M63
Number crunching.
February 23 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
That we are not meant to be with one partner our whole life. That expecting a couple to be sexually attracted to each other through their 20's, 30's, and through to old age is ridiculous and unreasonable. That a small family unit that is common in the western culture is not the most efficient or the most workable model. That we have set unreasonable boundaries and expectations on ourselves and our relationships. That marriage should be abolished. That we have all been hoodwinked by Hollywood into believing in the "one". I could go on and on. :D
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RHP User
13 years ago
Don't get married. Mr Tryst and Ms Shout
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RHP User
13 years ago
No marriage = No divorce. Oh, and don't cheat either.
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RHP User
13 years ago
it suggests is that we are serial monogamists who experience longer life and happiness when in a partnership with someone we care about... I don't think it matters if the person is of the same gender however same sex and transgender relationships have not been studied as much as those traditionally seen as "normal"... Just my tuppence worth... Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'That we are not meant to be with one partner our whole life. That expecting a couple to be sexually attracted to each other through their 20's, 30's, and through to old age is ridiculous and unreasonable. That a small family unit that is common in the western culture is not the most efficient or the most workable model. That we have set unreasonable boundaries and expectations on ourselves and our relationships. That marriage should be abolished. That we have all been hoodwinked by Hollywood into believing in the "one". I could go on and on. :D yep you nailed it
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RHP User
13 years ago
and that lawyers are getting kinda of rich............... However I still believe in the institution of marriage ......the trick is finding the rite person to do it with !!!. I should know..done it 3 times now
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RHP User
13 years ago
Marriage is not for everyone and there are many who make a poor choice in partners but a family unit is still the preferential way of raising children. Consider this - Better Financial PictureThe old saying "Two can live as cheaply as one" isn’t exactly true. Two do appear to be able to live as cheaply as one and a half persons, though. That means sharing furniture, food, insurance benefits, a car, etc…. And, when one person becomes ill, loses his or her job, or needs emotional support due to stressors, the spouse is there to help. This is cheaper too, as in home nurses, credit card debt, and therapists cost more. Married men are more successful in work as well, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals. They also miss work or arrive late less often (Kostiuk and Follman, 1989, and Shaw, 1987). As for women, white married women (without children) earn 4% more and black married women earn 10% more than their single peers (Waite, 1995). While some point out that house work for married women (37 hours per week) is greater than that of single women (25 hours), half of that is due to having children (South and Spitze, 1994). Longer LifeMarried people live longer as well. Single men have mortality rates that are 250% higher than married men. Single women have mortality rates that are 50% higher than married women (Ross et all, 1990). Having a spouse can decrease your risk for dying from cancer as much as knocking ten years off your life. Single people spend longer in the hospital, and have a greater risk of dying after surgery (Goodwin et al, 1987). Married women are 30% more likely to rate their health as excellent or very good compared to single women, and 40% less likely to rate their health as only fair or poor compared to single women. Based on life expectancies, nine of ten married men and women alive at age 48 are alive at 65, while only six of ten single men and eight of ten single women make it to 65. Married men may have better immune systems as well, either from support or from nagging to monitor blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc… and may be at less risk to catch colds (Cohen et al, 1997) Better Mental HealthMarried men are half as likely to commit suicide as single men, and one third as likely as divorced men. Widowed men under 45 are nine times more likely to commit suicide as married men (Smith, Mercy, and Conn, 1988). Married people report lower levels of depression and distress, and 40% say they are very happy with their lives, compared to about 25% in single people. Married people were half as likely to say they were unhappy with their lives. Single men drink twice as much as married men, and one out of four say their drinking causes problems. Only one of seven married men says the same. One out of six single men abstains from alcohol, but one in four married men do (Miller-Tutzauer et al, 1991). Greater safety Studies assessing risk for violence are sometimes used to indicate that women, by being married, are at risk for violence. Waite and Gallagher counter that many studies treat husbands, boyfriends, paramours, and ex-partners all the same. Thus, "wife battering" should be separated from domestic abuse, and wife battering should refer only to abuse in the context of a marriage. Studies also do not distinguish between domestic violence and abuse. Waite and Gallagher offer that domestic violence should refer to those cases in which an argument escalates, one or both partners instigate the violence with equal likelihood, and then afterward feel bad about the incident and find ways not to repeat it. Such incidents might happen once or twice over the course of the relationship. Domestic abuse should refer to those cases in which the violence is frequent, typically instigated by one partner only, and is used to coerce and control a partner. Thus, Jacobson and Gottman say, "Women are virtually as likely to be killed by husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends, and ex-boyfriends as by strangers." This would not indicate marriage is the risk factor. When it comes to violence, wives are five times less likely than single or divorced women to be victims of crime, and husbands are four times less likely (Kellerman, 1994; Bachman, 1994). Further, in that study, 8% of wives and 6% of husbands reported their arguments became physical in the last year. Of the wives who reported physical altercations with their husbands, 18% reported significant harm (e.g., cut, bruised, or seriously injured) for themselves and 7% for their husbands. Thus, Waite and Gallagher conclude, less than 2% of wives and less than 1% of husbands are abused by the common definition each year. They also noted that about 5% of rapes in 1992 to 1993 were committed by husbands, 21% by ex-spouses, boyfriends, and ex-boyfriends, and 56% by an acquaintance, friend, or relative. Similarly, killings are more likely to happen to unmarried cohabitating women than married women. Thus, cohabitators are more likely to experience violence than married women (Jackson, 1996). Why is this so? Waite and Gallagher argue that married partners look out for each others’ safety and warn each other about risks. They are also less likely to be violent with each other as they have a greater investment in the relationship. They are more integrated into a network of friends and family, and are not as isolated as a result. Better SexAbout 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it’s 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Jman that read like one of my old uni essays on gender equity, not familiar with the research/ers as I am not a gender researcher. That said I do use the findings of research in my work as wound care, anti biotics/medications and surgical techniques change, there are different problems presented in my work. Interesting to see you are so fascinated as to do the quotes but would have got a fail at my uni as you didn't list all references at the end. LOL Interesting read tho.... Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
The most recent stats you mention are 16 years old, and I'm seeing a lot of data from the eighties. Give me recent info and I'll listen. Oh, and: "About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women." Really? I'm envisioning all the married couples eying each other, wondering who the hell those 40 percent are!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Don't know as that makes it incorrect. Do you have more recent information to refute it?
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RHP User
13 years ago
was never about love or religion,marriage was originally about property ,particularly amongst the English and European aristocracy and middle classes.Poor people just didn't bother,they had nothing to pass on to their progeny so why would they.They were often property themselves,serfs or slaves. The romantic notion we have of marriage,finding ''THE ONE'' is a fairly modern one. Before the 20th Century most people were lucky to live past fifty,marriages were often short for that reason,many women died in childbirth. When a woman married, any property rights she had were given to her husband,Elizabeth 1 refused to marry because she knew her throne would be in jeopardy.She supposedly died a virgin,but I imagine she was just very canny. The single woman was often called an ''old maid'' and she was very much pitied as she revelled in her childless state and inherited wealth,answering to no man. Do I believe in marriage,nope,it is not for me,but if it is your thing,enjoy.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Jensman I am suggesting that extended family units are better... Such as other families, grandparents, etc. Rather than two people who are never home trying to raise children.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Historically speaking, marriage has always been more beneficial to the male than the female. Still, why is it that it's quite often the female urging the male into it?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Devious' Really? I'm envisioning all the married couples eying each other, wondering who the hell those 40 percent are! Exactly what I was thinking MsD. I am sure that those 40% are in their first year/s of marriage and whats the stats for the other 60% ? Would like to see the % of married couples only having sex twice a month or each year.Of course no one lies on surveys...
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RHP User
13 years ago
is people are really not open and honest with in their partnerships. Mostly for fear of rejection. One of the things I have learnt in life is we all have our own perceptions on life. We do not have to agree with another's though we can accept it and move on. It is their perception and their choice to see the world as they see fit. I will not judge them for it and cause an argument. The best thing in a relationship is total openness. Never fear rejection and it is OK for someone to say no. In any circumstance. It is never a personal attack as many fear it is. Just my thoughts on the matter Jens.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with you that marriage is not for everyone and accept that you have the right to live your life as you please. I will stand by both yourself and Ms_D and tell anyone to shove off if they were to try to brow beat you about your decision not to marry but the numbers in my OP show that the majority, two thirds, of marriages go this distance so they do work for many. Araps, I'm nearing fifty and Jennylee and I have been married nine years. We still manage four, sometimes five nights a week. (Admittedly with no where near the vigor of yesteryear.) Actually, and keep it under your hat, I'm hoping to distract the kids later and jump Jenny's bones this afternoon.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' Historically speaking, marriage has always been more beneficial to the male than the female. Still, why is it that it's quite often the female urging the male into it? babies
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903'Don't know as that makes it incorrect. Do you have more recent information to refute it? You're right, a third (well, 29%) of marriages in Australia end in divorce. From what I've read that number has stayed the same since the late eighties. You say a family unit is the preferred way to raise children, but in my eyes that has nothing to do with marriage and I'm unsure why a defacto couple would be any different? Frankly I had a problem with a few things imentioned in your stats (D/V statements in particular), but I'm choosing my battles here Marriage is great for some. Personally I believe in a Cohab Agreement. (But really, I just hate living with anyone.)
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RHP User
13 years ago
There was a very interesting study funded by some university or other that came to the conclusion that Jesus was gay. You can influence statistics by the WAY you ask the questions, the TYPE of questions you ask, and the TARGET of your questions... I took a poll last year and 100% of the respondants said that I was without doubt the sexiest person in the entire universe... You can guess just how many people were polled and who they were...I think the thing I took from the OP was that there were two distinct phrases used, One being extra marital sex, the other being infidelity. Two completely different things. Can't compare apples with oranges.It is sad that one in three marriages ends in divorce... but we have celebrity marriage failures thrust at us daily so it's no suprise...
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RHP User
13 years ago
see that, Araps, four times this week and we've still got Sunday to go. Not splitting hairs here, Ms_D. I accept a defacto relationship as a marriage. Even though it hasn't been made legal here yet, I accept a gay couple's union as married too.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Glean? That statistics make my head hurt. I'd be interested in the correlation confusion in some of those numbers... But more importantly, I wonder if we are now "shocked" at things that have always been thus, but only lately have bothered to measure. I mean, humans have always fucked around, but only recently have we measured it. Shakespeare wasn't making that stuff up, nor was Euripides.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
A former British PM quotes 'There are three types of lies, lies, Damned lies and statistics" FYI LOL
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RHP User
13 years ago
Again, if you have any information to refute these, please do. Quoting 'justswingingbi' 85% of statistics quoted are made up on the spot...I think the thing I took from the OP was that there were two distinct phrases used, One being extra marital sex, the other being infidelity. Two completely different things. Can't compare apples with oranges. If your concern is that the activities of swingers and open marriage couples were included in these figures, the site that used the term "extramarital sex" was Futurescopes.com and the article was titled 'Extramarital Affair Statistics Revealed'. When they mentioned 'extramarital sex', they were refering to infidelity through affairs and one night stands.
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RHP User
13 years ago
But you are on your second marriage. So no, long term forever marriages often don't work. I just think the way we view families and relationships and love is too limited. That's all.
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RHP User
13 years ago
All the happily married people like my grandparents ( 60 years or so) Are actually swingers to stop the cheating? Perhaps Monogamy is all good in theory to someone like me until you get into a long term situation or marriage. Maybe Monogamy is a Vizard portrayed by tight lipped swingers and we have all been fooled?- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
Just saying... Some people are made for devotional monogamy, some couldn't if their lives depended on it. Stats measure facts. We are all different animals. Get in your line and be counted.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I must be one of those weird freaks who stayed faithful to my husband throughout our 11.5 year marriage. High fives!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'But you are on your second marriage. So no, long term forever marriages often don't work. I just think the way we view families and relationships and love is too limited. That's all. I've had one bad marriage and one fairytale marriage. I know they can work and I know they can go wrong. No where have I tried to assert that everyone should be married, I just disagree with your initial stand. Quoting 'Meeka100'That we are not meant to be with one partner our whole life. That expecting a couple to be sexually attracted to each other through their 20's, 30's, and through to old age is ridiculous and unreasonable. That a small family unit that is common in the western culture is not the most efficient or the most workable model. That we have set unreasonable boundaries and expectations on ourselves and our relationships. That marriage should be abolished. That we have all been hoodwinked by Hollywood into believing in the "one". I could go on and on. :D Hollywood rarely portrays life accurately but I did find my "one". I would never try to force anyone into a situation that they would be unhappy with but, if you had your way and marriage was abolished, you would be forcing people out of a situation they are happy with.
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RHP User
13 years ago
oooooohhh ,you talkin' dirty in Latin,OMG ,marry me now
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RHP User
13 years ago
...it would be kind of sad if they finally got the rights they sought, just to have it abolished for everyone. What these figures told me is that, with that many people indulging in a bit on the side, it could be as high as seventy percent of unions in which one or both partners stray and yet only twentynine percent are getting divorced. Even there if twentyfive percent of divorces are due to infidelities, that means that at least eighty percent of affairs occur without breaking up the marriage. This tells me that statements like, "The partner being cheated on is always hurt", "The truth will always come out", "It always destroys the marriage", or "It always harms the children", are all lies.
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madotara69
13 years ago
Most of our married friends, show no signs of being unhappy, they still flirt and express the active sexual drive for each other. For what ever has happened throughout the years. It means to me, they are still in love and probably having sex a lot more often than people who are single, simply being opportunity.There is a sense that most married people are unhappy with each other, with that the reason to cheat is argued for acceptance by a majority, from what has been read.Yet the statistics with social behavior amongst people we know and the friends they speak for, unhappy marriage appears to be of only a small percentage, certainly not disturbing. It becomes quite the shock when friends announce there differences, often the problems have been overcome due to the support for confidence during care in conversation. sometimes people just get stuck with expressing feelings, unable to find the right words, therefore misunderstood. A voice from outside can often help both for seeing where the misunderstanding lies, and can help for these worries to become understood.I believe marriage is still a pride to have, I still see most of our friends are proud. Happy people like to be around happy people, so do unhappy people like to be around happy people. Some just like being unhappy and project that.It makes us happy to see You and jenny lee are successful with your friendship. Go get her, bet she wants you to. It is a sure benefit with a marriage.
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RHP User
13 years ago
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