M37
Is the balance just to off?
December 27 2024
So many women on here complain about not meeting nice men but how much of a chance is given and also being ghosted!
Now we all know we are not everyone cup of tea but how much of a chance are we really all giving each other
Same goes for guys are you just so fed up that your messages become rude putting a bad taste in others inboxes because the lack of chance you are all getting? Do you ever just pull back and bring the tone of your messages down a little bit?
I would love to hear back on this because.
It does seem to be a bit of an issue and from someone trying to work through the world of internet dating and meeting others I feel this is a pretty good place to start to be able to opening talk about wtf is actually going on and how do we start to change the way we approach.
Comments
RHP User
3 months ago
I hear what you are saying and agree, living in a small city with few prospects, however there are some with similar interests, and sending polite messages of introduction, and yet, still being ghosted, I will admit that not everyone is the perfect intrigue, but to not even respond without even finding out has me puzzled
Pangolin28
3 months ago
It comes down to many factors. Everybody has their own tastes for starters. The ratios here and on every site are stacked well in favour of the women some say 6-8 males to 1 female in some cases. I would love to see a site that evens out those ratios but if that were done a lot of money would not be made.
Where we live is a major factor. A huge choice is another, especially here where a lot can come down to how we are on the eye.
Women on most sites have been smashed with messages, some not so nice and some no doubt hit the spot. But a message isn't always as good as it seems as the written word is so easy to play with behind a basically unknown profile. Which in turn leads to falsity and a mistrust making it harder to have a message replied to.
And then there are the fake profiles, I have not come across too many but it is hard to tell sometimes. Especially with so many profiles having no profile image and no written description.
So it is basically a case of hanging in there and on the odd occasion find that someone on your wavelength. And try and switch things up profile and message wise as they say that can sometimes help
AGent67
3 months ago
People are very fickle these days and want instant connections and sparks. It can be a frustrating game for plenty of us and I have seen situations develop for myself and others where great banter always works. Being physically "sexy" is a tip of the iceberg for most people. I have found in my adventures that speaking to ladies and having a giggle and being fun is the best way to go about it :)
I really don't think you can change the approach of others as people are busy, life, kids, work etc etc and when some come on here it is a distraction from the real world. Either you click on you don't:(
Felicitous
3 months ago
I also think it comes down to availability.
I personally don't really have the 'time' nor make the time (these days) to even a have conversation with anyone new because I'm not wanting to meet.
There could be several 'perfect' matches/ wonderful humans out there I'm closed off to.
I guess it's important to understand the reasons but at the end of the day they don't necessarily change the outcome.
I think in terms of 'expectations' where most men go awry, is that most (not all) expect that if you're on here... You're actively looking and hooking up weekly. Through that lense, they're then greatly insulted that you're giving others the chance and not them.. without realizing none had a chance that year.
If we shift the focus to - what aspects of this site do I enjoy. What of those elements can I recreate in the real world and what can I do right now to make me feel good ie what really gives me joy and work on and towards that... I truly believe the rest will follow and you'll attract those that are like minded and on the same path.
Keep it flirtatious and fun and those that aren't interested wouldn't be suited anyway. Whether in the traditional way or just by virtue of being closed off. It's all the same really.
All the best.
V
Ex007
3 months ago
It feels like we’ve lost the art of genuine friendship and meaningful conversation. Excessive distractions like constant media consumption seem to have clouded people’s ability to truly connect.
Many now approach the world with a jaded perspective, often believing untrue and damaging assumptions like
All the women here are just looking for attention or hookups. WRONG
Everyone is only here for sex, and nothing else matters. WRONG
Women are bombarded with high-quality, meaningful messages from men. WRONG
All the men here are filthy perverts. WRONG
The list could go on and on.
How about we just focus on kindness and connection, without any hidden agendas?
Why is investing time in someone seen as worthwhile only if it leads to personal gratification?
At the end of the day, it’s not fleeting pleasures that define our lives, but the meaningful relationships we cultivate along the way.
In Indigenous cultures, the measure of a person is reflected in the connections, love, and care they share with their community. This is the legacy we leave behind the way others remember us when we’re gone.
So, ask yourself
How do you want to be remembered?
What kind of character do you want to be known for?
Phoenix479
3 months ago
I send messages out knowing that they probably won't be responded to, they might not even be read. Will I stop sending messages to new people? No. (DON'T send messages to people who haven't responded to previous messages) I don't pull back, and I try to tailor my intro message to another persons profile (empty profiles, why you gotta make it so hard?)
Are the ratios off kilter? Yes, but so many profiles are 'nothing' profiles. I didn't fully understand until some women showed me their inboxes, and saw how many low effort messages they got (or just asked for pics) Spread a wide net (try to meet people offline - a lot of people want sex positive connections, but won't show it), make an effort, and look interesting (that doesn't mean ripped, but it can help!) and people will notice you eventuallyRHP User
3 months ago
Get rid of the toxic mantra "no answer is an answer" and a fair few problems will disappear.
If someone sends you a thoughtful considerate polite message, it's not hard to send a polite polite response, even if it's just to say "no thank you".
And to anyone saying "I've got 400 messages" you can still try. Chances are you don't send the first message anyway so why are you saving them, they reset everyday.RHP User
3 months ago
The main issue for guys is that most of us don't meet the requirements of what the majority of women are looking for.
From what I can gather, that generally comes down to three main things:
Height
Cock size
Fitness (muscular, good looking guys)
If you have these things going for you, you could have an average profile and not be too creative with your messages and you would get replies. Outside of being a complete douche you'll do pretty well.
Guys who aren't in those top tiers of men will almost never get a reply, no matter how good their photos are, how well their bio is written, or how good their first message is. If you don't fit the bill of what someone is looking for, there's really no reason for them to respond. It's not about tweaking your opening message, or doing this or that slightly different. These things are basically pointless.
I'm generalising a lot here, every individual has their own preferences and circumstances that determines who they connect with, plus there's a whole lot of other dynamics at play that create this environment. But there's a definite trend across the community of what I said above.
These are just the dynamics of dating apps, completely different to meeting people in person. It's not really anyone's fault and nobody is to blame. It's just the way it is.
Having said all that, I don't think there's zero chance for average guys, there are still a few things you can do to better your chances of connecting with someone. It will take a lot of work, creativity, and persistence. So you have to weigh up whether that's worth it for you.Pangolin28
3 months ago
On that no reply is a reply thing. For those who have been frequenting this place for yonks. Didn't there used to be instant reply buttons like no thanks etc.
nightingale8
3 months ago
I always think about things in a systems way, if you have a poorly designed system then it’s not really on the users to behave better or useful to rage against each other for their own crappy experiences. Not to say you shouldn’t behave well online, it’s just not solving the underlying problem.
The day tech evolves to one where the chat rooms are visually and auditory based with possibly other haptic sensors, in real time and integrated in people’s daily lives will be really celebrated. A new internet augmented reality, ‘improving the human experience’ and ‘all connected’. Finally some seemingly real life engagement! With instant feedback. Except there still won’t be enough women looking for cut and dry NSA sex, there will be sex fantasy AI bots and curated experience rooms to fill that gap in the commercial service. Sure, people will get that engagement and instant sexual entertainment. Is that what people really want?
No solutions from me! 😅RHP User
3 months ago
My 2 cents, this is a place that is what it is.
Ultimately it's a hook up site, root and boot.
I was hoping for different but given the interactions it seems that way regardless.
It is a vicious circle that makes you feel like crap, whether you're a woman or a man.RHP User
3 months ago
Reading all these comments, I think the disharmony is caused by the competing needs of the genuine people on here versus the commercial needs of the platform.
They aren’t aligned in any real way.
Blueflamingo
3 months ago
Keep in mind this site is so much more than just your inbox. For example this forum, the chat and events. I have met some amazing people through all these platforms within RHP.
I focus on friendship, network and connection, then the rest follows naturally.
Good looks, hight and cock size means nothing to me if the connection is not there. Maybe I'm the odd one out?RHP User
3 months ago
Well is this not a Hook up site or has it become a dating site?
Savy001
3 months ago
So after writing this open ended conversation it’s amazing to see the amount of insight and the ability you all have to actually have a conversation and treat each other with a lot of respect and not judge others. On the topic of messages it seems to be true if you look at this forum you will have e a better conversation you will
Actually have others hit your profile and actually hit you up with a message that has substance. It’s actually crazy to see how many have bounced in on this topic it’s really nice to read everyone view on this and has a lot of content for new people who are coming onto and getting a better understanding of how to interact with the platform.
Curvesnextdoor
3 months ago
For me its the profile and opening message, that starts the conversation. But you have to understand women may have over 1000 unreads so authenticity is important. Want to know about the writer bot what he thinks women want to read. In short I want to read that you're looking for me (as a woman) and not just trying to cast a long net
Sophiaxox
3 months ago
99% of the messages I get from men this app and ones like it consist of him providing me with the reason we should fuck being that he finds me attractive lo, usually with a photo of his genitals so I can be sure he has a penis with erectile function and some ejaculatory fluids captured on camera to show his sexual credentials . When their own profile picture is either non existent or blurry and they are very physically unattractive which isn’t a reason in itself necessarily that determines whether I am sexually interested in someone or not but there’s no chance in a million years I’m going to think that this bright specimen is an appealing sexual prospect when the sole consideration he gives to the matter of whether we should have sex is how attractive he finds me and the ability for him to get a boner looking at a photo of me.
It’s generally assumed men are more likely than not to be sexually selfish but it’s next level when they aren’t even consciously doing it, the idea that a woman doesnt decide whether or not to have sex with men based on which ones find her attractive looking and have a boner .
Its even worse if they do offer sone seductive poetry to really convince me “ I wonna fill your holes up wiv my cum” being informed he thinks my clitoris doesnt exists and instead of a sex organ I’ve got a castrated hole I’m longing to fulfil my female sexual desires of having dead sperm waste fluids fill up my empty holes well how could these Casanovas make themselves any more sexually irresistible🤯🙄 the other standard opening greeting I get is literally the dude asking my location and what time and place my orifices will be available
It’s obviously the tsunami of misogynistic violent sexual exploitation material drowning the internet rotting the brains of boys beginning on average at age 11 tgats a huge public health crisis in how it’s affecting men, but they really seem to mostly all be incredibly thick - its as though the billions of $ made by Mindgeek out of their “free” porn doesn’t register the way paying directly for DVDs or magazines used to and the fact that these are abuse victims exploited teenagers from backgrounds of poverty and child sexual abuse or they are global sex trafficking victims and are prostitution women only doing everything on these hubs because they have to gir money and the pumps and pornographers ensure unlimited hard drugs and alcohol are available to the w and women - and then there’s an expectation that now they not only expect to have the sexual access to women that men have a massive global commercial slavery trade in to facilitate it but now they expect that instead of ensuring economic inequality and exploitation of female financial desperation or lack of economic opportunities to override her ability to say no based on her mutual sexual desire and attraction to the man by her having to do it to pay her bills,
Now they expect all women to just voluntarily enjoy being free prostitution services and are all on tinder to offer a public wank station and semen disposal unit because women have now all become sexually available to all men for whatever those men want to do and now suddenly the fact these free apps need to make money since it’s why they exist and getting all these men to sign up promising a virtual brothel lineup of women on demand for free prostitution services and it turns out monetising the mens data that’s now sold to all these spam bots they get flooding them is a huge confusing shock as is the lack of women who might actually want her sexual needs met and not be seeking the love of her life to be responding to these men .
If for a start they all stopped clinging to this delusion a woman swiping on you beibg on a platform is sexually available already and just worked on their social skills and tried relating to women as human beings with our own sexual function and sec organ completey independent from his and stuck to wanking with their hands or a sleeve unless they want sex with another human being rather than trying to wank into women’s bodies and lost the over presumptive ness and entitlement…. These are all great places to start.
You’re not entitled to women’s attention and feeling aggrieved at women not responding to your sex advances is simply a reflection on the kind of attitude causing a lack of success with womem .
The fact you reference that your messages to women “become rude” when you are angry because you don’t get responses from women you and then send them abusive messages when they ignore your advances or don’t respond favourably to your sexual invitations simply reflects a complete lack of responsibility for your behaviour and your toxic sexual entitlement to women which you feel justifies you sending them rude or abusive messages .
Womem don’t owe you any
thing and you’re not entitled to see or anything else with us .
A great place to start if you’d like women to be more interested in sex with men especially encounters with men they don’t know or have any relationship with which is statistically are the least likely to even pretend to try to sexually satisfy the woman who they tend to just want to use like the “cum dump” their porn hubs prefer to call women along with a choice if other names none of which include “human being”
The best place to start would be to start trying addressing the orgasm gap and to study the full anatomy of the clitoris and renounce the right to have sex with a woman end without get having at least one orgasm and having her needs met .RHP User
3 months ago
Totally agree, put simply-don’t be a dick
RHP User
3 months ago
The only woman that have replied to me have been next level brain dead .....
Like dating when your 15 and people can't talk because they don't even know themselves...
I'll run out the subscription and never be
back
AGuyCalledMax
3 months ago
If I get 20 likes then my partner gets 400 likes. They literally cannot respond to all of them.
CuriousMinx
3 months ago
The way the platform operates is part of the problem. Women get smashed with overwhelming numbers of messages when their profiles are visible, but can't view profiles when their own is hidden. I get that is by design - to try and have more womens profiles visible, but I reckon it works against the fellas - if it were possible to view profiles without yours visible - I think a lot more women would selectively browse and make first contact - as it would avoid the tsunami and enable them to sort the wheat from the chaff (so to speak) which would actually result in more contacts (imo) / interest / responses.
Other thing is poorly developed profiles - if there's no info - then there's nothing on which to gauge interest when a message arrives.
Plus the other stuff mentioned by others - poor form in the consent department when it comes to explicit content (written / pics) - doesn't bode well for any in person contact if a bloke can't even figure out how to build some rapport and navigate the dynamics of the conversation to their interests with some delicacy and a bit of quality flirtation.
If they're a rough / poor communicator online - then chances are they are also so in real life - both in and out of the boudoir.
My 2c.
jeneregretterien
3 months ago
My novice theories and as a female:
1. Momentum is key- hence it isn't necessarily the opening line as such but how it builds once a response is given. Keeping that momentum going helps as you don't get forgotten in the crowd.
2. Be memorable- that doesn't necessarily mean a creative d$ck pic or crude description of your special skills in the sack but can be something completely unrelated to hooking up.
3. No signs of laziness- includes grammar, spelling and initial message being somewhat creative beyond "Hey"
4. Visuals-given the platform, standing out with more than a chiselled torso can be eyecatching. Women see detail and watch the background in photos women will spot the manky toothbrush in the cup and what not.
5. Serendipty- this one can't be helped. Sometimes you just get lucky because of the moon or raging hormones or what not ..this part you can't control but again if you have interesting opener it mean it stands out later.
6. The strip tease approach- no need to go hard in but a slow sexy reveal building some anticipation. Yes it risks losing momentum and i think that's why some guys come on so hard but it can be off-putting.
7. Curiosity- a good way to approach life and people.
8. Don't be too serious, show that lighter side.
Just my thoughts 😉
Sect8080
3 months ago
Whether it be male or female… if you’re messaged…. The receiver owes that other person nothing. Women are often inundated by the crass and mundane. If the picture or opening line doesn’t hit… you’ll be lost in the pile of 300 plus messages. You shouldn’t always judge a book by its cover but if the cover isn’t good… you’re not going to read it. That being said, if someone was to message back and say they’re not interested. At the very least I’d hope it would be polite and courteous… past that, if you’re lucky enough to receive feedback back. Take it both in your stride and with a grain of salt, what changes someone may want to make to look appealing may not hit for others. Also… if you’re not someone’s cup of tea and they were respectful to you, we’re all humans… be courteous back or don’t reply at all.
RHP User
3 months ago
Oh yeah. You poor bugger.. dealing with so many females.. they complain about explicit photos yet they shove their arse all over front page..
They complain about ( not their type) but yet they pile on makeup. Botox and expect a God.. cmon girls come off your high horse and look in the mirror.. men don't photograph like us we understand lighting and angles.
True we don't give them a chance..girls are up themselves
SunnyDays123
2 months ago
In the first 3 days of joining the platform I was inundated with messages from single guys and couples. Then I received the most aggravating and intriguing message to date... and I responded... and we chatted, then called... and arranged to meet.
We connected.
We've been together a month and a half, and I'm so glad that I responded to his message or I would have missed out on meeting and being involved with a wonderful person who's kind, patient, cheeky, frustrating, fun, and sits there bemused while I talk enough for the both of us!
So single ladies, as much as we all just want to block the men who send insulting or aggravating messages, read the message again and change the tone. Perhaps it will encourage a good conversation, and you'll find you have the kind of connection you want. If not, you can still block them 🤷♀️
StartingAt40
2 months ago
I think this site is for the fulfilment of fantasies, grounded or not.
Therefore, it makes sense to me that if you're an average joe, you're probably not on the radar. No matter how articulate or well written your message is, they're probably looking for specific physical attraction.
People are also time poor in the modern world, and while I'm not excusing the lack of some degree of manners, I can understand attractive people not wanting to respond to hundreds of messages in very variable quality from others that don't match their physical expectations. Rudeness or unsolicited photos no doubt makes that even less appealing
I think the same is true of standard Internet dating overall, which after a solid decade of ghosting and people not being able to articulate what they want, or just being frightened, or some combination, has become a complete waste of time. It's a very good way to deplete your wallet and confidence, especially when you're just left wondering time after time. Furthermore, pictures and text (if it is even read) varying quality are easily dismissed with a swipe, if they are even promoted by whatever algorithms control these things.
If you're a single male, I would recommend not bothering at all with online stuff and try meet people offline where you're not at the mercy of algorithms, user interfaces and fantastical desires and people can see the real you.
Colette
a month ago
I have noticed that a lot of men fire off a message not having read read a woman’s profile. You will certainly be ignored if you do that when you are nothing like her stated preference.
angel_eyes
a month ago
Many things come into play.
How people message you is the beginning, first impressions.
If there witty or something draws you to them. Also of course attraction, charm.
Flagmantle24
13 days ago
I have been on her for about 18 years and it has always been like that, and every other web page. The reason a lot of women choose not to message back is because we receive one (or all of the following.
"You are too old anyway"
"You are too fat and ugly"
"Your loss"
or an unsolicited dick pic and "this is what you are missing out on"
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