M47
Is one date all it takes??
February 06 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
im sorry that happened to you but maybe she just didnt feel that spark when you met to me if you want things to go further you do need to meet them a couple of times to see if anything is there but maybe she has just saved you the time by being upfront and honest...its better to know at the start than sometime down the line plus she was nice enough to tell you, some people just leave it and you never hear nothing back, ever can i just say i really approve of you moving to a cave...long hair and a beard is so damn hot and im sure would look really good on you good luck and hugs to you roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Awww you do sound sad today, and I can't blame you But what I will say to you is......don't take her 'personal shit' on as your own, let me explain from a crazy female mind lol You've come away questioning every ounce of your self worth, and being very very hard on yourself !!! She might have a million and one issues, none of which are to do with you personally but as a 'potential mate' only. She might have her head in the clouds, and be expecting butterflies to start flying around the two of you, hearing the bells of angels tinkling in the background???? She might even just be a cold bitch too. But it does sound like she's set you up to be something in her mind that no one was ever going to be able to live up to Do you get my drift? I'd give you a big hug to make you feel better if I could but then I'd smack you on the ass, and tell you to get off your own back go easy on yourself Arkengel.
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RHP User
15 years ago
It doesnt just happen on other sites, it happens here as well, i've been through it non stop and it really gets to the point that you feel like giving up altogether and just live as a Hermit, you could alway's move down here and we could live as Hermits together, chin up dont look at every meet as the start of a relationship, hard thing to do when you get on so well with someone but it seems a relationship is the last thing anyone wants these day's Big Hug's for ya....... Dellaroo
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RHP User
15 years ago
The only thing one can do is put themselves out there and hope for the best. Don't let one or two bad experiences put you down, what will see you through is to be perseverent. Life can be very complex at times but never doubt yourself, just keep going. Anyway did not want to make it sound like a searmon, just maybe to tell you that is nothing wrong with you. Now put your casual pants on and go out there........
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RHP User
15 years ago
It happens all too often. I must admit to doing the same thing myself actually. It is a matter of chemistry and sometimes we just dont feel it when face to face. Often yes it does only take the one meeting to know. Dont dispair, dont give up...somewhere out there is the woman (or women) for you.
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RHP User
15 years ago
There only about three things that I can think of in life that are certainties....taxes, death and that life on a good day in a game of uncertainties. But then again, sometimes that's half the fun and all in how you look at it. Let's say just for fun that out of every 5 meetings there will be 1 that turns on the green light. Guess what...you just got rid of one more off your shit list and the next one might be the one. | Could be just me...but I can always live with a "yes" or a "no". It's those damn "maybe babies" that drive me up a wall but then again...I can always grab the eraser and take them off the whiteboard too I guess. Oh and yesterday...I was home doing my taxes, that is a shit day. | And as you can see, dontgothere has flawless and clearly explained the logical and decisive interworkings of a very delightful female mind....so what she said, too. Hey hold on, I just read what she wrote again... | ...and now I am really confused about women!
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RHP User
15 years ago
I wouldn't be beating myself up about it if I was you.Yes its dissapointing, but if there is no chemistry it ain't going to happen. I think lots of times that the on line chemistry loses something in the face to face translation.Regardless of how much effort you invest, you can't force someone to bond with you.She was no doubt just avoiding a face to face confrontation by fobbing you off by text.Cheers Nev....One sided affection is never fun.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yuck. What a huge let-down. And it's not like you saw it coming either, hey?? I don't get it either. Think of it this way...at least you know NOW how she really feels and not after you'd slept with her or anything! She is doing you a favour by this behaviour because she's not putting you through any (more) of her bullshit. I understand having no chemistry and whatnot, but to erase you so quickly and not even want to be friends is a bit much!!!! Just for the record, I don't add people to Facebook until I know what they are about, and have met them etc. But back on topic, yes, one meeting is sufficient....in fact, the first 30 seconds is usually all it takes!!! Especially seeing as you had talked for a whole week already. Feel better soon x
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RHP User
15 years ago
I hate to hear of people being disappointed, it sucks to have your hopes dashed, but sometimes one date is enough if the person is honest. Sometimes there's just 'something' there when you meet someone and sometimes it's just not there and no matter how nice the guy is or how bad you feel about the trouble he went to in order to meet you, you can't force it. I really don't think it reflects any deficiency on either party, it's just something personal within each of us. . On the bright side, at least you know and you can move on rather than being strung along and put off with lame excuses that leave you wondering what the hell is going on. . This 'missed opportunity' leaves you open for something better to come along!! xx sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
You said this keeps happening, so maybe it's time to re-evaluate how you're interacting with these women on your coffee dates? Overenthusiasm, sob stories, bitch stories, unconscious ear-picking, poor penmanship, etc, every girl has a red flag and you might be triggering them without even knowing it. . By all means be yourself but you kinda have to show the most winning attributes of yourself, ya know?
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RHP User
15 years ago
That's a pisser mate. Some people seem to have in their heads what they think they want and that's that. You might have said something that spooks her... or she may have already subconsciously made up her mind long before you met and was merely going through the motions so she could satisfy herself that she tried. Really.. there's no way of knowing.. and no point looking inside for the answers... you are who you are mate so keep your head up.HUgsStalky
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Jbomb84
15 years ago
arkengel78 i know first hand about girls saying its not right or we dont have much in common.There have also been times where I have been chatting with girls for weeks on the phone and online and then when we come to meet up they come up with some excuse. It really make you think why or how they can tell just after one date...... or make you think what it was that you did wrong???
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yeh. i made a point of asking her for feedback. but she gave me very little to work with. certainly didnt give me a reason of being something that i did or didnt do. I sort of anylyzed how i acted towards her, maybe i could of tried being flirtatious but i was trying not to be full on and just talk with her and learn more about her. maybe i should have asked more questions but was times i was coming up blank. maybe i was just too tired by that point in the afternoon. i could "what if" all day long and i guess i wouldnt know and rightly said by stalk, i am who i am and i can't change that. I'm just left feeling as though i didnt get a good enough chance to show her what i am really like. But as it has also been pointed out the 1st 30 seconds is all it takes, 1st impressions last. whilst i dont think i madea bad impression i agree that yes it would appear she has something in her mind of what she wants and it just isnt me. i wouldnt be all surprised if it is the ex boyfriend of 5 years that i was being measured up to. but i just wouldn't know because she has kept that snippet of information to herself. i do appreciate the comments guys and i'm alright, i'll harden up and get on with life. Just can't be all beer and skittles all the time
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes u may have seemed to get along! chatting online! Phone! Pics & maybe web cam! But the reality! is In real Life its different! The Chase is done Yous finally meet! But there is no SPARK! She may have liked u as a friend only! but that can be hard to say at times! when she may have been able to see that you really LIKE her! Right or Wrong! Its not meant to be Honey! Lots of other Nice Woman! Dont let this STOP you! The next one might Stalk you! all different! It happens to everyone! Its not just You! xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I read your post a couple of times and what stood out to me was "Happens to me alot" and "Low self esteem" and "In tears"! I'm guessing that maybe you give off a negative "aura" when you meet these women? I can't see your face, so I can't "read" why you are like this and why this happens to you! < As far as the girl goes I actually give her 10 points for telling you even if it was by text! At least she had the guts to tell you and not disappear as some (including me) would! I also am a bit perplexed as to how you can put so much emotion into one meeting and just one week of messages/phone calls! My guess is, she was a beautiful looking girl and you went more for her looks than anything else! A few hours with someone just talking, face to face, will give an indication if you have chemistry or not! Think back...did you do most of the talking and she did most of the nodding? xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx' I read your post a couple of times and what stood out to me was "Happens to me alot" and "Low self esteem" and "In tears"! I'm guessing that maybe you give off a negative "aura" when you meet these women? I can't see your face, so I can't "read" why you are like this and why this happens to you! < As far as the girl goes I actually give her 10 points for telling you even if it was by text! At least she had the guts to tell you and not disappear as some (including me) would! I also am a bit perplexed as to how you can put so much emotion into one meeting and just one week of messages/phone calls! My guess is, she was a beautiful looking girl and you went more for her looks than anything else! A few hours with someone just talking, face to face, will give an indication if you have chemistry or not! Think back...did you do most of the talking and she did most of the nodding? xFunlovingx Sorry but I never go into a meeting/date with a negative aura. I was as warm and friendly as i possibly could be. I stayed away from negative conversation, never asked a question bout past relationships or talked about my own. I personally am happy with how i was with her. We each had relatively equal footing in conversation and no one person dominated conversation or acted disinterested in what the other had to say. Yes, she was attractive, damn straight she was. But no, it wasnt the sole reason why i was meeting her. You may feel i put too much emotion into it but i think i have every god given right to and don't apologise for it. I was upset, simply because i dislike being rejected and shocked that i was. Show me a person who does like it. I had very positive feelings about this person from our conversations/phonecalls and i was optimistic. It didnt feel like we were not getting along famously at all. It was a let down and yes i got carried away. I realise that but i kinda don't apolgise for it either. Whats the alternative, exactely like u say, you go in with a negative/suspicious mind rather than one that is positive. I'm cool now. I've accepted what has happened. On the day, for whatever the reason maybe, it didnt work out. I'm not happy about it but it only takes one person not to be feeling it and she wasn't and so be it. That is that, moving on, NEXT!
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RHP User
15 years ago
I've been feeling quite down lately. However, today I went to the gym, walked through the door and the lady at the counter said "You haven't been here in 188 days".... man time flies... I thought it was a couple of months the other side of my holiday in December... so I punished myself, had a shower, came out and looked around. I love perving I've decided. Some familiar faces said hello... they've obviously been training hard in the last 6 months. I'm going back tomorrow for more! I feel a little more horny now than I did yesterday. NEXT! hehe.HUgsStalky Quoting 'arkengel78' I'm cool now. I've accepted what has happened. On the day, for whatever the reason maybe, it didnt work out. I'm not happy about it but it only takes one person not to be feeling it and she wasn't and so be it. That is that, moving on, NEXT!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' I've been feeling quite down lately. However, today I went to the gym, walked through the door and the lady at the counter said "You haven't been here in 188 days".... she must've really missed you. counting the days...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Yes. One meeting is all that it takes in most instances. For example, I haven't really given this any thought before this morning, but I think this is how it might play at a subconcious level. 0-60 secs - can I stand this person?0-5 minutes - do I want to shag this person?1 - 60 minutes - do I want to be friends with this person? 1 - 120 minutes - could I possibly see myself in a relationship with this personObviously "can I stand this person" and "do I want to shag this person" responses aren't mutually exclusive. As is shag and friend. However, if someone is looking for a relationship and they get a no to that question even though ticks to the first three, it doesn't matter, they're looking for something they don't think you can provide.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hey Arkengel, I felt sad reading your post and wanted to give you a big hug. I think dating is such hard work that having FWBs or FBs becomes a lot more appealing ! But ultimately it leaves us empty inside. I don't believe in judging a guy on a first meeting unless I"ve already kind of made my mind up with all the chatting and texting and just had nothing better to do so went along to kill a few hours. (Yep, wrong wrong wrong.) I think I"m kind of the opposite.... I take too long to decide ! I like to give everyone 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th chances. Perhpas I'm just hoping they will suddenly become my my prince charming. We can't do much but to keep trying and know that many many people have the same experiences just like you. Hugs, Saturn
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RHP User
15 years ago
Well we don’t know both sides of the story and people are attracted to whomever they are attracted to and you can’t control that. But what I get here is you sound desperate and lack confidence and that for me counts Big Time. But try not to let it get you down and keep up the search and eventually you’ll find someone for whatever your after. But just because you’re a so called nice guy doesn’t make the woman like you ..Physical attraction and personality all come into it and you can’t change either easily .. So Back on the horse man and NEXT
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RHP User
15 years ago
(as always) i agree with Boring_Name - one date IS all it takes. i've been dabbling in online dating, and it's been horrible. because even with all the chats, and the photo swapping, and all the rest of it, there is just no real way to know if you have a connection until you meet. and then, when you DO meet, it only takes half an hour to know if the connection is there or not. it's totally organic and unable to be manipulated or helped, and it really can't be taken personally. what's horrible, from the girl's point of view, is having to turn down the second date. there's just no reason to meet a second time if the connection isn't there - i've agreed to a couple of second dates, and met up, only to really regret saying yes - because it only hurts the guy more when you turn down further dates later on. online dating really is even tougher than RHPing - i hate to say it but you are going to have to toughen up some. as for me, i'm taking a break from it. i'm sick of constantly being in a position where i have to rip men's hearts out, time and time again. it's not nice for the girl, either!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MsValkyrie' as for me, i'm taking a break from it. i'm sick of constantly being in a position where i have to rip men's hearts out, time and time again. it's not nice for the girl, either! lmfao @ a trail of destruction and mortally wounded souls... .there was only ever one solution... You could do with a blonde wingman to follow along and sweep up the broken pieces :)HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MsValkyrie' (as always) i agree with Boring_Name - one date IS all it takes. Having read through and followed this post a bit...I have to agree with both of you ladies, and you have hit it on the head. Well done. I usually invest enough time before meeting someone for the first time to have a pretty good idea as to what the outcome may be...not that it is a guaranteed, but rarely am I disappointed. Probably a couple of reasons....I am a grown up and fairly confident in myself and why I am on this site, and ask questions as I get to know someone. The magic connection for me is usually discovered in the voice and I would never meet someone I had not spent a bit of time talking to and getting to know the sound (or more appropriately the feeling) that is conveyed in their voice. It's pretty easy to type in a variety of styles and you can toss bravado all over the place (that's anothe word for bullshit) from behind a computer screen or online chatting...but the voice, you can hear it in their eyes, and no that's not a typo. Of course you can hear a giggle, even from a very self assured woman...but I have asked more than once..."are you blushing, too?" ...and heard a very surprised yes on the other side of the phone. And I ask some of the harder questions too...you know the kind, I don't need to say much. | If I know I am on solid footing, I will go airborne and fly to whereever and don't see distance as a tyrant. I have also invited guests to meet me in the city at a nice hotel...I have even cooked a few times, with the expectation and promise that we are both free to leave at any time if nothing is happening. Of course dog that I am...I have rarely had anyone leave but on those couple of occassions, have just chucked on the street gear and headed over to the Casino. I hate commuting back and forth every day and don't mind a little self indulgence. I know who I am...a hedonist and happy to build a relationship from there. | Too...those "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club" websites? I would rather put my application in now for becoming a monk on a hilltop retreat in the Himalayas. There may be a few odd ones here...but in the main I think we are more honest in our approach to each other. Those other sites...they are playing the same game, just by different rules and have to say I doubt that I would find a collection of Cabbage Patch Kids much to my liking unless I could sell them on eBay. | Just go for it....or stealing the Nike line "Just Do It". You could always borrow Tiger Woods hat... | I Just Did It
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RHP User
15 years ago
Spend less time chatting online or on the phone or whatever and get to a face-to-face meeting quickly. Things are always different in person. At least she didn't string you along for date after date.Just keep trying, you'll find someone eventually
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Quoting 'MsValkyrie' as for me, i'm taking a break from it. i'm sick of constantly being in a position where i have to rip men's hearts out, time and time again. it's not nice for the girl, either! lmfao @ a trail of destruction and mortally wounded souls... .there was only ever one solution... You could do with a blonde wingman to follow along and sweep up the broken pieces :)HugsStalky Oh, I think Stalky might be talking about me there MsV! I'll clean up for you although I'm not sure out tastes run the same. :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'desserts' Spend less time chatting online or on the phone or whatever and get to a face-to-face meeting quickly. Things are always different in person. At least she didn't string you along for date after date.Just keep trying, you'll find someone eventually thats great advice,If Im looking to meet someone from here or any other site I dont usually want to spend more than 2 or three messages before we have plans to meet and greet. I have walked from a few dates in half hour or so just because I immediately knew on meeting that nothing was going to eventuate, and Ive also had a couple that I would have loved to have gone further but didnt... oh well..I think its difficult for guys Archangel because we have a social perception of not being in controll of advancing a sexual encounter (how many times have you turned a girl down for sex? yet the perception is that girls do that to guys all the time) the thing is if you shorten the lead time from online to face to face you havent invested as much of your heart into it, your view is more subjective and either way it goes you are able to rationalize more effectively (becaue you didnt know what to expect going into the date beyond the basics) its just easier all round in my book. Its very easy to "craft" a message to someone that gives off signs of interest (on facebook, here, text messages etc) but the reality of face to face conversation will show you very quickly how much of that was show boating and how much of it was genuine interest on any level.Dont take it personally mate... its a good opportunity to learn a little more about how humans interact and Ive looked along this thread and yu have plenty of people teeling you you are good looking and seem decent... You look like you have a good physique too. Keep being yourself mate, sooner or later a sexy little thing will come along that will blow your socks off and all of the shit it took to get there will make it so much sweeter.LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
I went through one episode where we swapped messages then met, then she went overseas for a family emergency for two weeks and we stayed in close contact. She was quite emotional about what had called her away and felt more comfortable unloading on someone somewhat removed from her closer circle, so our communication was fairly intimate. Her openness drew me toward her - we hadn't had had sex, but I felt we had the beginnings of a good bond.When she got back, I told her I was going to a music festival in Queensland that she really wanted to see. She didn't have any friends going and wanted to save money by catching a ride back in the van I was sharing with three friends. She invited me to see a couple of bands and asked whether we could go to the festival as friends, as she wanted to get to know me better. I agreed and respected her wishes to the letter. We pcked her up at Coolongatta airport and went on to the festival, where I gave her plenty of space and slept in an adjacent tent. We got on well though - it was a really good weekend. Being conscious of her budget, I provided free party favourites and a few meals.We drove back to Sydney, dropped her at home and that was the last time I saw her. I called and left a message inviting her to a gig that I thought she'd like and got a text in return saying that she was seeing someone else, so it wouldn't be possible. The stupid thing is that I'd see her again in a heartbeat - she was gorgeous and fun and I thought we got on really well.The point of this rambling story is that given how it finished, I'd far sooner that she'd dumped me after the first date. If you think that it would have been easier if she'd "given you more of a chance", in my opinion you're seriously mistaken. If she dumped you after a few dates, the questions would be different, but certainly no fewer. No matter what, you just have to put it behind you and get on with it. Best of luck!
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RHP User
15 years ago
I met a nice, attractive chick on another site and we met up for lunch, had a good chat etc. We said goodbye and all that, she seemed like the kind of girl I could be friends with. But she honestly just didnt seem like the kind of person who would be after the same things im after, there didnt seem to be much chemistry, and I dont want to sound like a douche but she seemed TOO nice, and thats that. Doesnt mean I wouldnt want to hang out with her again, just means she doesnt seem like the right target for my depraved sexual desires lol.
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