F28
Lifetime chemistry or sex?
October 29 2019
So I have this awesome friend and we have had feelings for each other ever since high school. We didn’t necessarily talk too often but when did, spark flied, there were fire and storm and there was just great connection. That went on for 6-7 years until sex happened and boom! We’re strangers *sigh*
This lead me to wonder...if you have to choose one, would you pick sex or a lifetime chemistry with someone?
And
How have sex changed things for you?
Do you regret that sex?
- Posted from rhpmobile
Comments
EarthQueen
5 years ago
I had sex with my best friend a few months ago after we admitted we had feelings for each other.We kind of stuffed up the sex but we are still best friends. We were worried we would not be able maintain our friendship but its never wavered and we have a very honest relationship with a lot of respect and love. We might try the sex again. We've discussed it but I will play it by ear. I found it possibly more nerve wracking than usual sex as I really care about him. It hasn't really changed out relationship much except its not as sexually charged now, but I still can't like anyone else at this point and we still talk every day and hang out a few times a week. I don't regret it.He's much younger than me so maybe we should have left it as friends, but what the hell. Don't die wondering. I never pushed it, it was his instigation.
I would pick a lifetime of chemistry because sex is good but someone that has your back and loves you for who you are is worth way more and sustains your soul.
SSExplorer
5 years ago
I dated an amazing woman over 20 years ago. We connected on so many levels but just didn’t gel as partners. The sex was amazing but we moved to the friendship zone and have been best friends ever since. Even much later when we were both divorced and single and I’d sleep over at her place we didn’t go there. One night after many drinks laying on her bed chatting we asked each other if we should. We decided against it as this friendship is just too valuable.
I don’t think we would have become as close without getting sex out of the way first.
FeistyFatty
5 years ago
That's soooo easy..... lifetime chemistry.
RHP User
5 years ago
Lifetime chemistry without a doubt.
RHP User
5 years ago
Lifetime chemistry for certain.
MsJonesy
5 years ago
No brainer...... lifetime chemistry
teejaylongsword
5 years ago
If I was forced to choose between chemistry and sex, I would choose chemistry. You mention having someone 'have your back.' This is very important in both a friendship and a long term lover. In fact, someone being in your corner is very attractive and sexy. This is when a friendship can drift into the possibility of a sexual relationship. There is no harm in trying, but it should be done with openness and care - you don't want to lose that friendship connection.
Ultimately I want both. If I am considering someone for an actual relationship, I want them to also be a best friend as well as a sexual partner. Why not aim for the best relationship? If it's purely about sex, all I hope for is a light hearted kind of friendship that can involve joking around and chatting a bit. It would be the kind of situation where if they found their ultimate partner, I would be very happy for them.
nightingale8
5 years ago
Sex 😁
Never had sex with someone who was a friend first. The other way most certainly.RHP User
5 years ago
A couple of years ago I had sex with an old friend of mine from my hometown when I was passing through. We'd always had a thing for each other but were both in relationships at the time previous to my passing through. Both of us had separated since but we had maintained our friendship online and with phone calls. We decided to sleep together after a night out and we had a great time. I packed up in the morning, we said our goodbyes, and I headed out of town.
It hasn't affected our friendship at all, but I wonder if the same could be said if we still lived in the same town. It's easy to have a fling and just move on - literally, as I did the next day - not so much probably if we were going to see each other regularly again. It may have developed into a regular thing, and there was every possibility we would have ended up in a relationship, but I like to think that we are both mature enough to be able to deal if neither of those things happened.RHP User
5 years ago
I fucked my friend girl.
We used to text every day, about dates, kids, work, bargains, you name it, then her daughter had a sleepover at a friends so we had a sleepover at mine.
We were both a bit edgy, I ruined the steak, she drank too much. She wasn’t a great kisser which surprised me, and she didn’t like receiving oral, which really surprised me. Condom sex and I lost my hard on halfway through.
Disaster.
The friendship continued for several months but she ended it for the pettiest of reasons, there was a brief reunion before it was again ended over a (perceived) slight.
With 20/20 hindsight, we should have stuck with the chemistry !
MsSuperFoxy
5 years ago
Having sexual activities with friends can become complicated and awkward depending how one tends to view sex casually and as an act that can be shared with multiple people, one could be open to friendship after having sex or one may not.
I am still friends (35+yrs later) with my high school sweetheart. We didn't even have sex! 😀
Ms FoxyRHP User
5 years ago
You should never have to choose.... it should be a national progression and not forced if it was true chemistry with an unconventional emotional connection the sex would be a natural connection that would be amazing unless there is some kind of underlying hidden agenda that would cause one or the other to disconnect from letting the emotional connection enter into the sexual passionate side of the friendship ... or they are simply not interested in long term friendship that you have bonded over or another possible scenario is that you just both jumped the gun and had preconceived ideas and fantasies on how it should of happened and you felt disappointed it was not how you dreamed it would.
Give it another crack I say don’t let it just walk away if it’s true friendship it won’t matter.
😁RHP User
5 years ago
Lifetime chemistry would be my pic. Only because it’s much harder to come by then amazing sex.
Although, if you take amazing sex away. I don’t wanna be aroundRHP User
5 years ago
I remember reading on the toilet wall at uni years ago, and I've never forgotten it: "There's nothing more overrated than a lousy fuck"
Sawadee
5 years ago
...cause it doesn't come along everyday ?
Many years ago in my late 20s and after a very painfull separation l found myself in a fairly dark place .. There were friends who offered support and there were friends who couldn't give a stuff. One friend in particular who recognising my pain ' wanted to hang out with me and help get my mind on other things .. Now that girl had the looks , the figure and youth and could have had any man she wanted and many tryed ' but for some reason ' ( she says my blue eyes .lol ) she wanted to be with me.. Long story short , some 5 years later we married and have been together since.
We've had our up's and downs like all couples but despite that we're still together and these days she calls me her rock. The fireworks in our sex life has somewhat died and we're looking for ways around that , but the chemistry that bought us together is still just as strong..
So for me ' us ' it's the chemistry without a doubt..RHP User
5 years ago
I think there was sth else involved in my case. We didn’t discuss the sex nor planned it. It just sort of happened when I slept over at his during my trip to Melbourne.
We both were cool about it the next day and sex happened a couple more time until he realized it wasn’t right. We called each other brother and sister and making love should be the last thing we do to each other...he felt guilty athough I am still cool.
There’s nothing I can do to change this. It’s not a pretty ending but at least I have an answer that this man who I have feeling for for years, had feelings for me for the same amount of time and wanted me as much as I him.
So I see that the majority prefer the lifetime chemistry....but you never get to have sex with that person for the rest of your life 😁 but ok! Chemistry is great. And I applause you for the self control!Sawadee
5 years ago
Yours is part of the journey of your sex life. You are in your prime where sex is as good as it ever will be. You enjoyed the sex with your Melb guy so accept it without regret.. You can always re live good sex over and over again.. even if its a memory..
RHP User
5 years ago
Sawadee
I do regret it bcoz the friendship is gone. I didn’t know I had to pick one. Well we both didn’t know.
But looking at the bright side, the sex was great. It sort of has been anticipatedRHP User
5 years ago
The tightrope and the cliff , to do or not to do- no pun intended, well maybe just a tiny one. You never know what’s going to happen in that situation.
RHP User
5 years ago
That said - I’d rather have both. But I’m greedy. And is that not the end goal in some cases- the chemistry and connection with the mind blowing sex?
Sawadee
5 years ago
If the sex was good ' it was meant to be ? You gained a memorable experience and no one can take that away from you... l think your friend will still be your friend regardless..
RHP User
5 years ago
Pixie, a friend of mine said this to me many years ago and I borrowed it; ''some people are really good friends for a short time, some are just okay friends but your friends for a lifetime''.
I lost a friend many years ago after we had sex, a threshold was crossed that we couldn't step back over to get back to where we were. But then, as my earlier post described, I have had sex with another friend and we are still good friends to this day. What's the difference? Who knows.
We gain and lose friends for all manner of reasons throughout our lives. Some people you are best friends with and you are always hanging out together. They get married and have kids, their priorities obviously shift and you realize that talking about the latest dishwashing liquid and its ability to cut through grease is not really cutting through the grease that has formed over your friendship. With reluctance, you drift away from them.
Some best friends that you went to school with vomit on the bonnet of your car and you think that is the most insulting thing they could ever have done and you never want to see them again.
Sometimes you and your friend decide that the time for wondering what they look like out of their clothes is over, it's time to find out, and it doesn't work out. Sometimes it does. You rolled the dice Pixie, and it won't be the last time you do probably either. The next time you roll the dice though, it could work out wonderfully. Sometimes some things are best left undiscovered, but sometimes you discover something great.RHP User
5 years ago
OkeyDoke
Thanks for the story and lesson :)
Xx
Cucknshells
5 years ago
That reminded me of a quote a friend once told me.
People come into your life for a reason, a season
or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an
inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the
relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a
stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it
is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you
laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of
joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but
friendship is clairvoyant.Cucknshells
5 years ago
I cut and pasted it and tried to format it. Sorry about the format.I would edit it if I could.
Shells.EarthQueen
5 years ago
Don't have regrets. One of my favourite quote by Adayshanti (My Tony Robbins :) is "Let everything be as it is"If he's meant to come back into your life last some point, he will.
.RHP User
5 years ago
EarthQueen
Thank you! :D Tony said “Life happens FOR you, not TO you”
XxEarthQueen
4 years ago
I meant at some point...... not last some point. Need to turn autocorrect off.
Its an exciting time of life for you Pixie, so much ahead of you to embrace x
busty_temptress
4 years ago
This is an easy one, lifetime chemistry!!! One could assume as the chemistry is natural, that the connection would ensue mind blowing sex? Well, that's what I am hoping for when I find my person!
RHP User
4 years ago
Love this, so true for me for now😊
compressor
4 years ago
Sorry to her things turned out like that for you Friendship would be more important tome
Sensual_play
4 years ago
there are a few friends I have had sex with. We have great connection and fun as friends and at times some pretty wild sex. The sex turns off when they find a monogamous relationship and nothing changes about the friendship then either. The women friends I have had sex with also are friends with my wife, and that has not affected their friendship with her either. If anything the sexual experiences have added to the friendship bond.
In my experience their has been no need to choose between the two - life time chemistry OR sex. I'm happy having both.RHP User
4 years ago
A lifetime of chemistry.
Earlier this year a married friend kissed me & I was shocked & happy at the same time. There had always been that chemistry between us. Not long after we had sex & it has changed everything. He no longer speaks to me, it has broken my heart that I no longer have his friendship & I told him this in a text message. I received no response. Sex ruined a great friendship right here.RHP User
3 years ago
id take lust that develops and grows into a connection, hands down
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