F56
Mismatched sex drives
June 09 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
You don't mention in your post whether you have talked about this with your partner, maybe he doesn't realise how horny you are all the time and is just not pushing it...Sorry if I'm way off base, it's just a thought. Personally I'd give anything for a partner who was hot to trot most days and would be more than happy to oblige......as I think most guys would :-)xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
It is the reason why I told my own kids they need to shop around abit before settling on "the one" Getting the sex drive compatible is very important. No sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship BUT it can make or break the situation if it is just not right. Many married men use this as an excuse for pkaying around and there is no doubt it is true. I knoe men who only want sex once every two or three weeks, rarely if ever masturbate and I know women that are like that as well. You either keep maturbating, play around on the side or you can sit down, openly discuss what you are going through and try for an open relationship.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Was regularly cheat on one though I was caught in the end Told the next that I wasnt a faithful person and if he didnt like it he could show himself the door the beginning of my open and honest policy Now I refuse to settle mmmm the regular FWB i play with now definately oushes the right buttons OK so I wasnt married however they previous 2 guys mentioned were long term partners so feel it is relevant..I dont believe in marriage (different topic people keep on moving) howevere if it is your choice then go ahead however I personally dont believe a person should settle for second best....so what if you are compatible in every other regard??? Sex is a huge aspect of any long term relationship if you arent compatible there they may as well be a platonic friend. My mother raised me to: Quoting 'fionabee' shop around abit before settling on "the one" havent found him/her yet but who knows?? Maybe I wil settle down with 'the one' someday (OK peeps stop laughing)...my suggestion is to talk with him about your differing needs...if he cant see the differrence...cant see you need more then unfortunately I think you need to cut the ties...while the sex may be great if it isnt as regular as you need then maybe you need someone different (there is a reason you seperated in the first place)...just remember that with RHP one persons NSA could be something very different for another....make sure you are open about your situation from the beginning and vett your potential playmates thoroughly (this is essential if your partner doesnt know you are here) theres sex with the ex then theres sex with the ex Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi Andraxx, thanks for your thoughtful words. Alas, I have made it all too clear (verbally and physically) how it is for me these days, probably to my detriment (thinks i'm on tap i think) :( Trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered ego now. Only comment from him has been yep whip out the vibrator out, oh but don't get Too carried away as He'd like to reserve for some action with me sometime. Ha! So, i guess that i will prob self-combust at this stage waiting / thinking of what i'm doing next. He doesn't know i'm on RHP and thank you Focus and Fionabee, good advice. Brazen, I feel like i'm 1/2 way out the door, but 25 yrs (mostly happy ones) well it's a big deal to me. Sex is too though :(
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RHP User
15 years ago
I've been in 4 long term relationships. For 3 of them, after about 3 years of fucking our brains out, the women couldn't keep up with my sex drive. I've broken off 2 and 1 has broken it off with me. I now have good months and bad months on the sex front but I'm allowed to play in the bad as long as it doesn't get in the way of us doing things together. So it's mornings before work, lunch time and training or sport times out of work if i get to play. So 8 years later we are still together, I don't gloat or talk about any flings as she prefers not to know or hear anything. We still have great sex when she is horny and in those times it can be 6 times a week. Worst would be 3 weeks without. So I don't think you will ever find anyone who will match your sex drive for life. Just my experience.
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RHP User
15 years ago
If u both dont work on ur relationship it slowly falls apart like mine did i startde to look else where but never went any further and then she found what i was looking at and spun out which i suppose looking back was right i shoiuld of been able to tell her everything and i didnt either did she so now we have a broken family which is a not so fun place. So talk it out it will makre it better one way or the other
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sometimes relationships, whether they be formal such as you marriage or even informal...are a bit like very fine china. If they are cared for well...they can become priceless and treasured. However once there is a crack albeit it can be glued back together...is never the same and does indeed loose it's value irrepairably. | Too perhaps being your first (no indication of only) you are at an age where you are wondering what you may have missed in life and how it might have been...decisions that only you can make for yourself. Perhaps sit down with a close and confidential friend or even in front of a mirror and tell the whole story including exactly what you are feeling, thinking and truly want. | I am sure you will find everything you need to know once you have taken that step and realize that all relationships are a two way street and you have every right to be happy. Life is far too short.
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RHP User
15 years ago
The sooner u talk about your unhappiness the better if u leave it like i did it will blow up in your face and if it isn't working just go and chase the one ur after
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RHP User
15 years ago
90% of our sex life is a chore that my partner needs to take care of every once in a while!!! then every once in a while she gets really horny & we have fantastic sex....For me this is a real mind fuck & I don't handle it very well, so quite recently I have declared an end to our sex life! With the passing of time I find easier to go with out rather than hoping for proper intimacy & being disappointed with mechanical sex that she is not even present for......Scah_41 I would love to be making love to my beloved partner every 3-4 days. Try 3 months then 3 days of really hot sex then nothing for a month, only to be presented with a Guilt root? I have no answers for you, but maybe your sex life is not as bad as it could be.....
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RHP User
15 years ago
i think we tend to over think things. simply put when you are hungry you prepare a meal, like wise when your thirsty you get a drink. why cant it be a the same with sex. just because it is sex doesn't mean there is a long term emotional attachment to the other person. i believe that simple approach should be done with all things in life.but for that to be successful you need to be open and honest with yourself foremost, then share it with your partner, and then devise an approach, with out knowing yourself and what you want, it makes it difficult to ask someone for some thing. it is ok to love someone and be married and have that emotional bond, but some times the primal sexual bond isn't there. so you have to find a happy compromise that fits firstly with you and then with where you want to go in life.we dont all grow sexually and emotionally at the same speed, and thats ok. we just need the truth, then we will find our individual way
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RHP User
15 years ago
You need to be open and honest with your man. But i am wondering why are you on RHP? Dont you think that a site like this would tempt you even more?
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RHP User
15 years ago
You have hit the naughty forties or horny forties, go with it! go nuts! xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hot Chilli Spot on babe xxxScah... If I can have my two cents worth. I left my husband of 23 years last year. We had opposite sex drives. I was the mechanical wife and he was the patient perservering husband. Our relationship was on the rocks for probably the last 6 years. What kept us goin until last year was everytime things (not just sex) got too much we would ask ourselves bottom line do we love each other?? Do we see ourselves growing old together??? That answer up until last year was always yes! So we sought counselling and worked on our relationship. Funnily enough the last counsellor we saw (actually more a psychologist) was brilliant and not once did we talk about our sex lives. But guess what it improved on its own. What I don't like in what I'm hearing, is you saying he just tells you to go get off using your vibrator... that must make you feel... gosh I can't think of a word... but it must make you feel low and it must make you wonder how he views you. I dont want to stereotype males here but yeah most guys would be over the moon to have such a lusty wife!!! The fact that he still wants sex every 3-5 days means he still has a pretty high sex drive!! Sounds to me like he is using it as some kind of powerplay over you. Meh it happens in most relationships, its what keeps long term relationships interesting. But if a powerplay goes unchecked for too long then its unhealthy.My advice before doing something you may regret, is to seek counselling. They have a way of pulling both points of view out of you, throwing it on the table and heard! You may be surprised to find out the root (hehe) of your problem is actually something simple to rectify. Goodluck xxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Replyforfun' So I don't think you will ever find anyone who will match your sex drive for life. Just my experience. It is amazing when you do though!We seem to be in sync perfectly, and instinctively know when each other isn't so interested (that rarely happens ). It has been like that since we first got together and years later still in tune! I do agree with everyone that has said honesty is the best policy. You need to weight up what is and isn't important...and honesty would mean telling your man that you are on rhp, and asking for advice. If he finds out any other way, he will assume the worst an that would probably push everything in a negative way and pretty much break any trust. You need to be upfront for both of you, and also think how would YOU feel if he had a single profile here? Mich
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RHP User
15 years ago
Michnruss... That's just beautiful xxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well, thank you all for your thoughts on my situation. I really appreciate the honesty of all. The weekend has been a good opportunity to have a good chat and more with my partner. At times I have thought that maybe he was trying to get some leverage out of the situation but I gave myself a reality check. He just isn't into these games. So, after thinking about it all this weekend, this is my summation of why things r the way they are: a) after a few years of celibacy we are back on big time and a whole new sexual relationship is blossoming between us - so that's how i'm going to treat our situation. These horny 40's!! I had heard about this phenomena but was in no way prepared to cope with the reality. Completely caught off guard. I realise that being on RHP implies a certain mandate. I and am not confident enough to openly tell him that I am a subsciber - yet. How would I feel if I found out he was? Definitely taken aback, no question. However we do trust each other and we have never cheated. Whilst it would be tempting to hook up with someone NSA eyerthing else outside the bedroom is great, i'm not prepared to screw that all up now. So I drool but do not do, these days i am just a wicked voyeur of all around me. Another reason i've found myself here is to check out what everyone else is up to so that I can share /expand our horizons with each other. After 25 years with the same guy, i sometimes feel as though we've been cloistered / limited in our explorations. Besides that, who out there in polite society discusses their sex lives like this? OMG, my mind just spins out of control reading what all you fellow RHP peeps have been up to. Finally, something which I have only discovered this weekend is that his daytime job (hard working tradie) has him doing a fair bit of manual lifting, hence he has an ongoing hip problem. I was aware of it but thought it was just me and him being a bit too vigorous. As a result the poor man has not been so keen in recent times. Thankfully this will be a thing of the past now that the co. he is working for are aware of the issue. In closing, dear Chilli, I am totally blown away by your open and eloquent account of your experiences and yes please i would love you to email me with the ST you were referring to. Hopefully i won't have to use it as much as I was fearing. Mikle1 - the switch turned back on by just doing it more. Seems the more i do it, the more i want it. Also have to mention that since we are both getting back into a fitness regime it seems to be sparking a few things. Nothing like feeling a nicely toned pair of pecs. Plus, I have been shaving it all off down there and fuck it feels sooo good when we're at it. That's all, lol. There are many other comments that have been posted that I could anecdote here, but i have run out of time to post much more, so again thank you again all. xx a less confused Scah
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