F56
No-one likes negativity, right?
August 17 2014
Comments
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Paradisepair
11 years ago
In my personal life negativity has come from people who resent or fear my successes, that it feels threatening to them, so I guess I'll add negativity is being unable to just be happy for other people or even just content in their own achievements.
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RHP User
11 years ago
A clear blood test :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
BUT without a negative, we wouldn't know positive. There can be no heat, without the cold!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
The negativity which irks me in responses in the forum is where people take an opposing position either - without any supporting argument so there can be no proper debate on merits, or- adopt dogmatic positions so that the arguments do not evolve or respond to the contrary propositions which exposed flaws in the initial stance. These degenerate into a childish exchange of each side insisting they are right simply because they are the ones saying so; or- are disparaging of another's argument by dragging in a point wholly irrelevant to the topic;- use ad hominem attacks as a substitute for reasoned debate.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was just chatting with a friend about negativity and attraction, and I commented that negativity is a form of attention-seeking (in my view an unpleasant one). Yes? No?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I once had a regular guy that I used to see, at first it was great, but the more we got to know each other, the more he would whinge and complain. He would self depreciate to the point of not seeing what he had and was completey ungreatful for anything positive that came his way and was jealous of others. In the end I felt like I was continually counseling him, the dynamics changed to the point where I didn't want to be around him or chat to him anymore. I would have continued as a friend, but he wasn't interested in that or in receiving help for the issues that he was dealing with, prefering to blame the world for his problems. His choice to live surrounded by negative thoughts and feelings, my choice was to walk away...........
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RHP User
11 years ago
Good topic :) I had a dear friend from here tell me that I was bit negative about how much hard work my kids are- She was right and I now try to talk about them in a positive way :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
As the OP may be aware, replies to sone of my forum comments have been labled 'negative'....Some people avoid negativity like they are trying to avoid a dangerous microorganism, and conversely strive to be surrounded by “positive energy” — a common pop culture term that I admittedly do not fully understand, but it sounds like a wonderful shield against the trials of life.. Now, allow me to be clear. I am not arguing against positive thoughts. They certainly have their place in mental health and can be very helpful and important. However, it is probably best to use adaptive thinking instead of rigid, positive thinking. Adaptive thinking is defined by one’s ability to use whichever thoughts are best suited to a given situation. Sometimes we need to worry and feel anxious. Focusing on the positive while failing all of your university courses is not an adaptive strategy. Conversely, trying to obsessively identify your faults (ie., self-criticism) and exaggerating the meaning of mistakes serves no useful function either. Ideally, the goal is to utilize the most useful thought, emotion or behaviour — regardless of whether they are “positive” or “negative" Being flexible with positive and negative psychological states of mind can be difficult to achieve, but is more likely to yield significant benefits in the long run. Finally, it should also be noted that if it were easy to simply stop one’s worries and just “be happy,” I’d be out of a job. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
SimpleNeeds2, instead of being 'irked' by certain oppositiobal forum comments, why not try and view them as simple message “to do something different”. It is like an email popping up and once read we can delete as we look for that something different to do. Eventually it’s hard to say whether the email was negative or positive as it becomes a bit of a grey area as perspectives of the message can change all the time, Dependant on our own personal biases, past experiences, unfounded gossip or simply our emotional state that day .. Have a nice day..😜👍🍳 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I was just chatting with a friend about negativity and attraction, and I commented that negativity is a form of attention-seeking (in my view an unpleasant one). Yes? No? Cynical or other negative comments made in response to a topic are one thing, but what irritates me is when posters make them without actually answering an OP's question or adding anything to the topic. In my opinion posters like that consider any attention good attention and they just like seeing their own name.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Burning love,l believe part of the reason we are on here is for positive energy and excitement! Everyone has there own safety mechanisms ,such as deflecting into humour(guilty) I find ladies want to be treated accordingly,what's the old saying you get more from honey! Surely self esteem issues can evolve if being negative,dragging people down ,extracting energy! Even in forums I notice it daily ,pot shots like debating own agenda/opinions ,just don't get it!
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RHP User
11 years ago
However a couple of points I don't. I don't agree that humour is a sign of negativity at all. Humour; to me is something that I like to bask in. The world is full of war, famine, and stresses that undeniably affect us whether we are conscious of it or not and I believe it only takes one person to break the tension that quite often builds in a conversation to help bring people out of their shell in order to share themselves. Humour also has a tendency to detract from negative comments such as criticism of a constant nature....by using a joke here and there it helps to prevent a persons mindset from head out of the alpha state. Self deprecating humour is also a varying grey area in my view. It can be signifying someone is aware of their flaws but are always looking at them in a different way to some...... What do I define as negativity??? Selfishness. Ignorance. Anger. Manipulative behaviour. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I missed a few words in the opening paragraph....lol It only takes one person to show a more lighter side to life through humour....it also helps to break the tension in a conversation...... - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Burning you've nailed it.......Negativity is a mindset and unless you change your way of thinking, you will stay negative. Yes agree it's a very unappealing quality for someone to have, to be around, as it can drag you in and bring you down.....change your way of thinking, the way you look at yourself, your life and others. Once you do this not only do you feel better about yourself, you'll be happier, things will fall into place, you attract positive people, you'll be happier and life gets better..... The mind is a wonderful tool and when used to it's full potential, you'll be amazed at what you can achieve and just how beautiful your life can be......💋
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RHP User
11 years ago
On here what you say can be seen as negative by the the way you write or sound to others without meaning too. IF you are not aware of this what others write will come across the same way to you. So for me judging people is the most negative thing you can do.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'SimpleNeeds2' The negativity which irks me in responses in the forum is where people take an opposing position either - without any supporting argument so there can be no proper debate on merits, or- adopt dogmatic positions so that the arguments do not evolve or respond to the contrary propositions which exposed flaws in the initial stance. These degenerate into a childish exchangeof each side insisting they are right simply because they are the ones saying so; or- are disparaging of another's argument by dragging in a point wholly irrelevant to the topic;- use ad hominem attacks as a substitute for reasoned debate. so true. It happens a lot of the times when personal attacks or emotional hand granades are thrown in the discussion to elicit reaction from people without addressing the topic of the thread. No rational discussion ensues and the thread is highjacked. Shows them in a very bad light and taste, IMO and seems wanting for attention. A sad case.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Cant have one without the other Such is life But to see the light from the dark As a positive from the negative Is to create joy from pain in any situation.:-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Having two kids and helping out with the kids footy team I have had the benefits of positive reinforcement v negativity proved before my eyes, working the positive is way more productive. In my own life the most positive thing is taking responsibility, owning your situation, it's a choice.If you haven't noticed i guess my biggest thing is the joke rather than the heartfelt, but hey, sometimes this place needs a smile.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Rebuttal? Quoting 'SimpleNeeds2' The negativity which irks me in responses in the forum is where people take an opposing position either - without any supporting argument so there can be no proper debate on merits, or- adopt dogmatic positions so that the arguments do not evolve or respond to the contrary propositions which exposed flaws in the initial stance. These degenerate into a childish exchange of each side insisting they are right simply because they are the ones saying so; or- are disparaging of another's argument by dragging in a point wholly irrelevant to the topic;- use ad hominem attacks as a substitute for reasoned debate.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I wasn't really talking about the forums. I was talking about people in general and the kind of negativity that is constant and draining, and in my opinion, unattractive. And I was curious about what you define as negative and whether you also find it unappealing. Sir Stir - I didn't say humour is negative. Humour is, of course, awesome. I said covering up connection with humour is negative, in my opinion. And let's remember, it's just an opinion ;) Playalone - I agree. I think it's best to ask and clarify someone's meaning before jumping on them (though I'm certainly guilty of forgetting to do this!). However I also think it's quite easy to observe patterns in behaviour such as negativity. Observing the pattern isn't judgment, labelling the person as good, bad or otherwise because of the pattern is judgment. I don't like negative energy in my life. If someone oozes it, I steer clear of them. It doesn't mean I think there's anything wrong with them as a human being, rather that I prefer they go their way and I go mine.
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RHP User
11 years ago
For some.....both men and women....finding the right articulation in that environment can be quite intimidating for some..... It still doesn't indicate negativity in my mind ..... But each to their own :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Look into the mirror When you point your finger at someone, there are always three fingers pointing back at you. To me, negativity is judgment over discernment. We judge because we are afraid. The people we judge show us a part of ourselves we don’t like. Every person you meet acts like a mirror for you. We judge people because they have the courage to do or say things we are afraid or show they are comfortable about things that we dislike in ourselves. We share our judgments with others and look for support, gossiping around. We look for others who share our negativity to create a feeling of being a group with shared ideas. The group doesn’t reflect its own emotions, but points to others with strong opinions. By sharing negative feelings, the load of the emotions grows. Most people judge. Especially when you do things that are slightly different from mainstream. Ms C xx No more Me C.. Finito..!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
11 years ago
Unkind words and THOUGHTLESS snubs, are but the echoes of a small and frightened person. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
can be quite draining when you are surrounded by it, but I also find overly positive people draining also. I consider myself to be a realist, I am both positive and negative. I am usually quite logical and practical so I use both extremes to come out with hopefully the right outcome for me. It has been a good tool for my life where I can see both sides of a situation which can help me create a balanced decision. I find I am geared up for disappointment yet strive for success and I find I lead a pretty good life without too much tension or stress which leaves me with good outlook. I don't have a lot of time for people with a victim mentality, I take responsibility for my actions and impulses and responses. I also think that you attract what you put out and although I would not consider myself a truly spiritual person, I do have a respect for the universe and what it throws at us.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' can be quite draining when you are surrounded by it, but I also find overly positive people draining also. I consider myself to be a realist, I am both positive and negative. I am usually quite logical and practical so I use both extremes to come out with hopefully the right outcome for me. It has been a good tool for my life where I can see both sides of a situation which can help me create a balanced decision. I find I am geared up for disappointment yet strive for success and I find I lead a pretty good life without too much tension or stress which leaves me with good outlook. I don't have a lot of time for people with a victim mentality, I take responsibility for my actions and impulses and responses. I also think that you attract what you put out and although I would not consider myself a truly spiritual person, I do have a respect for the universe and what it throws at us. I think I'm in love with you :) I wish I'd been able to articulate my thoughts that well. I also note your point about overly positive people. I know a couple and I'm aware that for both of them it's usually masking deep insecurities. But that's another story ...
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RHP User
11 years ago
That was overly-effusive of me, wasn't it! I apologise. I"m not actually in love with you ;) but I did love what you wrote.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find people very negative when they criticize someone as a person, but also when they give negative feedback without offering an alternative or other positive suggestion. Absolutely non-constructive, and yes I'm guilty of it at times.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think we all are guilty of it at some stage... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Spanglish, I may not agree with your comments many of the time but I will defend to the death, your right to say them. To take a contrary opinion is not negativity, provided it is supported by reason, which your posts frequently are. I may not agree with those reasons but you have set out your thoughts and I respect your effort in expressing them. And we need people who are willing to express contrary opinions - there is no evolution of the discussion/person if all we do is spend the day agreeing and patting each other the back, or wherever people pat each other on RHP. My objection is to people who oppose without reason, who act arbitrarily or capriciously. just for the sake of picking an argument or asserting their ego over others. I see this as an aggressive or active negativity as the person is projecting a obstructive attitude. The examples given by the OP, and which have been elaborated upon here are equally valid forms of an introspective or passive negativity where the person is like an emotional black hole, sucking in empathy and goodwill. These people bring down the mood of the group, stifle enquiry and seek to derail discussions into focusing on themselves instead. We all engage in some negativity sometimes, we are not all perfect smiley people all the time. But is how we are the most of the time that matters, and that we recognise when we act with negativity to try to curtail the behaviour before it goes to far. And be willing to acknowledge the fact when others pull us up over our negativity.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm turned off by nay sayers and road blockers. I'm turned off by habitual victims. But I'm equally turned off by proponents of compulsive positive thinking. I'f you're into The Secret you're welcome to keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear about it. Compulsive positive thinking is as much a fear response as habitual victimhood, and I'm not interested in people who are ruled by fear. I don't mind a person having fears, we all have fears, but interesting people engage their fears, challenge themselves, and are ultimately curious about the world in all its positive and negative traits. Let's face it, a lot of, if not most, great art, music, literature etc plumbs dark and negative terrain. No yin without yang.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'Rick_Blaine' I'm turned off by nay sayers and road blockers. I'm turned off by habitual victims. But I'm equally turned off by proponents of compulsive positive thinking. I'f you're into The Secret you're welcome to keep it to yourself, I don't want to hear about it. Compulsive positive thinking is as much a fear response as habitual victimhood, and I'm not interested in people who are ruled by fear. I don't mind a person having fears, we all have fears, but interesting people engage their fears, challenge themselves, and are ultimately curious about the world in all its positive and negative traits. Let's face it, a lot of, if not most, great art, music, literature etc plumbs dark and negative terrain. No yin without yang. yes. so true. I feel that sometimes, you meet people that manipulate the situations to blame everybody and everything else rather than looking at their involvement in the situation and accepting some responsibility on their role or accepting some reality of situations and move on with a positive view of the future. Despite the fact that most of us will not hesitate to give a helping hand to those people in real need, as we should, whether financially, emotionally or any other way, those who continuously paint themselves in the corner and ceaselessly espouse a path of self victimization is draining and should not be tolerated in the long run as it is destructive to the person and the people they interact with. Like somebody said earlier, emotional blackhole. well said. best avoided.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' That was overly-effusive of me, wasn't it! I apologise. I"m not actually in love with you ;) but I did love what you wrote. Haha, I knew what you meant and thank you for the compliment xo
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Plain280
11 years ago
For me, negativity is ... - a 'poor me, there's nothing I can do to change things' view- being critical/nasty/hostile towards others- inability to accept a compliment with grace- blaming others and the world for your situation- putting yourself down and being harshly self-critical- avoiding a heartfelt answer by covering up with a joke- trying to make yourself feel or look better by trying to make others feel/look worse- constantly bitching/whining/complaining. And probably some more.You dont realise it at the time, but they are all symptomatic of having some form of depression, particularly if the person saying this reinforces these thoughts, the innocent retort or a more blunt robust argument can make life more difficult, its a hard issue to sort through.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Bigocean' Cant have one without the other Such is life But to see the light from the dark As a positive from the negative Is to create joy from pain in any situation.:-) - Posted from rhpmobile The trick is not to be trapped in negativity, that's when it becomes tedious. Having experienced anxiety and depression in the past I know how tiresome for self and others it is.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' yes. so true. I feel that sometimes, you meet people that manipulate the situations to blame everybody and everything else rather than looking at their involvement in the situation and accepting some responsibility on their role or accepting some reality of situations and move on with a positive view of the future. Yep, or as the old saying goes: " You meet an arsehole in the morning, you met an arsehole. You meet arseholes all day, you're the arsehole."
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