Message, Meet, Then? Where is the manners?

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Ok we would be in that category. In the beginning we met many people but only played with a select few. Although now days we tend to be much more selective before even saying yes to meeting for coffee. So the ratio is much smaller.This is how we deal with it all.After coffee or drinks date is over. Jane and I usually have a good chat. Usually in the car on the way home. We then send a text message to the couple usually within a one hr or so after meeting. The text will ether say. Thanks for taking the time to meet us and it will ether be a kind rejection to anything further. Or it will be a thanks for meeting us and We would like to catch up again perhaps to play if you feel the same way.Its simple and no need for games.Communication is everything, People know where they stand. What your looking for and who they are dealing with. I think the main reason why our regular playmates have worked so well and continue to do so. Is because from the beginning we have all valued communication and none of us play games.Tim

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  'fussy'? whats this 'fussy' shit........we thought it was 'selective' or 'particular' or even 'honest'......some of us dont play with everyone we meet...because theres just not the mutual attraction we agreed should be there. we like the idea of wanting to have sex with someone because there was an attraction, or interest. not just sex for sex's sake...is this wrong?

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Yes the fussy word doesn't sit well. I can't imagine people not wanting to be particular. Though I do understand that it's best to exercise this selectiveness at the messaging RHP stage as to not waste people's time going to coffees when you're on the fence.That's why we would be in the 1- 10 or more like 1- 20 category when we first joined rhp as we just wanted to get out there and meet people. Now we have slowed down a lot on the meeting and tend to either play with regular playmates or very selectively meet people new people.Tim PS. Jane here. Just wanted to add, a a lot of the photos of the male half of the couple are either taken from a distance, with sunglasses, or face only without enough detail of their body. So to give the couple the benefit of the doubt, especially where the girl is attractive, in the beginning, we just said yes to a lot of coffee invitations, only to have to say no afterwards due to the male's physical aspects not meeting my expectations. Every now and again, we do find people that we don't click with on a personality level - just seeking different things from this. But more often than not, it was simply the male's physique. If they had been most honest in their photos, we wouldn't have said yes to coffee meetups in the first place. Call it fussy, call it what you like, but we are not going to have sex with someone unless there's a physical attraction and a good personality.Jane xx

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Maybe wrong word, "selective" then. I was not after your reasons why some people you dont want to play with.   In the other thread everyone except two of us said "maybe there is a case for not answering messages with rejection"   What I am asking: For the nine to ninteen couples or as in Mikes case ...Guys, that you reject as routine after meeting and discusiing with your spouse... Do you ring them or message them and say No? Or do just do nothing and dont tell them, till and if they ask?   I am curious if the same manners etc that everyone says with messages is being carried thru after meeting in real life.   I am not after the reason why anyone rejected someone else. I am questioning the so called good manners?

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Tim and Jane...I am impressed with you guys reaching a decision and texting the people within an a hour of meeting with the "No Sorry" .   At a rough guess we have met probably 30-60 couples over 7-8 years, and cant remember one of them texting us within a hour to say No.   Well done!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  We pretty much have the same 'game plan' (for lack of a better phrase) as Tim and Jane. We can pretty much decide quickly if another couple suits or interests us, and we will let them know pretty quickly- the same day or next. I don't have much patience with waiting, so assume that others are similar and like to let them know how we feel pretty soon. We are not into endless back and forth or games, so like to put our thoughts straight out there.   Usually the message/text (neither of us are talking on the phone people) is a thanks but no thanks, something along the lines of "It was nice to meet tonight, thank you for taking the time to meet us. We didn't feel as if there was any spark/chemistry, so we wish you the best in meeting others and hope you find what you are looking for'. I'm not sure if that may seem insulting to some- We have had contrasting reactions, from "Thanks for being Honest" to really insulting gutter talk filled messages, basically calling us elitist and fakes....But honestly, that just reassures our decision.   The hardest scenario is meets where the other couple EXPECT to play, when you haven't met before, and turning them down face to face.     Mich x

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  In an ideal world everyone would be open and honest and upfront and just say "sorry no thanks" or "that was great, let's take it further" but the truth is that there are a LOT of people who just don't like confrontation and are terrified of the reaction they will get as the result of a 'rejection' so they avoid the issue.We had this issue with the very first couple we met, they were nice enough and the evening went ok but during our chat on the way home we decided they weren't for us, we didn't know how we were going to deal with the situation and hoped that they would just feel the same way and nothing would need to be said at all, however they were keen to take it to the next level and we were forced to be honest with them and just let them know that while they were lovely people we just weren't ready to take things to the next level.Since then we have met a few more couples and some we have thought went super well only to find they never contact us again and dont reply if we contact them so we get the message and move on, nothing personal really, no attraction is no attraction. Having said that we did meet one lovely couple who had the decency to tell us that there was not an attraction sexually and while they would not have ruled out a friendship they just didn't have time to pursue a friendship with us, it wasnt harsh in any way and we took no offence and in fact would not feel at all uncomfortable if we ran into this couple somewhere along the way because they were honest!!Basically during our time here we have been the ones to say no thanks, to hear the same and to get ignored completely so i think we have covered it all and to be fair while it is nice to know where you stand early and have someone tell you out right there is also an element of common sense involved if the couple/ person doesn't get back to you or make another date then isn't it obvious?? just move on and get over it.Mrs

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