M52
Married / attached men - are they really the scum of the earth?
February 03 2010
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
I know. What is it about some swingers that make them want to MORALISE others? Everyone has circumstances and your circumstances at home s are nobody's business but yours honest_Clean_fun. BUt you do know that you're going to get caught sooner or later, right. I mean, these things can only end badly although it doesn't have to cause the end of a marriage. People are capable of reaching all kinds of relationships by agreement. Live and let love. Hugs Stalky
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Bubbaj
16 years ago
if and when you do get caught, is it worth having to lose your wife over it?! if you love her that much, u would keep to urself and just use ur handy! I think its alright to swing when both parties know about it or in the case of bisexuals....well i dont really consider it cheating if ur doing it with the same sex as urself :P
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RHP User
16 years ago
I hear you, frustrated, couples therapy. It doesnt mean I understand you. I have been married just over a year. I am the one who always wants sex but my husband always has a different excuse. Then I find chat sites and porn sites on the pc saying he is looking for all sorts of sex and he is horny. He is just never horny with me. So us women we can never win, You guys always want more. I would be ok if he came out to me that he wants to try new stuff but it seems that I am just the boring wife who he claims to love. So you are worng for being on here or any other site etc.. it is cheating if she doesnt know or if she isnt involved in it whether you like it or not. Take it from someone with a broken heart. Seriously what would you do if she was cheating on you? A WOMAN HAS NEEDS as well... stop being so selfish..start thinking with you r heart and not your dick...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'ladybug69'I hear you, frustrated, couples therapy. It doesnt mean I understand you. I have been married just over a year. I am the one who always wants sex but my husband always has a different excuse. Then I find chat sites and porn sites on the pc saying he is looking for all sorts of sex and he is horny. He is just never horny with me. So us women we can never win, You guys always want more. I would be ok if he came out to me that he wants to try new stuff but it seems that I am just the boring wife who he claims to love. So you are worng for being on here or any other site etc.. it is cheating if she doesnt know or if she isnt involved in it whether you like it or not. Take it from someone with a broken heart. Seriously what would you do if she was cheating on you? A WOMAN HAS NEEDS as well... stop being so selfish..start thinking with you r heart and not your dick... Am I reading this wrong Ladybug? Aren't you doing what he's doing? Not that I'm judging you judging him... I'm just confused (first for everything!). Should you two get together perhaps? And now to summarise everyone's points of view 1 - If you cheat you will get caught 2 - If you're not getting what you want sexually - masturbate 3 - If you don't like to masturbate - leave your partner. You can use point 1 as an exit strategy.
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RHP User
16 years ago
My husband is not very sexual, but we talked about this even from the dating stage. Mind you dating is a short lived thing, I jump into full relationships quickly I don't like to wait and wonder. Now I already had a partner and was in an open relationship. I always pretty much had open relationships once I realised whilst I an behave, I just don't want to. So then I had 2 boyfriends and learnt more about polyamoury and the 3 of us lived together quite well. Then my original partner found another woman who said she was up for it, then changed her mind and got more possessive and he left me. I married the other one but we knew we were ot sexual compatible but we are perfect together in every other way. So it was an open marriage of which he was welcome but didn't make any use unless I pretty much sat women in his lap. Then I met my current bf, and my husband met him and approved so I'm now in a closed relationship with the 2 of them, though I an play with others as an extension of my time with my bf. This was clearly discussed with my husband before we set up a RHP profile.I personally would not feel comfortable lying to someone I loved so much, but I get what its like to have needs, and lack of sex and lack of the right sort of sex was all my husband and I ever fought over. I think others are wondering what type of person you are that you are comfortable going behind your partners back, and don't want to be part of it, especially if some sort of backlash came people like some drama but not that much drama.Talking to your partner is one thing but one of my friend's has a wife who expressly stated she doesn't want to have sex anymore, so they had a discussion and he asked about open relationship then she thought about it a few days then decided no, she didn't want that either. He pointed out that she wasn't going to have sex and he wasn't allowed to either. Now to me that's just mean, if you love someone and you know they do want sex and you don't want to give it but you are going to deny them that pleasure happiness and experience for the rest of their lives - now that is mean.Is there a solution yep - is here a good one that involves no lying - nope.
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RHP User
16 years ago
..and you are only 'cheating' if you are depriving your wife/husband of something. I know quite a few guys who have great relationships, and sex lives, with their wives, and still like variety. Find a nice willing girl to have your sex with, and love your wife. Then hope like mad that your sex bud doesn't start loving you..that will cause problems.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I find it interesting... a man who cheats is the scum of the earth... mostly as dicated by women... however a woman who cheats (and let's face it theres quite a few here who do so openly)... is not given the same harsh treatment as the man. Is that double standards or what? Why is it that women can "get away with it"... but men are beaten up for it? Sorry - just an observation... Wayne
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RHP User
16 years ago
NiceguyYes a man who cheats is the scum of the earthYes a woman who cheats is not given the same harsh treatment as the man (except in some islamic countries where they are stoned to death)Yes this is a double standardYes this has been discussed before ad infinitumThe only rule about sex in Australia is that women make the rules.Why? See Bill Gates Rule #1 (other thread)RegardsMr. SR
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think female cheaters are treated differently BY MEN because there are SOOOOO many men who are desperate to get their hands on them ! (Female cheaters are treated harshly by women.) The thought for a man that he can have NSA fun, is appealing where as it's not for women. Men like married women. Women aren't that attracted to married men. I'm one of the women who will have a relationship with any man regardless of his marital circumstances. AND this makes me in demand..which is actually a pain in the arse ! I don't actually want NSA fun. I guess I'm looking for more of a relationship whether or not a man is married. I don't think women make the rules... women are usually the victims ! SIMPLE !! Hugs, Miss Saturn
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RHP User
16 years ago
Miss Saturn, but can i ask if you get the same treatment as Honest_Clean_Fun describes in his final paragraph. Cheers Nev....Just Curious
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RHP User
16 years ago
As society views women as the weaker/fairer sex...and conversely men as the strong, dominant members...it stands to reason that society expects men to treat women with respect and look after them...in all sorts of ways...hence...when a man wants to cheat on his wife, he is branded all sorts of nasty things...whereas a woman can more or less do as she pleases...this is a philosophical view on how society (in general) views relationships between men and women...my personal opinion...treat people how you want people to treat you...so if you wanna cheat...go right ahead....the universe promises to repay you double your admission price...jose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
As people, I really like married men...their conversations hold substance and they are respectful towards me. But to have sex with a married man...I'm afraid not. Simply because it limits me in the scope of the "friendship" evolving to something more. Having extra marital sex without the consent of your partner...well, as many of the above comments state, just be prepared to own your actions and accept the consequences. Jx
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RHP User
16 years ago
As the old saying goes "If you cant bury your bone in your own backyard, you're gonna bury it in someone elses." It's simple and if chicks expect their men to just go without and not give a shit about their mens sexual needs then expect to be screwed around on. And hows ladybug69,claims she's been married for a year on her post and her profile says she was married for 18 years, now single.Probably a good idea to remember what you wrote on your profile b4 you post just so you can get your bu*^sh*t story right. mr pip
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah married woman are a no go zone to me..There is not alot to gain and you know someone is getting hurt ..I would not like it happening to me..
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'COMEANDGETME68'so if you wanna cheat...go right ahead....the universe promises to repay you double your admission price... Hey Jose... what are you saying? Seems to me like you are saying something terrible is going to happen to me. Mmm... guess you probably shouldn't hang around me in case you are around at the time the universe repays me ! Wouldn't your statement also apply to single men playing with married women ??? I think we all have our values, opinons and beliefs. Lifes complex... it's rarely as it seems. Hugs, Miss Saturn
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RHP User
16 years ago
Pipinghot71 loved your answer you go girl!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxx Kittycat
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'COMEANDGETME68' my personal opinion...treat people how you want people to treat you...so if you wanna cheat...go right ahead....the universe promises to repay you double your admission price...jose... does that mean if your treatment of people follows a strict "what they don't know won't hurt them", then they're not building up negative karma? If it is not known, then is it 'harm' to somebody? The other person is still living their happy life as normal - I mean, the 'cheater' in the first instance may be blissfully unaware that his/her partner is off being the star attraction in a gangbang on Tuesdays instead of her old book club meeting. They may each be unwittingly treating each other in the same way. (Or am I overthinking this?)Miss Saturn: I think you nailed a major compoenent of why there is the double standard.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi everyone, I was looking for the church and morals thread... is this it? I think everyone just has to apply their own values to 'everything'. If you draw the line at married men or women, do so. If you hunt married women as a sport - good on you. If you choose not to tell your partner / wife- it's your risk (and hers without realising it perhaps)- but it's your relationship, and whatever happens is your decision ultimately. But don't try and push your values on other people. That's what religion is for
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RHP User
16 years ago
so the moralists have finally woken up? so.......it's ok to "swing" & introduce another party/parties into a marriage, but it's not ok to admit you need sex & your wife is frigid...............double standards or what ?pay for it.......easier, no one gets hurt, you get your balls milked & wifey doesn't feel threatened by a third in the bed.just my opinion so smash away
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well - married men are treated same as women in my opinion, just that they are far more visible - there is a lot more of them...Solution - find someone in same situation - another married woman that has needs and be discreet about it... ;-)
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'm all the way with honest clean fun. You can be in a solid relationship but still have needs, different to your partner. It doesn't mean you are trying to cheat on the relationship. Let's not put extra pressure on the relationship if it's not waranted. I can concede it may seem like cheating on the innocent partner but I see it as a strategy to keep the original relationship more secure, and therefore in the interests of the innocent at the same time. Discretion and safety are given "must"s. If you violate that, then it's not cool.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' Hi everyone, I was looking for the church and morals thread... is this it? I think everyone just has to apply their own values to 'everything'. If you draw the line at married men or women, do so. If you hunt married women as a sport - good on you. If you choose not to tell your partner / wife- it's your risk (and hers without realising it perhaps)- but it's your relationship, and whatever happens is your decision ultimately. But don't try and push your values on other people. That's what religion is forThere are so many threads developing from this topic so this time round I am just going to concur with Jean_Girard as I remember some adages from when I was growing up (and some of them do come from religion JG). "people in glass houses should not throw stones" , "judge not lest ye be judged" "walk a mile in my shoes before you judge, criticise and abuse" CheersWild
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RHP User
16 years ago
if you are married, but are actively seeking separation, then that is not the same asbeing married (happily?) and cheating on your partner...errr...honest said his wife did notsupport infidelity, yet he is wiiling to take the chance and play behind his wife's backyet still stay married to her and pretend that everything is ok...while through the forums, i havegained the impression that you and honest are NOT in the same boat.......Quoting 'sydneyboy3au' does that mean if your treatment of people follows a strict "what they don't know won't hurt them", then they're not building up negative karma? NO, you are building negative karmaIf it is not known, then is it 'harm' to somebody? The other person is still living their happy life as normal - I mean, the 'cheater' in the first instance may be blissfully unaware that his/her partner is off being the star attraction in a gangbang on Tuesdays instead of her old book club meeting. They may each be unwittingly treating each other in the same way. (Or am I overthinking this?)When you cheat on someone you are always hurting themA person always knows if someone is cheating on them, they just have to decide whether they want to ignore the signs...i mean...my wife cheated on me for 8 years...i just refused to believe it....i deflected my suspicions and found other possibilities for them...only when i was finally confronted by seeing her in bed with my best friend did i realise..........................who knows what karma she has brought on herself...i know that she DID have a man who loved her...and i also know that honest will get sprung...maybe not now, maybe not soon, but in the end he will make a mistake...is it really worth it?...i believe he should have the courage to either a) end his relationship with his wife or b)find other ways to curb his sexual urges....but that is only my opinion...i don't judge him for it...it's his life...his mistakes....his fun....cheersjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
You forgot option c) Jose... which is to reach some form of agreement or compromise with his wife. She may not want compromise and is putting all the pressure of resolving the situatoon on him. Like she doesn't care what his needs are. A sexless marriage is just co-habitation. She may as well be his flatmate and needs to take some responsibility for the decisions she has taken in all of this. All women who find tehmselves in this situation as he described it, need to do exactly that. As he said, his passions are not being met and he would have us believe that she has none, so why should he suffer sliently when it is her outlook on the marriage that has altered? Love is shared... and sex is a shared experience. No one partner controls it and a marriage contract isnt some kind of a cricket bat to be used to bash your horny lover into submission when you have changed the rules and cut off the sex supply. She is all but standing there screaming "well go on then.. if you want sex go and get it somewhere else or have none." From what he has told us, he is being taken for granted. He is being put in the position where he is sufferening and she is saying to herself.... "there's nothing he can do about it because we are married and if he cheats, I'll play the victim and come out looking like the good guy with all our friends and family"..... Go on Honest_clean_Fun.. .do whatever it is you feel you have to and if you manage to hold your marriage together well kudos for you. Hugs Stalky.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Isn't that funny - the harsh judgements and "helpful" advice i was talking about is flowing into this forum thread from all corners! What if masturbation doesn't do it for you? What if you get the greatest sexual satisfaction from pleasing a woman? What if you don't believe in karma? What if you think it is helping your marriage by taking sexual frustration out of the equation? I think WildTtassieGypsie sums it up nicely from my perspective. I'd like to think consenting adults are mature enough that if they were approached by a married man / woman and they had some moral reprehension that they would keep their personal opinions to themselves and just provide a simple "no thanks". After all, this is essentially a sex site. The vast majority of us are here for one thing and chances are many people who say they are "single"are actually married - I'm just being up front about it. I know I am taking a big risk, but I truly believe that my marriage would have been over a long time ago if I hadn't. I know that it sounds like a paradox, but that's my situation and all I ask is that I (and all the other married and attached people on RHP for that matter) not be judged for thier situations.
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RHP User
16 years ago
If all other avenues to resolve the problem..fail..id keep trying to find ways to spend the sexual energy..or pay for it.as i see it..its a better option and safer than playing with others.less chance of other peoplegetting caught up in the web..of hurt/pain...as i always say karma does happen..usually when one least expects it.human nature isnt always predictable..unforeseen things happen.sit and count the costDouble standards yes..but each to his own..as we all have to live with our consience.xoxoxheymummanot sitting judgment
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RHP User
16 years ago
that was also on my mind...thanksjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
After reading all the comments and i wont judge Honest on his personal situation or anyone else's for that matter.And each individual is entitled to there own way of life morally and ethically.If your in a marriage or relationship that is lacking sexual or emotional.As a couple wouldnt you try to find why it is lacking?Talking about what may or may not be wrong would be a start. And if you do cheat and get caught has any one thought about the damage that can do to the innocent parties of the relationship/marriage? Because if the relationship/marriage ends over the cheating of that person ultimately the children get hurt more than the adults as they always dont understand why mum and dad are not together anymore especially if they are young children. And no one has taken into account the sexuality of the individual.Being in a relationship/marriage with a partner who doesnt accept your sexuality(bi sexual,gay,lesbian) or says its wrong.A fair few hide these facts from their partners and find what they need else where to get those sexual needs.So is that cheating? I have a mate who is bi sexual and his wife told him if he was to sleep with another male that she would divorce him.Now there marriage is over.So who is wrong there? But to answer the question not all married or attached men or woman are scum of the earth.Its the ones that are in a relationship/marriage that is not lacking sexually or emotionally that go out and cheat for what ever reason that need a kick in the backside. Being in a relationship is a two way street and if only 1 partner is doing all the right things whats that say about the relationship.But on saying that if your in a relationship/marriage and both parties are playing together than thats fine. There are reasons to cheat and reasons not to cheat.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I don't care how people justify why they do it, but Lieing to people is wrong Full Stop, Going behind someones back is wrong, Cheating is Wrong! espiecilly when people hearts are involved, but also, If there's no Lies involved then its not Cheating. And btw Its not a Moral thing, its a treating people with respect thing!Tell her what your going to do or want to do and why, If you really cant live in the situation you are in, then something has to change, and you should tell her that. If she still disagrees, and wont budge, she is being selfish . .and you might not have any hope of the relationship lasting. . go ahead and do what you need to do to be happy, but just don't go behind her back, otherwise then, as Stalky said, she prob will play the Victim and rightly so, you still cheated on her.Either that or decide you want to be with her, Its up too you and only you to make that decision, but remember, all actions have consequences!
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RHP User
16 years ago
That aint quite true cos you did contact me!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well i think its wrong, i wouldn't like to be cheated on. My husband and i have been together for 5 years he is my Best Friend , Lover , Husband & Soul Mate thats how other couples should be!!!!!!! If you cant do everything together you shouldn't be together!!!!! My husband would rather go to the pub with me than his friends recons he has more fun with me........... We have been on this site on & of for a couple of years now but when we meet anyone its always together!! Except if its a female i am meeting then he does'nt care. Bottom line would you like her to cheat on you Syl ( Kittycat49 )
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'honest_clean_fun' The vast majority of us are here for one thing and chances are many people who say they are "single"are actually married - I'm just being up front about it. Yeah, people accuse you of being dishonest whereas the whoel time you are saying "listen, I'm married"... and if you were a essentially a dishonest person you would without a doubt be saying "Hey baby, Yes of course with a face like a cardboard smiley are you kidding? Of course Im single" hehe. Damned if you do and damned if you dont. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
16 years ago
act like a man and leave her, nothing good is going to come from rooting out of school without her approaval. If you are best of friends you should be able to maintain that after the end of the relationship, otherwise you just risk of hurting her and losing her completely...
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think sex is the barometer of the relationship....giving a good guide to how into each other we all are..... But that also waxes and wanes like the moon - her cycle, their stress, the kids, the need for a holiday, money worries....health issues.....there are a million reasons why....and why not I believe sex is also our release.......if our day to day life is a matter of the commonplace things we do, going to work, picking the kids up from school, doing the shopping.....then sex is what we do to forget about all that stuff.....our other world, our safe place where we can explore, hold and be held (let's face it sex could be seen as just a big hug with hot slippery bits), show our emotions (there is a secret womens business thread on here about crying during/after sex) show our partner how much we adore them by helping them get over the line (again and again if ya lucky ! lol)....and there is the pysical aspect of it as well..... We are the only animals (arguably) that only have sex for enjoyment, fun, relief, pleasure (and pain ! lol) - I mean how good is the after glow ? A cool breeze billowing in through the curtains over the damp sheets as the sweat dries on your bodies and you are holding hands...We reallydo have the whole box and dice as a species when it comes to sex..... So, honest_clean_fun......are you up for giving it one more go with your wife.....if so, try something different man cos what you guys are doing isn't working !....you say you love her (I don't know that being best friends with your wife is ideal or not for your sex life) so she deserves that you give it your very best shot right ? Think long and hard about what she needs, what she really likes, what you KNOW turns her on......and stoke up that fuckin fire....My persnal philosophy is that sex should be SEXY and FUN ! You should fuck like crazy and then laugh like HELL. You are getting lots advice, a degree of abuse and a range of opinions......it's time to look in the mirror and make some decisions.....if you have to go around behind her, where is the relationship heading ?.....if you subscribe to the theory that sex is the barometer of the relationship....then where is your relationship ? The other thing is mate....she knows.....she may not know that you are being unfaithful....but she knows that both your and her heads are not in the game.....and after that it's just a matter of time. Don't worry about other people's opinions....especially on a swingers site (no disrespect peeps !) because the answer to your question "are attached men the scum of the earth?" isn't your biggest problem.....so don't waste time with it....getting into online tit for tat's you can't win.....there is always gonna be some anon willing to kick you in the ball for free if you drop your daks and bend over for them......fuck that ! Go to her man.....flowers, champagne, a massive hug, time together away....I dont know, I dont know her...only YOU know her.....if you want her let her know you want her FOR REAL.......she will see it in your eyes.....that you never want to let her go......no matter what......you say you love her......then show her. If you look in the mirror and the answer is, she's my best friend...I love her but I'm not IN love with her and maybe she's not IN love with me but she loves me and maybe that's why our barometer has fallen down off the wall.....well...... Then maybe it's time for the talk.....and like the old school gent sez.....time to shut up or man up. Peace. Dogism.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think if 1 is denying the other ...well that is plain wrong and selfish... Hope it works out for you.. huggies sweetpetite41 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'BadBadDog' Blah blah blah Then maybe it's time for the talk.....and like the old school gent sez.....time to shut up or man up. Peace. Dogism. You know what Bad Bad Dog... you little Golden Retriever you... For someone who criticises the opinioins 'honestcleanfun' might get in a swingers forum... he got some pretty good advice from you... Y'know... for a dog.
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RHP User
16 years ago
If she expects you to go without As Ladybug69 Says " women have needs too " Just make sure 2 of her needs are not acceptable to do anymore ( come on sex must be worth at least 2) Be viewed as cheating if broken( good excuse for pay back if relief needed.) As a few have said that maybe she would agree if it was paid for... Maybe once a month. Dont forget your a classy guy. Get the expensive ones or two. Be sure to tell her that you will really really miss her............... With all them extra hours of work she has to do.(extra benefits include: cant be cheating if shes paying. Also can still tell your mates that you would never have to pay for it) One more bit of advice if my advice is taken.... Make sure there are no golf clubs. sharp objects etc within a km & join a health fund.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah, we all might, in our sour bitter and twisted version of a relationship, want to play games like that, but games just make things worse. That's a sure fire way to end a relationship I think.... so whenever I realise I'm game playing with someone I really care about, out if spite or for payback, I feel badly and try to fix it... but sometimes it's just too late for making amends. Go ahead and play those games and watch the relationship escalate to defcon 5. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
16 years ago
LOL JG....the irony of that was not lost on me either !! ...and I owe you a 'thank you' as well JG for a recent reference.....your Golden Retriever remark reminded me so... Thank you ! DogDaze.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Isn't marriage, and sex about receiving AND giving ...what about your emotional commitment? The problem is your deception, and making others a party to it. Your handle says honest_clean_fun... However, the only thing you seem honest about is deceiving your partner ...hmm appears to be an oxymoron. If you are dishonest towards the person who should be able to trust you above all others, then how could any other/s properly expect you to be honest with them about anything; STI's for example? If you can't tolerate the fact that your partner won't tolerate infidelity, then concede 'stalemate' predicament or make an honest move and end the game. Cheating is lying and deception destroys love because it needs trust to thrive. Honest, plain and simple.
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RHP User
16 years ago
just to clarify, im not cheating, just trying to understand him. I guess I never will. Quoting 'pipinghot71' As the old saying goes "If you cant bury your bone in your own backyard, you're gonna bury it in someone elses." It's simple and if chicks expect their men to just go without and not give a shit about their mens sexual needs then expect to be screwed around on. And hows ladybug69,claims she's been married for a year on her post and her profile says she was married for 18 years, now single.Probably a good idea to remember what you wrote on your profile b4 you post just so you can get your bu*^sh*t story right. mr pip Try reading my profile agian.. properly this time..
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RHP User
16 years ago
That's your answer, I was a married man. I cheated, finally got caught, what goes around comes around, hated by many, my wife wanted me to stay with her I told her no and although I loved my life and what I had achieved I had to leap through that window and get out. It upset a lot of people, but the fact of the matter was. My life was okay, I have a son and nothing was openly that bad for me to simply say 'i'm leaving you, sorry about that' the easy way out was the cheat and deal with my nagging doubts, guilt and dark moments alone. Perhaps admit my infidelity on my death bed, which to be honest was a lot of crap to carry around for a long time. When it comes down to it it's easy to cheat and then shut your mouth, like its easy to hate someone and never talk to them. Or slag someone off via a forum without ever having to face them. You're not confronting the issue. Have you spoken to her about swinging? I never did that and perhaps I should have. But if you go alone with this you will break this relationship if you cheat, and all those loving tender moments afterwards that you share with that person will be tainted for life. Unless of course you admit it afterwards then she will have the upper hand and trust would be a pain in the arse to re-establish. But that doesn't matter if you care about the relationship enough to make it work. So okay, you've spoken to her and she has gone 'ewww no thanks' then what. This is the road I travelled so you don't have to if you don't want to. This has been my cycle - sex with one partner for many years, infidelity crept in, odd bit of sex which kept me going, few affairs, few hearts broken. Enough to keep the wank bank active. Single for a few months, bit of sex here and there, spent at lot of time online looking for dates, but it was nice to get out there. New relationship, swingy lifestyle, some good bits some bad bits, some excellent bits. Now I'm a sex snob, I know what I want, when I want it and for now sex is sort of third on my list of things I want to do today (prob cause i just had sex) but there's always tonight. I want a girl who respects sal, and wants me, that's will go on her hands and knees on the bed, turn around part her pussy lips and say, 'shag me please andy' I want a girl, who will be Sal's friend and our part time lover (casual shifts available), no strings attached other than friendship bands. If it's a couple then I want to be his friend too. I'm tired and bored of wham bams and random hook ups. Is that what you want? For me to adore a moment, great sex has been and always shall be a moment of intimacy shared a giggle and a kiss a the end and then my added bonus is to start it all over again with Sal where I belong. What I'm saying is this, you are in a catch 22 situation. You are seeking intimacy, but want to share that with your wife, if you say you've spoken to her about this and she is not happy. Then you should speak to both an analysts and a therapist. There are many Anal-rapists out there that might be of assistance to you. Cheers Andy
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RHP User
16 years ago
The reason i did was you stipulated your situation, which was cool..In this instance arent we talking about married people in general, not in an open relationship?
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am not in an open relationship. My profile does not state that and if you re read our correspondence you will see I never mentioned that.
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RHP User
16 years ago
We prefer not to judge others as we don't enjoy being judged ourselves. Remember people, there is no such thing as right and wrong, only consequences to actions and if a person is prepared to except the consequences of their actions who are we to judge them. We all have our own reasons for why we live this lifestyle. Our moto: Meet nice people, fuck, and go home happy.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey "HONEST" ..clean???_ fun ..you have to ask your self if you are bonker , love maker or hunter and either of those is not going to help you to be, whit subconcience emotional debalans....sooo maybe you need to be remote control operator for a whille , before you answer those questions to Youself .......like few of us here .........before you...aahhhhhhhh..fck boring
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amiira
16 years ago
Quoting 'XS' Is it impossible to believe that a person can receive emotional satisfaction from one person and sexual satisfaction with another? this may be a little off-topic, but... during a recent night out on the town with some of my friends (two gay guys, one bi girl and bi-curious little me), we hit upon exactly that question. we were all disappointed by the discrepancies between the qualities we need in our partners for stable relationships (ie. potential husbands/wives) and the qualities we need for a night of hot sex.we came to the (admittedly somewhat tequila-influenced) solution of marrying each other (gay guy + bi girl) for friendship/companionship and stability, and taking as many lovers as we choose to keep us happy outside of that. it seemed to me a pretty neat solution, especially since the chances of having your cake (finding a perfect husband/wife) and eating it too (that person also being your walking sexual fantasy) are approaching levels of quantum-possibility. where am i going with this? i'm not quite sure. but for me, big red loud honking alarm bells go off when i hear the phrase "my husband/wife/partner/SO is my best friend"... it sounds too much like an excuse for staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons (not wanting to hurt their feelings/break their heart) even though the spark has long gone...but as Doggy said, i wouldn't take advice from us - we aren't really any cleverer than you ;) especially not silly naive 23 year-olds who call themselvesblinky xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'blinkyblueyes' but as Doggy said, i wouldn't take advice from us - we aren't really any cleverer than you ;) especially not silly naive 23 year-olds who call themselvesblinky xx Exactly right... you youngins should be seen and not heard! Haven't you got homework to do?
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RHP User
16 years ago
You have echoed my thoughts and conveyed them articulately.I was struggling to put to paper my thoughts and answer to the question Honest asks. I do not wish to judge him for his choices, I have made plenty of not so good ones and as you can see from Andy's post above, so has he, however it was not until we experienced the lives we have lived that we were able to see and feel the message you have conveyed here.Thank you for a well written, honest and intuitive post.xx Salina
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RHP User
16 years ago
Nothing is impossible to believe and no married or attached men are not the scum of the earth, and...Once a cheat does not have to mean always a cheat.Life is too complex, and relationships even more so for someone else to judge. I know you knock those that have offered advice and tried to "help" but hey, they are not all just preaching to you with their moral high ground, they are people that care and maybe there is something to learn from all the posts here, including your own.Honest, you do not have to answer to anyone here, but be true to yourself. I have to say though, when I here someone say their partner is their best friend I do have to ask, Is that how you would treat your best friend really? Would you lie to your best friend and go behind their back to do something you know would cause them pain? Never mind what kind of husband you may be, what kind of friend does it make you?xx Salina
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'm probably going to get stoned for this but..... I persued a married man. He was hot, he was sexy, he was... married. We never had sex although I tried really hard. He was quite strong at resisting (I was duly impressed by that) even though he wanted me as badly as I wanted him and there was some heavy pashing and manual stimulation happening. Did I care that he was married? No... I didn't. It went on for 3 months.... meeting for a drink, talking, heavy flirting, kissing, fondling. Eventually it got to the point that it wasn't about having sex with him.... it was getting him to the breaking point where he gave in.... he never did and I have to say I admire him for that because I was relentless. To this day he is the one man I wished I had gotten into bed. Not because he was married, but because he was hot as and I wanted him badly. I will not persue a married man like that again. If they persue me then that's something different. I've got a great man. I know you're going to ask "What if another woman persued your husband the way you persued that married man". My husband would tell me if that happened and if he was mutually interested..... we have no secrets. If I told him it was ok, then he could go forward if he chose.... after all it's only a fuck. That said, if I told him I was uncomfortable with it, he would leave it alone and never give it another thought. THAT I know for certain. Mrs D
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RHP User
16 years ago
After reading all posts above.......Never get married is best interest of men (financially and sexually).....just play.....if u get emotionally attached to a woman, make it very clear what u need in the relationship and life (for me sex and money are two thing i get passionately involved), I need lot of sex and this is not negotiable....The day u get married u can be negotiated for bad or good reasons....Girls please except the truth Man and Woman are different by nature and will be always, no one can change it.......for a man it is not that easy to control sexual needs....when sex is on our mind we cant concentrate on any thing....it is like food (a need).... you cant starve some one indefinitely......life is too short for all these relationship drama, if it doesn't work leave it ASAP...... Have Safe..Horny..Adventurous and Healthy sex life...enjoy every moment of life...(sex keeps your heart, mind and body fit)
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RHP User
16 years ago
sorry i disagree cheating is cheating same sex or not
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RHP User
16 years ago
HCF You are but one of many men faced with such an issue. From what I read and my understanding - you would prefer your dinner at home. However you have done the talking, made it clear what you want - but alas still no dinner. Many of us are in the same boat - men and women. Strange how often I read people saying try this and that - without considering that these have been tried - and failed, Been there. There are many reasons why your needs aren't being met - however one you may not have considered is abuse. To deny your partner intimacy in such a way is abuse. Now that being the case, many people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. I am not going to judge or direct you. Your decision is going to be made by what it is you can live with, and how you justify it to yourself. Of course she wont like to be cheated on - but has she given you an alternative? Sure she has - go without. Minimise your life, your expectations, your sexual fulfilment - because she doesn't want to be a part of it. She did at some stage - but then (for whatever reason) wants to change the rules - which means you have to either abide by her new rules, or break some rules. Frankly unless there is some health issues, what she is doing to you is cruel. Many partners do that. The dilema for those of us with a conscience - do you go against your principals in the hope to fill a huge void in your life or do you lower your standards and live by their rules. Only you know the answer. And yes women will abuse you for suggesting cheating. None of them want to be cheated on (many already have - and as such the pain of such is very real when they hear of others doing so), no man does either. However women seem to me to have a anti male radar when the issue of cheating comes up - perhaps because of the reason I just mentioned. Somehow they seem to be ok with the fact you can say and do almost anything to their man - but he must abide by the golden rule and not cheat - cause then he is scum. You know by societies standards it is wrong - many things are. But those rules were written - because enough have broken them. :) The one thing I would ask you to consider - is it just the sex your missing - or are you also missing the intimacy. One thing many women don't seem to realise is that sex to a man is intimacy. For women just talking with her can fulfill much of her intimacy needs. That doesn't do it for a man. You can talk for hours - but I want to touch and be touched to fulfil my intimacy needs. I assume most men do. Sure you can pay for it - you will one way or another, and that will get you sex - but will it really fulfill your need for intimacy. For men no sex = no imtimacy = no caring = no love = no relationship. The sadest part for me when a woman denies her partner intimacy and sex, is that she is actually denying herself a great deal more. She denies herself the pleasures, the company, the bond, the trust and the experience of sharing with her partner - who chose her. She may feel empowered when carrying out such actions (and rest assured many do it on purpose and many are also encouraged to by their girlfriends) - if only she realised - she has done the reverse - she loses her power when she starts to lose her man. No we are not scum. If we were scum we wouldn't be happy to make such a permanent committment to one person. We are frustrated and stuck somewhere between our natural needs and wants, and person who deems it appropriate to do the denying, and societies rules. Good luck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
is having same sex cheating; girls can have sex with other girls; hubby thinks its ok . or even cool can hubby have sex with that womans man; is that ok? Would women allow their men to have a male lover assuming he would like one. Regards Des
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RHP User
16 years ago
Mrs Desire i would chase you what a great figure you have, the knicker shot's are beautiful wish i lived in sydney !! hope you find what your looking for , and hope you nad hubby have a great 2010
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RHP User
16 years ago
Well said Intimateone! It isn't just about wham bam thank you. It is also the intimacy. As the old saying goes ''Women have to feel loved to have sex, men have to have sex to feel loved" Cannot believe the moralising and idealistic views held by so many. Idealists are always willing to share their thoughts... Without going into detail about my family and relationship it would be fair to say our sexlife has become non-existent. If I want to have an active sex-life following the advice given by some..1) Forget my 33year relationship with my wife, put it in the bin move on. 2) Ignore the feelings of my two sons 3) Ignore my beautiful grand daughter 4)Complicate Christmas even more 5) Financially ruin both our lives the ramifications are endless..OR meet discreetly women who find themselves in similar positions but of course I will get caught and how can I live with myself. I have lived with worse dilemmas didn't survive unscathed but came through the other end. I'll take my chances and live with the consequences. One piece of advice if you have a conscience, as do I, but cannot live with yourself don't do it. Hate these men who have affairs the guilt eats away at them to cleanse their guilt they tell their partners, plain selfish ...
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RHP User
16 years ago
I have always wondered who are the married and attached men having sex with considering there is roughly 50/50 population? surely it cant be with just the single woman. I have always figured for every cheating male there is a cheating woman. just a theory
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RHP User
16 years ago
More likely heavily one sided, I think, by reason that it's so easy for women to find someone to cheat with... if a guy wants to cheat.. it's a challenge. Who are we kidding.... women are the biggest cheaters.. it's just so obvious! Hugs Stalkybot
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RHP User
16 years ago
My ex did..But after the heartbreak and divorce we are best friends and have had many talks. I guess he and I are one of the few lucky ex couples....We get along ..support each other and our son. We have always trusted each other..Yes that trust for a time was broken..But now it is back stronger than ever! All about give....Not take..If you get.. then take that as something extra special..to be treasured. No partner should be denied intimacy..sex. Yes..It is cheating if you keep it a secret. But she would be cheating too (mentally and emotionally) to deny her husband intimacy and sex. Tough topic.... Huggies sweetpetite41 xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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thebigkk
16 years ago
I'm a married Guy. My wife and I have spoken, and come to an arrangement. I've been open and honest to both my wife, and on my RHP profile. I also consider myself to be I kind, resectful guy. How many replies have I had? how many females in a similar situation have contacted me? The answer is none. I can see why guys lie to women. Unfortunately, it seems, for me, I won't do that. The downside is that I might as well not have a profile on here. Ladies, there are guys out there that are not wishing to cause you grief. I guess the bad ones make it even more difficult for us.......
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RHP User
16 years ago
As a dominatrix I have dealt with heaps of married men. What we do together is sexual but not straight sex. Most of them have a strong urge to be submissive to a female but their wives are unable to satisfy them in that capacity. They get nothing from me that they can get at home. Am I cheating with married men? Or am I providing a service? I don't know. But when they stop begging me to spank them and whip them I will probably have my answer.
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RHP User
16 years ago
ok , this is a hard one to reply to , but ,,, my first husband thought it would be a good idea to screw around on me , so i did the screwing in the divorce ,,, thus the THREE FOLD , but he knew i was bi , and should of asked me if we could get a 3rd in , his bad i guess,, i dont think that women loose their sex drive , its just we have been multi tasking for so long and making sure the family unit is held together and happy that , we just dont feel attractive anymore , mmmm,,, i would suggest pamper your wife with the intent of NO SEX , dinner out , or a day spa , show her DONT tell her she is beautiful ,,,, try and go back to when it was hot beteen you both and go from there ,,,,,,
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RHP User
16 years ago
Three words bud! The Mistress Law!
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RHP User
16 years ago
is only a bad thing if your not respectful to your partner, getting caught is not respectful, apart from that I can't see how people who are lucky enough to swing honestly with their partners feel the need to moralise about those who can't
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RHP User
16 years ago
and are useless for my kind of play that takes open n honest trustfull communication. I have no comment what choices others make 'choose your guilt choose your poison' I say. I can choose mutual for my own desires and do. We are just not mutual is all so i hope i dont desire you.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Why is it that when a woman wont put out in a marriage EVERYONE makes excuses for what the man should do. DOnt cheat or we will judge, deny yourself the pleasure of feeling passion and lovemaking in place of using your own hand in the bathroom like a 12year old discovering puberty, seek counselling or live with it! WHat is that! Lets change the scenario slightly a couple get married both employed, buy a house and the husband decides to no longer contribute ANY of his finances because he doesnt feel like it. Is this acceptable? do we tell the wife to get a second job, sell her goods, go without? what about if they have children and he decides he wants nothing to do with them do we say to her suck it up do it all yourself ? GOd its like the toilet seat scenario....why do men have to put it down , why dont women have to put it up? Women take vows too but then can choose which to disregard but a man must obey all? I feel embarrased as a woman by these double standards and some of the posts that say we are the weaker sex thats bullshit....its a choice.HOw can anyone judge anyone else? on anything, i find its often the ones who abuse their spouse, steal from their work, neglect their children, decieve their family that judge the most so dont take it on board just realise they generally have something worse going on they choose to judge because they're uncomfortable about their own misdemeanours lolthe funniest part in all of this is how many of those who judge have probably been with someone married or taken and dont know it, can we judge them I mean ignorance is no defence
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RHP User
16 years ago
are some of you people for real?????????? what woman wants to wake up finding out her husband has been paying for sex behind her backi can just see the headlines now---------------------------listen love,have you got enough money and on your way out could you take out the rubbish oh and grab some milk on the way home ,,,you have a good time nowby the way give us a kiss when you get home and wake me and i will put your tea on,,,,,,and that's acceptable ladies?????????haahhahahahahahhohohoholololololohahahahahhahahahahahahahahhaan i thought some of my shit was funnyhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahribs starting to hurt,,, laughing too much
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RHP User
16 years ago
Married men one side, married women the other... Singles in the middle....... Ready set ... GO! This topic sounds like a typical conversation at the head shrink's office... I believe that unless compromises are made with intimacy, love and sex in a relationship, then cheating occurs. Neither my former wife of 13 years and I strayed during that time, but I believe her failure to satisfy me sexually, and to turn off the "tap" from almost day one... to be the biggest treason of all... but then again.... perhaps the perfect husband would have done all the right things to avoid/rectify the situation. Life is hard... way too short to judge and moralise. get on with it. do what you believe is right and proper and let go of guilt and regret. it's the only way forward - we all have different morals and beliefs. Find someone similar to yours and enjoy while it lasts. when it's over - have the guts to let go and move on. My 50cents worth.... be kind!!!
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RHP User
16 years ago
Not everyone has a perfect life. Before you condemn others, ask yourself, if your wife or husband had an accident, illness or injury that prevented them from having sex, would you leave an otherwise good relationship? If they could not hear, would you no longer listen to music ? If they were paralysed, would you no longer walk or run ? If they were blind, would you no longer look at paintings ? If they were bed-ridden, would you no longer go outside? If they could not have sex, would you lead a life of celibacy? I never thought I would end up in this situation, and I hope it never happens to you, but before you respond stop and think, if something happened to your partner what would you do? I think those that love someone that can no longer have sex, but stay with them and support them should be accepted by an open-minded community such as RHP not criticised. If this is not the case, perhaps these members of our society deserve their own on-line community where they can share their burdens, desires and beliefs without fear of criticism from those RHP members who have been more fortunate in life.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am in a relationship, and yes while some of the comments i agree with, there is a few that i dont, i have an open relatioship, where my partner is able to play freely also. we also play as a couple, we have found for us that it does provide a better sex life, as we cant speak for others we wont. but to call married attatched me scum is going a bit far, i feel, as there are just as many fems on here that cheat on thier partners, are they scum also? we have found for us the key is communication, honesty and above all no secrets, from either side
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RHP User
16 years ago
I think it sucks for you that your wife & best friend is so closed off to your needs that she won't let you get some physical satisfaction outside of the relationship.I don't understand why sex is seen as this holy sacred thing that can only happen between two people who love each other. I mean, sure, it's great when that happens, but what about the other times when wanking just isn't enough?I look for unattached men because I don't want to be party to another person being hurt - and by the sounds of it, your wife would be greatly hurt if you strayed.Unfortunately your options are kind of limited. Personally, to ensure discretion, I'd go visit a brothel for when wanking isn't enough if I was in your situation.Good luck.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Relatively new to RHP and have been reading the above posts with some interest...I am married yes, don't pretend to be nothing else, my profile is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, i make it clear why i am here and what i am looking for. This is an adult site where consenting adults seek out relationships, friendships, sex or a chat over coffee. I don't feel that i have to explain or justify to anyone why i am on here, the exception being my wife if my RHP secret is dicovered. I know full well what i am doing and the risks i am taking. In saying that i have found in my considered searching a diverse range of people who seem more than willing to chat and meet with me. It's not just married men on RHP, i have found more than a few married, attatched women seeking the same...I didn't come to RHP to judge or condem others for being here, i am here for what this site is and offers, as simple as that.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Oh ffs not everyone is a saint. Morals are like art ... you just draw a line somewhere... This discussion about right and wrong and putting people down because their line is located north or south of yours is fucked up. Live your own life and make the most of it... But ffs let other people enjoy the same lawful liberty. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
16 years ago
I am with you. Lets quit the moral crusade and live and let live. And sweetiepie, ok maybe he shouldn't have asked the question however he did. Now he's been kicked and shat upon can we let him get up, get washed off and get out there living as HE wants to, not as others want him to. Gotta admit, I loved the comment about swingers morialising about people who aren't fortunate to be in relationship with a partner that is open to swinging, or even sex. I too think its a double standard. As I said in an earlier comment, "walk a mile in my shoes before you judge, criticise and abuse." Open minded gypsy
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RHP User
16 years ago
What exactly???
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'Mynameonurlips' What exactly??? lost track when i saw that big screen TVohh bugger. it's a window.sorry, i'm lost now.ahahahahahahahahaahahaEarl
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RHP User
16 years ago
Each to their own......I guess Cxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
honest i was in your in your situation not so long ago,i had a partner who i absolutely loved and would of died for,then one day a few yrs ago she just woke up and didnt want sex anymore .from that our relationship started to strain b ,i mean how do you just go from 3 or 4 times a day to nothing,what was worst i couldnt even touch her anytime in the sense that just putting my hand on her shoulder she would find an excuse to walk away,i went without sex for a few years hoping she would wake up oneday and be her old self truthfully i knew she never would and obviously you know what your partner wants or will do,so i left someone who i loved with all my heart so she could get the help she needs and i wouldnt hate her from the rejection i got.if your partner loves you still as the man she first met and you can laugh cuddle do everything less the sex then you have a relationship worth staying for. sex would not be an issue for you if this was the case i bet there is more to the story for the reason you want to have sex,if its what you want then go do it no ones going to stop you,its proberly more it would be hard to do and be honest at the same time yeah?say you did get sex with someone you actully liked would you leave your partner for her?these were definitely things i considered. good luck on what ever decide,i doult anyone on here has been entirely honest there whole life or they wouldnt be in the first place,its just they have their own opinon for what seen right for them. heres a twist for you ! if you cheated with a guy what would woman think then?? as for guys well you would proberly get called a fag band lose a few mates but would the mainstream of woman see it the same way as cheating with another woman?? d.g
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