M64
Joke of the day
November 24 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
What is orange, and sounds like a parrot ?A carrot.Told ya it was lame
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RHP User
15 years ago
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree. Santa was furious. “I can’t believe it! I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn’t even back yet! What am I going to do?” Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. He says “Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?” And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass
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RHP User
15 years ago
Man walks into a bar and sits on a stool at the bar. The bartender says what can I get you. The bloke says a beer thanks. The bartender pours him a beer and puts a bowl of nuts on the bar next to him. The bartender walks off and serves another customer. The man at the bar hears a quiet whisper "nice tie" he looks aroud but there is no one there. Then he hears "nice suit" still no one around. He calls the bartender over and says " whats in this beer?" The bartender replies beer from the tap is there a problem. The man then says I think I'm hearing voices. The bartender gives him a smile and says its the nuts they are complementary.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Little Toorak girl comes home from school and announces to mum "I know where babies come from". Amused, mum replies " Where sweetie?" The little girl explained " Well the mummy and daddy take of all their clothes and daddy's thingy sort of stands up and mummy puts it in her mouth and it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies" Shaking her head mum replied " Oh darling that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies that's how you get jewellery and shoes."
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sorry Orbitron - but I must be really blonde today because I just dont get your joke! Pusscat xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
In 1872 the King of Arabia (who lived in Dubai) invented the condom (hence called DuRex !), using a goat's bladder. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the goat first.
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RHP User
15 years ago
hahahahahahahahhaahahhaahahaah.....your the joke of the day
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RHP User
15 years ago
I am passing this on to you all cause we could all use some calm in our lives in the coming few months and this definately worked for me today. Some Doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace was to finish off all the things you have started thru the year. So I looked around my house for all the things I have unfinished and before leaving for work this morning I finished off the bottle of Merlot from last nights dinner, and the bottle of Chardonnay I had used for cooking, then a boddle of baileys, a burtler of wum, a puckage of prungles, tha mander of bot of prozic, and valiuminum scriptins, the rest of the cheesecke an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus i fels rit e now. Plz sned dhis orn to dem u fee ar in ned ov iennr pissses an telum,....... u fukin luvum !!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Big fan of those Chuck Norris jokes. Crack me up They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper... but it wouldnt take shit from anyone. The Black Eyed Peas used to just be called "The Peas"... until they ran into Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars... Thats why there is no life there. Hahaha TOO MUCH' - Jose.
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RHP User
15 years ago
woody .. you cant be serious !!!! Classic that just made it all the more funnier
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RHP User
15 years ago
WowWow - finally at 2:30 this afternoon after thinking about the joke all day I finally got it! Groan. I just dont know where my brain is today!!! Pusscat xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
What do you do if a bird shit's on your Windscreen ??? You dont take her out again......
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thanks Pussy you made my day that was GOLD
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RHP User
15 years ago
little johnny says to his mum, where do babies come from, she's a shocked, and says yhe stork brings em, little johnny says well who fucks the stork
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RHP User
15 years ago
Two goldfish were in a tank. One turned to the other and said "do you know how to drive it?"What does a fish say when he hits a concrete wall? Dam!!!Two blokes walk into a bar. You would think the second one would have seen it.How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I gave my wife an orgasm last night.....the ungrateful bitch spat it out... I feel sorry for the Hypnotist I saw last night...He hypnotised 7 men then dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled "Fuck me"....What happened next will haunt me forever! I just got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today....Apparently, the instruction "Finish off on her face" didn't mean what I thought it did...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Fook me and stupid are in the pud having a beer. Fook me says: Stupid i have never known anyone who knows where the fish are biting better than you. How do u do it. Stupid says : Its easy fook me, its the misses mate. When i wake up in the morning, if the misses is laying on her Right side, i know to go fishing off the rocks. If she is laying on her Left side i know to go fishing off the beach. So Fook me says: What if the misses is laying on her back. So Stupid says: I don't go fishing.
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RHP User
15 years ago
A Professor at Melbourne university was giving a lecture on "Involuntary muscle contractions" to his first year medical students..................................................................................................................................... In an attempt to lighten the mood slightly he pointed to a woman in the front row and asked her..................... "Do you know what your asshole is doing when you orgasm ?"...................................................................... she replied....................................................................... "probably off fishing with his mates "
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RHP User
15 years ago
Little Johnny runs home from school and says to dad. Daddy, daddy, what's a cunt? Daddy takes little Johnny upstairs and lifts the covers off mummy who is stark naked and asleep. See that little slit there little Johnny. That's the pussy, the other 70 kilo's is the cunt.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Little Johnny comes running to his parents bedroom" granma has a prawn , granma has a prawn, johnnys mum a bit bewilderd by this took johnny to his garandmothers room where she was lying fast asleep , only her nighty was sitting high revealing her clit.Johnny says to his mum see granma has a prawn to which his mother replies , no Johnny thats not a prawn thats granmas clitoris, johnny replies it tastes like one.
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RHP User
15 years ago
little johnny walks in on his parents havin sex, he says what are you's doin, his dad say's were makin you a little sister, little johnny replies well can you do it doggie style cuz i'd prefer a little puppy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Terrorists are putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup. If one goes off it could spell disaster.....
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RHP User
15 years ago
What is brown and sticky?A stick!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that atleast one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.Drum roll please......A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking intoit.Hugstalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Best Forum i have seen in ages had a few good laughs Stemor ..the prawn oh fuck me i had to cringe ...ripper ... no moral dictators here
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RHP User
15 years ago
I went to see the doctor the other for a physical. She looked at me and said " You need to stop masturbating."When I asked why, she replied "Because im trying to exam you.''
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WidowMale
15 years ago
My girlfriend and I were making love last night, when she looked up at me and said ' Make love to me like in the movies'. So I turned her over on all fours, stuck it in her ass, pulled out, flipped her back over and came all over her face and hair.I guess we don't watch the same movies.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Whats green and looks like a bucket? A green bucket. Whats white and cant climb a tree? A fridge. Why did the little boy fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at him.
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RHP User
15 years ago
how do you make a nun pregant stick her in an alterboys outfit
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RHP User
15 years ago
What did the cock say to the condom?Cover me, im going in.
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RHP User
15 years ago
how do you make a nun pregant stick her in an alterboys outfit
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RHP User
15 years ago
It all began with an iPhone... March was when my son celebrated his 15th birthday, and I got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?I celebrated my birthday in July and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad. My daughter's birthday was in August so I got her an iPod Touch; and then, for her birthday I got my wife an iRon. > It was around then that the fight started...... What the wife failed to recognise is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. Although this inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.Note: it has completely destroyed the iRoot functionality.
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RHP User
15 years ago
How do politions know when their wives have their periods?? They taste the blood on their sons cocks...... sorry
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RHP User
15 years ago
Definition of an accountant: Someone who climbs betwen the sheets and mucks up the monthly returns. Definition of a lunatic: Someone eating hundreds and thousands trying to do a technicoloured shit. Definition of an idiot: Someone who keeps doing the same thing the same way expecting to achieve a different result each time.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Read in the paper today, a man was fined $600 for having sex with a goat. Another bloke was fined $1200 for acting the goat.
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RHP User
15 years ago
What's the difference between Santa, and Tiger Woods?????????? Santa stops at 3 ho's xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Confession An Italian Boy'sConfession 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?' 'Yes, Father, it is...' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father...I don't want to ruin her reputation'. "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later So you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her...' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration... 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, And his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
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RHP User
15 years ago
So after landing my new job as a Bunnings greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day... ...About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Bunnings, nice children you have there, are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins, the oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7!Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice..Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings.My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work
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RHP User
15 years ago
A bloke notices a spunky chick giving him the eye in the supermarket. "Do i know you he asks?' She says "arent u the dad of one of my kids?" He thinks back to the one time he was ever unfaithful and says "were you the hooker i fucked over the pool table at my stag party while your friend spanked me with a piece of wet celery and shoved that massive cucumber up my ass?" She stares at him and says "No, Im your Daughters teacher!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
I came home from the pub the other day and the good wife was watching one of those cooking programs that are so popular on the TV these days. "Why do you bother watching those shows?", I asked, "You know you're a lousy cook." She barked back without looking away from the television, "Why do you bother watching porn?"
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RHP User
15 years ago
What did little Miss Muffet and Sadam Hussain have in common? :D Curds in their whey...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Have you heard about Viagra for diabetics? :D Half the fat.
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RHP User
15 years ago
A little boy walks into the bathroom and sees his mum naked, he looks at her pussy and stares bewildered and asks what's that?, his mum stutters and says "errr that's where I got hit with an axe" and the little boys says "Ow, got you right in the c***!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
A wife asks her husband "shall i slip into something that will make you smile?" Husband replies, "how about a fucken coma!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
I swear Osama bin Laden was on my bus the other day and my suspicion was confirmed when I saw him drop his wallet as he got up. Without even thinking (and being a typical good Aussie samaritan) I yelled out, "Hey mate, you dropped your wallet!" He was actually very polite and couln't thank me enough. But he surprised me by also saying, "To show my gratitude, please let me give you some advice." He leaned towards me. "Listen very carefully. Whatever you do, stay well away from Rockingham, Salisbury North, Frankston, Rooty Hill and Ipswich." "Why," I asked, fearing the worst. "Are there going to be terrorist attacks there?" "No," he replied, "They're all shit holes!" Apologies to anyone who lives in any of these areas.... :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
How do you sell a duck to a deaf man? "YOU WANNA BUY A DUCK??" Ummm... It's funnier when the teller shouts the answer... :P
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RHP User
15 years ago
horse walks into a bar, barman says, "why the long face?" hahahahahahahahahahahahaha i know i know. but i like it lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
He needed new eyelids.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yet Michael Jackson did not benefit from "foresight"......
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RHP User
15 years ago
Dear Santa, please send me a brother for Christmas. - - - - Santa wrote back, send me your mother .
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RHP User
15 years ago
When you start having HALLWAY SEX with your partner, you know you have been in the relationship too long................ HALLWAY SEX is when you pass each other in the hallway and say FUCK YOU.
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RHP User
15 years ago
A blond chick goes to the doctor cause shes feeling unwell, the doctor examines her and tells her that she is pregnant. The blond chick looks shocked and mortified and asks the doctor"is the baby mine?"
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RHP User
15 years ago
Man goes into a sex shop and says "I want a blonde with big tits and a huge pussy" When he gets home and blows it up, it's bald with a 10" cock. He takes it back to the store and calls the owner a dumb c*** The owner replies "You're the dumb c***, it's inside out!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
Have you heard of the three rings of marriage?first comes the engagement ringthen the wedding ring followed by all the suffering.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?Because the snowblower was coming up the street.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I read in the paper that viagra causes stroke. It must be true, I used it twice and had a stroke both times.
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RHP User
15 years ago
theone1983 goes into the doctors surgery and says, "doctor, take a look at my cock." the doc looks and says, "mate, theres nothing wrong with it." theone1983 says, "yeah i know, but aint it a fucken beauty."
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RHP User
15 years ago
woman goes to doctor and says, "can you help me?" he says "whats wrong?"he lifts up her dress and shows her knees, then raises arms and shows her elbows. "my god, thats the worst case of carpet burn i have ever seen. how did you do that? he says. she replies. "well its a little embarrasing but i like to make love doggy style allll the time" "well you must know some other positions?" "yes," she replies, "but my doberman doesnt" lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Little Johnny went to his father and said "Dad, I learnt in school today that Christmas is a time to give thanks to all those that have helped us.... so I really think we should both be thankful to my soccer coach this year." The Dad replies, "thats very thoughtful Johhny, what made you think that?".... "well," said Johhny, "I came home from school early the other day, and mum was on the kithen counter without her clothes, her feet upo in the air, calling out "oh my god, I am coming!" and if it wasn't for my coach lying there on top of her holding her down, I reckon mum would have floated away up to heaven!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
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RHP User
15 years ago
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."hahhah classic...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Why do Squirrels swim upside down?? To keep their nuts dry..:)
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RHP User
15 years ago
A priest is travelling a country road through the mountains whe he spots a young boy on the side of the road. He pulls up, gets out and approaches the boy. As he gets closer he notices the young boy crying. "What seems to be the matter young fella" he says. The boy replies, pointing down the cliff, "Mum and Dad just drove off the edge of the cliff" The priest puts one hand on the boys shoulder, and unzips his fly with the other than gets his cock out and says to the young boy "I guess this is just your unlucky day"
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RHP User
15 years ago
A man and a woman start having sex in the middle of a dark forest..After about 10 minutes of it the man gets up and says "Damn i wish i had a flash light!" the woman replies "Me too you've been eating grass for the last 10 minutes!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”
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RHP User
15 years ago
I went to a wife swapping party the other night,It was fantastic. I got asocket set, a cordless drilland a dozen beers for the bitch.
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RHP User
15 years ago
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her! The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them
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RHP User
15 years ago
Because a hooker can wash her Crack and sell it again!
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bondage_reality
15 years ago
A man goes to the doctor n complains that his penis is orangeDoctor...... hmmm what do you do for a livingMan ..... Nothing Im unemployedDoctor .....So what do you do all dayMan .....I sit on the internet all dayDoctor ....So what do you do on the InternetMan .......Watch porn and eat twisties
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RHP User
15 years ago
A lady benefactor is visiting the hospital and going from room to room enquiring about the patients! She passes a room and sees the guy in there wanking furiously!!She is disgusted and asks why that man is doing what he's doing? they reply that this man has no insurance and if he doesn't wank, his balls fill up with fluid and they might explode! she nods and walks to the next room. Then she sees a nurse giving head to the patient ! She is even more disgusted and enquires why this sort of thing is happening in a hospital! the answer was that this man suffers from the same ailment as the last guy but he has private insurance!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Stalky stole one of my jokes but here's another one for the scientists of us out there A neutron goes into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?". The barman replies "No charge for you".
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RHP User
15 years ago
A bank robber storms through the doors of a bank. Waving a pistol in the air he yells "everyone freeze, this is a robbery". He walks up to the teller and without a word he shoots her right between the eyes. He then turns to a guy standing there and asks "did you see what I just did?" The guy replies "Well yes I did". Bang, shoots him in the head also. Turns to a second guy "did you see what I just did?" The second guy replies "nup, but the wife did".
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WidowMale
15 years ago
No wonder Santa is so jolly!He knows where all the Naughty girls live!
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have a feeling like I might get into big trouble here, being a newby. So here we go... Did you hear about the fly that flew through a sieve? He strained himself....
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RHP User
15 years ago
A woman had been a prostitute for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night.So she decided to tell her husband that she had caught it when climbing over a farmers fence.After an hour in bed with her he said, "just how far across the fucking paddock were you before you realised it was caught? '
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RHP User
15 years ago
A man comes home with a large bunch of Flowers for his wife.She says " I suppose you want me to lie on my back with my legs open for you?"He says " Why?........... Don't you have a vase?Hope you have a laugh at this!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
....started by "magicianandwife" . | But please...don't tease them anymore (or any less, I guess) as I think they just may be holding the good stuff. | Just wonder if they would share?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Two muffins baking in an oven, one says "bugger me it's hot in here" the other screams "AHHHHHHH! a talking muffin!"
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RHP User
15 years ago
Five year old Johnny is running around the house making life miserable for his mother. She says, "Johnny, why don't you go across the street and watch them build the house. Maybe you can learn some new things." Johnny disappears for about four hours and when he returns his mother asks. "Did you learn anything interesting today?" "I learn how to hang a door," Johnny replies. "Thats great! How do you do that?" "Well, first you get the son of a bitch. Then you slap the piece of shit up there but it's too fucking small. So you shave a cunt hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the goddamn thing up." Johnny's mother is floored by his language. "You go to your room and wait until your father gets home!". Later Johnny's dad goes into his room and says, "I understand you got in a little trouble today." "All I did was tell Mum how to hang a door." "Why don't you tell me?" Dad asks. "Well, first you get the son of a bitch. Then you slap the piece of shit up there but it's too fucking small. So you shave a cunt hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the goddamn thing up." Dad screams, "That's it, young man. You go get a switch from the backyard." Johnny looks at his dad and says, "Fuck you, that's the electrician's job."
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RHP User
15 years ago
"Politics? Well, consider our home. I am the wage earner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of you and your needs, so we'll call you the People. We'll call the maid the Working Class, and your baby brother the Future. Do you understand so far?" "I'm not really sure Dad, I'll have to think about it." Late that night, the boy's sleep was disturbed by the crying of his baby brother. He got up and found that the baby had soiled its nappy. He wen to his parents' room and found his mother fast asleep, and then discovered that his father was bonking the maid so vigorously that they didn't hear his knocks on the door. He returned to his bed and went to sleep. Next morning he reported to his father, "Dad, I now think I understand what politics is." "Good, my boy. Explain it to me in your own words." "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class and the Government is sound asleep, the People are are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit."
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RHP User
15 years ago
when they came upon two dogs having sex. The boy asked his dad what the dogs were doing. He said they were making a puppy. A couple of days later the boy walked in on his parents who were having sex on the couch. He asked his father what they were doing. He said that they were making a baby. The boy replied, "Can you turn Mummy over? I'd much rather have a puppy."
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RHP User
15 years ago
in the wardrobe while his mother entertained her lover. One day Johnny's dad came home early, so his mum shoved her lover into the wardrobe and Johnny struck up a conversation. JOHNNY: Sure is dark in here. MAN: Yeah kid it sure is. JOHNNY: Wanna buy a football? MAN: I don't think so kid. JOHNNY: You really should buy this football. MAN: What the hell for? JOHNNY: It might make me forget I saw you here. MAN: Okay, kid how much? JOHNNY: A hundred bucks. MAN: What! Okay, but keep your mouth shut. The guy paid and left as soon as the coast was clear. Next week Johnny was in the wardrobe again, Mum's lover was pounding away again, when Dad came home early again. So the man winds up in the closet again, and Johnny starts talking to him. JOHNNY: Sure is dark in here. MAN: Yeah kid, it sure is. JOHNNY: Wanna buy a football helmet? MAN: Let me guess. A hundred bucks and you'll forget you saw me. Right? JOHNNY: Right. The guy pays up and takes off as soon as he can. Later that week Johnny's dad tells Johnny to get his football and helmet so that they can play some ball. "I can't dad, I sold them for two hundred bucks." Johnny says. Dad says, "Johnny, you're a lying little cuss and you're going to pay for that one." And sends him off to confession. Johnny sits in the confessional, the door shuts, and the window opens to the priest. "Sure is dark in here," Johnny says.. The priest replies, "Listen kid, I'm out of money and I don't even like football."
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RHP User
15 years ago
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."xx Salina
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WidowMale
15 years ago
The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. A woman has read this entire post. A man is still looking at his thumb.
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RHP User
15 years ago
A beautifully stunning woman walks up to a bartender with a flirtatious look in her eye and asks "Are you the manager?" as she strokes his face seductively... "No mam, I'm not." he replies... She runs her finger across his lips and says "Could you pass a message on to him please?" They gaze into each others eyes, "why of course, what would you like me to tell him?" Asks the bewildered bartender. The woman runs her fingers through his hair and says "Tell him the ladies washroom is out of toilet paper, soap and hand towels." And she leaves blowing him a kiss.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Skeleton walks into a Bar and says, "Hey Barman, give me a beer and a Mop". (think about it). Q: What do you call a skeleton of a dead Blonde found in a wardrobe? A: Miss Hide-n-Seek champion 1975. and finally, A secret admirer and a stalker are the same thing, except one is stationary.
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