M41 F37
Looking for a friend
January 02 2019
I am completely new to all this and have wanted to try spicing things up as my partner has become bored.
We recently went to a first swingers party and near the end of the tour saw a head job in motion and freaked out. I went out of the room and back up to the bar, my partner followed and asked what had happened I told him and we sat at the bar for a bit. He asked if I wanted to continue back down stairs to see the rest back said no as I was still freaked out he asked again and said no again. He then got the shits and said I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.
I do not why I did this and have done a similar thing when he surprised me and took me to a nude beach and saw a naked lady.
I want to know if someone can help guide me through this and help over this.
- Posted from rhpmobile
Comments
RHP User
6 years ago
I’m thinking it’s a sign that you’re not ready to be doing this.
You have to actively want this.
You have to be ok with seeing people in sexual scenarios and if you can’t see others in intimate acts how are you going to go seeing your partner in an intimate situation?
There’s no amount of coercing or persuading anyone can do to make you come to terms with not being ok with things.. That needs to come from you - all on your own.. you have to seek this of your own accord for yourself before anyone else.RHP User
6 years ago
You either love 'em or hate 'em. If you hate them, no amount of coercion from your partner will make you love them.
If he is dismissive and annoyed at you for not liking what you have seen thus far at Swingers meets, then he sounds a bit selfish and not at all concerned with your happiness. In which case you need to have a mighty good talk and set some boundaries. I dare say you'd have to watch him though.
MsJonesy
6 years ago
Is not a cure for boredom. Its for couples (in this case) who are totally aligned, have a great sexual relationship with each, have discussed everything & anything about boundaries, and want to explore together. If your partner cracks the shits when you didn't have a positive reaction at watching someone get a gead job, I think you have a way to go before this will be exciting and fun for you both.
You have made a good start by attending a swingers club, but your partner needs to back off and let you proceed at a pace that you are comfortable with.
When you say you were freaked out both at the club and at the nudist beach, what do you actually mean? Can you describe it, how did you physically react? Do you watch porn, and have the same reaction? If you don't want to answer publicly here on the forum, feel free to message me.
FeistyFatty
6 years ago
Sounds like you're not ready, clearly.
RHP User
6 years ago
Thanks for the great comments.
When I saw these people I frozen and thought I need to get out of here as fast as I can, it was like I was terrified that’s the best I can describe it.
I do like the thought of watching people and it turns me on when I think and talk about it.RHP User
6 years ago
Oh my......
Both parties have to be open, honest, trusting, respectful and above all READY or it’s a recipe for disaster
For us, it’s about enhancing our already amazing sex life, not getting some extra on the side so we’re not bored.
funtimescouple1
6 years ago
You say 'I do like the thought of watching people and it turns me on when I think and talk about it'. Fantasy vs reality. A lot of couples on this site say they swing. They message other couples and have a nice little chat but when it comes to 'let's meet and see where it goes' they stop responding. It's quite annoying. There are others who seem like they won't accept anything less than their fantasies in looks and sexual delivery. Fantasy is exactly that most of the time. You aren't ready for reality. Don't be pressured into it. Use your fantasies as foreplay with your partner. If you are going to contact other couples on RHP be upfront that you are only interested in flirting for now.
RHP User
6 years ago
Your partner sounds like he is pressuring you a bit- not cool.Each of you have your 'own' style and tastes.Never go along with something to keep someone else happy when it doesn't feel right for you.I too would have run off to the bar and refused to go back down. Sounded scary.So this guy is saying he is bored - it says everything about him and there is nothing wrong with you.I wouldn't like to be with someone who needed other people around to not be bored. Someone like that sounds very boring to me, like they can't make their own fun and have to rely on others.You sound so lovely and you are perfect just the way you are. Please don't try to make yourself like something like this to please your partner.Be 'you'. You don't need to learn to become somebody you are not.Good luck with the boy. You can let him go if he just aint your thing.
RHP User
6 years ago
Thanks for all the comments definitely food for thought.
Amir062017
6 years ago
Maybe both of you can host a party ,and many ways to start doing this , blind folded perhaps ,, ! A costume party but both of you shouldn’t know what you getting (surprise ) it could be a dark or soft light party to ,, many ways ,, but if you not ready to try you just not ready yet !
RHP User
6 years ago
Just as a data point to help you analyse yourself but do you guys watch porn at all together? Do you feel comfortable watching porn with someone else? Just coming from the angle of are you comfortable with watching or being in the vicinity of other people having sex.
J uyst throwing ideas out there. As said above though. Try and talk o p en and honestly with your partner and try and articulate so he understands and can allow you the space to explore it at your own pace.RHP User
6 years ago
I also feel for your Hubby's situation. Its great you both attend a swingers party. If i saw a blow job in the corner I would be a bit taken back! We have had 3 cuckold sessions and all in private. So maybe it was just a shock as you were not expecting to see that in an open area. With the nudist beach, I would feel uncomfortable.
Could I suggest attending strip clubs with your partner. They put your nerves at ease. Welcoming, cost money but this can do wonders for your own confidence.
Your husband is frustrated, patience is required, easier said than done. This doesn't mean you are not ready, it just puts you out of your comfort zone. A challenge. Just take things a bit slower and let coupes know you are after friendships with like minded people?
This site doesn't just have to be about sex, it can be about finding other couples to be friends with. We often don't feel comfortable discussing this lifestyle with our friends, so meet new people who are in the same position:)
nightingale8
6 years ago
Your husband took you on a surprise trip to a nude beach? No-one should ever be surprised or forced into a situation like that without consent.
Swinger parties can be strange places. If you decide to go again, go early so you have time to settle in and leave whenever you want (male that part of the agreement beforehand). People almost always have their clothes on at that point 😁 If that scares you too much then meet and greets are good (better in my opinion).
I'll go ahead and say you're not ready. I think swinging rarely works well when it's the male pressuring the female, especially out of boredom. But if you want to go down that path put yourself in situations where you are squarely in control.RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'NaughtyTwosome'
I do like the thought of watching people and it turns me on when I think and talk about it.
You could either give it another try and you might not recoil this time, or it could be one of those instances of fantasies best staying that.
Tara72
6 years ago
you arrived at this point collaboratively - you've decided together to take that next step - you're still two different people and the pace will always - ALWAYS - be dictated by the most cautious partner. In most couples this will be the female - swinging works best when the female is in the driver's seat. Failure by the other partner to grasp this will end in tears.
I also have doubts about your motives... swinging is not a cure for boredom - or a cure for anything, a common mistake you see when people are trying to "fix" a broken relationship through swinging. Swinging isn't the glue to fix things, it's the icing on the cake. If boredom is the problem then apply that imagination and spirit of adventure to your own relationship first, before bringing others into it. If there is still something lacking after that then by all means take the next step, but for the right reasons.RHP User
6 years ago
Thank you all for the comments they have been all very helpful.
An update we went to the nude beach today I was nervous but my partner helped by distracting me, holding my hand and we ended up staying for 2hrs and I enjoyed the day and happy to go again.
We are taking it slow by going to the nude beach more to get me comfortable being around naked people.
Might even consider going to the strippers to change it up 😉
We were watching porn together once and he mainly watched it by himself and took matters into his on hands but I have since talked with my partner and mentioned how I felt left out and felt he was hiding things from me. He told me he felt that he had to hide things as he was getting into trouble.
We have reached a new happy medium and are talking more openly and is making a huge difference for us.
We are discussing about going back to another swingers party but towards the end of the year.
bonefide
6 years ago
Small steps, which is great and these steps are moving you both forward.
Congratulations.
Great topic by the way.
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