M53 F43
New to this... First timers after some insight please
April 10 2019
Our relationship is beyond any doubt second to none, we are madly in love and are indeed absolute Soulmates. Our sexual relationship is beyond the stratosphere, we are completely in tune with each other and we’re now looking to see if we can take this all to higher levels.
We’ve been discussing, in astounding depth, swinging on various levels for around a year now. We find it appealing when fantasising during our play time and have gradually increased our interests to a point where we’ve joined RHP and have now peaked our curiosity even further.
We’re now considering jumping physically into the lifestyle at what we consider to be “our pace, soft swap” (same room always, kissing, foreplay activities, blow-jobs, fingering but no intercourse with others) and would like other swingers experienced views on the following questions and our hard limits;
1 - We consider that when all the playing is complete then it should be back to “us time”... Is this considered normal and/or is a sleepover expected? If expected, what are the logistics?
2 - We’re looking at travelling away from home this easter weekend (open to options: kid free & logistically good for us) so as not to “play” in our own backyard, guessing hand in hand with the above; what is the general expectation regarding venue, especially considering our accommodation will be our space?
3 - We’re very hard and fast about our already very expanded limits... is the
respect of those limits normally adhered to and/or (in your opinion) are we likely to encounter “heat of the moment” boundary pushing?
4 - Are our limits as explained normal/acceptable? These are open to expansion in time and after a debrief between us, we’re very cautious of pushing our boundaries too soon and too fast.
5 - Safe Sex “Oral”... how does this work? We’re adamant that “the he’s” will wear protection for it and currently we see cunnilingus as akin and as equally intimate as actual penetrative sex not to mention the logistics of “safe sex” in this situation. How is this perceived and/or generally dealt with?
Thanks in advance for taking your time to read and respond
Comments
ReyandJean
6 years ago
1,2 we've never had a sleep over. Most people know/prefer to leave after play. It may be late, though. Then you get alone time
3,4 Yes, you will consider stretching your limits in the heat of the moment. Most people will accept the limits you set if you are clear up front.
5. Safe oral sex. Dental dam and condom. Not used by many. Do research and evaluate your risks.
We found swinging improved our communication, was a good way to get close to nice people, and generally have a lot of fun.
RHP User
6 years ago
You both need to have guidelines set in place for yourselves. Your do’s and do nots. Your must and must nots.
In my time as part of a twosome in the past a sleepover was never expected nor discussed. Most times we were away and stayed at a hotel so when whatever had happened was over then the other party left or vice versa.
Safe sex is a must for me personally, however when engaging in foreplay with a male, sucking their cock sans condom was accepted. Provided of course it was visually engaging and healthy if you get my drift.
Of course any limitations you have are acceptable. Anyone who does not accept these and tries to coerce you into something else are not the right people for you to meet.
Everyone has boundaries and guidelines and to consider making someone bend or adapt their own personal guidelines is not acceptable and again doesn’t indicate to me mutual respect is in play.
As you have experiences and move forward on your journey you may find your guidelines and boundaries changing and that is acceptable but they change because of who you are as a couple in your journey - not to suit anyone else.RHP User
6 years ago
Just be yourselves,open up,share yourselves with a worthy fun couple/single and go as far or as little as you each feel fine in doing so....but don't be shut off entirely to being " in the moment " if you find yourselves in mutually desirable company and smiles and juices flowing ....goodluck 👌
RHP User
6 years ago
If you were to go to a club you wouldn't have to commit yourself to anything
thecatsmeowaus
6 years ago
Honestly, no one you meet with any experience in this lifestyle will want to use condoms or dental dams for oral sex. Sadly you’ll have to either not do it at all or re-evaluate your boundaries.
totally_normal
6 years ago
Lol ... I love the way you describe your relationship, sooo intense.
My 2 cents worth is to start with your boundaries as you want them, go at the speed of the slowest or least adventurous member of your couple and listen to some podcasts or read some blogs around consensual non monogomy and swinging. (Podcast try - we gotta thing).
You may strike it lucky and meet like minded couples straight away or it may be a challange, but stick with what suits you.
As for protected oral sex I think you may find using barrier protection a challange.
funtimescouple1
6 years ago
We also talked about it for years. The only regret we have now is that we didn't do it sooner. If you really are secure in your relationship and the thought of your partner being flirty and sexual with someone else is not just tolerable but really excites you both then do it. Just communicate your boundaries and find truly easy going, go with the flow couples. They're out there, believe us, it's great for your sex life and self satisfaction when it happens and you get to help other couples feel the same!
RHP User
5 years ago
1 - what are the logistics?
Might differ for different people, some may want to sleepover some leave. Personally we are unable to do a sleepover and we inform the other couple well in advance. Whatever your limitation, please let the others know - most are accomodating - those not accomodating are perhaps not worth being accommodated in to your swinglife.
2 - what is the general expectation regarding venue, especially considering our accommodation will be our space?
You'll understand that people have rules, limitations, come in all shapes and sizes and backgrounds and with all these coloured lenses finding someone in itself becomes a chore. Playing only while travelling might restrict this further and you may never find someone unless you attend a swingers party.
3 - are we likely to encounter “heat of the moment” boundary pushing?
As above, most decent people are accomodating and it is not unusual to have rules. When you meet the other couple for drinks, you need to make a street smart call on whether this couple will by pushy in the "heat of the moment" - if there is doubt, politely decline.
4 - Are our limits as explained normal/acceptable? These are open to expansion in time and after a debrief between us, we’re very cautious of pushing our boundaries too soon and too fast.
Quite normal. Everyone have some limits or the other.
5 - Safe Sex “Oral”... how does this work? We’re adamant that “the he’s” will wear protection for it and currently we see cunnilingus as akin and as equally intimate as actual penetrative sex not to mention the logistics of “safe sex” in this situation. How is this perceived and/or generally dealt with?
As someone said, there are risks and it's a hygiene call. Showering and a good scrub of the bits and bobs is an absolute minimum - manicuring or shaving is a plus so your acquaintance can have more confidence. Once everyone's together it is always a good idea to excuse yourselves to the bathroom to give it a last minute wash to make the experience pleasant for everyone.
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