but it is their right to express their opinion.As for baggage: well in MY OPINION, anyone who is over 30 has baggage. It could be good baggage, it could be bad baggage, the baggage might be neatly stored out of the way and fully dealt with or it could be strapped to your back. No matter what, you have baggage, it is how you deal with it defines who you are!Mooka
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RHP User
14 years ago
...with you Mr. C but more so if I am actually going to meet the person. At that point I much prefer carry-on only and if you have more than that, please do leave it at home or check it through for the next person...because if you bring it on board the next flight won't be far behind. There may come a time when we become more intimate friends and of course there is a time and place for everything...but the past does not equal the present or future unless you choose to let it. | Here on the forums...I say let them be, even the ones that are constantly masking themselves behind a wall of innuendo and launching a barrage of insults, or those that simply need a safe place to dump the trash. Sure, it can be a bit like one of those places to get rid of used uranium ore, but it's best to get rid of it and bury it deep as it can be dangerous to one and all. Okay so much for anything logic, my Big Three from RHP: | My taste in music has changed dramatically and is not nearly so eclectic. I used to enjoy everything from the classics to blue grass, but now take a lot of Country Western for a miss. After reading some of the posts here, I'm glad she ran away with the trucker, the kids probably weren't mine in the first place and as for the dog I have accepted that he is gone...he was my dog but I never bothered to housebreak him. Hope ya'all enjoy him...cleaning up after a Rottweiler is not much fun and it goes down hill fast if you decide to kick him.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...but one of them was that I write too much. That's an easy fix. | The other is about trusting very lovely and sexy women who lie and say "Really, it won't hurt much and you'll end up enjoying it...if not you can do it to me". Great...it's only after I'm done screaming like a banshee that she tells me she actually does really like it that way. I've learned to be more careful about who screws who, with what and how often. | There...you can use your imagination from there.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I don't think I can currently find three ways in which my life is better than it was five years ago. I'm not sure I'd manage one even. I think sometimes people go through a dark night of the soul, and a period in their life where everything is destroyed, perhaps so that it can be rebuilt bigger and better. Who knows. The best I can say is, hopefully, it's all up hill from here :)Tolerance, yes! Compassion, even more so! The forums are more than just a place to be silly, sexy and have a laugh. They're also a place to connect and be real - yes, even online. I'm much more drawn to posts that show the depth of someone's spirit than those posts that (in my view) are trite and obvious and even at times try-hard.
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RHP User
14 years ago
....is a problem halved....or so they say.Personally, I think the 'baggage' adds value in lots of ways, both to the person going to the trouble to share and also to the people reading (if they choose not to scroll past) by way of broadening our exposure to a range of views.My three things are:1) Blessed with 2 beautiful boys2) 4 dress sizes smaller3) A citizen of this beautiful country I now call home.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Damn I forgot the challenge!!1. I still manage to wake up each morning!2. I have a wonderful career that I still enjoy3. I have a wonderful talented daughter who is my proudest achievement
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RHP User
14 years ago
2 years ago I died several times in a fairly serious motorbike accident, it was pretty intense apparently... but since then a LOT (3, shmee) of positives have come out of it...1.)I am a lot fitter and healthier than I was back then2.)I now drink a lot less and keep away from the drugs3.)I am now studying in a field that I have wanted to be in for the last 5-6 years4.)I am out of a marriage that really should have ended the day after our honeymoon ended5.)I am living by the beach now in a v. nice place6.)I get more sex now :)7.)I now have access to very good (legal) drugs8.) I am now the happiest person that I have ever been. Thank you drunk driver for getting behind the wheel...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks for both the encouragement and the slap down. You are all correct.It's just the personal attacks and judgement that are bothering me. Often it seems to be based purely on the bad experiences of the writer rather than anything to do with the OP or the topic. I ignore it for the most part and will continue to do so.Dont mean to be patronising or condescending. I recognise that everyone has to walk their own path without some happy clappy self help guru telling them life's peachy.The suggestion that we find three things that are better now was an attempt to add some positive to a somewhat negative post. Thanks to all that shared them and I'm glad SLK that despite being in a trough that you could find them too. Angelic I'm sure they will come and wish you all the best through a tough time.Probably could have expressed it a little better. Personally I'm here for some fun which for me is my therapy.Putting my anti-negativity negativity back in my man-bag now.Mr Chick
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'chickcara' Putting my anti-negativity negativity back in my man-bag now.Mr Chick no don't do thatbecause life IS peachy and people need to learn that there is ALWAYS a silver lining... or they will just end up spending all their life crying about it...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'meet2plzu' no don't do thatbecause life IS peachy and people need to learn that there is ALWAYS a silver lining... or they will just end up spending all their life crying about it... I agree, but might keep it to myself now. I died once too, changed my perspective quite a bit although took years to realise it. Love silver linings and second chances!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have to sit on it to close it, and my baggage spills out all around messy as can be. My steamer trunk has lots of stickers on it, to show my path around the globe of my humanity. I cannot lift it, so I don’t try to nor do I drag it with me all the time, but it has little wheels on it and sometimes it follows me like a dark dog, or a happy puppy depending on my mood. 1. My x husband came back into my life and I love him more than ever 2. I quit all my shit jobs to paint and to write 3 I can walk, and do not live on hundreds of pain killer pills I have a happy list things that I would fill a book with, life is pretty darn good for me, living the dream.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Well, I met my husband No. 3 on here nearly 2 years ago now and promptly handed him my baggage. He didn't mind. It wasn't my intention....it just felt safe to do so. . He put in in the top cupboard where I can't reach it without his help. He's a clever man. A keeper. And yes life is grand :-)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Morticiaaa' Well, I met my husband No. 3 on here nearly 2 years ago now and promptly handed him my baggage. He didn't mind. It wasn't my intention....it just felt safe to do so. . He put in in the top cupboard where I can't reach it without his help. He's a clever man. A keeper. And yes life is grand :-) . Have I told you lately that I love your posts?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'chickcara' Quoting 'meet2plzu' no don't do thatbecause life IS peachy and people need to learn that there is ALWAYS a silver lining... or they will just end up spending all their life crying about it... I agree, but might keep it to myself now. I died once too, changed my perspective quite a bit although took years to realise it. Love silver linings and second chances! yeh, i got a 3rd chance, cos a year later, i had another incident and got dragged under my car... loldont keep it to yourself at all... PRRAAAAAAISE THE LORD, HALLELUJAHHHHHH!!!
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TomatoSauce33
14 years ago
Here's a challenge to get you started. Tell me three ways that your life is better now than it was five years ago. If it comes easily that's great. If you have to think hard about it then you will be all the better for it.1 - More freedom (5 years ago I was 14)2- Less stress and better relationship with parents/peers3- More life experieince
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RHP User
14 years ago
I have also died, twice in my short life the second time last year, and there I was at the gates to heaven, and bugga me those electric paddles sure give you a tingle so I aim to make the most of this third life :) woke up with the same set of baggage , my old steamer trunk of life but there was this little sticker with wings on it, to show where I had been and a little note written with an angels quill it said see you again blondie. So I know that I am still a good girl, tis just my ways that are wicked.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Mrs_PeachyPear'I know I can't please everyone, that it is more important to please myself. No puns intended.Hugs... Mrs P I'd quite enjoy watching you please yourself.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Mrs_PeachyPear' Love silver linings meet2plzu, but have to admit that sometimes the gathering darkness makes them hard to see. P oh yes sometimes they can b e very hard to see... makes them all the more satisfying when u do find them.... :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' I have also died, twice in my short life the second time last year, and there I was at the gates to heaven, and bugga me those electric paddles sure give you a tingle so I aim to make the most of this third life :). :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
I suppose with all my life experiences ups and downs i am kind of lucky, yes it is depressing when things go against you but for me i thank my past for the man i am today be it right or wrong things that have happened to me. Yea had a good deal of cards really even the bad cards turn out to be good as i have learned from them if it was all a walk in the park what a boring place it would be so i dont want more bad cards but know they will come its a way of life when it arrives in my hand i will deal with it and take any good part out of it and deal it on. As long as i have a pulse there is a chance to be happy how to get there and how soon you get there or what expectations you have is the hold back (maybe)I know tomorrow is another day to iso f bad that one look forward to the next in the end that sweet smell of flowers/rosses will be back in the breeze.I lost a child through marriage many years ago, how ever she is back in my life after 20yrs, distant but back also had the death experience too if that didnt happen i may not be here today and have the kids i have and life there is a reason to it all. I feal sorry for the ones that cant see past the cloud and dwell in it, but wont ridicule them for it.You dont like it today change it, or move on, if you stay where you are and unhappy you will always be unhappy so move around till you find your warm happy sweet smelling place1. Woke up smelt the coffee, getting back to the real me is becoming more of a reality than dream2. Closer to my kids now than i have ever been and it is fun and have such wonderful happy experiances with little things day in day out3. Seeing i can now get through this current challenge with flying colours and open my wings again and do things i used to do and more of them and fly further and stronger.
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