M59

Old Fashioned Stripping

November 06 2016

Quite some time ago, whilst working in the Upper Clarence Valley in NSW, I was approached to provide some "entertainment" for the Yabbra Women's Knitting Association. It was their annual girls get-together, you see, held in down the old hall on Haystack Creek. I thought "heck, I'll give it a go" and so, on the designated Friday afternoon, I rocked up to try my hand at being a male stripper. Admittedly, I had partaken of a few rums by that stage, and probably was not at my best, but things were going swimmingly until the bit where I was down to my jocks. I had planned at this stage to leap frog over the old lectern, but just as I started my run up an old biddy in the back row of fold up seats stood up and flashed her wrinklies at me (the old dear must have had a few too many sherries). This was such a surprise however, that it threw my timing off and I clipped the lectern as I passed over, it ripping my jocks off in the process. I ended up caught in the stereo leads and stumbled off the end of the small stage where I landed on my back amongst a shattered table of egg sandwiches, teapots and creamed scones. To make matters slightly worse, in the shocked silence that followed, I let out a terrific fart (one of those long, warbling, high-pitched ones). Anyway, during the following commotion, I popped an empty teapot over my tockley and made a hasty exit out the back where I was bailed up by old Mrs Wallace (my former employer), who expressed to me that "in all her life she had never seen such a shocking example of bad behavior and taste", and that disciplinary action would have to be taken. I said that I agreed whole heartedly, and thought that the old lady should be banned from the knitting club for at least a month. Well, needless to say, there were heated words exchanged after that and an unpleasant argument over my payment was eventually resolved with me accepting $45. Afterwards however, I thought quite bad about the whole thing and that I might have been a bit insensitive over the matter. I mean, do you think that a month was justifiable, or would just a weeks ban been more appropriate? X Obi1

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RHP User

9 years ago

Obi I really needed the laugh that I got whilst reading this....thank you

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MsSuperFoxy

9 years ago

I think a weeks class of vaginal knitting followed by tea (from teapot over your tackle,) and iced volvos, should do the tick. 😁 Ms Foxy

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MsSuperFoxy

9 years ago

Ms Foxy

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RHP User

9 years ago

Foxxxy, Well... I do still have that particular tea pot. (It ended up in the back of the ute as I made my exit). I had actually become quite attached to it, it felt so nice and warm that.. well... what's the harm eh? 🍌 X Obi1

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RHP User

9 years ago

the 'Sheik from Scrubby Creek', through time and distance, I could imagine the shrieks from Haystack Creek! That effort will have earned you a solid place in local folklore. Brilliant! Full marks!

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RHP User

9 years ago

I think it depends on what she's knitting? If it's just scarves and jumpers then a month was definitely justifiable. However if it was creeping up to the cold season and she was knitting cock warmers - a week would have been more appropriate. It would be unfair to all those poor men who would suffer from chilly willy's 😉

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RHP User

9 years ago

SoftandCurious, Actually, I did end up eventually receiving a knitted cock warmer from that whole experience. (Old Mrs Begley sent me one about 6 weeks latter). She apologized for the delay, but said it took that long to knit it (it was f'king MASSIVE!) 🍌 😂 Obi1

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RHP User

9 years ago

So glad you popped in mate, as I have been meaning to get your legal take on the matter. You see, when dear old Ms Gladys Carmody (aged 92 and founding member of the Yabbra Woman's Knitting Association) copped a spectacle-full of my cream and jam covered manhood, she had a wee bit of a swoon and had to be revived latter with a cold lemon tea. No real harm done there fortunately, but where would I have stood legally if she'd had a full-on stroke? 🍌 Obi1

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RHP User

9 years ago

I didn't sleep well last night, around 5:30 this morning I gave up and thought I'd check Pie... saw your thread, got half way through and stopped reading because I had already completely lost it (and I was trying not to wake up hubby)... even after I stopped reading, I was in full blown uncontrollable laughing mode - whole bed shaking, even got a snort out of me! Made my morning.... hubby's not so much

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RHP User

9 years ago

I had the same reaction.....just read it again now and burst out laughing again

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RHP User

9 years ago

That is so funny. The imagery going through my mind while reading your post made me giggle at my phone. And Phoenix said...I needed that laugh. Thank you lol Xx

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RHP User

9 years ago

Quoting 'Obi1Kenietzsche' So glad you popped in mate, as I have been meaning to get your legal take on the matter. You see, when dear old Ms Gladys Carmody (aged 92 and founding member of the Yabbra Woman's Knitting Association) copped a spectacle-full of my cream and jam covered manhood, she had a wee bit of a swoon and had to be revived latter with a cold lemon tea. No real harm done there fortunately, but where would I have stood legally if she'd had a full-on stroke? 🍌 Obi1 I reckon that'd be quite a case to defend. I haven't read any precedent Case Law for that particular predicament, but at a guess I think you'd face a Civil Suit (especially after the Coroner's hearing if the old dear actually dropped off this mortal coil). I'm curious enough to do some research when I'm done with my current school work. Assuming you didn't have your own Public Liability Insurance, you might be able to argue the venue/management was at least partially at fault for the non-conforming placement of the lectern and leads/cables, and should therefore share liability. (This will have been helpful for you too had you injured your tockley in consequence of events). Your liability/penalty/guilt (and your conscience) may have been mitigated by the rendering of First Aid... (Handy to know your DRABCD, huh?) Intoxication counts against you though. I'd expect that after expending sufficient time to rack up a hefty legal bill, and some new Case Law to brag and laugh about with the old boys at the Tattersall's Club, opposing Counsel would utterly decimate you and hang you out to dry. In short, whether by lectern or law, you were always gonna be knackered!

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RHP User

9 years ago

I'm not sure, but on further reflection, your acceptance of the $45.00 payment and your 'souvenired' teapot might have been deemed an end to all action/potential action in pursuit of a claim on your own part. From my own knowledge and experience, where litigation is concerned, it can really get quite nasty. Therefore, I think a lawyer would likely advise you attack is the best defence and that you'd need to get on the front foot with this matter by preparing a countersuit... I'm not (yet) qualified to practice, but you might consider some questions in order you might prepare your brief: Did you issue an invoice or obtain a receipt for that payment? (Goes to proof of acceptance of any compensation). Were you offered or advised to obtain a medical consultation in respect of your own (potential) injuries? Did you, or are you now suffering any ill effects from this episode? (Injuries to Back, Limbs/Appendages?) What of Psychological injury? (It might be expected your pride was wounded. Was there any ongoing teasing and mockery? Whispers and innuendo when the townsfolk thought you couldn't hear, or even when they knew you could hear?) Is there any risk any suffered condition might be deemed pre-existing? (Dishonesty would be a show-stopper. Pun intended). Is there any risk you might be accused of having stolen the teapot? (Again, dishonesty would be a show-stopper). Strictly speaking, I'm not sure Mrs Wallace had very strong grounds for disciplinary action in your normal place of work (given she had also attended the function; albeit fully clothed and spectating only). Would the fabled 'reasonable person' have expected the 'entertainment' to be raunchy in nature? If she goes too far out on a limb, you might have her for 'adverse action'. I wouldn't mention the 'old biddy' who flashed her 'wrinklies' at you - even if someone had witnessed her flash, I think you will likely find the ranks will close in support of her and you'll face difficulty with credibility in the 'he said, she said' stakes. Even if she is a full-blown alcoholic with a standing order for Sherry by the dozen at the local bottlo, I'd expect on the day of her appearance in Court, she'd be painted a most saintly figure. (Wouldn't say 'shit' for sixpence, much less bare her flesh in a lewd, drunken display for the young stripper at the annual Yabbra Women's Knitting Association function!) Is there anything else of note we can brainstorm before you lawyer up?

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RHP User

9 years ago

LMAO! Excellent assessment of "Obi1 verses Yabbra Women's Knitting Association" (hypothetical). On balance, I reckon I would indeed have been "up Haystack Creek without a paddle" (particularly if the theft of one teapot (albeit alleged) was also to be taken into consideration) Obi1 (the original "Thunder down Under" stage act).

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RHP User

9 years ago

Thanks for the laugh. Hope you do writing for a living - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

LAFAO!!! X 2. 😂 You Sir, my learned friend, can represent me any damn time!! Obi1

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Grouse33

9 years ago

Literature of this standard belongs in the erotic stories section of the site. - Posted from rhpmobile

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Grouse33

9 years ago

Literature of this standard belongs in the erotic stories section of the site. - Posted from rhpmobile

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Old Fashioned Stripping

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