M62
Is societys need for monogomy a killer of great relationships.
January 07 2013
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Or Consensus as i tend to think of it, is.....A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually."I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do." is the longest sentence?
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RHP User
13 years ago
People allowing their own need to 'fit in' or seek society's approval of their relationship to outweigh what's really right for them as a person is a problem. People feeling they have a right (or worse, a duty) to denounce those who seek out alternate options for themselves, or that any relationship that doesn't follow the basis of their own is a threat to society at large or will somehow diminish the 'sanctity' of their own relationship is also a problem, but blaming society rather than making individuals take responsibility for the needless damage wrought by their own narrowminded views is never going to solve anything, IMO
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RHP User
13 years ago
Jealousy is a curse but cheating is worse. Now if two people can be happy having individual sex lives and also with their partner then I have no problem with that. It's when one partner starts to lie and cheat that it becomes a problem. It can happen in monogamous relationships and it can happen in poly relationships too. I don't think it's any one persons right to decide what is best for everyone either way, it's up to the individual and their partner.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Some people are not particularly well equipped for traditional monogamy. They do their best to confirm to convention and this invariably leads to significant issues. Within such monogamous relationships such people cannot lead authentic loving lives. In my mind Polyamory is a much healthier option for such people. They realise that they are capable of loving more than one person...and that the act of loving more than one person does not compromise the love in any way... Polyamory allows emotional and physical freedom. Monogamy stifles them.... But it doesn't work for all people... In fact, most people cannot even comprehend it as a genuine model for a relationship/s. Monogamy works for many people though....
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RHP User
13 years ago
Excuse the spelling...damn auto correct..
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RHP User
13 years ago
I think your idea floats. Society overtly pushes it's exclusive love thing on us and while it's a good fit for many. It's not the be all and end all.An old buddy is a biochemist. I remember being surprised when she told me that the vast majority of women go though a chemical change about 7 years after their last child. They then find their bloke less appealing and want to fall pregnant to another man. This is evidently a measurable thing. It makes sense when you consider the positive effect this has on gene pool diversity.Hard to stick to the monogamy thing when nature gets in the way like that.
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Paradisepair
13 years ago
And they confuse lust with love. I am just glad MrPP and I figured out what was right for us.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
13 years ago
The womans version of the 7 year itch... hmm interesting, off to consult google.
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RHP User
13 years ago
There is an excellent book on this very subject''Sex At Dawn'' the prehistory of modern sexuality....Ryan and Jetha.It is available from Amazon,Dymocks and even the local library. The authors motivation for writing the book was because they felt that the 50 per cent divorce rate in the USA was due largely to sexual infedility and that if that was taken out of the relationship equasion couples may indeed stay together . I personally think it is an excellent book and made a lot of sense to me.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I can tell you straight out that monogomy isn't the primary reason of AVOs and disputes in the FCA.
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RHP User
13 years ago
He can do whome ever he likes I am more than happy with that one of my girlfriends ask me the other day, how would you feel if I slept with your husband he is a very fit guy I said honey go for it, he would be happy as a pig in poo and I would not be with him, if he did not allow me lovers he knows I am on rhp but, I never do it when he is home, nor does he have any idea when where and with whom I have my as he calls them trysts I have set my hubby up with threesomes etc. it was not always this way, yes we were the ma and pa kettle of normsville but things change you can split up or you can compromise in life.
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On_Safari
13 years ago
All lust and love aside what happens to the bruised ego or your partner's insecurity that eventually you may meet someone they'll leave you for? I mean that scenario could occur whether monogamous or polyamorous. It's not just a dream of the lust, anyone can dream at dream; but what happens when lust becomes reality how are the ego of the individual affected. In a monogamous relationship you work at it day in day out to ensure thier ego, lusts and need are met. You can't shine everyday when another person only has to perform/shine for a night/hour. What happens when the old loses it's shine and then the new loses it also? It's harder to perform everynight in every way for 10yrs than it is for a night. And you've already let go of what was real. Not saying one is better than the other by any stretch and I love that it works for alot of couples here. This is more a personal musing of something I battle with morally. Then again when is it easier to give up and let someone else have a go?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Sometimes we apply over analyses to meaning. If you look at any religion or belief the main focus is on unity between two people. Even during dire times where there is no possible chance of reconciliation, certain religions will still put effort and focus on unity and getting back together. Maybe the main focus is on celebrating love between two people (and why not). We should focus on it as something special and if people get it right its a beautiful thing to have. Unfortunately reality throws up a lot of variables that tend to interfere or damage unity and love. I think one has a personal responsiblity not to hurt or harm the one they love. Disagreements will always be just that but jealousy won't and shouldn't be present if true love is there.
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On_Safari
13 years ago
Thank you. You're beautiful inside and out. x
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RHP User
13 years ago
...nor do I believe there is much left that would constitute the status quo in the type, style or nature of a relationship. There are people who are perfectly happy with voluntary monogamy and in fact quite enjoy it...you'll also find that they are usually best friends, they have a lifestyle match that suits them and find everything they need in each other that they need whether for the long term or even something less onerous. The legal, religious or moral confines have usually gone right out the door...they are their by choice and found that very elusive balance the physical, mental and emotional side of life. A successful relationship is often hallmarked by how well it ends rather than how it began...think about it.That is of course not to say that everyone needs to or should choose it, again we are all volunteers in our own lives and how we live them...the only person that has the right to judge you is the person in the mirror. I also do not believe at all that an 'open relationship' has any better chance, more or less, for long term success. You are thereby limiting the experience of the person to a single facet, their sexuality and the desire to express it. While that temporally may fulfill the physical...what about all the rest? Just one man's opinion who lives well and truly outside the dictates of society and enjoys every minute of it. As long as everyone involved is happy and not at physical, mental or emotion risk...write you own rules and enjoy your life.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Nicely put.Though I think jealousy has nought to do with love. I think it's more to do with personal confidence?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Monogamy doesnt kill great relationships, people do. Or rather, the choices people make, kill great relationships. If someone chooses to stray, knowing full well what the consequences may or may not be, arent they themselves responsible for their own relationships demise, if they are 'found out'? I'd say 'yes' every time. Shel.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was Monogamous for 17 years - and happy within that relationship...for the last couple of years we have been Polyamorous - it works....I do not think the move back to monogamy would make sense after such a transition ;-)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Life is so much more simple than people make it out to be :) That which you focus on becomes your reality - proven again and again through ancient mysticism AND modern science, among other things. If you and your partner want a loving, peaceful, sexy monogamous relationship you can have one. Focus on it and orient your choices and actions towards it - as Shel said, it's always about what you CHOOSE and what you DO. If you're saying one thing but doing another your life's going to get out of whack pretty quickly - and that includes jealousy, insecurity, manipulation, fear - all of these things undermine the likelihood of your relationship (monogamous or otherwise) being successful. If monogamy doesn't feel right for you, choose something else and live with integrity around that choice. Yes, relationships require other people to make choices that converge neatly with yours and yes it can be hard to find those people, but in the end you can only control what you do, how clear and honest you are, and how true you live to yourself. It matters not what society thinks about monogamy. It matters what YOU think about it and how YOU live your life. Any person who discredits the value of a beautiful, committed, monogamous relationship, and the love, tolerance, forgiveness and perseverance it takes to make one work, has - in my view - closed their mind to the myriad of possibilities the world offers, and has limited their own thinking.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I'm not advocating for monogamy over another type of relationship. I'm simply suggesting that rejecting monogamy - especially due to 'society' - is nonsense.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Sweet__Dreams'I'm not advocating for monogamy over another type of relationship. I'm simply suggesting that rejecting monogamy - especially due to 'society' - is nonsense. it is nonsense, and i think that to blame anyone other than ourselves...and/or our partners, for the failure of a relationship, is both dishonest and deceptive.... its high time we all took responsibilty for our own actions...or lack of, and stopped hiding behind screens of vague justifications and blame. its not societies fault, or the churches, or even the governments....relationships are made by, and destroyed by, the individuals within them.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I met a gorgeous couple who had been married for 76 years...not a typo they were 92 and 96 years young. They were very loving towards each other and obviously cared deeply for one another.She was in hospital and it was the first time they had been separated since ww2....when he came to visit her ,he rushed through the door calling out her name. They cried and I cried from the bed opposite....I have no idea if they were or had always been monogamous but they had certainly found true love or what I call the Loch Ness Monster...there has finally been a sighting and some real evidence ,for me at least. I will never forget meeting Mona and Arthur.
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RHP User
13 years ago
This is all i have to say.Read this article on here on redhotpie.Great read and very true.Leesaxxhttp://redhotpie.com.au/Article/Swingers-Mentally-Healthier-Than-Monogamous-Peers-1054
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'Sweet__Dreams'I'm not advocating for monogamy over another type of relationship. I'm simply suggesting that rejecting monogamy - especially due to 'society' - is nonsense. it is nonsense, and i think that to blame anyone other than ourselves...and/or our partners, for the failure of a relationship, is both dishonest and deceptive.... its high time we all took responsibilty for our own actions...or lack of, and stopped hiding behind screens of vague justifications and blame. its not societies fault, or the churches, or even the governments....relationships are made by, and destroyed by, the individuals within them. All too often people put up posts about this trying to justify their actions....trying to get others to agree with them so they feel all better about the choices that they have made. Stand up and be counted. I am by my very nature a monogamous person. Fortunately my partner is as well. This has absolutely nothing to do with society. I have managed to raise my children to adulthood while never getting married. 35 years ago when I was first pregnant I relaised that marriage was not for me. Society did not accept 15 year old girls who were pregnant then either but I didnt care. Personally I do not give a flying f*** what society thinks or accepts as norm. I do what feels right for me. I do not cheat because I would not be able to look my partner in the face again. I do not have sex with anyone else because in all honesty I simply dont want to. Too easy! . Do not blame society for your actions for that is surely the same as those rapists and murderers in India getting off scott free because thier society accepts what they did as "the norm"
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RHP User
13 years ago
umm been with hubby no cheating for 13 years... now in order to have a happy wife happy life we have decided time to bring more in. he is my best friend and i get off watching him love me fuck anotther guy. he knows it is all about the pussy i lick and cock i fuck and nothing more...in saying that a big smile and face mean the world
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'couplesint'This is all i have to say.Read this article on here on redhotpie.Great read and very true.Leesaxxhttp://redhotpie.com.au/Article/Swingers-Mentally-Healthier-Than-Monogamous-Peers-1054had read that one as well....very true.
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Mr_MrsJones
13 years ago
I think that sometimes we forget that marraige is not just about sexual fidelitly. The function of a marraige is so much more than just fucking. A marraige is a partnership for building a family, raising children and building your partner up. We get so hung up on sexual fidelity. It is hammered into us from birth in religion, popular media and the images around us. But there is far less emphasis on relationships as a way of building people up. To achieve this and for both partners to grow and become functional members of society we need to have experiences and follow our interests. This can mean having sexual experiences with different people and in different scenarios other than the marital bed. It can also mean swearing off sex for good. The Dali Lama once said that for there to be a perfect religion for everyone in the world there would need to be four billion different religions. I would argue that for there to be a perfect marraige for everyone in the world there would need to be two billion different marraiges. Mrs Jones
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RHP User
13 years ago
IS societys accepted norm of monogomy a killer of many great relationships. How many great relationships have been destroyed by what society sees as the NORM Quoted by Op In answering the above questions, no, I don’t believe that society kills relationships – the people in the relationship are the killers. It is the lack of honest and heart-felt communication that is the instrument. It is all very well to blame ‘something else out there’, ie society, however, each of us has a responsibility to filter through the ‘trends’ and to be authentic to ourselves and to those that we invite into our lives. Society’s governance is a fluxing, changing, nebulous capsulation of ideas and thoughts for a given period of time, thought out and bought-in, by the masses. For example, it was not that long ago that the masses negatively viewed and shunned women having children out of wedlock, couples getting divorced, same sex relationships etc (of course some of these prejudices still exist today although tolerance levels are becoming higher; as ‘society’ is always continually readjusting its acceptance levels). In saying the above, no matter if it is a mono or poly relationship (the rules of engagement should be clearly explained and understood by those who place themselves in any type of relationship), trust and consideration should always be part of the building blocks. Cheating and lying to have sex without the other party’s knowledge has nothing to do with society; it has everything to do with that person’s moral compass. BTW an eloquent post, DontLookDown.
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