F50
Not so sexy - grief
April 08 2018
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
Grief has no gender. It's just hard, hard, work for the spirit. Be gentle with yourself. If other people aren't, get away from them. Do things that help you to deal. If that's drinking and fucking, you go girl. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yea and we all have our ways of coping with that. Your way is not far off mine really. Family can be really hard at this time. Don’t expect too much and you won’t be disappointed 😔 Going through a bit of the same thing myself atm and I seem to be looking for much the same escape from it all. Celebrate such a wonderfully long life... deal with it the best way you can... leave others to deal with it in their own way.,. Don’t be bitter for who they are and, live your life the way you want because it’s no one else’s but yours. Be strong 👍 Skip - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
From my experience, everyone deals with grief in so many different ways. There is no right way or wrong way. Whatever feels best at the time. Although going on a gender fixes nothing and makes us feel so much worse. I handle death in my stride more or less. Morning of my mother's funeral I went to work first. And worked next day. That's the way l coped. Yet my ex couldn't work for weeks. Everyone is different. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. If it becomes overwhelming, counseling helps. Sorry for your loss
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
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RHP User
8 years ago
Is the price we pay for love We live in a disposable society, we have thrown away most of our rituals and traditions surrounding our rights of passage through life and substitute them with a Instagram pic worthy homage instead Except for death, dying and grief. Death is still the last taboo, simply not discussed There is no right or wrong to embrace grief. And I do mean embrace The loss of those we love is a true slap in the face to remind us of our own mortality. Yes this too will happen to you and the thing is, you have no idea when When an elder dies it is natural and right but shocking in its own way as they are always there, that loved one, lingering on the edges of our life. A reassurance that all is steady and right in our worlds, so when they pass, our frabric is ripped. When it is someone young that passes the world feels unfair and we wonder too , it could have been me Your time will come and the passing of those we love is a tangible reminder that perhaps we should take some time out to examine our own lives, a life unexamined, is usually left wanting How we grieve is irrelevant. You are choosing real and palpable ways, drinking, fucking to forget but at the same remembering it all. This feeling will pass as this is usually a first reaction to shock (unexpected loss) This will pass in time usually replaced by deep mourning and in time, acceptance. There is no time frame for this and you may swing backwards and forwards with a range of emotions during the initial days/weeks/months Do what feels right for you but at the same time be gentle with yourself and when it’s time, honour the one that you have lost. Presently you are letting go of many issues, some by choice, some not , the trick to remember is for those issues you are letting go of by choice, long term, means a stronger, dare I say, better version of you. It’s a wise person who acknowledges what is no longer beneficial in their life and does something productive about it Let go in your own time, in your own way And be kind to others and yourself Whisky and a good fuck is not too bad a way to help swallow your truth, numbs the pain. Panadol for the soul Mine is gelato, martini’s and Jose Gonzalez cds Just don’t drink and drive and practice safe sex. Be savvy My thoughts are with you
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RHP User
8 years ago
So sorry to hear about what your dealing with. We all have different ways with grief and trauma, and we can definitely understand where you are coming from and at. CC (him) went through something similar suffering from childhood abuse and trauma, and can definitely understand. Be proud of who you are and do what you need to feel strong, wanted and independent. Stay healthy though - physically, mentally and emotionally - and don’t worry about what other people think. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Since mid 2016 to Dec 2017, I lost over 30ppl. All close, all important, but some more so than others. With each one, depending on how our interaction in life was affected me differently. On some I was horny as fuck, on others an emotional wreck, on others complete numbness, and others like it was just a "it's sad it happened" with no effect. I was off cigarettes for about 4 yrs, but started again when I couldn't deal (now social). I drank scotch on others until I passed out. I went and fucked with an ex on others... Each person and your relationship with them is going to make you react different at that terrible time. You just do you, and in such a moment there's no right or wrong, as long as it helps you be okay. My condolences to you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
I alternate between wanting to be alone a lot and bawling my eyes out with a friend. Only became a crier recently after pretty much a lifetime of no tears. Also like being around my kids and having them near. Being at the beach and in the ocean also helps me. I like the space and the immersion in the water. I find it very comforting and healing. So sorry for your loss and family troubles. I went through a lot the same when I lost my Dad. Just do whatever you need to get you through it. We all have our own way. Hugs xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
If it is a death in the family then sometimes somebody ends up being the lightning rod for everyone else. In their grief they need to lash out and somebody will be the target. In my family it was me. You have to try and not take it personally, it will pass and isn't intentional - well, usually anyhow - even if sometimes it gets quite nasty. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
How timely, my 95y/o Mum has been in hospital for a week now. She's either going to perk up or decline. As Annie so rightly says grief is personal and no-one but you can decide what is right for you. Please accept my condolences and best wishes for you and your family. Check your mailbox.
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Rlee552
8 years ago
This is a difficult time for you. Do what you feel is right for you, not anyone else, and do not hold any regrets.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Cos to be honest your grief is yours, and it’s entirely subjective... Me personally I don’t like talking about shit...deep conversations are cunts of things tbh...besides how many times can you say “I’m upset”???Lol But.... Like with everything, I make jokes, distract people from their own thoughts....often it’s just enough to help them smile, and if that’s all that happens, it’s a win...... - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
LeFemme, I understand and get you. I deal with my grief by continuing and keep going for my mother's sake. My father passed away late July last year. He was a very high respected honourable man. I haven't even come close to grieving nor is it something I really openly discuss. The most powerful moment for me, (as part of grieving) was not so much his last dying days with him and being there for his last breath, but when my mother was presented a folded flag from his poppy service funeral. I chocked up. When I say chocked up, it was because he was honoured with the dignity/respect he deserved. I guess that's why my grieving has been ok. Sure I've had some real shitty days, however most days are good and the fog has cleared. I keep remembering what a good man he was and that I keep him alive/treasure everything about him, for my mother. Ms Foxy x
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RHP User
8 years ago
Femme, Grief, like Anti says, is very subjective. There is no right or wrong way to cope or express how you feel about the loss of a loved one. Society has its norms like most things in life but you can only ever be true to yourself. If that’s drinking, ranting and fucking then so be it. I’ve posted about the loss of my dad before, the man was and still is my hero and mentor. I choose to talk openly about him as a way of staying connected to everything he was. Sure, my life has changed irrecoverably since. It’s who I am now. If someone was to judge me for how I chose to cope they can exit stage left from my friendship circle. It’s perfectly ok to feel vulnerable and lost. Family’s all have their own idiosyncratic ways. There’s no way to change that and emotions will ride high. Be as kind to yourself as you can. Just like Ms Foxy says, there can be enormous pride in loss, I’m never prouder than when I’m talking or sharing a story about my dad. Remember who you are and just be you. BB - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I was 21, single and living by myself when my father died of a terminal disease. While the news was generally expected, when it came one night as i was working as an apprentice chef, it was a bit of a delayed shock. I'd loved my father and went straight home to see mum and these strangers and not -strangers milling about the living room of my parents home. It felt very surreal. The next day i went back to work as usual. I dont know, but no one said to do anything different...work, family, anyone. Which was fair enough. In retrospect, i know that i didnt know what to do at the time. So i went about my routine, silent and lost in my thoughts and feelings. In retrospect again, i probably should have taken some time off and gone somewhere and done something. But left to myself, i didnt know what to do.
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RHP User
8 years ago
It is a terrible thing to lose someone we love. I went through the loss of both of my parents when I was younger and dealt with each in different ways.As so many have stated above, you do what YOU need to do to cope. Grief is an extremely personal thing and you will need to process it in your own way. You are a grown woman, you know yourself and you know what you need. In time the rawness will pass and you will be able to carry on, until then, grieve however you need to.Do try to remember though to take care of yourself as well x Mrs E
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RHP User
8 years ago
One day we all has to go but what we left behind is our character and love for others . I wish you and your family eat and piece. Catch up. Soon when you back to Melbourne x Regards M - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Each of your responses has been a gift, your openness and willingness to share of your painduring times of loss has really touched my soul, I don’t know how to put into words my gratitude, which for an overly verbose writer is saying something. This particular loss, is so normal and so natural it is the time that is ‘the end of life.’ It should just be that, sad but normal. Due to so much family trauma from the maternal side of the family, including more abuse yesterday from an Uncle - it no longer stays a sad but normal phase in life, it has the potential to become another traumatic event to add to mountain already standing s a result of these ‘older and wiser’ members of that part of the family. For my little bunch, my dad, sister, three children, the wagons have been circled and they are safe here to embrace their grief st the loss of their Nan, friends and great grandmother - due to the narcissistic exit of our mother and all of her behaviours, that’s is where the loss for the, was also becoming another trauma. That stopped yesterday. Took me 44 years to step up but I finally did and now that side of the family have been exposed and truth told and my little circle are closer still, with a pact of unconditional love and truth, support and loyalty firmly in place. None of us are flying to Melbourne for the funeral, but rather going to spend a day doing all the things she loved here on the Gold Coast, celebrate her and share of memories of her...there was no way to attend the funeral and there be any emotional safety that allowed for vulnerable state anyone needs to be able to say goodbye and begin to let go. That’s the ones I love and hopefully a strategy that will help them put into play. For me, I just don’t know how to grieve or where to begin. There is so fucking much of it. Aside from six friends with illnesses of body and of Mind that have passed in three years ago, my first love jumped in front of A train four years ago. My ability to love, feel, grieve, feel absolute joy and please and yes...even climax has been different and in many ways just gone. I have love one since, unrequited, so a bit of an ironic, cosmic joke really and I’m in the process of letting that friendship go. Grief to me, feels like s nothing lace that is just empty and with each new grief, death, loss of work, loss of aspects of my health, loss of anything, is the return of ‘the empty.’ It is beyond lonely, I don’t know what it is. I don’t need to numb, don’t need a drink or a pill for that, I flip into that space and get lost there for years. Time is promised to no one and with it tapping my shoulder with my own health issues, I just don’t want to get lost in the wasteland of the emptiness. I have this small (I call it chicken little) sense of impending doom, like maybe I’m next. ...or maybe grief just makes me nuts. Fucking, that rubbing and pushing up against someone(s), whether it is fierce, gentle, with one, many of a few, there is an element of knowing I’m still here. I’m being pushed back against- fuck, there is something inside me as well as the physical external, there is the energy of feeling another alive, utterly alive. I write this from my Dad’s. Hopefully his results come on the 16th. He is angry and scared and he’s...I am the lightening rod but I’m also the person everyone in my little circle is starting to look to as ‘the head of the family’ And seriously, if you knew me, you’d shake your head and send them a sympathy card for that! Hardly clandestine, haha, but I have found more honesty, depth and beauty of human spirit in the site than other social media places, I have also made more meaningful, rich, long lasting and loving friendships here that I ever thought would happen here. You lot are as surprising as you are beautiful, thank you for holding space and letting me be me without feeling like a freak. I appreciate all the posts and have messages a few of you. Moments of humanness like you have shown, restore hope in people when it has been a little bruised. Thank you....just thank you.
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RHP User
8 years ago
You need medical Help hun not sex. You need assessing and medicating as it’s depression you need help with not sexual - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
It can be one of the most beautiful experiences to go through. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
8 years ago
GRIEF is simply caring... if we did not grieve then we would not care... having only met you once, but seeing into your soul.... there is a very caring person... The next step is to put down the bottle, the fags and the fuckers and get out there and make your way in the world... raise your voice... put your passion into letting the world hear you... feel you and value what you do. MF
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RHP User
8 years ago
😢 - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Coming to terms with the loss can help you prepare for your own mortality and the inevitable
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RHP User
8 years ago
Darling, you’d be happy to know, I didn’t do any of the things that it felt natural to do. Instead I’ve locked myself away in my room and am making travel plans to do precisely what you have said I should, in Europe. First stop London, Prague for music and then France and Italy before a little spell in the USA. Time to live...just fucking really live. Thank you, as always for your guiding hand. xx
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
You have gone from a world of grief, sadness and verging on an almighty bender to magically pulling out all stops for a whirlwind dream world tour.Good on you if you can pull it off.The rest of us mere mortals will soldier on and wait for the next incredulous installment of LaFemmeFontaine ........
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RHP User
8 years ago
Fly well and enjoy the new and distant lands... I too am off on a bird in a while... London, Scotland and Portugal...
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'laugh_anytime' You need medical Help hun not sex. You need assessing and medicating as it’s depression you need help with not sexual - Posted from rhpmobile Grief is a normal emotion when dealing with someone's passing. If that grief goes on for years and is inhibiting your normal everyday routines and responsibilities for years, then perhaps it's time to seek help. Medicating should be a last resort, not the first stop. We over-medicate enough in this country as it is. Sorry to derail the topic there a bit LaFemme, but I really do not think that was good advice from LA. Back to the topic, I am with others here in that you should deal with your grief however you see fit. You mentioned getting drunk and fucked/up, the drinking may be effective in the immediate instance - and I know when I get stressed a good session helps me, but don't let it go on too long. Don't be like my mother, who drinks until she is drunk every night - still trying to drink away the death of her father and sister in quick succession many years ago. She has just recently had some health scares attributable to her alcohol consumption, which woke her up a bit. I wish you well on the difficult path on which you will have to tread for a while.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Peppy Le Pew - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
After the intitial shock wore off, the best thing ended up being hanging out with family and taking care of them and myself. Future plans for a little memorial service in Saturday. Tears finally came today, resolution of relationships that had no need to still be active in our lives. It’s a sad time, brings up some unresolved grief but that’s ok too. No meds, no thanks...sadness is a natural part of it. Thank you for all your support but I’m good - I just had a moment and shared it online. I’m grateful for the messages, the support, the release of shame from my first reaction to the lack of judgement from you. It’s been a beautiful display of humanness from all of you. Thank you.
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MsSuperFoxy
8 years ago
I'm not sure if it's been mentioned. Yes! Absolutely looking after you first and your well being, is really important in staying emotionally strong. Grieving does take a toll on ones body. I know as I lost quite a bit of weight and looked shithouse there for a couple of weeks, due to fatigue. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
8 years ago
I feel you need to address your mental health with a professional. How you’ve described your needs, and your gang bang post, seem to mean you have some self destructive drive, hence some esteem issues. So do what you feel, however we can’t get well, until we uncover the sore that really needs treating. M_D4 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
My curiosity regarding grpup, sex, orgies and being the sensual attention of a room full of men has been a fantasy thst I have toyed with (quite literally) for many years. The formerly used numbing behaviors have been not needed beyond it being my first thought. Whilst I appreciate your time taken with your diagnosis, I do not believe a sexual desire/fantasy denotes a lack of self worth. I do however, believe that you may have dipped into the Australian patriarchal way of thinking there, which in my view is a tad antiquated. But thanks just the same. xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Mon Doctuer decided I have a mental health issue that requires professional help because I have a fantasy about a gang bang, Fuck me with the patriarchal double standards in Australia!!! Fine if a guy wants to be part of nine other guys fucking a woman...that’s natural, male ‘primal male behaviour’ but if a woman has an equally high sex drive...she needs mental help? How utterly Stepford Wives of you, Mon Doc Darling, more than a little retro, don’t you think? Wow, this really blew the wind up my skirt and maybe I am projecting a little grief anger right in your direction but has it occurred to you that you’re on a sex/swinging/fetish site and your comments are a little like the whore calling the virgin slut? Perhaps it could be a little “ happiness trap” of covert narccisssim hidden beneath the ‘caring’ veneer of academic condescension? Sorry Doc, you are copping my rage here but What The Actual Fuck? That is a genuine question, I would love to know how you think a gang bang fantasy realities to poor esteem, I would also like to understand why it is STILL considered perfectly ‘normal’ for ‘boys to be boys’ but hush honey, women aren’t allowed to be progressive and have desires that fall left of centre...mff is fine but gang bang isn’t. Giving anal is fine but receiving isn’t. Wow, I really am back in Australia and had entirely forgotten, until now, why I adore the liberation of living in Europe. Yes, a tad aggressive combative but wow, did you just dry hump a raw nerve about the double standards that exists in this country regarding women and the right to their bodies, their fantasies and the freedom to be progressive in their erotic and sensual desires, forward thinking and the right to liberated sex. Pleas, help me understand so I can be less of an asshat, I prefer to respond than react, usually...apologies. Well, actually, no, I don’t apologise, not at all.
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RHP User
8 years ago
...will help the hangover. So will Royal Jelly as long as it's organic. The rest of prescription is to avoid gang-bangs for at least a few more weeks, Pain is inevitable....suffering is optional and the rest is up to you. ⚡️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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AKAHunk
8 years ago
Oh what a knob You do what you want to do, simple. Whatever gets you through, as long as it's not self destructive, and honestly we know a wee gangbang is all just for fun and to blow off steam. I mean if after a couple of months of dealing with what you've been going through things aren't improving that's a different story, but I've a feeling from our communications La Femme that you're a bit more resilient than that. You be you, fuck the armchair psychiatrists.
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RHP User
8 years ago
The OP Slut shaming, sexual fantasy shaming, fetish shaming, gender shaming, so so so not cool, is there any other issue you wish to scoff at ? Perhaps Mon you may need to reflect on why you are here as I feel comfortable in writing on behalf of the many women (and men etc) on here, in that we like sex, fuck , some of us even love it and this site allows us to meet we hope, like minded individuals and play with mutual consent without judgement We are here exploring our sexuality, sensuality, our fetishes, fantasies and desires Some us have met permanent partners from here, some of us have casual hookups by mutual agreement and some us of gangbang and fuck our littles asses off .Some of us write on the forums, some of our have formed meaningful friendships and supportive liaisons The OP indulged in a fantasy, more power to her. And this indicates she has a mental health/destructive self esteem issues how exactly ? Note that she indulged in this play before sadness fell into world this week so let’s not confuse her two forums The double standards and thinking in the year 2018 on here at times astounds me. Am I naive ? Is the Madonna/whore syndrome still alive and well ? Live and let live and be kind, you never know what shit people are going through
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RHP User
8 years ago
It’s interesting how the thread has now turned away from the lady’s grief, into what you interpretate to be my attack on GBs I was in the main, concerned about OP soothing her pain of grief with sex. I was also picking up on the sensitivities other members had for OP’s care. They brought up their own situations and it shows many of us choose to grieve differently, to help relieve their pain. It may work at the time, later they may wish they’d done it differently. In short, yes I am concerned for OP’s mental health. Maybe my paternal feelings do make me concerned about the pack, it seems, that are circling this OP with a view to fucking her pain away, to satisfy it’s own ends, A bit like giving a singing drunk another shot of whisky. However, I would never expect to be thanked (in the near future) by a drunk I dragged away to Alcoholic’s Anonymous! Finally, how many of you advocates of GB are warm, socially rounded guys who take their wife and kids to the beach on Saturday and cook their Mum a roast on Sunday? Or are you more likely to be some failed lover/ husband/ father living on his own, with no friends other than Johnny Walker, Jimmy Beam and Jack Daniels? M_D4 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'LaFemmeFontaine' My curiosity regarding grpup, sex, orgies and being the sensual attention of a room full of men has been a fantasy thst I have toyed with (quite literally) for many years. The formerly used numbing behaviors have been not needed beyond it being my first thought. Whilst I appreciate your time taken with your diagnosis, I do not believe a sexual desire/fantasy denotes a lack of self worth. I do however, believe that you may have dipped into the Australian patriarchal way of thinking there, which in my view is a tad antiquated. But thanks just the same. xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Sorry for your loss.... Express yourself as you feel. There is no right or wrong answer with grief... be true to yourself. Cry if you need, remember and laugh as you feel. We don't have long here... So ultimately its about fun, enjoyment and living.Fun is something you enjoy... a bowl of chips, a sunset and a cold beer might be what you need... or maybe something more... but in the end, try to smile and have funBe proud of who you are as each individual has shining qualities.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Not sure what prompted The good docs outburst. Trying to work it out.Was it the opening line to the OP "want to preface this post by stating it’s not a sympathy grab, just curious. "A statement like that is sometimes interpreted as deflective.Was it the quick turn around from devastation of the passing of a loved one to the lure of music in Praque?Was it the hangover from the gangbang thread where the French Lover suddenly vaporized from no substance?Was it the overtone of the threads that came across as something out of mills and boon? I have no idea. Please explain Doc Sorry for your loss OP.
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RHP User
8 years ago
When my mum died nearly 20yrs ago. I was 22. I Had brothers, 17 & 15 yrs old to be strong for, I had become a mother figure & their even bigger sister. I'm almost 43yrs old, the not grieving has f&@ked me up still to this day. I was worried that I had to show I was holding it together. By the time I felt ready to grieve, almost 2yrs later, it felt like it was to late. The way you feel, you let that feeling happen. Don't worry about what the "norm" is. All the best hun JK xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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Imhereforjoy
8 years ago
I am sorry to hear about your loss, family is always very important to us and we have a strong bond with them either we stay with them or far. Losing one of your beloved one’s not easy. We all went through that sometimes In our life. I would say you do what ever you feel like doing , something that will distract your mind and make you feel better. You are definitely going through rough time and this stage you need to have company of your loved ones . Grief is a really personal things and all of us here can only talk about it but you have to find your own ways to process it . Maybe take some times off and spend more time with family or friends .. try not to be alone because that will make you more depress , if you think good company of a friend or someone here can help , go for it .. if you think sex can help you get over it just do it but end the end of the day just don’t forget to look after yourself , don’t do something that will harm you or make your situation worst .. Hope tomorrow will be a better day for you . Regards Gary - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I’m a bit tapped after my rage at the dear old Pappa Bear Doc...in fact, Icant even be bothered trying to debate your point, as far as I’m concern, your self inflated ego is to high a mountain to swan dive off, by all means, enjoy the swim if you ever do. One thing I have discovered is, there has been so much grief in this family, that we are all just ready to walk with it. The resounding thud of acceptance that some losses and deaths are things we never recover from but rather be something that is integrated into our personalities, forever changing us. Just a thought...but one that makes sense about why ai may be so ready to return to Europe. My Nan was the last person who’s approval I needed, there is sadness but there is freedom. I gues having had Enough loss and grief for three lifetimes, I am ready to stop fighting it, embrace it and go inward while processing in beautiful surrounds. I’m sticking around to see what’s happening with dad a little longer yet but I’m aching in all my chips to do the namdic vanlife in Europe, write the book, finish the album and just lay down all that which has been too heavy for too many decades and just LIVE. Pipsqueak, Dallas, The_Envoy...all of you on this thread have had something of value to offer and I’m so grateful, the private messages, I’m utterly blown away by the support, acceptance, concern and even you, Doc. I needed to release some anger, so maybe that was your role in this. Still no GB in sight nor is there one planned...but my god, it’s still a yummy idea, on that I have not (by any means) put to bed. Thanks again everyone. 🤗😍😚
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RHP User
8 years ago
It'll find its course. it might be today it might be tomorrow. Only you will know when the time is right.Suppressing and holding back emotions for whatever reason can bite hard later down the track. For family members that are disengaged, the "hit" can be harder as you don't have the family support, combined with the stress of travel and stopping what you are doing to get to them FAST. Im in the west and o/s, all the family is in Sydney. I miss out on Birthdays, Christenings, Xmas etc. Not that its anything like you are going through mind you. But I've always wondered how i'd go if i got a phone call saying someone is unwell or passed.You'll deal with it in you're own way. If its heavy enough, balling your eyes out might help a little. I'm sure it won't hurt. But then you still have to pick yourself up, and put on a brave face for the that depend on you. They say life goes on right? Dont waste second of it!!You can get it eating Knackwurst in Cologne, You can get it running the Boston marathon, you can get it throwing a tomato at the Tomatina. As a matter of fact I've got it now. A cold hard thirst. A thirst for Orangina. (whilst walking past arrogant frogs.........Dont lick the yellow ones!!)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'JillyK' When my mum died nearly 20yrs ago. I was 22. I Had brothers, 17 & 15 yrs old to be strong for, I had become a mother figure & their even bigger sister. I'm almost 43yrs old, the not grieving has f&@ked me up still to this day. I was worried that I had to show I was holding it together. By the time I felt ready to grieve, almost 2yrs later, it felt like it was to late. The way you feel, you let that feeling happen. Don't worry about what the "norm" is. All the best hun JK xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Grief is funny in the way it changes our everyday behavior..... there is no answer really - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hey dear Can imagine and feel your extrucating pain. You have gone through a lot in life. But always remember, its darkest just before the sun is about to rise. You are at the lowest ebb, which means good things are about to happen....life is a circle of happiness and grief. You have had your share of the latter, am sure the former is just about knocking at your door. Keep on hanging in there girl and am sure a handsome prince is waiting there to sweep you right away. Do not waste you beautiful life by taking wrong choices in life. Instead use all your energy and convert it into something really nice. Set an example, be strong and take steps that will not only improve your life but also the lives of people you love. Try meditation, it really helps. You are such a beautiful soul and you deserve to be happy. Search and demand that happiness from your own self. Take care and keep smiling, a smile can wash away so much grief. Love and Hugs Charmer - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Know that you are not alone. Try to think of them as not gone forever but just in the next room. Don’t lose yourself to grief but you can indulge for a time. All the best and my thought are with you - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Whiskey and a smoke while you take some time to remember your Grandma and maybe reflect on your own mortality or anything else you might be pondering, then what better way to take your mind off a sad and maybe stressful time than being fucked senseless? Sorry you’re going through such a rough time, but it sounds like your coping as well as can be expected - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
We all deal with grief in our own way. Connecting with others on a mental and sometimes just a physical level to deal with it is just one of many ways. Passion, living in the moment, connecting, tasting, grinding, embracing and fucking someone can be an effective way to bypass the pain for that moment and focus on other emotions which are important to maintain a balance that can often be out of proportion when grief is surrounding you. And if you feel the urge to throw whiskey and smokes into that equation then do it, it's simply your soul telling you what it needs to help with the situation your within. Emotions get bottled up and need to be released in whatever way is effective and works for you x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
And if you want to experience GB do it. Life's too short to ponder about things which you desire. Only the strong go out and experience them, get out of their comfort zones and try things which get the heart racing, blood pumping, organs responding. We're on a hookup site for gods sake so we've all got our fetishes/desires so good on you for confronting yours....take em by the balls and show em who's boss and once it's over we all return to the normal humans we are....just like superheros and heroines 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Personally - I went on a bender of note! It lasted about 6 months. Sadly both my parents passed away about 6 weeks apart. I woke one morning to realise - I’m it! The surreal thing I’ve ever experienced.. lots of beers - lots of random hook ups everyone of them meaningless. Then I was very fortunate to meet my partner... I was on the mend anyway but her incredible support etc etc and I’m good again. I wish I could say the self wallowing pity party I embarked on was awesome. It really wasn’t - fortunately I didn’t lose any friends! I would suggest seeing a Councillor not a physiatrist just to be able to talk to another person without being judged! All the very best. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
There is the greater life we are pushed to see through the eyes of grief and loss. It is there so we can slow down and see the life just gone. Nature is slow and unkind but it is always nourishing and beautiful. Nature makes a smile yet happiness in life never teaches anything. Happiness is a stepping stone and we work hard to lay more stones. What you feel and what you crave and where your mind takes you in the process, is just a highlighted sense of focus on the matter at hand and you in it. Mind and the thought process is the same every other day but nothing is highlighted in the same sense of importance and thus mostly ignored. Mind is just that, a seeker of focus. It is heart-warming to read your words expressed with such openness. To reach is to know. A leap you already made to understand more, is on a path that will return to you a heart-warming knowing that even in the strangest world you are never alone. Over the last 6 years and countless funerals of family and friends, hardest have been my late sister and my late father. Moments in life where you see the whole family get together, unlike any other occasion in one’s life. Sad but true yet comforting to be surrounded by loved ones in tears and laughter. And life moves on with all memories intact and years that follow will bring a smile or a tear and perhaps both at the same time and at the right time. Kind wishes and yes, question everything ! xo
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egr2please69
8 years ago
La Femme, Ladylike or not, frankly is no-one elses business but yours. Eldeset child can sometimes be a burden rather than a blessing, i'm only too aware 😖 As others have said, grief is such an individual thing in how we deal with it and the choices you make to ease your pain are yours and yours alone. I wish you my deepest condolences and all the love in the world to help you cope with it all. For a normally very 'matter of fact' type of person, grief on some occasions has totally consumed me when it was for a friend when family had barely registered a reaction. Confusing i know, i can't explain my differing reactions either. I just deal with each bucket of grief on its merits. I have also learned how to isolate myself a bit emotionally due to what i see at work every day. I do patient transport down here in Victoria moving sick and injured people everyday. Most things my skin has thickened to now but every now and then i see or meet someone that grabs me and it bites hard seeing them suffer. Hang in there girlfriend, you are strong and your reaction isn't "off", its right for you. Do what gives you strength to cope with all the difficulties and helps you to celebrate the love and gift of the person you lost. Like everyone else here, if you need to talk, give me a holler, happy to give you a call and chew the fat to help you through. Keep your head up and i wish you all the best xxxx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hey there, I'm a guest, but if you ever need to chat... send me a msg.Always here to listen. x
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RHP User
8 years ago
No two people cope the same way. My 'life' was put on hold more years ago than I care to admit, looking after a disabled parent. Those duties ended two years ago and it's taken me this long to realise it's my life now, and it's time to live it, and make up for lost time. I've lost friendships and lovers over the years as I was unavailable due to my carer duties, and wouldn't give myself time to live. If you need to scream, scream, if you need to cry empty that Kleenex box. You do whatever works for YOU and let the others do their thing - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Between offering condolence, counsel or just wishing you were over here with a major plague going on 🤤 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
There is a saying I often debate in my mind, that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Likewise the other overused phrase that any and all setbacks are supposed to be "character building". Unfortunately, many people are no longer with us because they were, apparently, according to that expression, unable to build enough character. People expect us, and we often expect ourselves, to be strong. But at some points and times, it is OK to not be strong. We are human. We are not titanium. On that analogy, we rust, corrode, are worn, bent, crushed and can completely fall apart. The hardest part is not always the pain or what caused it, but having (or not having) someone to share the load. Anecdotally, those that have expressed how much they have not coped well with events in their life, have also expressed the fact they have had, or expected of themselves, to go through it all alone. Note you can be alone in your pain even while surrounded by others. Many also feel that they do not want to burden others with their own problems or grief. Especially if you see the people you might otherwise approach, burdened already with their own problems. However, for the empathic and the willing, being able to help someone else, offering comfort and support and strength to someone who needs it, is not a burden, but something that makes our/their own self feel more worthy and valued and cherished. So, be it with friends, family, peers or like-minded strangers (ie like right here), or paid professional or volunteer/charity services, the simple act of sharing your inner struggles, by having to articulate them in spoken or written words, helps no end. At times, in my life with my grief, just talking with say a counsellor or psychologist, even things no one else still knows, was plenty of help. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thank you again to all who posted to openly and with such vulnerability, I have been profoundly affected by the depth of collective love and support. Full stop. When I look at the context and what site I am on - the vulnerability and shared pain, the journey, the recovery, failures, success...mostly the hope and resilience is incredible. A year ago. I joined one of the most beautiful Soul’s to grace this earth and her approach to honesty. My sister calls my ‘gift’ ripping off the veil. She says I do it to myself and then because that has been done, I do it in others. She is the same, we see more and moreover we feel more and miss very little. We have deeper and richer friendships with those who too, want to grow spiritually and psychologically - but for the friends who were happy with the status quo, for those who were happier in denial or living the bliss of ignorance...we lost all our friends who were not on a similar path. What I continually learn from writing from the deeply honest place, is that people will meet me here. They will speak of their greatest hope and dreams, heartaches and fears. What I find is the deeper I go when I talk of loneliness, loss or sadness, that openness is almost a floodgate. In the land of drive through sex, disposal relationships and pseudo connection grief, no matter the reason for it, becomes a gateway. People soften, they drop their masks and guards and talk so openly and beautifully, they share of the experiences which not only effected their day but life in a life altering way, cha he’s the fabric of who they are. I have found so much solace on this thread, so much hope, validation, reassurance and comfort. All of you have shown parts of yourselves in messages and by posting on this thread that when it comes down to the big stuff, connection is everything, “me too” are the most profound words another can say and that our most fortifying and greatest strength lay in our ability to be vulnerable. I have shared much of this thread and the messages with my sister, your willingness to walk beside me with your journey did just help me, you helped her, which in turn gave us greater patience in dealing with dad and other family members who are struggling more with this loss (due to other reasons). You helped us and you help ear each other. How fucking beautiful are you...and is that. Wow...just fucking wow and thank you.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Destructive behaviour is escapism which will repeat until grief is managed in a healthy way. The root of such behaviour is often unresolved teenage or childhood traumas. Mastering that will help master responses in times of grief. - Posted from rhpmobile
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egr2please69
8 years ago
Our dearest LaFemme. Thank-you for giving us an opportunity to share, self heal, grieve and generally all of the above. I'm sure by some people reading this thread it opens up a chance for them to heal a little too. From all of us hear i'm glad we could touch you (no pun intended lol) in a way that was able to help you and your sister to push through and move forward. Onwards and upwards 😊😘❤ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
which I think you have. So whether it feels right or wrong or good or bad, doesn’t matter as it will pass. It is only something to consider further if it truly consumes you... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
For me, grief doesn’t hit me for about 3-6 weeks after the event. The emotional part of my brain takes time to process and begin to realise something is different or missing from my day-to-day life. Don’t rush to an emotional response that others expect just because they process it differently to you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
We all handle things in our lives in our own way so if this is how you want to deal with the passing of your grandma than go for it! Your not hurting anyone. Sometimes when My life is a little hectic all I want is some good stress relief too and a whiskey. They go hand in hand. Much love x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Same situation.. R u me? - Posted from rhpmobile
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