F65
Never Judge A Married Person
May 01 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Totally agree. I think it comes unstuck when people refer to their own situaitions and base their opinions on what happend to them. This woman has done it herself by saying you are lucky you are single. Ive been going out to nightclubs unescorted with my girlfriends from the time I was married. Hubby thought nothing of it and I dont blink he if has a night out with the boys..sacre bleu he can even flirt up a storm, hell I do!!. I trust that he will come home and vica versa.I think as long as people are honest of their situation especially on a site like this, or in a nightclub I guess, then someone can make there own decision on whether they want to play and stay or move on.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I am not talking about Couples or people in Open Relationships...I am talking about people who do indeed play up without their partners knowledge. I just don't understand why they get a hard time! It has taken for this girl to start going out with her girlfriends for her husband to start noticing her and to treat her better! Why do they need to put up with "Just a fuck" from their partner? Who are we to judge them! Really! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
A bit of infidelity every now and again keeps 'em on their toes. :)HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' A bit of infidelity every now and again keeps 'em on their toes. :)HugsStalky Most likely the bench is too high Stalky. :)M
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RHP User
15 years ago
My situation is a bit different though. Many of my clients are married men and their partners are either unwilling or uninterested in BDSM. In defense of the partners, I have to say that some of the guys won't even try bringing up the subject for fear their partners will think less of them. While I hold no judgement in regard to other people's attitudes or attachments I will say that one of the biggest relationship problems is communication.Typical situation - Married couple with no kids usually have a good sex life. Kids come along, wife feels stressed, out of shape and her libido had dropped so she avoids sex. Husband doesn't understand and eventually gives up trying. On the rare occasion they come together it usually ends up as just a fuck. If they were open and honest with each other in the beginning then perhaps there would be no need to find satisfaction elsewhere. I have seen it happen so often and I find it rather sad.I think that before anyone starts looking for something outside of their relationship they should try communicating with their partner first.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Most likely the bench is too high Stalky. :)M hahaha! My god I think you have it Watson! I gotta buy a set of those handy little kitchen steps. HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I am not talking about Couples or people in Open Relationships...I am talking about people who do indeed play up without their partners knowledge. I just don't understand why they get a hard time! It has taken for this girl to start going out with her girlfriends for her husband to start noticing her and to treat her better! Why do they need to put up with "Just a fuck" from their partner? Who are we to judge them! Really! I have played with married women and previously spent 22 years in a monogamous relationship, so I consider myself to have a reasonable idea of this from both sides. Despite what your original post said, I don't feel as though I'm preaching from my high horse.If she thinks that violating the trust inherent to her relationship is going to help preserve her marriage, she's probably dreaming. It sounds as though she's in a depressingly common marriage, but removing one of the cornerstones won't fix it. Her own infidelity may well result in her having even less respect for her husband and it's a downhill slide from there. Did you happen to ask her how she'd feel if her husband was playing around on her? I suspect that it would have been a different conversation if she'd been asked to be more balanced and not just justify her own actions.Imagine if she felt taken for granted in her job - would anyone seriously suggest that she get a part-time job where they treated her better? How is this different? Fix it, or find something else.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I guess we all judge in some form..i think i judge when something directly affects me..otherwise each to their own..
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platinumblonde69
15 years ago
Thanks xFunlovingx for a straight forward no bullshit forum topic...I guess the bottom line is...This is me...You either like..Or you dont...Simple...Clear cut...No arguments...As long as other people know upfront they can make up their own mind...Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, and living the kind of life they lead...As long as that person can live with themselves, other people should either respect that or move on....Simple... Plat
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I am not talking about Couples or people in Open Relationships...I am talking about people who do indeed play up without their partners knowledge. I just don't understand why they get a hard time! It has taken for this girl to start going out with her girlfriends for her husband to start noticing her and to treat her better! Why do they need to put up with "Just a fuck" from their partner? Who are we to judge them! Really!I have played with married women and previously spent 22 years in a monogamous relationship, so I consider myself to have a reasonable idea of this from both sides. Despite what your original post said, I don't feel as though I'm preaching from my high horse.If she thinks that violating the trust inherent to her relationship is going to help preserve her marriage, she's probably dreaming. It sounds as though she's in a depressingly common marriage, but removing one of the cornerstones won't fix it. Her own infidelity may well result in her having even less respect for her husband and it's a downhill slide from there. Did you happen to ask her how she'd feel if her husband was playing around on her? I suspect that it would have been a different conversation if she'd been asked to be more balanced and not just justify her own actions.Imagine if she felt taken for granted in her job - would anyone seriously suggest that she get a part-time job where they treated her better? How is this different? Fix it, or find something else. Yes I did ask her that and she said "I hope he is at least making love to them and they don't have to put up with just being fucked like me"...She thought it was a possibility that he had and still is playing up on her. She even asked him for an "Open Marriage" and he went off his head and said that noone was going to touch his wife! They have 2 children together and just adopted a pre teen...but that is not the point! The point is...who are you or anyone else for that matter to tell someone what to do...It is their life and not ours...If their marriage breaks down because of infidelity...Is that something we should concern ourselves with?...If they stay together and go and have sex with heaps of other people...That is something that we shouldn't concern ourselves with either! > It is their life...not ours! You only live once and your self-esteem can only be beaten down so much before you go looking elsewhere! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
If their marriage breaks down because of infidelity...Is that something we should concern ourselves with?Yes, we do have to concern ourselves, because when a marriage breaks down, for whatever reasons, but particularly in cases where there is infidelity, there is fallout that affects those around. To the friend/relative that has to supply emergency accomodation. The other friend/relative that has to drop everything and supply the shoulder to cry on. The kids who have thought they've been part of a happy family and then find out mum & dad aren't together because Mum/Dad cheated on the other. However, being concerned is a completely different thing to judging people, which was the gist of your first post. Which is it you're against? Judging or caring?
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kassmebits
15 years ago
if it's a married man, then he's just a wanker..... hugs Kass x
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx'The point is...who are you or anyone else for that matter to tell someone what to do...It is their life and not ours...If their marriage breaks down because of infidelity...Is that something we should concern ourselves with?...If they stay together and go and have sex with heaps of other people...That is something that we shouldn't concern ourselves with either! > It is their life...not ours! You only live once and your self-esteem can only be beaten down so much before you go looking elsewhere! I didn't tell anyone what to do. All I did was offer an opinion as to whether or not I thought that sleeping with other men was likely to fix her marriage - based on my personal experience, I don't think that's the right approach. I stayed monogamous for 22 years and only started to play after I had moved out of my familial home, so I feel absolutely entitled to my opinion. In fact, I'm quite proud of the way I handled my situation - I think it showed moral character and respect for my ex. I've since played with married women because I feel that just as it was for me, it's their issue to resolve for themselves, not any of my business. How am I being judgemental? It seems to me that the only one who told her what to do was you. But then, you were just a stranger at the club - if it all goes wrong, you won't need to feel responsible, will you? You won't even know. Would you give the same advice to say, your sister-in-law, or your mother? Tell them they should feel free to get out and root around? If not, you should be questioning the value of your advice, not claiming that people who disagree with it are judgemental.
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hardnslow
15 years ago
It is funny how most of the discussion looks biased towards the female side. {or maybe I am reading it as a male?} I am on the other side, I enjoy sex and enjoy seeing my partner get off more than getting off myself. But after nearly 3 decades of marriage it is now just a fuck an empty out as the founder of this forum puts it.I can pick the moment be all romantic and she will roll over point it at me say there you go just wipe it when you finish. Mmmm I would rather do what the males do on cam here and just have a wank. Sex is a beautiful thing, it is something that is there to be enjoyed by both participants and if the need be to go outside the square to find that enjoyment then go. Not everybody has the perfect sex life but there is a lot of fun in trying to find it. Go Girl!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'xFunlovingx' The point is...who are you or anyone else for that matter to tell someone what to do...It is their life and not ours...If their marriage breaks down because of infidelity...Is that something we should concern ourselves with?...If they stay together and go and have sex with heaps of other people...That is something that we shouldn't concern ourselves with either! > It is their life...not ours! You only live once and your self-esteem can only be beaten down so much before you go looking elsewhere!I didn't tell anyone what to do. All I did was offer an opinion as to whether or not I thought that sleeping with other men was likely to fix her marriage - based on my personal experience, I don't think that's the right approach. I stayed monogamous for 22 years and only started to play after I had moved out of my familial home, so I feel absolutely entitled to my opinion. In fact, I'm quite proud of the way I handled my situation - I think it showed moral character and respect for my ex. I've since played with married women because I feel that just as it was for me, it's their issue to resolve for themselves, not any of my business. How am I being judgemental? It seems to me that the only one who told her what to do was you. But then, you were just a stranger at the club - if it all goes wrong, you won't need to feel responsible, will you? You won't even know. Would you give the same advice to say, your sister-in-law, or your mother? Tell them they should feel free to get out and root around? If not, you should be questioning the value of your advice, not claiming that people who disagree with it are judgemental. That is 2 assumptions you have made in 2 posts Snowshoe! I don't know why you always make out like you know everything...You are so wrong ...She did all the talking and I did all the listening! I think she needed someone to pour out all her problems to without judgement or knowing her! I gave NO advice...I did NOT tell her what she should do...at the end I simply said to her "Everything will work out"! Actually as soon as I asked her how she would feel if her husband was doing this... I actually could not get a word in sideways! Please don't make assumptions...as we all know what that makes you look like! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Polar_Bear_Girl' If their marriage breaks down because of infidelity...Is that something we should concern ourselves with?Yes, we do have to concern ourselves, because when a marriage breaks down, for whatever reasons, but particularly in cases where there is infidelity, there is fallout that affects those around. To the friend/relative that has to supply emergency accomodation. The other friend/relative that has to drop everything and supply the shoulder to cry on. The kids who have thought they've been part of a happy family and then find out mum & dad aren't together because Mum/Dad cheated on the other. However, being concerned is a completely different thing to judging people, which was the gist of your first post. Which is it you're against? Judging or caring?Taking things out of context, but that is ok! This post is mainly for people on here who give married people a very hard time! I think it is none of our concern that they are on here and are playing up without their partners knowledge! I say if a person does not want to be with someone that is attached...then there is no need to be nasty about it! We don't live in their shoes....and as I said in the OP....Why can't people just say "I'm sorry, but you're not what I'm looking for" instead of getting on their high horses and being moralistic on a sex site! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think sex is just one small albeit important aspect of a family relationship. It seems such a ridiculous thing to do to draw a line in the sand over an issue like infidelity. For those of you who say fix it or find something else... I say you.. or your partner have not explored all the options with an open mind. Ultimately, if one or other of you truly wants the relationship to end, it will do so ..... the reason given will just be icing the fruit cake... I mean.. people decide these things and then come up with self justification to save their own bacon from the mental anguish. It's invariably always the other person's "fault" or failure. HugsStalkyQuoting 'Snowshoe'Imagine if she felt taken for granted in her job - would anyone seriously suggest that she get a part-time job where they treated her better? How is this different? Fix it, or find something else.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I say never judge me until you walk in my shoes and then you might say omg you are a saint!!!,,then again you may not!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx'That is 2 assumptions you have made in 2 posts Snowshoe! I don't know why you always make out like you know everything...You are so wrong ...She did all the talking and I did all the listening! I think she needed someone to pour out all her problems to without judgement or knowing her! I gave NO advice...I did NOT tell her what she should do...at the end I simply said to her "Everything will work out"! Actually as soon as I asked her how she would feel if her husband was doing this... I actually could not get a word in sideways! Please don't make assumptions...as we all know what that makes you look like! You expect me to believe that even though you obviously have a strong opinion on this, you didn't offer her any advice? Give me a break! If some stranger started pouring her heart out to me despite the fact that I was offering nothing in return, I'd a) question her state of mental and emotional well-being, and b) look for a door.I don't worry about what I look like to anyone but myself. So far, so good.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' I think sex is just one small albeit important aspect of a family relationship. It seems such a ridiculous thing to do to draw a line in the sand over an issue like infidelity. For those of you who say fix it or find something else... I say you.. or your partner have not explored all the options with an open mind. Ultimately, if one or other of you truly wants the relationship to end, it will do so ..... the reason given will just be icing the fruit cake... I mean.. people decide these things and then come up with self justification to save their own bacon from the mental anguish. It's invariably always the other person's "fault" or failure. You and I differ on this topic and we've discussed it before. Although I don't agree with your position, I do accept that you make it work for you and I have no issue with that. As I have said a couple of times, I do play with married women from time to time, preferring to leave it to them to sort out their issues than to interject my morals on them.My own feeling when I was in a similar situation was that despite all the problems my ex and I had, I wouldn't betray what was a fundamental trust between us. It was important to us from the start, so in my case (but obviously not everyone's), respecting that trust was an honourable thing to do. Sex may be a minor part of a relationship, but trust was an integral part of mine and no amount of shit and fighting compelled me to give up on it. I feel that playing around would have hastened the end of my marriage rather than saving it, hence my opinion.You're quite right that "fix it or find something else" sounds too dogmatic to be general advice - it's a reflection of my own opinion for myself.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'xFunlovingx'That is 2 assumptions you have made in 2 posts Snowshoe! I don't know why you always make out like you know everything...You are so wrong ...She did all the talking and I did all the listening! I think she needed someone to pour out all her problems to without judgement or knowing her! I gave NO advice...I did NOT tell her what she should do...at the end I simply said to her "Everything will work out"! Actually as soon as I asked her how she would feel if her husband was doing this... I actually could not get a word in sideways! Please don't make assumptions...as we all know what that makes you look like! You expect me to believe that even though you obviously have a strong opinion on this, you didn't offer her any advice? Give me a break! If some stranger started pouring her heart out to me despite the fact that I was offering nothing in return, I'd a) question her state of mental and emotional well-being, and b) look for a door.I don't worry about what I look like to anyone but myself. So far, so good.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'xFunlovingx'That is 2 assumptions you have made in 2 posts Snowshoe! I don't know why you always make out like you know everything...You are so wrong ...She did all the talking and I did all the listening! I think she needed someone to pour out all her problems to without judgement or knowing her! I gave NO advice...I did NOT tell her what she should do...at the end I simply said to her "Everything will work out"! Actually as soon as I asked her how she would feel if her husband was doing this... I actually could not get a word in sideways! Please don't make assumptions...as we all know what that makes you look like! You expect me to believe that even though you obviously have a strong opinion on this, you didn't offer her any advice? Give me a break! If some stranger started pouring her heart out to me despite the fact that I was offering nothing in return, I'd a) question her state of mental and emotional well-being, and b) look for a door.I don't worry about what I look like to anyone but myself. So far, so good. That is the difference between you and me maybe? I know when someone just needs to "vent" and don't feel that my opinion or advice is needed! I guess it comes from my old job....listen and give empathy...but don't give advice! Why would I give advice to someone that I don't know? No Snowshoe...as per usual...you are wrong! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' If some stranger started pouring her heart out to me despite the fact that I was offering nothing in return, I'd a) question her state of mental and emotional well-being, and b) look for a door. People do this to me all the time. It is often easier to talk to a complete stranger , knowing the chances of you ever seeing them again are slim to none, than it is to those closest to you. It is a matter of caring and empathy. If married people want to play around, that is thier choice, thier life, thier decision. So long as they are up front to me about being married or in a relationship, I have no problems what-so-ever. It is not up to me to judge them, it is up to themselves. Walk just a few footsteps in thier shoes first.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I actually could not get a word in sideways, even if I wanted to! Quoting 'kassmebits' if it's a married man, then he's just a wanker..... hugs Kass x Have to ask...why, if it's a male is he a wanker? I am talking about all married people here...male or female! This post just happens to be about a female as that is who spoke to me on Saturday night! I feel for the men too...to have the woman shut up shop and they are expected to just let their cock shrivel up and hang there for the rest of their lives! Sex is beautiful and sex does make a person feel good, so does knowing that you are still attractive to someone and that you aren't dead yet! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
just tell them to get into swinging!! then theres allways a new adventure - TOGETHER :> Bernie
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx'That is the difference between you and me maybe? I know when someone just needs to "vent" and don't feel that my opinion or advice is needed! I guess it comes from my old job....listen and give empathy...but don't give advice! Why would I give advice to someone that I don't know? No Snowshoe...as per usual...you are wrong! You giving advice to someone you don't know doesn't sound any less likely than someone you don't know pouring out her heart in a one-way conversation to a perfect stranger even though her girlfriends are sitting inside. I'm not saying that it's a bad topic, but it sounds as though you're making it up as you go.As you said earlier, "this post is mainly for people on here who give married people a very hard time", so it doesn't seem as though you're interested in discussion anyway. That's cool - let's just leave it at that then, shall we?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee'If married people want to play around, that is thier choice, thier life, thier decision. So long as they are up front to me about being married or in a relationship, I have no problems what-so-ever. It is not up to me to judge them, it is up to themselves. Walk just a few footsteps in thier shoes first. As I've said repeatedly, I don't have issues with playing with married women - they're entitled to do as they wish. As for walking in the shoes of those faced with the dilemma as to whether to play around or not, I damn near wore those shoes out. It seems that just because my morals lead me down a different path when I was in that situation, I'm being judged as somehow wrong or out of step. It doesn't matter to me, but it begs the question as to who's in the saddle on the tall horse, don't you think?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'xFunlovingx'That is the difference between you and me maybe? I know when someone just needs to "vent" and don't feel that my opinion or advice is needed! I guess it comes from my old job....listen and give empathy...but don't give advice! Why would I give advice to someone that I don't know? No Snowshoe...as per usual...you are wrong! You giving advice to someone you don't know doesn't sound any less likely than someone you don't know pouring out her heart in a one-way conversation to a perfect stranger even though her girlfriends are sitting inside. I'm not saying that it's a bad topic, but it sounds as though you're making it up as you go.As you said earlier, "this post is mainly for people on here who give married people a very hard time", so it doesn't seem as though you're interested in discussion anyway. That's cool - let's just leave it at that then, shall we? Nowhere on my post did I say I gave her advice! I guess you are just not a listener and always need to put in your 2 cents in? She was talking at 100 miles an hour...that was enough of a hint to me that she didn't need nor want my advice...she just wanted to vent to a complete stranger! I never met her girlfriends...so, cannot answer why she didn't talk to them! As Fiona said...it happens...sometimes it is easier to chat to a stranger than your own friends! < There was another girl on here a while ago that started a post about her being married and her husband didn't know she was on here! That poor girl was judged and put down so much that she closed her account! She was one of the nicest people in chat and never had a bad word to say to anyone...and quite funny too! It was just so sad that people couldn't be nicer to her instead of putting her down! < All I am saying is...don't judge people. You yourself admit to sleeping with married women....hmmm! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx'All I am saying is...don't judge people. You yourself admit to sleeping with married women....hmmm! Yes, because I don't judge them - that's the whole point! All I offered was my opinion based on my own personal experience, yet you seem unshakeably convinced that I shouldn't have felt I'd done something wrong had I played around behind my wife's back. It's you who's judging me - I'm just as entitled to my morals as you are to yours.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'xFunlovingx'All I am saying is...don't judge people. You yourself admit to sleeping with married women....hmmm! Yes, because I don't judge them - that's the whole point! All I offered was my opinion based on my own personal experience, yet you seem unshakeably convinced that I shouldn't have felt I'd done something wrong had I played around behind my wife's back. It's you who's judging me - I'm just as entitled to my morals as you are to yours. Good to see you back Snowshoe.....thought you took a break to not be so moralistic and arguementative...but guess some people never change! How can I be judgemental when I am sticking up for people who play up....Anyway....back on topic for others that want to join in! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx'Good to see you back Snowshoe.....thought you took a break to not be so moralistic and arguementative...but guess some people never change! How can I be judgemental when I am sticking up for people who play up....Anyway....back on topic for others that want to join in! Ah, more judgements about my character - how refreshing! Yet oddly, I don't feel any need for therapy...You can be judgemental no matter which side your opinions happen to fall on. The key is to recognise when you're doing it.
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RHP User
15 years ago
If a married friend wants to play for the thrill of illicit passion, who am i to judge. If a single friend wants to play the field, who am i to judge. IF asked, i will give MY opinion...which belongs to me! I cannot judge and make conclusions about someone...not knowing and seeing the facts. From our personal and private values, we all have our own opinions and judgements. Some people voice them aload, others keep them private. No one is perfect...we are all responsible for our own succes and failures. just keep all
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