F69

Just for some light hearted humour

November 05 2012

The definition of child birth by a 7 year old.The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher. I have been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.' 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!) 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.' Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along. Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy! "Laugh uncontrollably, it clears the mind."

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RHP User

13 years ago

The innocence of childhood is sometime I'm jealous of that's GOLD!!!!!!!

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RHP User

13 years ago

Have loved this one from the first time I read it. Kids come out with some amazing things and I've heard a few. One year I had a 9 year old boy who was the most entertaining speaker. Everyone listened. He struggled with reading and maths but he could captivate an audience. So long ago I can't remember any of his stories but I do remember his classmate telling everyone her auntie got half pregnant last night ???? Never worked that one out. I frequently warned my friends not to do or say anything in front of their children, which they didn't want to be part of Show and Tell.It happened to me as the teacher. One night when I went down the mine with my ex on a call out. He told me not to tell people I'd been down, because it had not been approved by the mine manager. Next day one of my student's talks was all about how his mum had seen me go down the mine last night when she took dad his crib. I asked the ex how I was supposed to keep it a secret when it was this boy's news for the day. lol The mine manager's daughters attended the school too.

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RHP User

13 years ago

A few years back I was working at a school in one of Melbournes lower socio economic areas. We also had a few pearlers for show and tell. One that really sticks in my mind is a little boy, he was cute as a button but a real tearaway, none of the teachers had any time for him as he was quite naughty. He got up and proceeded to tell us about how his mum and dad had argued the weekend just gone and how mum had locked herself in the car with dad throwing bricks at the car, subsequently the police came and took dad away, it was very sad, but also amusing as it was told in such innocence. I often wonder what that litttle boy would be doing today, I hope he managed to end the cycle of abuse and violence that tarred his childhood.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Lol, Celebree.. thank you for sharing.. that is as TC said..just gold. I love kids and their complete lack of contrivance. So many cherished memories of my own girls and the funny things they used to come out with. I remember my husband saying to my daughter, many years ago, when she was about 6 or so..wistfully 'I used to have a six pack (referring to his now rounded middle shape)'.. sharp as a whip she replied.. 'yeah, but .. you drank it'.... and then, dissolving into a fit of giggles. Cheeky monkey.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Was the peace maker in a Mormon house hold.I'm glad that's been cleared up.

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andyrabbit

13 years ago

I laughed and laughed ....Bring on more...so funny!

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Just for some light hearted humour

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