Not knowing what to say?

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  The honest truth from me - I like confidence.  Perhaps thats because I am a pretty confident chick myself and I need someone to inspire me and not someone I would  need to carry in a social context.   See to me, if you see yourself as "shy"...I read it as fear.  If you see yourself as "nervous"...I see it as not sure of yourself.    But then I find, some men portray an illusion of confidence - all bluster no substance kinda thing.   But anyone who posts a forum topic is not all that shy and nervous are they?    Jx

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Not shy and nervous  Brisguy but I do have trouble picking up "yes I'm interested" signals from chicks.Im a shocker, they'd  basically have to grab me on the cock for me to realise and then I'd still think that they may of accidently grabbed it..Even in the swinging thing I have no idea, have to ask Mrs pip if I'm in for a good sexy night or are they just beind friendly and socialable. Mr pip

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  i won;t meet anyone unless i have chatted to them on the phone, as well as online...This way i can gauge whether we are going to have anything in common...This doesn't mean i'm not shy or nervous when we first meet, butt, having chatted i look for a common ground to help break the ice...i'm still nervous and still shy...but the common ground idea really helps...if you have any doubts about meeting up with someone, don;t meet them...highly likely to be a bad date...so if in doubt, i forget it, no matter how hot she looks or sounds...i started off dating women without first having chatted online...they were, to a tee, very nice, but, there was always a clash of some sort...so if your time is very important to you...as it is to me...quality beats quantity hands over fists....and now i have some really wonderful friends...and i am very happy indeed...i hope this helps ya...if you were looking for an amusing or flippant reply, then i've let ya down...cheersjose...

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Some good words of wisdom there i agree.It is good to see that others do struggle with similar thoiughts etc.I will certainly put some of what you have said to the test and see if that helps me in any way.ThanksBruce

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  OK I have never had the problem of not knowing what to say so I am not the best person to ask.My advice is have fun, avoid crude and rude and beeeee your self. OH and have fun. Try to laugh and yes act confident. Note the word ACT. So I am with OnBrightStar all the way here.Now don't think I don't have nerves as nerves are natural. Good luck Hermes

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I think new situations are always a little intimidating no matter how confident you are. The kind of work I do demands that I remain confident and assertive, among other things. To design atuff that directly affects a community and which is expected to last 50-100 years.. a dude needs to be just a tad arrogant, I think. The kind of training that was necessary to get that confident was basically repetitious exposure to confronting situations... Think of the process involved in a visit to the "Island of Dr Moreau" and you will get some insight into the process involved.. .lol... Anyway, by forcing yourself into confrontational situations, after a while you might still get nervious but you learn to hide your shaking hands and calm your voice and soldier on.   For your situation, I highly commend a 6 month course of nude sunbathing in a crowded authorised public place. Make sure that you meet and talk to 4 new people every time. :) Oh... wear some factor 40+ sunscreen and keep your cock in the shade.      Good luck with this therapy.   Hugs Stalky

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  as long as under the shyness there is a keen mind and an ability to express yourself on a subject you are passionate about.   Shy is ok if once the kissing starts you forget about your shyness.Shy is ok and can be grown out of.Shy can come and go throughout a lifetime.  At the Castlemaine spring ball last year, I found myself unable to make eye contact with strangers, the level of shyness I experienced as a child was back, and all because I was wearing this beautiful lacy teddy, and heaven help me, my nipples might be seen! Shy can be situational. . . . Deep breath, head up, look em in the eye and smile . . . . . Good luckWild

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  dazza65811

  16 years ago

  Interesting you address this to the girls and mostly guys have responded Yes, the nerves and shyness are part of the experience, for me a big part of the thrill and experience so lap up all those feelings and go with the moment for whatever happens .. some good, some bad. brightstar in on the money, men act big on the meeting, but the real person comes thru pretty quickly, for better or worse In short, enjoy the rush of meeting someone new and if it happens, great, if not you have lived life, not just sat in the corner

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Shyness is common - as many others have already indicated and I agree with their comments - but to me shyness is a symptom rather than a cause. By that i mean that shyness is a learned emotion (for want of a better word), which i lump into the same category as fear and embarrassment. The shyness you feel is covering up something else within you and this is what i believe one needs to uncover and resolve to eradicate or at least understand and control / manage. I tend to think there are 2 methods to overcoming shyness - 1. Rather than accept you are shy - try to unpick it, explore it and listen to your emotional reactions as you do so to try and uncover the underlying cause - often it is something latent in your memory / life, which in the memory of time will now seem insignificant or silly but in the emotional memory of your mind was so significant at the time that it caused your mind to react in a manner of protection with the 'shyness" and because the shyness gets in the way - one doesn't learn to ignore it but avoid it which perpetuates the shyness cycle, chips away at esteem and confidence and exaggerates or perpetuates the brains reliance on this mechanism. 2. Take Stalky's advice and plunge into it - identify what causes you to feel shy, be it circumstances, settings, people etc and force yourself to take on the shyness you expect to feel - confront it and persevere - refusing to give in until you feel inside how you would like to feel in those situations. Do not allow your mind to make excuses to escape or avoid and afterwards think about what happened, what you did and how much you achieved and more importantly what you did differently to how you previously would have. Ultimately its just a new learning process for your brain and you will overcome and shyness will no longer prevent you from behaving as you wish to. Nerves are natural - they are the result of chemical activity in the brain resulting from a situation of some extremity - everybody has nervous periods - these nervous situations help our brains to learn - they are if you like used to mark those moments which, if we persevere and "get through" or overcome, provide a foundation for our brains to learn from and extend further next time. Nervousness is a marker of new or unfamiliar, yet important events in our lives. Signals - well i tend to think they are confusing - which is why we call them signals. I mean i they weren't ambiguous then they wouldn't require any interpretation whatsoever. And there in lies the answer. One needs to listen to ones own interpretation and instinct and then act on it. This is the only way of learning if your interpretation is correct or not. if its right, then you go "Woohooo" inside and if its wrong, then you learn from it and avoid making the same mistake the next time. Eventually, one forms an internal belief of their own instinct and mental voice which one can trust, believe and listen to. This takes time and effort, especially at the beginning. And remember, even if you get a reaction which ostensibly indicates your interpretation was "wrong", it may not be the case, but rather the other person's "fear" (or whatever) which caused them to react negatively - you need to work these ones out for yourself - perhaps talk to others whom you trust about the incident to gauge their interpretation and listen to them. Importance thing here is to not avoid similar situations in the future. I know it all sound kinda easy, and indeed it is easier to say than do. I have avoided situations through shyness/fear/embarrassment at times. Nerves have got the better of me before. And as for signals - faaarck - there are times i don't even understand the signals i am sending, let alone receiving. But for me, the doing - the acting and the confronting leaves you feeling more confident and strong than the alternative avoidance and acceptance - which i believe only leaves one emptier and more despondent in ones self. Good luck - you will learn a lot of positive stuff just from trying. 2B :)

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Shyness isn't an emotion, it's a personality trait!  Granted it can be one that we have the power to change about ourselves, but you can't tell me that little 1 or 2 year old who are shy have had something happen in their short lives that have made them LEARN to be shy.  If that is the case, good luck trying to discover the source and reasons behind your shyness!   Nervousness....I agree with you on that one and also agree that this is definately an emotion which is often tied in with fear and especially fear of embarrassment.  I am also a HUGE believer in gut instinct and listening to it.  I think we're all born with instinct but in a lot of instances, society tells us to forget about our instinct and go with research and facts instead.  We can all  learn to trust our instincts more I think.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Sonsie, Yeah, "shyness" isn't an emotion. I think like adults, shy little kids feel threatened in a confronting situation, Being introduced to a stranger is confronting and children cower behind mum's legs and hide their face. Lol, they hide their face because, being the egocentric little beings that they are, "if I can't see him, he can't see me"... But they are looking for protection from the unknown. The learnt behaviour is that mum will protect from things that are scary. What is learnt is therefore how we deal with threatening situations. Being shy is not an emotion... it is a protective reaction to a confronting situation. For example, (I'm not suggesting that GCBRisguy is thinking like this) .. A shy person might subconsciously be thinking that it is easier to be shy and not say much, than to draw attention to himself, speak jibberish and feel like an idiot.. and then get embarrassed about it.   You are spot on about the instinct thing. I often follow my instincts and even though I might outwardly play along with other people's games to see where they are leading, I always try to be conscious of my own instincltive take on any given situation. Right now my instincts tell me to leave such considerations to people who make a living from it and accept that it is what it is, I am who I am, and I needn't turn my attention to "why". My instincts are cleverer than me, I think.   Hugs Stalky

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