M42 F41
Mono/poly relationships- do they exist?
July 24 2022
Comments
FeistyFatty
2 years ago
Yep, hubby and I do. Have couples profiles and solo profiles on a few sites. Been playing for 16 years. Started off just always together and very quickly gravitated to a Poly arrangement.... Mainly due to schedules and a young family. Found we enjoyed the dynamics of solo play and especially the coming back together afterwards... The "reclaim". We both enjoy our threesome/moresomes/group play with other Bi men the most though. Neither of us would say we'd never return to a fully monogamous marriage. In fact, we likely will soonish and just have the occasional opportunistic threesome or moresomes.
Just navigate the new dynamic together and make your own rules as you go along. Enjoy x
2EssesExploring
2 years ago
Seems there probably are a lot like you. We started to satiate a very inexperienced Mrs S but then both loved seeing each other in action but with family and commitments it’s rare we get time to play. So we are open to playing alone and love the “reclaim” as mentioned above although Mrs S doesn’t feel as at ease in exploring by herself and prefers me to provide the stories. I agree with you that this is hard when it’s the guy as the perception is you’re playing without your partner’s knowledge. I have had a few experiences on my own and enjoyed them immensely but with the added level of difficulty I don’t really have the time to put much energy into it so mostly we just enjoy those rare times when the planets align and we can play together.
RHP User
2 years ago
I have a married lover who adores his wife and has an outstanding sex life with her. But they both play outside of the marriage in ENM.
They have chosen ENM over Poly.
I admire their relationship immensely, but know through numerous conversations that their journey has required a real commitment to effective communication, and that waxing and waning libidos are something they have always taken into account.
They have dabbled with single and couple profiles, but have found over time that singles profiles are the most effective. Specifically for single play.
He has struggled to find another lover closer to home (we live a few hours apart), and has been accused over and over again of being a cheater. Which both he and his wife expect and dismiss.
I can appreciate that your situation is difficult. And know all too well of the “brick walls” you speak of.
I can only speak to their experience . . . there is NO short term solution. Our society is still entrenched in monogamy, and even though I have been Kinky and highly sexual my whole life, I myself had to overcome a lot of social prejudices to accept how healthy and natural ENM/Poly is.
Just keep trying. Keep contacting people, keep having conversations, keep attending events and clubs.
As with all forms of dating . . . it’s a numbers game. I wish you well though 😘
ReyandJean
2 years ago
I recently read a Reddit post that parallels yours somewhat. The wife not having interest in partners and the man finding FWB outside the marriage. The poster claimed that the mono/poly nature of their relationship was working particularly well.
Lostyanumber
2 years ago
I'm in this type of situation, I started having those awkward conversations about 10 years ago and found my first lover a couple of years later. She was the only married woman I got together with.
Girl friends pop up from time to time, it's just the way things work out. Today I visited a lady friend who is quite empathetic to my wife, she has convinced me to have another crack at seducing Wifey and reigniting the fire.
Wish me luck...
So OP I guess my suggestion is be your real self be honest and have that heart to heart chat we all seem to think you must have.
HotWifeUnicorn
2 years ago
I'm what they call the Hinge in a Vee - that is I have my husband and my boyfriend who are in relationship with me but not eachother (beyond friendship and awesome MFM sessions every now and then).
Both of them would like a girlfriend, neither can be bothered to find one right now, and since we barely swing you could say they're mono but they're not.
I'll just flag polyamory is a lot of hard work emotionally, although the thrill at the start of a relationship helps. I often wish I could go back to loving hookups but I'm loving the sex getting deeper and more intimate, and I don't want to waste my time with strangers.
For me polyamory has helped me to become a more developed self aware individual when it comes to attachment and love - I am no longer only 1 half of a couple and with that comes the understanding that my partners too have full self determination although we keep guidelines and respect in mind.
But that's where the hard work comes in. There's no auto-pilot like there is in an emotionally mono world inc swinging.RHP User
2 years ago
Yes, plenty of mono/poly relationships exist in the real world. Other sites I am on have many people posting that they are in this type of relationship and asking for guidance about how to navigate them.
Often it can be because the person who is mono is not physically able to have sex anymore because of medication causing impotence or loss of libido, or because the person who is mono is actually asexual and doesn't have sex at all but recognises their partner is into sex and encourages them to start relationships with others to enjoy sex. So there are lots of really interesting reasons why these relationships exist.
These ideas are sometimes not popular in the swinging world, where couples tend to play together and plenty of people think for a married person to play solo is not the right way to conduct yourself. But the world is a big place and there are plenty of all variations of relationship out there.
Ex007
2 years ago
They do exist I have both married and single long term playmates/partners. The depth of the relationship varieties with each one. I love each of them unconditionally for who they are. Humans are capable of loving far beyond the monogamous.
I explain it to people as:- A parent doesn't love just one of their 3 children they love all of them for the individuals they are. RHP User
2 years ago
Hello 👋,
I’m in a long term open relationship of 7 years and have had a singles profile on here for that time.
We do play as a couple but it’s more invites to groups or private plays.
Being quite individual we respect the other likes to have their solo adventures and it keeps us satiated.
I’m open about it on my profile but also have certain girls in my life who o have known for 2/3 years where we respect boundaries and the dynamics of what can be and we play in that emotional and physical arena.Renegades
2 years ago
Thank you everyone for your feedback and enlightening personal experiences. Lots of very valuable information that I will certainly be taking on board considering this specific situation is very new to me and us as a couple. I appreciate everyone's input and can't thank you enough for sharing your knowledge with me.
Feelsgood
12 days ago
LadyFeelsgood here. The mono/poly dynamic is real but personally after experiencing it as the poly partner someone being mono - or rather mono-amorous (looking for the one) is now a red flag to me. It takes huge balls on the part of a mono man ready to really relate to a woman in a loving established relationship and male fragility unfortunately seemed to create a sense of 'lacking' for the mono man I connected who instead of realising that he could have me and 'the one' only saw all the things I could never be.
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