M57 F54
Open Couples - How is it working?
November 22 2016
We have been working into an open relationship for the last year or so and I'm sure there's lots of couples here that have been at it for a lot longer. We started off down the open path as we were having trouble finding a 4-way attraction meeting couples, playing separately means we can each find that one-on-one attraction and explore our individual desires and fantasies. It's also easier logistically for one of us to go out and the other can stay home with the kids. We do still like to meet couples and go to parties together when we can get out. It's still a work in progress but the trust, openness and comfort with it grows steadily. Plus we love the return sex after a play!
The biggest issue we find is the imbalance of opportunities which is inherent on RHP. There is a steady flow of single men making contact so for the woman there are plenty of options and opportunities to find a connection. On the other hand, as a the male half of a couple you are up against these same single guys when trying to make contact and the majority of single women prefer their men unattached.
So how are you finding your open relationship? Any tips or advice for others thinking of heading down this path?
Comments
RHP User
8 years ago
I have a husband and a boyfriend ;) Hubby and I started off swinging and opened our relationship up soon after. I used to play more than hubby and we never kept 'score' about who played and who didn't. I didn't find the scene very respectful (for one off hookups) and quickly looked at establishing FWB relationships. I need connection and hookups didn't offer that for me.
It was hubby who suggested that maybe I need to look for something other than FWB because that was hit and miss too. Hubby has been very open to new situations and though I wasn't looking for it at the time, in April this year I met a gorgeous man who has become my BF :) At the moment my relationship with my BF is long distance, though we see each other every 3-4 weeks. I'm poly-exclusive and will not have sex with anyone else unless it's agreed to (ladies and gents don't get up in arms, ITS MY CHOICE)
Both my relationships need nurturing, time and energy :) I don't miss the random hookups and the concern this would cause my hubby (my safety was his only concern, coz he loves that I'm his Hotwife).
I love the place I'm at in both my relationships. It's not easy because we need to constantly discuss issues, boundaries, ways of moving forwards, feelings, time away from one or the other BUT the rewards are amazing 😉
One very happy Mary, lol
XxRHP User
8 years ago
Doesnt it bother you that your other half might meet someone and develop feelings for them, to the point that it would break up your primary relationship? I worked with someone that happened to, and I can imagine that it would be easy to become attached to a FWB in the long run. Or do you stop seeing that person if feelings start to creep in?
RHP User
8 years ago
My wife and I have had an open marriage for 2-3 years now. We got in to it by talking lots (for a few months) about relationships, marriage and what we perceived were the shortcomings of the present 'system'. We don't play together but use it as a way to get something that we can't get from each other. We prefer longer term relationships over random one nighters as we both want a connection with the people we're with as well as good sex.
Having an open marriage requires a lot of ongoing communication but we both think that it's worth the effort (for us anyway). We have definitely found that there are more opportunities for my wife to meet someone than myself but dealing with that (and any potential jealousy when one partner is seeing someone else and one isn't) is all part of the communication.
Keep talking to each other and maybe join a poly group and attend some drinks and meetings. Good luck with your journey.RHP User
8 years ago
Why couldn't you love two people without compromising either of those relationships? It takes a strong primary relationship to work in an open environment. Similarly, it takes an incredibly strong person to enter into a primary relationship and work within a 'three' rather than a traditional 'two'. I admire the efforts of my BF to ensure that he is respectful to my primary relationship and my husband. He isn't looking to break up my marriage and he is always considerate of my hubby in everything we plan and do. There are no rules however and all we have is the responsibility of being honest with each other. Both my hubby and my BF are honest with me in terms of their needs and wants, as I am with them :) it's a huge juggling act and jealousies emerge but we communicate through those. I often liken my situation to being a parent of two or more children. I love both my children, I love them differently because they are different people. I ensure that my relationship with either child gets what it needs to nurture and grow. Similarly, being open and poly, I actively work towards ensuring both my relationships get what they need.
It's definitely not a traditional 'love' story and the amount of communication required from everyone borders on 'insane' at times ;) I've spoken more about boundaries & expectations since being in a more 'committed' poly relationship than I have ever done before lol. The 'risks of falling in love' with another person can happen at any stage (despite the status) of the relationship. I spoke with hubby about 'feelings for another' when we opened up our relationship and it was a clear understanding that knowing who I am, that was going to happen. The depth of those feelings was the only question unanswered at the time :)
I can't speak for your friend's relationship but I'm not looking to 'run away from my primary relationship' with a new relationship. I'm happily married, I don't want to change that :) I'm also in a new and wonderful relationship with another man, who works very hard at being with someone who is also in a significant other relationship. This works for us because we all get what we need from each other. I'm obviously the common denominator in both relationships but I've got two men who actively work towards our individual relationships and the 'collective we'll being' of all of us.
It sounds like hard work (at times it is lol) but I'm loving the richness and depth that being open and poly has added to our lives :)
Mary xxRHP User
8 years ago
We only met a year ago. So still new to all of this. But we discussed what we were comfortable with when we put up a couples profile. Watching, being watched, a bit of sexy play but no full swap. So far we have had no communication with other couples who have similar interests apart from a few from interstate. So will probably be winding up the profile at the same time we have the last Socialites bash. I develop feelings for people, friends, lovers, I am just a person who loves to love people. My guy said to me that he has waited this long to find me and doesnt want to lose me. And I feel the same. Maybe if we had met years ago and were still together who knows? But ........Ive met this great man and it has blown me away. This might shock some of you but I have no desire to have sex with anyone else. I have everything I need in that department. I respect and admire you ladies for managing to be in this lifestyle and being happy in your respective situations. I wouldnt be strong enough for more than one relationship. If my partner said to me that he was in love with someone else I would encourage him to leave and be happy, because I obviously wasnt all that he wanted. And thats just me. ( Hangs up Rookie Swingers Cap )
RHP User
8 years ago
Thank you xx As I said, the fact that we have just met at this age is probably why we are quite happy to be with each other. Yes, we all need different things to stay happy. I wasnt judging....just wondering. After our Socialtes Xmas party well be deleting our profile. I have made a lot of good friends on here. Perth and Interstate. RHP has been a great experience. Til then though....Ill still be skulking around the forums... :) xx
RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Champagnesunsets'
Doesnt it bother you that your other half might meet someone and develop feelings for them, to the point that it would break up your primary relationship? I worked with someone that happened to, and I can imagine that it would be easy to become attached to a FWB in the long run. Or do you stop seeing that person if feelings start to creep in?
Hi ChampagneSunsets,
I've read all your messages but am replying more directly to this one. No it doesn't bother me that my other half might develop feelings for someone else. At least I will be aware of it as we are constantly communicating about it. Being in an open relationship probably makes us work harder to keep each other interested and we are well aware that when we are with someone else it is more than likely only going to be for good times and that the general drag of day to day life is more of a reality in our family time. In fact I want to have feelings for my lover, I don't want random, casual sex.
I find it interesting that so many people ask if people in an open relationship are worried that their partner will develop feelings for someone else. Whether the relationship is open or not, people can meet other people and develop feelings for them, it's just that those in open relationships will know about it and someone in a 'monogamous' relationship may never find out or if they do it will often and in an acrimonious split or at the very least a complete loss of trust.
I know that open relationships aren't for everyone though and I wish you all the best with your partner and with life after RHP.
TrueRHP User
8 years ago
For all the replies, interesting to see how everyone finds their own way, what works for them.
Mr DRHP User
8 years ago
My wife has a hot friend and they both have plenty of hot secrets between them. I saw my wife checking out on her friend's hubby and she also mentioned that she finds him very hot. She said her friend had told her that he is hot in bed and talks mentions about her. After few days we visited them and one evening while having drinks the girls started talking dirty and my wife ended up in her friend's husband's arms and her friend in mine. My wife loved the look in my eyes as he touched my wife. She also enjoyed watching me play with her friend's body. Since then we have been visiting each other frequently ;)
RHP User
7 years ago
Hello everyone,
It is very interesting reading the posts regarding this topic.
We have been long term occasional swingers.....attending parties here and there.
We now feel that morphing into this style of friendship/relationship might now suit our wants.
We feel that we would like to engage in a friendship initially with a female. Someone that can become a friend to both of us and both of us a friend to her. A mixed style of friendship that might mean heading out for a coffee as mff or ff or mf. Or this combination sexually. It to us is about building trust and rapport.
Over the longer term we would be quite open to a special lady to move into our beautiful home and share a great lifestyle.
Predominantly we envisage the sexual side of the friendship to be special f and m but we also would love to mix it up and keep open all possible sexual combinations.
Please say hello if you feel you can relate to what we are hoping to develop.
So.....the question is.......where do we advertise to find that special lady?.RHP User
7 years ago
My wife and I have an open relationship.
It started with her want for something specific in the bed room that I couldn't quite satisfy (bdsm), and subsequently turned into we play with others.
Personally if find the ons thing tacky, I much prefer an ongoing mutually satisfying arrangement.
For us, while we play apart, well sometimes together too, we are very open about what's going on. We tell each other pretty much everything :)
If I'm honest, I do get a little jealous- she certainly doesn't struggle to have a queue of guys attempting to satisfy her. I find it a little harder and then finding that person who wants something regular whom I enjoy their company even harder.
But that's life, it's fantastic when it happens, just takes a while!
- Posted from rhpmobile
KEvans22
7 years ago
I
- Posted from rhpmobileRHP User
7 years ago
im in for fun times
RHP User
7 years ago
So
It’s great that you have all gotten to this point but how did you break the ice and get there. Was it on the cards to begin with our is it something that’s come after a while well maybe evdn years.RHP User
7 years ago
Hi guys, it seems like there's definitely a lack of ladies available. I'm Jess, married to an absolute sweetheart of a guy who can't seem to find interest anywhere. I'm over my head in offers, and spend every day rejecting people I don't desire, happy with my male lover, male FWB, and 4 ladies I'm connected to, and meanwhile my beautiful darling husband isn't having any luck. I desperately want to help him find someone who will make him feel special like he deserves.
- Posted from rhpmobile
curiousm50
6 years ago
Hi
A recommended read for those considering and those in the many forms of Poly relationships.
- Posted from rhpmobilecuriousm50
6 years ago
Sorry link didn't paste....so here it is.
Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationshipshttps://www.amazon.com/Tristan-Taormino/e/B000APS9US/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1RHP User
6 years ago
Today Wifey and I are both going to meet our other friends.
So it really is working, we've come a long way.
Incidentally this is the first time I really noticed this section, I stumbled on it while looking for the polyamory section.RHP User
6 years ago
I guess the OP is asking guys how they cope with the barrage of men trying to get to their female partners whilst they sit around listening to crickets. Any comments on that?
RHP User
6 years ago
Personally I don't feel comfortable with that kind of imbalance and until MrRed finds a suitable female fwb. Otherwise, we are very ready to travel that road.
Deep_Love
6 years ago
Quoting 'Red_liquorice'
I guess the OP is asking guys how they cope with the barrage of men trying to get to their female partners whilst they sit around listening to crickets. Any comments on that?
Exact opposite for us. Mr gets all of the offers and attention. I'm guessing it's because there is a real shortage of genuine, honest, sexy men out there. Plus I think it's because he's smokin' hot :P I don't mind the crickets lol
~Mrs Deep_LoveRHP User
6 years ago
My wife and I are in open relationship
I work fifo and I understand she has needs while I am gone... we have been married 22 years and nothing will change that.
She has two regular guys she sees and I absolutely love receiving the pics and vids while I am at work
I on the other hand am having a lot of trouble finding a lady that is interested in an ongoing or even a one off catch up During the day while I am home
I am Not looking for love just pure lust with mutual respect.... so if there are any ladies or couples in cairns looking for a respectful guy hit me up
CRANIC
6 years ago
We find very similar. We regularly post datefinders for fun for just one of us. We have the respect and honesty with each other, so its purely fun and excitement. Hubby works around australia alot, which means A- he wants company when away, and B- she needs company when he is away . We find this actually enhances our relationship. The excitement of setting up the encounter for each other, right through to seeing pics or hearing about the fun, its exciting and something we love to do. It is actually a great way to stay interactive with each other, when we are apart due to work, and so exciting when your setting up something for each other.
But it is very difficult to get balance, and without balance, someone misses out, and both of us step back from it. If we can't both get something out of it, then for us, there is no point. Ultimately, it's about us, and if we aren't both getting satisfaction, then the excitement of this type of fun dies fairly quickly.
We generally advertise for single and couples, but find the couples in particular, only want to play with our female or both of us, never just the male, which is a big handbrake for us. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
We aren't looking at relationships as such, just people we can regularly have some fun with. When it gets into dating, or heading out for more, then we do find jealousy creeps in. This is probably because our time is limited, so we want to spend as much time together, or with family and friends.
We tried searching for a couple with a similar outlook, where we could catch up as a group, but also have some fun between each other. Even that proved difficult to find. But, we will keep hunting, just a matter of finding that right person or persons, to explore this avenue more.RHP User
4 years ago
Hi Jess, I'm in the same box as you. My fiance is the most attentive caring man, but there's no women around for him. Makes me sad for him...
RHP User
4 years ago
Works well for us
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