F51
Peoples perceptions
August 18 2014
Comments
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Paradisepair
11 years ago
Because we felt it was important for them to understand why our dynamic had changed for the better. Other than that I've dropped a hint of an arrangement at a very spunky lad but we've generally decided to keep it to ourselves. Primarily because I don't want guys assuming it means I'm sexually available when I'm not, and ditto for women fearing I might be unsafe to have around their husbands. People still have weird preconceptions.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The stigma has gone from on line dating,etc Tinder for example has gone thru the roof ,bit extreme for me -each to their own! Miss equal ,swinging abit more excepted too,jealousy must be the part which is where trust is critical! Sure I can see moral issues too,but if your happy ,does it really matter xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
My two closest friends know Im on RHP. My female one doesnt approve, e.g when I told her I was going to a Meet and Greet not long ago, she said "Oh, that will be funny, the other people in the bar wont even know all the others are sexual deviates". The "sexual deviates" were a fantastic group of guys and ladies (seventy turned up) and I had a really good night, made some new friends. She is on a conventional dating site and has met some very unsavoury characters, but still thinks its better than being on an adult dating site? My other friend is male, and he thinks its a great idea. Im looking for a FWB, and am meeting lots of lovely people on the way, here and interstate.
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RHP User
11 years ago
so that probably makes a little bit of a difference with what people think but I do tell people I am on here. I have one friend who is a bit weird about it but my family aren't surprised, nor are a lot of people I know. My kids just think it is a dating site.
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RHP User
11 years ago
We are VERY private with what we do here, the impact from people's judgement would not bother me in the slightest, however have have teenage children that would be affected and I could not deal with that. No one in our personal life knows what we do here……lots possibly would not be surprised…however we do not disclose it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If I tell my family, I'd probably be disowned. If I tell my friends, I'd probably have to kill them :P - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I do what I want. If I have to genuinely justify to my friends what I do or why I choose to do it..... they're not my real friends. DG
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I can't tell my friends nor family. I know that they are very conservative. Knowing my friends n family most likely to be disowned and ostracized. The effect on my kids would be devastating. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
A few friends know, because it's come up in conversation, but generally it doesn't so most don't. I'm sure some would be shocked, and people would have their own feelings/judgements about it as they do about many things, but who cares? That's their baggage. Besides, everyone knows i do my own thing and walk my own path, so it probably wouldn't come as a huge surprise. I have a policy of never being ashamed of what I do, and not doing things I'd be ashamed of, so I don't keep it secret. But at the same time I'm quite a private person, so I don't advertise the fact either.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' I do what I want. If I have to genuinely justify to my friends what I do or why I choose to do it..... they're not my real friends. DG Your a male and single, of course you can do what you bloody like. women will get spat on from a great height if people know, especially your straight friends. Many men on RHP already think we are free whores. Never kid yourself that others will be understanding of your sexual stuff, it makes people hostile at times. You can shoot some one and get away with it but fuck them and all hell breaks loose. I have found so many women and guys just want to talk about their life style choices, that is why I started the scarlet women s group, so we could talk to like minded women. Most the friends I have made on here are women, not in a sexual way and same for men. That is why meet and greets are the way to go. I would not tell anyone unless i thought they would handle it. Keep your secrets its much safer. only those with nothing to loose can be as free as you DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Only one of my friends know about my profile on RHP, because she was the one who got me to join. I tell friends and family that I am on a dating site, which is technically correct, but not give details because they don't need to know. I am fairly private about my personal life anyway so they don't ask and I don't tell. As to repercussions if it got out, my friends would probably roll their eyes but it could have serious complications re my family as to how they see me as being unfit to raise my child. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
My partners son knows he is 21 he also knows our username because he visits sites just like this. Our best friends know but it does not interest them. We don't tell everyone and anyone and wouldn't because like others said we don't want male friends thinking hey I'd like a go or vice versa and some people may think it's to out there. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Very well put inthekiss. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
inthekiss said it....you're a single guy, if anything you are expected by society to be actively out there, shagging everything that moves (said a bit tongue in cheek, but you get my drift). I would however like to know if your answer would be different if there was any chance that your being on here could affect your daughter in some way, and that's something that women with kids have to think about all the time. Even from the answers on this thread you can see how women are afraid that if people find out they are on RHP it will affect their children, and the sad fact is that they aren't afraid for nothing. Two things that women are still judged harshly on all the time....sex and parenting. Put the two together and it can get very ugly. Since I don't have kids and don't have a professional job I don't really need to worry and I do tell some people that I'm on RHP. That may change in future once my work circumstances change. In terms of friends I can't think of anyone I'd be too afraid to tell, but I don't have a very big social circle at the moment and most people that know me know that I'm not a 'typical' female.
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RHP User
11 years ago
But I don't really hide it either. Most of my friends think it's a free for all. When I told my girlfriend about my background and that I was on a couple of swingers sites. It actually helped our relationship. She opened up to me about her sexuality ,wants and needs. A side she thought that she had to hide to find a nice guy for a serious relationship. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SimpleNeeds2' As to repercussions if it got out, my friends would probably roll their eyes but it could have serious complications re my family as to how they see me as being unfit to raise my child. - Posted from rhpmobile I was going to mention that I do recognise that is an issue for some men as well. I think it's just so fucking ridiculous for anyone's parenting ability to be judged by their presence on an adult dating site. Shows how messed up our attitudes to sex still are. UGH.
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
I have two sets of friends who know and they are both couples where the female has been my friend for over 25 years. One couple know pretty much everything I get up to and have a complete understanding as they used to be on this site as well. We have also played together. The other couple know some of the details but not all and that is because I am not sure how well they would understand my liking of mmf & ffm. Family... well I would be disowned by the majority of them if they knew the details. They think I am on a dating site (which I technically am), but would be shocked to the core by any hint of impropriety.
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RHP User
11 years ago
One is also my gp- she has been one of my bffs since I was 5 and knows I've always been very "quirky" her term. It's great to have her knowing as she keeps me safe. My other gf has been a great friend for years- we have been through a lot together. I had to tell her because we kept running into friends from Rhp when we were out at gigs and parties and she couldn't understand where I knew them from. Now I tell her all my adventures it keeps me down to earth and honest with myself. She will never be in the scene- it is not her she is too territorial. But she loves me and accepts me for who I am. And I provide entertainment to her otherwise work obsessed life ;) No need to tell anyone else they would just think I was crazy 👻 Xxviolet
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RHP User
11 years ago
My family (including my mother) and friends and work colleagues know that I've used 'Dating Sites' for years. 8 years ago they may have subscribed to the 'Stigma' that existed then, (which does a little now, but only by the uneducated) and a quick "Would you feel better going to a pub, club or dance and picking up someone you've never met, never spoken to or even heard of?" Then, even if it's just from a 'safety' point of view they see the logic and particularly for the females, the 'Stigma' disappears and reason kicks in... However, I don't tell anyone the nature of this site or mention the name. I don't know anyone that I believe would venture here, and if they did, I'd not be too fussed, as they must've been curious enough to spot me here. So, no face pic problems. Also, I am in the 'single' male category (which I think is discriminatory towards women who want the same things as men and in the real world, at least I believe the vast majority do). So, NO, I don't advertise the fact I'm on this site.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Im a single guy.... so I can obviously only offer the perspective of the single guy. Others experiences will vary.
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RHP User
11 years ago
About a year after I joined RHP, one of my bosses (military officer) called me into her office for a 'chat'. After doing the normal things of saluting etc, she told me to relax and sit down. She then said she was surfing the net last night and noticed I was on RHP, she even mentioned my profile and my photos (luckily none in uniform - phew) and that I was in the chat room. Being an old shellback, I just grinned and asked her if being on the site was a problem as evidently she frequents these types of sites. Embarrassed silence for a few seconds, then she laughed and said "well I won't mention it if you don't mention it'. And yes, I did go home that night and find her profile lol Moral to the story, if someone takes umbrage at finding you on an adult site, just ask them what they were doing looking in one - will shut them up 9 times out of 10. Mooka
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RHP User
11 years ago
..I do not tell anyone that I am on RHP,.!! The only reason being, is that the knowledge can be used against me out of spite, shoukd the rekatiobship or friendship fail..It is better to trust no-one than to have my ex husband suddenly decide I am an unfit parent & fight for custody.. I also cannot be bothered justifying or explaining my actions or decisions to others. I have had a few 3somes, big deal!!, but I know that almost everyone would be influenced by the wealth of media, porn sites & Google images. In their minds, I would be a sexual deviant,involved in mass orgies whilst swinging naked from the chandeliers.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
That's hilarious! OP, some of my friends know but most don't. I have no issues with people coming across my profile though, as I have no family to protect and it wouldn't hurt my career. I just hope the guys from security don't find me here and decorate their office with my pics.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have no problem with friends knowing that I met someone online but as for what, exactly, I do with them - that is nobody's business but mine (and the people I do it with). I know people, for example, who've volunteered to their parents the fact that they're into BDSM. I honestly can't figure out why anyone would think that's a good idea, or why they'd think their parents would want to know. Or maybe I'm just getting old :-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I guess i don't tell anyone because as someone mentioned, they will probably not trust me around their men, like i'd pounce on them or something ridiculous but also because i look after a friends children after school who is my daughters best friend and i would hate to ruin that for her Having said all that, absolutely nobody would be the least bit surprised if they found out
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'inthekiss' Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' I do what I want. If I have to genuinely justify to my friends what I do or why I choose to do it..... they're not my real friends. DG Your a male and single, of course you can do what you bloody like. women will get spat on from a great height if people know, especially your straight friends. Many men on RHP already think we are free whores. Never kid yourself that others will be understanding of your sexual stuff, it makes people hostile at times. You can shoot some one and get away with it but fuck them and all hell breaks loose. I have found so many women and guys just want to talk about their life style choices, that is why I started the scarlet women s group, so we could talk to like minded women. Most the friends I have made on here are women, not in a sexual way and same for men. That is why meet and greets are the way to go. I would not tell anyone unless i thought they would handle it. Keep your secrets its much safer. only those with nothing to loose can be as free as you DG Very well said :-) I'd love to know more about your Scarlet Women group
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RHP User
11 years ago
I lead 3 lifestyles' immediate family and friends , business .. and RHP . I treat each with the privacy they deserve . Occassionly I mix the first 2 but the RHP side I keep to myself because of potential backlash. I wouldn't spoil any of it by telling anyone just in case they feel challenged or judgemental... Which I can do without...
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RHP User
11 years ago
its perfectly acceptable for ladies to go out to night clubs and get a one night stand.........but not for us to have a profile on a dating site..........the issue of being unfit parents and or leaders of children due to our sexual nautre............as we must be grooming children for life in the sex industry because we like sex.........and we are trying to turn them bisexual because we are??? yes the stigma for women is way worse than that for men...... I had been in a relationship and had divulged my past about being on this site and the guy decided when we broke up that he would tell everyone and show the photos i had on here in the amateur pics sets to a parent whose teenage child was in my care....he also made up stories that lead to me no longer being in that leadership role as the parents found it difficult to accept i had needs as a single person......they also had the disturbing images of me in stockings and high heels instead of joggers and long pants and shapeless work shirts..... so i will never let anyone not met from here in on my secret ever again......... i almost lost my children..............have been investigated by the police.............and i will no longer post pics in the amateur sets or to people i havent spoken to quite a number of times or send them via phone or skype......
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RHP User
11 years ago
The only person in my family that doesn't know is my Dad, go figure. I have a straight brother (who met his girlfriend at a gay club), straight high sex drive can't settle down sister (who MMF's), a gay sister, plus me bi sexual....needless to say, nothing shocks Mum anymore haha And a select few close friends know (and are fine with it) and my bestie is my "wingman" on meet and greets and plays and knows exactly where I am at all times :P :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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playwithus742
11 years ago
Mrs here. What an interesting topic! No-one in our "straight" life knows that we are swinging, and I'd really not like them to find out. It's true what you said though Mooka- if people find your profile on RHP, then they can't be judgemental about it, still, it is a bit of a nightmare for me were we ever to go to a party and see work colleagues, as both of us are in professional work roles where being in the lifestyle would be questioned (mine more than Mr.'s) Our friends and family don't need to know. I'm not interested in their sex lives, so why should they be interested in mine? I'm not ashamed, just discreet, and I'm okay with the thrill of having FWBs come into my straight life and meet friends, we can often explain them away as liking the same alternative music scene as us, and no-one questions that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am so sorry to hear that pyro , what a disgusting human being he must have been ! Sexuality is so harshly judged yet we ALL have our dirty little secrets. Some if us like to live more honestly than others, and that can make vanilla people crazy. Violence is ok in our society - make sexuality is semi acceptable , just don't be sexual woman! I was stalked on here by a well known chatter online - a woman - who decided I was too sexually aggressive , didn't like the way I talked in chat ( too sexual) so decided to call me out on my business page on Facebook ! It was a nitemare and I left this site for a while to reevaluate my exposure. I ended up confronting her in real life and things stopped! I also had a guy off here pursue me on Facebook ( I gave him my number a VERY rare thing for me to do . He then found me on Facebook) He was relentless . 9 different profiles on there and also 9 different ones on here , blocking him did nothing .....the threat of exposing me again was horrible . I have a lot to lose , as we all do , especially as women ....I live on the theory 20% of people are arseholes - can't be changed ....however the majority are wonderful . I refuse to live life "safely" ....but I sure wish I could live more openly without the judgement and condemnation of the ill informed. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
all i can say in response is some people are so vile and vindictive and its an indication of the type of people out there that dont understand or accept others just because you refuse to conform or be the stereotype of the "school mum" so terrible that you both had terrible experiences with deranged people pyro and curves .. i try to be respectful on here and no thassle people too much .. :) unless they are really hot and keep checking me out lol .. but if they aren't receptive i just give up :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
A few of our close friends know we swing - and they are fine! The usual questions, but honestly, while it's not for them, it hasn't affected our friendships at all. And I don't expect it to. That said, it's only close and trusted friends who know; we don't blab it around. I think it's a bit rubbish that we have to 'hide' this part of our life. How do we expect attitudes to change and tolerance to grow if we can't just be ourselves? Ho hum, (Mrs) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I am sorry that these experiences has happened to you. Specially to you Pyro as there were kids involved and must be such a stressful experience. I can only sympathise and hope you are in a better space. ladies, thank you for sharing those experiences. It shows the darker side of adult online dating that we fear could happen to anyone of us and confirms some of my suspicions that no one is exempt to this experiences. It has made me more aware of further dealings. Mind you, I will still prance around like a peacock on heat but definitely more aware. In a recent thread, I pointed out something that sometimes women go into a chat (not necessarily a meet) with our ears pricked for any signs of danger in a man, i.e. volatility, potential crazies or abusive behaviour. if I come across any of these behaviours in my chats with them, my internal alarm bells ring and I am on my way fleeing to the hills. I mentioned that I will only meet someone I feel that will respect me and make me feel safe. Hard to qualify that sometimes but the interactions will dictate. We women pay more attention to the nuances and tone of the discussions. Overthinking? Maybe but I see it as being cautious. AFterall, I have my job, kids and existing family and social relationships to consider. I do not live a hermit life in a cave. Your experiences just confirms that the cautious approach we take is the right one. again thank you for sharing. OP, great post. something new to learn. x
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madotara69
11 years ago
Of our friends know we are on this site and that we get up to mischief. Said it before, but for the topic we had a guy come to our place, while he was with us he was posting it on his facebook forum, our friends caught on as he said who we were and where he was, prize grabber sort of shit. Nothing much ended up happening with him any way. Another site too The thing is that of our friends, none of them were so much concerned with what we were up too, more the lack of respect this guy was showing towards us, they were more focused on settling things down so to speak and shutting off the rumour mill that is and often leads too the most unsettling circumstances. We are not ashamed of this lifestyle, nor are any of our friends for us and it has led too some good conversations out of curiosity. Mado Tara xx
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