Let you down gently???

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Well, I think all you can do is please yourself. By this, I mean go out and enjoy the company of new aquamtances but take no expectations with you, and you will avoid disappointment entirely. If we all took this approach, then nobody would be upset that they aren't party to sexual play, but will never the less take an attitude with them that promotes being sociable. There's no protocol. If it happens naturally then fine, if it doesn't, then that's fine too, but there's no fun in forcing the issue. I think actions speak louder than words anyway... often there's no need to say anything. Hugs Stalky

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I've been nocked back in many different manners. It stings everytime. Someone pass a tissue, please?

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I tend to plan meets with the option to play after if things go well, and if they don't I just say "I'm sorry, I appreciate that you took the time to come and meet with me but I'm just not feeling it" and tend to make my exit politely but rather shortly after that. I don't see the point in dragging it out.The first time I did it was hard tho, I admit. We had a pretty long conversation because I was kinda not overwhelmingly interested but kept trying to see if maybe over the course of the chat I could kinda push it over the line as I felt bad for letting him down, but given that over the course of the conversation he told stories about his experiences that directly contradicted things he had told me earlier and despite his polite veneer he came off sounding like a real pig so I declined. I didn't leave right away as I felt like it'd be rude as he was trying so hard to be polite, but he proceeded to try to talk me into it, saying that if he were in my position he'd still give it a shot and see how it worked out, etc, etc. That whole evening was a pretty good learning curve for me on the benefits of "ripping the bandaid off quickly" LOL

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  But I cant help myself, I get down and beg them pleeease, you can put a paper bag over my head. Its pretty hard for them to make a exit run as I am clasping them around the ankles in the middle of the coffee shop. Sometimes I chase after them running beside the car tapping the window and making gestures like I give great head jobs. Some get lost in the toilet, its a mystery to me how many men say they are going to the bathroom and never return? Must be a loo Bermuda triangle in Perth or summtin If all else fails I offer money. But some guys are just so kind and say they would love to fuck me but they have to home and stick hot needles in their eyes first. I think its so sweet how they let you down so gently.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I had only wanted to post one comment but kept getting told to come back later.....so sorry about the repetitive litter on the thread :)

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Quoting 'Stalky'is better for youy if you bean honest to then and tell then how you fill about i'm 1% sure that they will understand that ,i i have come a cross with some people that i did not spect to meet but my honesty just made the ajustment for me in a nic kind the tha way. think all you can do is please yourself. By this, I mean go out and enjoy the company of new aquamtances but take no expectations with you, and you will avoid disappointment entirely. If we all took this approach, then nobody would be upset that they aren't party to sexual play, but will never the less take an attitude with them that promotes being sociable. There's no protocol. If it happens naturally then fine, if it doesn't, then that's fine too, but there's no fun in forcing the issue. I think actions speak louder than words anyway... often there's no need to say anything. Hugs Stalky

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  That was so funny! I especially love the tapping on the window and doing HJ gestures! Me, I go for the date at home. That way if I'm let down gently, it's the next time we communicate by phone, txt or email, and at least I've scored a root! I don't worry about being respected in the morning cos I've turfed em out long before sun up! Anna X

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  HJ gestures? Must be a whopper!

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I think anytime you go to meet another couple or person there should be no emphasis on sex just enjoy the dinner or drinks as you would in any normal situation then if it looks like you are not going to click its simple just tell them after dinner most people would know by then as we all give off signals and if they dont like it then obviously it would have most likely gone sour very quickly anyway but for the most part people tend to either click or not and in most cases you wont have to sayanything it will be everdent

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  we always reserve any decisions til after the 2 of us have spoken privately, so dont say yay or nay at the time if meet....unless its so obvious we are mismatched that it cant be helped. both of us has to be attracted, to the other, or if its a couple....to both of them. be polite, and gentle when delivering a 'no', and use whatever means you are comfortable with. if it goes sour, block them immediately, otherwise, if things stay amiable, chat if you like, but dont ever reconsider. 2nd guesses are, in our experience, less than ideal.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  I prefer the Brighton/ Le Fruge method, whereby you insert a spoon into the coffee cup, stir loadly twice in a clockwise direction and remove the spoon, hitting it once on the lip of the coffee cup and then placing it on the saucer parrallel to their side of the table on their side of the cup. It's less confrontational than the Vanthra method where you suddenly throw up onto their side of the table and then slowly leave.   I've actually found that on the occasions that it's happened (or not happened) it's not actaully been such a huge surprise. I think both parties pick up on the vibe that it's not happening, but that's just my experience. For what it's worth I would alwasy prefer to know rather than 'no contact, no comment' brush off.

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Oh I am such a coward ....but have said... sometimes after only a few minutes... "sorry this isnt working for me,goodbye and good luck"......pay my bill and flee!!!..and as for being rejected.....my favouriter was a text I received just after a very awkward date that said'I am not physically attracted to you but we could be convo friends'.!!!!..short and sweet meetings ..coffee or a drink and if you feel the chemistry ....mmmmm....and before the meeting a phone conversation .....the voice ......am so attracted to voices......if the voices doesnt do it then for me no point in taking it further......

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Most swingers have one time or another been in this situation. We have pretty thick skin and don't feel rejection if someone isn't feeling it. It's a good thing people are honest because we only want to play with people who want to play with us. Don't worry most people appreciate those that are honest and direct :)

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Such good advice - a few points I hadn't considered before, but really appreciate everyone putting their thoughts in. I agree honesty is the answer, and it the thought to be anything less than that has never crossed my mind, but I was concerned about being too offensive or upfront - or not enough for that matter. I do like the bandaid analogy :)Tuscanred... That's hilarious!!! Don't know what else to say other than I got a good laugh!Thanks again everyone!

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