M63
Is marriage ownership?
August 04 2012
Comments
-
RHP User
13 years ago
from an historical perspective was about property.It is a post agrarian concept.One of my favourite books on this subject is Sex At Dawn....the pre-historic origins of modern sexuality.. by Ryan and Jetha....it is a fascinating and informative read. In the modern marriage ceremony the line''who gives this woman to this man" is a remant from when women were definitely the property of their fathers and then became the property of their husbands.In some cultures this unfortunately is still the case. x Hugs H
-
Smilingwithfun
13 years ago
True others don't have the right too pass judgement.Until you have walked in their shoes. Usually those that comment live in glass houses. And then there are children.Who speaks for them?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
What ever they feel in the heat of what they believe is love at the time. Others say it because their parents paid thousands of dollars and aunty flow from England has flown all the way to see the happy couple. Marriage like Hessione is a way to say , we now own each other , each others thoughts, each others bodies..hey I am married to you so I am allowed to have sex when ever I want Hey back at you, just because you married me means you can fuck me when you like. Three things people divorce over. Money, Kids, Sex If it works so well, how come most of RHP are married people? We live to long, we have so much pressure trying survive with to much work, money problems yada yada that life changes and sometimes we just cant up and say , fuck you I need to get my end away some place else. I like marriage it gives me a wider selection of sexy frustrated, horny men. When I was married I was a dead root, so get it why guys stray. And I dont have to cook clean or go on to them about my shit of a day, nor they to me. The down side is they cant afford a good hotel. Marriage can be a good thing for a period of time that it suits both people and they are happy in it. If they work at being good to each other. Most run out of puff, especially in the sex department. I know so many women who have husbands who have not touched them for years. No matter what they do or say to the guy he just will not touch them. Same for guys and their wives each person must decide for themselves what will work for them.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Not everything is black and white... there are so many shades of grey, a person cannot possibly pass judgement on someone until they have walked a mile in their shoes. I too believe that if you withhold affection or sex from a partner then you have broken the contract of marriage, love and sex are such integral parts of a relationship, nobody deserves to live without them. Before my current relationship I was married to a man 14 years my senior, I met him when very young. After several years of marriage I knew that I was no longer in love with this person, I decided to be honest and tell him, he broke down and said that he couldn't live without me (literally threatened suicide), I relented as he was so upset and stayed and tried harder to make the marriage work, I met someone else who I had deep feelings for and was closer to my age, and could give me the children I desired. I once again tried to tell my husband that I didn't love him and that I had feelings for someone else, same thing happened, once again I stayed. I started to see this other man, just every now and then, as I had terrible feelings of guilt. This went on for three years, with me being honest with him on several occasions, but staying and promising that I would stop seeing the other man, as I cared for this person and didn't want anything terrible to happen to him. Anyway long story short, I eventually confronted him again, and told him in no uncertain terms that it was over and that I was leaving that night, he got very upset, then quite violent. My father came to get me and took me back to his house to stay, the next day I returned home to gather a few of my personal effects, I found my husband dead. he had carried through his threat to me. It took me a very long time to recover from this, I had alot of guilt. My final decision though came down to whether I deserved a life too. There are days even now, 14 years later, that I think I am a horrible person. I sometimes see people on here being shot down in flames for their infidelities (or attempts at it) and I have tried to be mindful that some of these people are living their lives in loveless marriages or like jensman said, they don't want to leave the wife or the kids to cope without them. Everyone has a story to tell, and yes some of these people are just assholes who think they can have their cake and eat it too, but you just never know what is going on in someones life to bring them to the point that they begin an affair. It has taken me ages to push the 'post your comment' button, Not many people know of my past, but if any of you wish to judge me, then so be it. Things are not always as they seem.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
you are not responsible for what your husband did.We are responsible for our own actions,our own lives.He did what he did out of anger, not out of love for you. Many people have their partners leave and yes it hurts, but eventually they get over it and get on with their lives. That was such a brave post Saskia and I sincerely wish for you much love and happinessx mega hugs H
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I have never posted on this forum, but after reading saskia72 post thought I should. I dont know you saskia, but I think you are very brave for putting your life out there, I cant imagine how hard it must have be for you at times. As a person who has recently gone through separation, I can relate to this topic. Is honesety the best policy? I am undecided. I was not in love with my ex, and ended it. I am wracked with guilt every day for doing it. It's only recent but I wonder when and if it ends. I think every day it would be easier to go back. You put so much into marriage, sometime I think because its an expectation of society, that when it ends it becomes so much harder.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries, I know that my attitude can cause offence to some people but I believe that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. Once they are gone, all their problems are over but those closest to them inherit all those problems and more.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Smilingwithfun'True others don't have the right too pass judgement.Until you have walked in their shoes. Usually those that comment live in glass houses. And then there are children.Who speaks for them? As I wrote, many people stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children. I did that for many years until I realised that they were being effected worse by the constant fights. That's when I decided it was time to leave.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I really appreciate your response. I have been very fortunate to have had unwavering support from a few great friends who helped me to realise that I can't take the blame for others actions, and that he had a choice to move on and start a new life. I don't think I will ever stop wondering if I was maybe selfish, but those moments are becoming less and more far between as the years go by. On a good note, I am still with the 'other man' and we have children and still love each other very much. I saw this quote a few weeks ago, and thought it appropriate, more food for thought on this subject ~" If you are in love with two people, choose the second person. You wouldn't have fallen in love with them if you had loved the first." xo
-
Wild_Pagan_Love
13 years ago
My god Sask, what a terrible story. The biggest tragedy is that you felt responsible. He chose to hold you at ransom, an extremely unfair thing to do. He also chose to view this unfortunate situation as the end of the world, which is immature and irresponsible. You were not wrong, life is complex, and we all get faced with crazy challenges now and then.Ultimately, all we have for certain is life and death, and the freedom to choose between the two at any time, BUT this is our own responsibility, nobody elses. So sad that you had to be apart of this, let alone feel responsible for the actions of others. We might be 'actors' in many peoples lives, but we're only directors of our own.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Marriage vows have evolved as society has (let's hope they evolve more substantially and the sooner the better - between two people).I never said I would obey my husband. I did say I would respect and love him.It's the love and respect that I hold most dear. If I knew what I was doing was disrespecting my partner to the extent that it would cause them to be shattered, then I would question whether I truly loved them (that's kind of a ironic question in my POV, if you get my drift). Marriage is very much a contract and if the terms are broken, the marriage is essentially over. Yes there are many factors, but if you can't be true to yourself.. the contract means nothing. Thus without love and respect, I find it hard (but not impossible) to see reasons to stay together and live out your life being miserable.Jensman, what you said "To thine own self be true" is the most important thing. If you are not true to yourself then you can't really be true to another.I feel like I am going to be slaughtered or called the 'moral police' for this, however, I didn't cheat, not in retaliation, not for any reason because - I would of betrayed myself (ok I may have gone through a shit load of batteries for a couple of years.. yes years...)I made the decision to end my marriage and it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make (and hopefully will ever have to make). For those on the "what about the children" camp, I agree! BOTH parents should consider their children. You need to weigh up how the relationship is affecting (going to affect) their life and how their life will be different if you separate/divorce.I decided they would be better nurtured with us apart.I have never experienced pain like I have watching my children cry and want their "daddy" and having to hold in the truth to protect three small children - the scars I have should not be passed on to my children. I never thought I would be amongst the divorce statistics, but then again, I never envisioned being in the marriage that I mine ended up being. Saskia, I commend your bravery and hope the supportive comments you receive here also help you see you are not responsible for actions when you were being true and honest to both you and your ex husband, rather than live a lie. I have seen this devastation and I hope your heart is healed.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries, I know that my attitude can cause offence to some people but I believe that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. Once they are gone, all their problems are over but those closest to them inherit all those problems and more. I tend to agree with you jensman for many situations, especially when used in retaliation. Sometimes I wonder if they realise they will not be around to see the effect they have had.However, there are times when a person who commits suicide truly and sincerely believes they will stop causing their loved ones pain by ending their own life. (It was a humbling experience that made me understand this - if someone can't understand that, at the least be very grateful you have never been in such a dark place to understand)Suicide, regardless of the reason, is like a drop in a pool of water. The waves of ripple effects are very far spread...
-
RHP User
13 years ago
My mother is conservative. She thinks beauty and money bring happiness, Muslims are trying to take over Australia one leaky boat at a time and that John Howard and Tony Abbott are closer to God than the Sun..She is a retired School teacher. A principal in fact. Loves childen to bits. You'd expect her to hold Marage as some sort of sacred cow. But one night she made the comment that unhappily married people should call it a day for the sake of their children.If you've stop hugging, kissing and being cute with each other, how can you expect your children to learn anything about love and positive relationships. Her coment "Too many people are teaching their children how to grind out an unhappy life with another person, instead of how to be actively in love"..I was surprised by her comment.. But for the first time in ages, she said something to me that made a lot of sense. Quoting 'Smilingwithfun' .... And then there are children.Who speaks for them?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I know that you have drawn a firm line against cheating and I respect that. I would never advise a person to engage in an extramarital affair but I understand why some do and realise that this act alone does not make someone a bad person. My stated view is that, once the marriage contract has been voided by withheld affection, physical or mental abuse or previous infidelity on the other spouses part, then an affair is not really cheating. This is only my view and others will say I'm only making excuses. That is their view and their prerogotive. I do understand the depths of depression that would make a person's thoughts turn to suicide. I've been there and was briefly held in hospital for it. It was the knowledge of the damage I would do to those around me if I were to do it that stopped me. I do understand and sympathise but I still have to maintain it is selfish. I believe that, if this attitude were more common place and more vocalised, there would be fewer suicides. If the notion were in a person's head that the crime of suicide was less about self harm and more about hurting their loved ones, perhaps that would be enough to stop more people. Have you noticed how suicide can often be a copycat crime? One person suicides, leaving devestation behind them, then another decides that, with the example already having been made, why shouldn't they follow in kind? You can have three or four suicides in succession, within a single family or social group, just because of the initial selfish act and the increasing pain left behind.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Killing your self to cause guilt is bloody shit. If your ex was patient enough to let go and have some water pass under the bridge. Things would have been ok. But he'd rather make a grand statement ostensibly to get at you..Being manipulated into staying was weak Saskia (but you know that). But killing him self in this sort of situation is way fucked. It gives us a pretty good picture of your marriage I think. A charming manipulator was he?Clearly pretty shitty having to find him the next day. You have my sympathy for that.. I just can't imagine how hard that would be.I'm right behind Jensman here..Sorry if this sounds a bit hard?
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I decided to share my story because there have been some very cutting comments from people on the subject of cheating. Yes there are some people out there who are just 'players' and will do anything to get another notch on the belt, but there are also those who really do live an unbearably unhappy life. Yes it is a much better option to leave before you start a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone else. In my situation I held out for three years (in this time I even went through with a sham of a wedding) because I felt so terrible that this person would harm himself, on one occasion he handed me a suicide note on the back of a photo of me..I just want to stress that he did not ever physically abuse me, but I realised after the fact that he was quite controlling. It wasn't until I realised how miserable I was that I decided to leave once and for all. As I originally stated, I had to choose to live my life, unfortunately he chose to opt out before I could go back and talk to him and advise that he get some counselling. And yes, it is better for children to live in a happy home than one full of tension, arguments and resentment, I can say that from experience too, my mum and dad used to fight like cats and dogs, my sister and I would always talk about which parent we would go live with if they split up - we used to fantasise about them separating so we wouldn't have to witness the fighting any longer. Thanks again everyone. xx
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Our society is evolving and attitudes to womens roles in marriage are too, but sadly some men and women still perceive it as ownership and treat their partners as belongings.. Unfortunately there will always be people (men and women) who feel that marriage vows mean ownership, instead of it being the giving of yourself to another and that it should be reciprocated. Abusive marriages lead to the destruction of the abused persons ability to act, so they often stay long after they should have left. The safety or well being of children often complicates the situation too.Saskia you were being emotionally blackmailed (abused), so you have no need to feel guilty. I was fortunate that my ex did not follow through on his threats. However he did make me fearful for a long, long time. Finally about 6 years ago he did something which made me so angry that it actually freed me of any doubt about the decision I had made. I have changed a great deal since then, becoming the person I would have been, if I'd never met him.While I will not become involved with a married or attached person I do not judge them, because I do not know their situation. I simply wish them well with their search. I have often been asked whether I ever thought of having an affair while I was married and I always answer, "No my life was complicated enough without complicating it further and I was not the slightest bit interested in finding another man."Suicide I believe is sad, when it is the only choice someone feels they have, but Saskia your husband's suicide was selfish. I have lost a great niece to suicide and I saw how it devastated my family. I have a son who battles depression, so it is not something I want to experience first hand. There were many days while I was married I momentarily thought of ending it, but my children made them simply fleeting thoughts thank goodness.I agree we need to educate people more about the impact of suicide on those left behind. They need to be told there are opportunities for change while you are alive, but not once you are dead.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I know I am a hopeless romantic and believe in marrige.....I send you these, I found these vowels in a book and thought this is how I would get married again. ……. have come here to make public their love for each other: to give to their truth: to declare their choice to live and partner and grow together-----out loud and in your presence, out of their desire that we will all come to feel very real and intimate part of their decision, and thus make it even more powerful. They’ve also come here today in the further hope that their ritual of bonding will help bring us all closer together. If you are her today with a spouse or a partner, let this ceremony be a reminder----a rededication of your own loving bond. We’ll begin by asking the question: Why get married? ………. have answered this question for them self’s, and they told me their answer. Now I want to ask them one more time, so they can be sure of their answer, certain of their understanding, firm in their commitment to the truth they share. This is the Ceremony of Roses, in which both share their understanding, and commemorate that sharing. Now both, you have told me it is your firm understanding that you are not entering into this marriage for reasons of security…. ……that the only real security is not in owning or possessing, nor in being owned or possessed….. ……not in demanding or expecting, and not even hoping, that what you think you need in life will be supplied by the other….. ….but rather, in knowing that everything you need in life …. …..all the love, all the wisdom, all the insight, all the power, all the knowledge, all the understanding, all the nurturing, all the compassion, and all the strength…resides within you… …..and that you are not each marrying the other in hopes of getting this things, but hopes of giving this gifts, that the other might have them in even greater abundance, Is this your firm understanding today. We say…..it IS Both, you have told me it is your firm understanding you are not entering into this marriage as a means of in any way limiting, controlling, hindering, or restricting each other from any true expression and honest celebration of that which is the highest and best within you------including your love to the universe, your love of life, your love of people, your love of creativity, your love of work, or any aspect of being which genuinely represents you, and brings joy. Is that still your firm understanding today? We say….. IT IS Finally both, you said to me that you do not see marriage as a producing obligation, but rather as providing opportunities….. ……opportunities for growth, for full Self-expression, for lifting your lives to the highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about yourself, and for ultimately reunion with the universe through the communion of your two souls…. …… this is truly a HOLY COMMUNINON…. A journey through life with one you love as an equal partner, sharing equally both the authority and the responsibilities inherent in any partnership. Bearing equally what burdens their be, basking equally in the glories Is this the vision you wish to enter into now? We say IT IS I now give you these two roses, symbolising your individual understanding of these Earthily things; that you both know and agree how life will be with you in bodily form, and within the physical structure of marriage. Give these roses now to each other as a symbol of your sharing of these agreements and understandings with love. Now, please each of you takes these white roses. It is a symbol of your larger understandings, of your spiritual nature and your spiritual truth. It stands for purity of your Real and Highest Self and of the purity of the Universal love. Which shines upon you now, and always? (Roses with rings are exchanged) What symbols do you bring as a reminder of this promises given and received today? (We give the rings to the celebrant, who holds the rings in her hand and says) A circle is the symbol of the sun, and the earth, and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness, and of perfection and peace.. It is also the symbol of the eternality of spiritual truth, love and life……that which has no beginning and no end. And in this moment, Sean and Ellen choose for it to also be a symbol of unity, bit no possession; of joining, but not of restrictions; of encircling, but not entrapment. For love cannot be possessed, nor can it be restricted, and the soul can never be trapped. And now marriage is no ownership.....Cheers Litonya
-
RHP User
13 years ago
my heart goes out to you for having to be put in such a position.......im glad u made the descision to finally leave and get the man you truley love and have your babies....
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Marriage is just like any sales transaction that everyone will do in their lifetime ...Don't forget to read the fine print
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' I know that you have drawn a firm line against cheating and I respect that. I would never advise a person to engage in an extramarital affair but I understand why some do and realise that this act alone does not make someone a bad person. My stated view is that, once the marriage contract has been voided by withheld affection, physical or mental abuse or previous infidelity on the other spouses part, then an affair is not really cheating. This is only my view and others will say I'm only making excuses. That is their view and their prerogotive. I do understand the depths of depression that would make a person's thoughts turn to suicide. I've been there and was briefly held in hospital for it. It was the knowledge of the damage I would do to those around me if I were to do it that stopped me. I do understand and sympathise but I still have to maintain it is selfish. I believe that, if this attitude were more common place and more vocalised, there would be fewer suicides. If the notion were in a person's head that the crime of suicide was less about self harm and more about hurting their loved ones, perhaps that would be enough to stop more people. Have you noticed how suicide can often be a copycat crime? One person suicides, leaving devestation behind them, then another decides that, with the example already having been made, why shouldn't they follow in kind? You can have three or four suicides in succession, within a single family or social group, just because of the initial selfish act and the increasing pain left behind. You know if we all had the same opinion, not only would life be very dull, it would also not leave any room for change and the expansion of the way one thinks. When people can have a constructive conversation with differing opinions, I cant see anything but good being gained.Yes, I have a very firm view of "cheating" and as you know I can only influence how *I* act. I also firmly believe its the majority of cheaters who are self-serving, egotistical players and who have made it more difficult to believe those in genuine situations where you can see why they have sought solace from outside the marriage. That doesn't mean I am not capable of seeing cases where there is 'no other way'. My mind is not that closed. It does shit me to tears though that many that choose to remain faithful get labelled as moral police or taking the moral high ground. Everyone makes choices - some are just harder and far more fraught with emotional pain that others.I do understand what you mean about the contract being invalid. My point was that if one party is aware the contract no longer exists, then the other party should be made aware of that too. Again, thank you Saskia for your heart felt comments. I can not imagine it was in any way, shape or form, easy for you to tell us about this part of your life. Personally, I think you are incredibly brave and hope others also have seen that not everything is completely black and white.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
After just leaving my husband of too many years I know have happiness, freedom, and and independence to choose how I want to feel. IN SHORT:: I learnt: Life is too short to beUNHAPPY for any period of time especially in an unhappy relationship, regardless of whether you are married and have children. Not only do you deserve to be happy, but so do the children if you have them and also your partner or husband/wife. If you actually think about it, you are cheating yourself out of finding true happiness as well as cheating your partner out of finding someone you loves them as they deserve too. It has taken me many years to realise that my marriage was never going to work and that I could reside myself to living in a loveless, stressful and pointless relationship or I could actually do the right thing by both of us and seperate from my partner and allow him and myself to actually find ourselves again. While we were both hurt and went through a stage of loss as we had been each others main support for many years, and had 2 children together, but we both knew it was the best thing for us. And now, 14 months later, we have both moved on. I could not be happier!! And he has moved on too. Both of my children (one in matric and 1 at Uni), are fine with our new partners and can see the positive changes that we have made being our own people. We have only one life. No-one knows when we will breathe our last breath, so as long as you can be happy with who you are as a person, are honest, and do not intentionally hurt others, you are a free spirit. So live life to the fullest, dont let your partner control you in any way and continue to do what makes you happy. For if someone does not accept who you are or want to change you or control you, then you will never truly be doing what is in your heart. I have found a man who I can be totally honest and open with and is open to experiences that I need to experience as vice versa. A QUOTE FROM DR SUESS: Say what you mean and act how you feel, because those who matter wont mind, and those who mind, dont matter. I will never let another man restrict me in any way again, though of course a relationship is about some compromise, but not about compromise that makes you resentful or unhappy!.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I love marriage and would do it again. It had the effect in me of creating a united journey, shared dreams and adventures, a story unfolding together. That could all exist without marriage of course, but I liked the way marriage glued it all together. I'm sure I was lucky in that regard. I have a personal commitment when it comes to cheating - to not do it. I promised my husband that if I fell out of love he would be the first to know, I would do all I could to work through it and save our marriage, and I would never cheat on him. It was actually a more important promise to me than our marriage vows. Having said that I recognise there are so many different situations and things are rarely black and white. I wouldn't go so far as to say cheating can be justified sometimes, but I would say that for the most part it's not my place to judge. As far as suicide goes I suspect my views will be controversial. I agree it leaves a terrible trail of destruction but I don't agree it's selfish and I absolutely do not believe it should be illegal. My life is my life, and the choice to live it or end it should be mine. I'm not denying the hurt suicide can cause - but then so many other choices we make can cause terrible hurt too - I'm simply saying I don't believe suicide is inherently selfish. Just my views.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Suicide is sad but there are a multitude of reasons why someone might commit it. Yes, of course it will hurt other people - but death is inevitable and brings pain to those left behind - but who is being the selfish one if suicide is undertaken to cut short one's suffering? That is just one example and there are definitely examples which the suffering and the guilt is just transferred to the nearest person. In the OP's statement she should have NO guilt whatsoever even though a tragedy happened, but please...don't tar all suicide attempts (failed or successful) with the same brushI've had dark thoughts in the past and can fully empathise with the feeling that the world would be a better place without them. Luckily I sought help and discovered my thought processes stemmed from a chemical imbalance which (eventually after over 10 years relying on chemicals) were easily resolved by moving to this beautiful country and enjoying the extra amounts of sunshine we enjoy! :) Sometimes though, I feel my 1st wife would have preferred me to have committed suicide so she could have someone to blame for the failure of our marriage (which ended because she wasn't prepared to give a new life in another country a chance).Just another perspective...
-
RHP User
13 years ago
I have never felt the need to be married, though I have had a few long term relationships. I suspect it goes back to my youth where I was witness to the breakdown of my parents marriage and my fathers subsequent suicide. Such a stupid thing to do. Yes these situations happen and for some strange reason men tend to do really stupid things. It affected our family poorly and my mother was devastated. Men can be such fuckwits at times... Mike
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Oops not answering question posed! Traditionally it was about ownership but now not so much in western christian society. That said there does seem to be an increase in some ethnic groups that view marriage from a more "traditional" starting place. Interesting place to pose this sort of question... It is a debate taking place in Oz society and is pretty much an ongoing question especially with the way most marriages seem to break at some stage. No fault divorce, is now normal and so are blended families. Change is normal and nothing is what it used to be. Now about Gay marriage and..... Mike
-
RHP User
13 years ago
That may seem paradoxical but it is how I feel. I do definitely understand how a person can feel suicidal, I've been there, but that doesn't change the fact that they are still doing the wrong thing by those that love them. Yes people lose loved ones all the time but when they lose them to suicide, they sufer intense guilt. "Was it me that forced him/her over the edge?", "Why didn't I see it coming and stop it?", "I should have been there for him/her.", "I failed him/her." Suicide has it's own complications not normally felt in other deaths. Having said that, suffering is another matter. A terminal patient, with no hope of survival and nothing but pain in their future should be allowed to take their own life. I don't know if I could actually take a life (and hopefully I'll never be asked to) but I would certainly support a loved one who decides to end their own life to avoid needless suffering. I understand that people sympathise with people who suicide out of depression but I feel that to do so is an act of enabling. If the thought, "It will hurt your family" is drummed into their minds, perhaps more people can be saved. Obviously the notions of right and wrong can vary in people. Different experiences, different upbringing, different cultures, different beliefs. I believe that the one accurate indicator to all ethical behaviour is the golden rule. Treat others as you would have them treat you. I would hate to have someone close to me take their own life needlessly and I would not do that to them.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
If I am unable to keep Jennylee happy, then I don't deserve to have her. I had the same attitude when my first wife "cheated" on me. C'est la vie.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
We separated because our dysfunction was affecting our kids,Happy parents equals happy children, simple. (In our case)
-
RHP User
13 years ago
" The Other Woman", "I'm On Fire", "Day Time Friends And Night Time Lovers", "A Woman Needs Love", "Drop The Pilot", "Keep On Lovin' You", "It wasn't Me", "Why Don't You Stay" Some are sympathetic towards 'cheaters', some even encourage them. You, the listeners, made them hits.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Maybe, if we're on our very best behaviour, we can continue discussions here.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Why are you so certain that this is the better option? It certainly doesn't sheild the partner from hurt. Is anyone going to suggest that it doesn't hurt when the person you love leaves. Okay, when "cheating" is involved, it gives you something to focus your rage on. "You betrayed me and look what it's done to us!" What happens when you are simply "dumped"? Your focus shifts inward. You start to wonder what's wrong with you or what it was that you did wrong. It has been my experience that a person recovers quicker after a break up due to an infidelity, where they can place blame elsewhere, than when they have been left because the other person just didn't want to be with them any more. When I was a teen, a girl I was seeing dumped me or an older guy with a car. I turned around and picked up another girl, that very night, that most people reckoned was an upgrade. Several years later, my fiance dumped me because she thought she could do better. I sank into a very long, morbid depression. I would much rather have Jennylee "betray" me, by having an affair, than leave me. This "cheating" concept is rooted in the same traditional moral structure that forbids divorce and swinging yet you have all embraced these "sins". That is why I reject traditional morality and embrace ethical behaviour. Just one more point before I abandon my soapbox. Some people were critical of money being a consideration in whether or not to leave your wife. Many men, in lower income brackets, have been left totally destitute by divorce. When you are considering your future happiness, your financial welfare has to be a consideration. It is actually petty to suggest otherwise.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
-
RHP User
13 years ago
but I have been single for a very long time now.I am not sure whether it is by choice or lack of opportunity.I suspect it is little of one and a lot of the other. A few years ago I decided to do a marriage celebrant course. But when the facilitator said that it was important that you had a strong belief in marriage to be a celebrant I relized that I didn't....so I leftx R
-
RHP User
13 years ago
Cohabitation agreements.
-
RHP User
13 years ago
But marriage is not worth the cost of the divorce.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88159
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10229
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11677
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1009 Comments: 5265
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share