F47
Long story, short story, any stories
July 23 2016
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
The worst things that happen in life turn out to be the best things. My work had always defined who I was.I won awards,including a Churchill Fellowship,which caused a lot of jealousy.I was falsely accused of financial misconduct and was forced to resign..a forensic accountant eventually said that the case was ridiculous and I had nothing to answer to.But I had been humiliated.,frog marched out of my workplace ,gossiped about,I lost friendships,and all reputation .This was the worst time of my life. I did quickly find another job but my heart was broken and my new boss was a bully.I had a heart attack in my workplace I became depressed,for six months I went to see a psychologist and one day I just realised that life was good.I was no longer responsible for other people's lives.Status and reputation mean nothing.I was not my work,I was me. It was soon after this that the local school asked me to volunteer with students who have learning disabilities which now has lead to paid part time work. I love my job and am very content with my life.I have freedoms that I never had before.So the worst things have led to the best things. Sweetgem,sometimes it takes a crisis for us to reavaluate what is truly important ,kudos to you hugs Q
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RHP User
9 years ago
Two things I think determine who I've become! A violent incident with my father and a cancer diagnosis. At 21, my father held a loaded gun, pointed straight at me, with the threat of death very real if I didn't do as he said. My mother sat on impassively! In the split second of coherent thought, I decided that I'll be out of this hell hole they call 'home', I'd either be dead and if I wasn't I'll be out tomorrow. I left home the very next day! Two years ago this month, my gorgeous man was diagnosed with kidney cancer! Sitting in the doctors office, shown the scan and listening to him say to hubby 'you have cancer' was without a doubt most intense moment of my life. As hubby withdrew into himself (his physical demeanour changed) in the office, the tears running down my cheeks, I grabbed hubby's hand and a tissue that was offered, and decided this is going to be a fight, bring it on :) Everything else that I'd experienced till then in my adult life I'd had hubby's support to deal with, now it was up to me to be the 'rock' my family needed. I was parent, counsellor, wife, friend, mother, nurse, teacher. I've always been someone who's loved life, regardless of the shit we are forced to deal with. When the going gets tough, this chicks rolls up her sleeves, looks the issue straight up and tackles it with a determination, tenacity and a little faith that things will turn out ok! Wishing you the best for speedy recovery sweet gem :) Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Wow! You are all amazing and have overcome some harrowing and heart breaking experiences and times. My life changers are small in comparison, but here they are (Sweetgen, you did say long or short, so I'm rambling today): I was stuck in a marriage to a man who broke my spirit and wouldn't let me be myself. He wasn't physically abusive, but he wasn't very nice and I thought I was doing the right thing by not leaving as I thought leaving would damage my children, until I found out living in a house with a dad who yelled at their mum every night was doing plenty of damage, so the three of us packed up and left. I've never had to live on my own before and he led me to believe that I wouldn't cope without him. He even told his work colleagues that he knew I'd be back some day soon. The first night after I moved out was the best night's sleep I ever had and leaving was the best decision I ever made. Two years ago, I got a call that my mum had died. She wasn't sick or frail so it was unexpected and four months after that, my sisters and I watched our dad take his last breath in ICU in hospital. Last year, all my spare time was devoted to making sure my daughter passed Year 12, got through her school based apprenticeship and dealt with grief without having a nervous breakdown after news of yet another grand parent passing away drove her over the edge. I even put forward to the school a case of allowing her to complete school work from home as she wasn't coping being in a classroom with other students and started having anxiety attacks. She passed year 12 (just), her school based apprenticeship turned into a full time ongoing one this year (yay!) and she didn't fall in a heap (although I don't think she was far off from it). What have I learnt from this? * Don't be afraid to make change to better your life. You'll wish you'd done it sooner once you take that step. * Don't lose yourself for the sake of someone else. Finding yourself later on isn't a quick process and, as a friend sent a message to me giving me this very bit of advice (you know who you are), if you have to change or adapt yourself for a potential or current partner, chances are it's not going to be a smooth relationship and you're not being true to yourself. * Let the ones you love know you love them. Tell them and show them. You don't know how long you'll have them in your life, so don't put it off until tomorrow as tomorrow is never promised. * Some of the hardest battles won are the most satisfying life changing experiences. * Embrace life and breathe it in deep and if it's too prickly to embrace or you don't like the smell, figure out what changes you can make to improve it and don't be afraid to make them. Am I glad to be home now? I'm not sure where I am is where I'm meant to be, but I'm happy to be in this spot for now. Sweetgem, I hope you're ok now and you're all better xxxx
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am at present going through a battle with prostate cancer, and to hear your stories honestly and openly shared is very reassuring and a reminder of what is important in life. You all, in your own way, provide a lot of wisdom and positivity that is very life affirming. I wish you all well and hope life continues to provide the pleasure and enjoyment that you give to others and deserves your selves
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
we are never alone here, as there is always someone around who has had the same or similar situations in life, and hopefully can pass on their experience for others to draw from. Hopefully the stories that have been presented so far will give you additional strength and motivation, and even the ability to make contact with some of them when you may need some extra help. Like the people who have posted so far, I have had a few knock-backs in life. Generally I like to keep them to myself, but I have shared some details before, and for the topic I will post some parts of my story here too. Back in the beginning of 2000, I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia, which I was informed was the rarest, and deadliest form of Leukaemia, and particularly rare for a person of my age (then 42). There was absolutely no family history, and was therefore a complete mystery. The specialist said that without treatment my lifespan was expected at around 4 - 5 years, and even with treatment it was a complete unknown. The only experience they had at that time was with a nurse at the hospital who also had the same disease, and she had survived for 10 years at that point. The treatment at that time was extremely primitive, and the only real hope of survival was a marrow transplant with a compatible donor, but the operation itself was full of danger with a very low survival rate. Fortunately one of my sisters was a compatible donor, and this would have been a standby case if needed. Fast forward a couple of years, and there was a newer medication available, which I was given. This held the disease at bay, but not gone. Then about 5 years I was put on a newer medication still, which I am still on (and will be for the rest of my life). Fortunately I have been in remission for a number of years now, but Leukaemia never goes away. It appears though, that the medications have played havoc with other areas of my health, and have experienced kidney problems about 2 - 3 years ago. The kidney specialist simply cannot find any cause for the appearance of the problem (again no family history), and has not actually been able to treat the problem - all that he has done so far is monitor the situation. Got to see him again in a few weeks for another check-up. In between times also got a few of the usual suspects - high blood pressure, high cholesterol - so got enough on my plate at any given time. In later 2008 my eldest grand child also got diagnosed with Leukaemia. A slightly different form from mine - Acute Myeloid Leukaemia, and was immediately hospitalised for chemotherapy. She was in hospital for 7 months straight, with only about 10 days at home during that time to give her bit of a break. She passed away at the end of March 2009, at the ripe old age of 5 years and 3 months old. I was (and still am) heartbroken. She was born slightly autistic and saw the world in a different way to the rest of us, and only her mother and myself knew how to successfully communicate with her. I visit her grave every month with flowers. So, yeah, I certainly do see my world in a different set of circumstances, with all the randomness that is present. I don't know from one day to the next if / when my world might alter more, or fall apart altogether, but I still plan ahead for the things that I desire. Gotta have dreams and desires, otherwise may as well not be here. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am also a tough old bird that refuses to give up. Over 10 years I have had early thyroid, cervical, ovarian and bone cancer. I also survived a childhood of being sexually abused, beaten and emotionally abused. I left home at 14 spending approx 2 years living on the streets. I also suffer a blood clotting problem. I always see life as a challenge to be overcome. I am a tough old bird that always feels that there is someone worse off than me. I have now been in good health since my last op last year. Hang in there sweetgem you are not alone. Sending you hugs. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
My story, short version 6 months after surgery ( quintuple bypass) my cardiologist looks me in the eye and says, " you are a lucky man". 6 weeks after surgery I walked my only daughter down the aisle. When people greet me with the usual howyagoing. I quite often respond with, Still breathing mate lifes good. The background is, mid 50s, never smoked, always exercised, no excess weight, very very moderate drinker, oh genetics bugger. Yes sweetgem very happy to be home, we never know when our number might be up, and I appreciate every day.
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RHP User
9 years ago
My struggles with mental health issues, which started about 13 years ago. Am much better at managing things now but it's an ongoing battle with lots of ups and downs. There are positives to it though....I've developed good insight into myself and others as a result of having to think so much about why I think and behave the way I do, and it's increased my empathy which is a definite advantage in the area I'm studying and will be working in soon. A lot of shitty relationships which were partly related to the mental health issues....some less than ideal decision-making on my part and a fear of being single. Also taught me a lot though about what I do and don't want in a relationship, about how to be more self reliant, and I now know that I'd much rather be single than be in a shitty relationship ever again. Currently it's my father having stage 4 cancer with a poor prognosis. It's bringing up a lot of complicated feelings and it's...difficult. I know that I've been pretty lucky compared to many. I still have a lot of opportunities and hope for the future so I just keep on plugging away.
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sweetgem
9 years ago
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, which are all great life experiences that no doubt we can learn from each other's strengths :) Although, as I have mentioned many times in other forum threads, that the loss of two good friends to cancer, plus witnessing my own parent losing herself to illness on daily basis, have changed my outlook of life 180°C, this personal hospital experience of mine is the ultimate life changing key! I am lucky that I didn't become paralysed in this case and still can walk healthily after a long 100-hour critical battle in hospital! This whole incident was not meant to be this scary at all initially, but anything could happen out of the blue and that was exactly what had happened to me! So to me, life is cruel, but I'm tougher and it will know from this experience of my 😛 My best wishes to you all fighters, especially those who are still battling and please never give up fighting! 💪🏽💪🏽 be well, be strong and be smiling no matter what! 😊 just like my current profile pic, which I took soon after I was able to sit up again 😛 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I've had a few and continue to have them, which for me seems necessary to bring me back to living in the moment more. Luck I struggle with mental health issues and have done all my life. There were major experiences that had a huge impact on how I saw the world as a child and how I viewed and values myself. I was sexually abused as a child but didn't tell anyone until I was an adult, my first relationship was a physically abusive one I had to be rescued from. My dad was always loving but I was scared of him and he was unpredictable. He was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 22 (Vietnam veteran) Starting a loving relationship with a man, counselling and my dad being diagnosed and treated were all major influences on starting to view my life with fresh eyes. Things I believed were always my fault, that there was something wrong with me, how I viewed men and life in general, were all turned on their heads and put a fresh and logical perspective. It totally transformed my life. However it was and still is a long process of learning and checking in. The big one was losing my mother to cancer after watching her battle two different types, all while being the full time cared for my stepfather. I've had a lot of close friends and family pass away, but she was the one that completely transformed my view on a permanent basis. She was my best friend and my soul mate and I carry her always. But I learned not only is life short and there is not rhyme or reason as to why people leave us when they do - but that I'm far stronger than I thought, that I've gained independence and that I can conquer anything life throws at me. It might knock me down for a while but no matter what, I can always pick myself up and move on. Thanks for sharing all of your amazing stories. Everyone is so brave, empowered and positive about life. I think people with battle scars are the most beautiful, intelligent and fascinating of them all. X
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sweetgem
9 years ago
My brain is still recovering from the battle lol so my apologies for forgetting to thank you for your best wishes for my recovery 😛 Thank you all for your get well wishes as they are all received with sincere gratitude. Thank you 😙😙 the same wishes back to you and to many more fora silent readers in RHP community xx take care everyone and show life that you're tougher than it and that it will stand no chance in bringing you down! 💪🏽💪🏽😙😙 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Many a hospital stay changes the patients view on life30 years ago I had an operation which was viewed as standard with a few days in hospital.10 days later i managed to get out but with a morphine addiction that messed the mind a lot.Annie was in the background not helping the situation.But the last few days in the hospital bed, there was some clarity. A decision to end a marriage and escape a wife that had become possesed by the baptist church. Having her "friends" visiting in hospital and praying over me and talking in tongues was a breaking point for us. The fact that a Baptist minister had molested me in early teenage years was too much to take and I left the hospital a very different person. Recovery time was hindered by chronic fatigue from the anaesthetic and morphine but 2 years later was back to 100%. Annie was inside me re-emerging and she took control and ended the marriage not long after. Life was different but so much more important.We have had a few life changing events. it wasn't the first and not the last but an important one. VG
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RHP User
9 years ago
...I've had couple of ''procedures'' that were supposed to be relatively simple. The nuffer-cutter muffed it up and I lost enough blood on both occasions to wake up in ICU. Big deal, nobody told me I supposed to be dead so I didn't bother with it all. Bon Jovi time again.. ''Live while I'm alive and sleep when I'm dead''. I'm also an American educated laywer well-versed in legal liability...who wants to marry a billionaire?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thankyou to every one of you who has shared your stories so far. Your honesty and openness is truly inspiring and I'm so glad that you all feel safe to share. Your struggles do touch readers and your survival even more so. This thread clearly demonstrates that we must hold our reserve and judgement of others in check as we never know what others are enduring and battling with every day. Thankyou for letting us glimpse into your world so we understand a little of your drivers. All amazing brave posts and a big thankyou to Sweet Gem for starting such a thread. Thereby the grace of God go I I am blessed in my life , I truly am, but I've known great sadness Among some Its just coming up to a the first anniversary of the death of my bestie. Diagnosed and dead within 3 weeks. I still grabble with this and I miss her so very very much . I mourn her loss and my anger clouds my reasoning as to why she kept her illness a secret for so long. I cant even go there and I constantly feel a failure as a friend My brothers terrible cycling accident earlier this year still leaves me in a rage,. caused by one texting while driving. It is a given that even after many surgeries, he will not walk again. Watching his life and his families dreams unravel on many levels including emotionally and financially is extremely frustrating and heartbreaking. But at least we have him and for that we are all grateful One of the most important lesson is life is Be kind to all, you never know what one is secretly battling
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Lovinit28andKC72
9 years ago
I've had an interesting life, I've bound over quite a few hurdles, all of which have made me the woman I am today. I now wear what I call my story on my body in tattoos, pictures and words. I've been a battered (mentally, physically and sexually) woman, a drug addict, the mother of a young son who is a recovering drug addict who has spent the last 12 months in prison. Life throws things at us that we never expect, the good, the bad and the down right ugly. I'm now the happiest I've been in years, my life is good, I've found love, all my children are remarkable humans that I'm extremely proud of, I have a great job that I love and we are all healthy. Yes I still have things that I have to deal with, but it's nothing I can't handle or I can't overcome, because with everything I've seen, been through and learnt, I have all of it to thank for making me a beautiful and strong woman. Sweetgem I hope you are doing well, sending hugs your way lovely. 💋
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RHP User
9 years ago
What a great read, very honest & open. I'm glad to see you have a nice guy, I think you found him here? I would like to see your tattoo's & hear what they mean, but I respect your privacy & not sure if you can put it on here? Cheers Paul.
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Grouse33
9 years ago
I remember getting a call when I was visiting my terminally ill mother in hospital. It was my partner telling me I needed to come home to support her, as our teenage daughter was out of control. We argued about how I needed to be allowed to spend time with my mother (as I saw it) vs how I needed to care for our child and support her. When I got home, my daughter had emptied the contents of every drawer and cupboard in the house. I had to physically restrain her while she stomped on my bare feet with her Doc Martens with all her strength. We called the police, who managed to calm her down. My partner and I argued some more, then spent the rest of the night putting the house to right. We finished at 4am. I slept in the next morning, and was not able to get to the hospital in time to be with my mother when she died. I never thought my life would be so messy, and so fucking intense. I basically checked out of my relationship and staggered around in a fog of low level depression. Within a year I had lost a 24 year relationship, a significant number of friends and the constant company of my children, who I adored. But life is incredibly precious and beautiful too. After a period of transition, I'm optimistic, I see my kids all the time (living within walking distance of their home), and I'm reconnecting with some people who are important to me. If I could, I would change some of the things that have happened recently. It breaks my heart that my daughter is experiencing anxiety and that things are so tough for her. I wish I hadn't hurt my ex so much. But I wouldn't change the rest of it - I still have hope for the future. Most importantly, I have people who I love and who love me. The lesson? I think L-D has something here; just keep plugging away. The shit times never last.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I hope your recoveries are swift and for those that wont have that luxury may your final journeys be as peaceful as possible. I went in for surgery 3 weeks ago and during the first night after surgery I knew something was very wrong. My nurse refused to listen to me basically saying I was being dramatic! By the time the doctors did their rounds the following morning my lungs had collapsed and I had severe internal bleeding. They pushed the emergency button and called a code and rushed me to icu. It turns out they had accidentally knicked my bowel. After several hours of surgery and 5 blood tranfusions I am (slowly) on the road to recovery. I dont think I have ever had that actual fear of dying like I did at that moment they pressed that button. I managed to stop the doctor briefly and say "I have children at home relying on me, I cant die here" He and thethe rest of the doctors and nurses who took over my care were fantastic and I feel blessed to be home with my kids. You never know when its your time, so its actually been a huge wake up call to live my life the way I want and know I should - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange73
9 years ago
That was a scary story. I hope you are back on the mend and warm thoughts your way. I wish you speedy recover and glad to see you back. xxx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Glad to hear you're on the mend. I recently went in for prostrate surgery, private hospital, they looked after me very well. Only 1 incompatent nurse, nightshift the 1st nite, the fluid that was flushing my bladder via cathater stop working after she played with it, I could feel & see it wasn't right. Buzzed her, she looked at me like I was and idiot, fixed it & walked out. Next bag, same thing, same result. She was also lazy, dropped something on the floor & just left it. I should have reported her, but was too fucked the next day to think about. Hope your recovery goes well & glad to hear you're home with the kids. Cheers Paul.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I feel you've all gone through really tough times and are still standing strong. You guys are all champs! My heart goes out to all of you, particularly sweetgem, Summer, Soft, TallnHard, Hotwives... Hang in there and never give up! I can't talk about my own struggles yet. I'm not in denial anymore but I have yet to think of a lifelong solution that is workable and at the moment, until I can stare down my crippling medical nemesis, I'd rather not even mention them in public. I've just felt really lost and defeated because I've experienced first-hand how illnesses can creep up on you and fell a courageous giant just like that. I can't see a bright future ahead anymore, I feel that it's all futile and hopeless, so I'm just going to numb myself and distract myself until I figure things out. Thank God for really kind souls. I've encountered so many angels who have reduced me to tears with their patience and empathy. I used to function as a Type A and I'm very performance-oriented and I've been reduced to a shadow of my former self, fighting a Goliath that has overpowered me time and again. I met a really special man on RHP who somehow made me comfortable and relaxed enough to open up to him and he astounded me when he commented that for someone who's going through all that I am, I look very good, and have it all held together very well. I keep hearing people saying that whenever I choose to open up to them and instead of feeling ashamed and wanting to hide in shame, this hermit crab is slowly peeking out of my shell. I think I'm way harsher on myself than everyone else is. Maybe it's due to the performance-oriented culture and background that I grew up in. I kinda feel ashamed for being so weak and ill, and I feel pressurised to hide it all somehow. But I've learnt from lots of kind-hearted people that it's not my fault, and it's ok and not shameful to be ill and temporarily under-performing. The flip side is, because I struggle so hard to continue to look decent in spite of my illnesses, sometimes my friends don't believe how bad things are for me and they marginalise my struggles. Worse, Drs look at me and because I don't look sick, they misdiagnose my illnesses and I had actually walked around for years suffering in silence because I wasn't diagnosed properly. By the time I was properly diagnosed, I had been sapped of my strength and things were so bad that a domino effect had set off, bringing an avalanche of other health issues which then of course became work issues and then financial issues, etc etc. My mum used to say that I'm a "courageous lioness" and a "little dragon girl" but I have retreated into my hideout and have been licking my wounds. Hopefully someday, the situation will actually improve for me. Until then, I can only handle one day at a time.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You have so many gifts and talents,your posts reflect this.I completely understand how a debilitating illness can gradually ,not only impact physically but emotionally and mentally as well.But obviously other people see past this or don't notice at all what you are going through ..they see all those positives. But you know it's ok sometimes to just let go. Hugs Q
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sweetgem
9 years ago
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what you're going through, hugs brave lady xx may I commend you on your courage for taking the first step out of your shadow to make the comment on this thread, as well as slowly accepting that there is nothing to be shameful about to encounter what you're encountering now! Illnesses are evil bitches and they like to tear you apart when you're not prepared! I am witnessing what illness does to my parent on daily basis, and am actually fighting a few illnesses myself as we exchange comments on here. So, I know what it feels like to be feeling down at times, even though I don't know exactly how you feel! We cannot change what life/fate throws at us, but we can fight against it with our will and strength by staying positive and smiling, which I believe will help to bring us more positive energy from earth and from our loved ones! :) My best wishes to you for a positive outcome and a speedy recovery. I hope you stay strong knowing that you are not alone in here and in the real world. I am sending my energy to you and hope you would fight with me for a healthier future! 💪🏽💪🏽 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Family / cultural issues can certainly be somewhat destructive once you have developed an illness, and when you have been used to and expected to perform at a high(er) level, it can be quite a blow to your self esteem when you cannot maintain that. Illness does not discriminate, as we have all found out to varying degrees - we just have to learn how to manage it as best as we can. I have seen throughout your postings that you actually are quite a strong woman with a strong and capable mind, so use that to your advantage. Don't let the doubts you may have endure, but realize that by making the effort to now come out of your shell you can actually plan ahead for a better life - it really is up to you to make that decision to say you have had enough, and now is the time to move forward again in your life. Plan ahead for what you really want in your life - if you set no goals, then you will have no achievements. It probably will not be an easy path, but at least you will have a path to look forward to to follow. As you have seen with the others here, we are all striving for whatever we can possibly achieve. Good luck. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
I didn't read your comments until tonight or I would have thanked you guys sooner. I'm not used to being a crippled bird and I still look wistfully up at the eagles that are soaring in the sky... I suppose a bald lion will still roar as if he still had a full mane of hair because it's so much easier to linger around in denial than to face the harsh realities of acceptance. Some days I am my own cheerleader. Some days I lose hope and lose heart. This isn't a race that I can run in isolation and yet, most days, I am in defiant solitude. I may be a chick but chicken-hearted I'm not! Isn't it ironic - a lucid mind making objective observations about its own degeneration. Tall, I'm known for being an obsessive planner all my life, but this is not the time for that yet. I'm still learning to navigate through uncharted waters. Thanks for the advice though! I know you mean well and I appreciate that! My blood still flows warm within me and sometimes, the fighter chick in me still manages to rear its head! I don't know if I'm going to lose enough weight to look good in a Game of Thrones' Danaerys Targaryen (Mother of the fucking Dragons) costume for Halloween, but then again, hmm... it's Halloween, maybe I should be looking bloody awful in that costume to align with the spirit of horror! LOL!!! Oops... Mother of Dragons... No fucking. See, I'm so sick I see fucking everywhere, even when there is absolutely no fuck to be seen nor had! OK, chin up! Walk tall! Dignified gait! Don't want anyone to know I'm sick and I sure don't intend to look it at all!
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