M56
Is honesty the best policy, or are some things best kept secret.
August 30 2011
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think with the important things, honesty is the best policy. You WILL be found out sooner or later anyway. When honesty isn't possible, tact is usually employed as a useful tool. You have a lovely validation though so i don't think sneakiness will suit you too well. Be who you are, integrity is important and dead sexy. Happy Hunting xx Kitty
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RHP User
14 years ago
Most normal women would value honesty, I would imagine. I know I do. I don't see the point of making up stories as it invariably will come unstuck at some point. Anyway, and perhaps age is a factor, I would be hard pressed remembering and keeping up with what stories I was spinning anyway. Just sift through for the honest ones. They're here!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
It ends the conversation or contact, yes honesty is still the best policy. Whether you are honest or not, if the other party isnt into the same thing it's going to end anyway. That's where you have to take a good look at the other side's listed fetish interests, or basic likes and find a common or similar ground to work from. If it's a relationship status question, then absolutely be honest, you must give the lady a chance 'not' to do something that could be against her moral code. Mostly , sorting it all out first before you meet saves you and the other side wasting each others time. best of luck
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sure... you can be too honest.. it all depends on what you're after. . If you want a relationship built on trust, respect and understanding - then it's probably best to be honest, and it comes with the added benefit of not having to remember all the lies you're telling. . If on the other hand you are just after a root, and have a background that involves time in jail for kindapping hitchikers and burying them in a national park.... then that's probably not your best lead in. Just remember your lies, ignore your conciencse and learn to cope with the ulcers.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Gawd I hope you're not speaking from experience there JG, you sound very ermmmm knowledgable . . When I read this thread I had a mental image of coming home one day to find a man wearing my favourite undies, and stretching them all out of shape! Now what am I supposed to do with the matching bra? There's that outfit down the shit shoot, wish he'd been honest and told me LOL Haha sorry OP, just my sideways mind at work there, not saying you do.
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RHP User
14 years ago
However, as the others have said, it's always without exception, the best policy. It's the foundation of any relationship, be it casual, friendship or otherwise and it's too hard (read: basically impossible) to rebuild once it's damaged. It shouldn't be an issue unless you partner up with someone who doesnt value honesty in equal amounts to you. In my experience, only then will you likely find yourself in this situation, where you question the possibility of being too honest with them. Flirty x
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RHP User
14 years ago
Always be honest in what you say BUT you don't always have to say everything . I have always found it hard to assess honesty online....it's when I meet someone that I can feel how genuine they are :) . Have fun!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'D_G_T' When I read this thread I had a mental image of coming home one day to find a man wearing my favourite undies, and stretching them all out of shape! Now what am I supposed to do with the matching bra? You make the bugger wear it!Then demand a new set!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' Sure... you can be too honest.. it all depends on what you're after. . If you want a relationship built on trust, respect and understanding - then it's probably best to be honest, and it comes with the added benefit of not having to remember all the lies you're telling. . If on the other hand you are just after a root, and have a background that involves time in jail for kindapping hitchikers and burying them in a national park.... then that's probably not your best lead in. Just remember your lies, ignore your conciencse and learn to cope with the ulcers. And don't leave incriminating evidence around.
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RHP User
14 years ago
My thought is be honest if for no other reason than it is much easier to remember. I am brutally honest in my profile and it has never caused me a problem. LC
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RHP User
14 years ago
with not knowing what the "secret" actually is I think its too hard to comment... I think honesty is mostly the best policy.... but like i said it really depends what the secret is. If its something that is not going to negatively impact the other person...I mean do they really need to know?? Like dgt said if its something like you like wearing womens underwear ( not saying it is) well that really is something probably best kept to yourself.... if its something like your looking for NSA fun but are married ( not saying it is) then I think in that situation honestly is the best policy... I'm not sure if I've really helped but best of luck xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Just sometimes.. Meaning' if it defuses a someone getting hurt, avoiding confrontation or protecting family and friends, it's more a second nature to bend the truth...I dont mean lying to protect anyone and anything. But within the boundaries of decency to maintain some peace and harmony, I feel its quite acceptable. I totally agree that honesty is always the best policy providing everyone plays by the same rules... Anyone reading this who has never lied , please stand up and be counted...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'fleurtatious81'with not knowing what the "secret" actually is I think its too hard to comment... I think honesty is mostly the best policy.... but like i said it really depends what the secret is. If its something that is not going to negatively impact the other person...I mean do they really need to know?? Like dgt said if its something like you like wearing womens underwear ( not saying it is) well that really is something probably best kept to yourself.... if its something like your looking for NSA fun but are married ( not saying it is) then I think in that situation honestly is the best policy... I'm not sure if I've really helped but best of luck xx Sadly I commented to one woman I was very interested in, I was going on previously arranged date. I asked if interested I would love to keep in touch, she agreed. Told her the date (coffee only) did not go well and I was not interested in that person.. Got a very sharp messages saying she would never be anyone's second choice and blocked me from further comment. (Not as exciting as wearing women's underwear. Sorry to D_T_G) I certainly prefer open and honest, one of the best features of this site, most people have been honest. From all the comments on the forum, I'm thinking I'll stick to being too honest. Thank you for your comments. Appreciated.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Being honest and telling the truth can be quite liberating. I am comfortable in my own skin, being me. Accept me as I am, or find someone else who ticks all of the boxes for you.People who lie about important things (like their marital status) and intentions/motivation frustrate me. At the end of the day, their behaviour is deceitful and has the potential to hurt other people. Unfortunately, they don't realise this, until they get caught out.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'jas10119' Quoting 'fleurtatious81'with not knowing what the "secret" actually is I think its too hard to comment... I think honesty is mostly the best policy.... but like i said it really depends what the secret is. If its something that is not going to negatively impact the other person...I mean do they really need to know?? Like dgt said if its something like you like wearing womens underwear ( not saying it is) well that really is something probably best kept to yourself.... if its something like your looking for NSA fun but are married ( not saying it is) then I think in that situation honestly is the best policy... I'm not sure if I've really helped but best of luck xx Sadly I commented to one woman I was very interested in, I was going on previously arranged date. I asked if interested I would love to keep in touch, she agreed. Told her the date (coffee only) did not go well and I was not interested in that person.. Got a very sharp messages saying she would never be anyone's second choice and blocked me from further comment. (Not as exciting as wearing women's underwear. Sorry to D_T_G) I certainly prefer open and honest, one of the best features of this site, most people have been honest. From all the comments on the forum, I'm thinking I'll stick to being too honest. Thank you for your comments. Appreciated. It was your choice of words... you made her look like a fallback option. You should have just hit her up for coffee (but probably at a different cafe) and then mentioned how much better / fun / whatever your date with her is (if it honestly is, of course). That way she's not a fallback, she's a preferred choice. Don't you watch the Gruen Transfer? It's all about the wording...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Yes there is such a thing as too much honesty. I treat people on a need to know basis and I guess truth avoidance is not lying in the strictest sense. Having said that, if someone challenges me on something I know damn well will hurt, humiliate or offend and make someone very very angry, I can easly stand there and tell a barefaced lie. This telling your partner every teeny tiny little truth is bull shit (IMO) Some of the stuff they just dont need to know.
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RHP User
14 years ago
hrmmmm... well it really depends.. I mean Jean Girard could be right and to her ( depending on your delivery) it might have seemed like she was the fallback option.... but it also might have been that she was just being oversensitive, needy and jealous.. and I mean who needs that? I mean can anyone really expect on here to be a persons only option? Surely not!? But yeah I guess I also kind of agree with Fiona on this one....maybe next time just inform people on a need to know basis? Hope that helps xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
When someone says how are you? I will reply honestly.....Great, tired, frustrated whatever, but this is RHP my place to be and feel sexy and escape some of the day to day so when a potential playmate asks how I am I am not going to tell them"Well, I am carrying about 5kg more than I would like to be and wish my boobs were perkier. I feel like you are going to notice this too and be put off and as a result if I muster up the courage to sleep with you I would like it if we do it with the lights off in the missionary position only because that is really the only position that flatters my figure."Possibly your wording was wrong and it made her feel like your second choice, probably she over reacted. Her loss.When asked a question on here I will answer honestly but I will choose how much detail I give and I don't see that as dishonest. It is simply keeping my private life private. Everyone here has a right to that.xx Salina
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sorry Jas someone I had thought a lot of just did that to me and it upset me too who wants to be told that they are keen on another that they barley know then I will come back to you if it doesnt work out....I never doubt honestly but be tactful and we dont always have to know.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks for all the feedback. As always some great advise. Particularly the comment ‘fall back option’. I was so focused on trying to be honest and not seen to be playing games, or trying to hurt anyone, I did not even think that is how my comments would come across. Very insensitive, damn. Well don’t I feel bad. One nice big smack across the back of my head for that one. Sadly blocked with no chance to apologise, someone I would have really liked to know better. Silly part, she certainly was not a ‘second choice’, just didn’t want to be rude and not turn up to having been invited by the other person. Hard work this getting back into the dating game. With great comments in these forums, I’m learning. Women, just don’t forget us guys can be very basic creatures at times. Massive thanks for comments.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Beneath_blueeyes'Sorry Jas someone I had thought a lot of just did that to me and it upset me too who wants to be told that they are keen on another that they barley know then I will come back to you if it doesnt work out....I never doubt honestly but be tactful and we dont always have to know. Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. Not all us guys are out to hurt or play games. Some of us are just a bit stupid at times. I sometimes wonder whether us men ever stop being boys. In my case, I have to take full blame. In reflection, I actually had a small chance to redeem myself and made a mess of that too. Over reacted to her second chance comment. Replied trying to dig myself out of a hole, only to make the hole bigger, then got blocked. The lost opportunity in this case was mine. Yes the word Tactful, is the key here. Perhaps that’s a whole separate forum topic on why some men communicate poorly. Thanks for your comments. Genuinely appreciated and I hope you have managed to find a new someone special. My ex-wife uses this site (put me onto it) she's had a few bad contacts. Nice guys are out there. I'm just not sure where.
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RHP User
14 years ago
interest level in you apart from being insecure. No loss end of story next. Your on a site where people go on dates / hangout or are already fucking other people she will know this. Everyone knows this fact. Maybe she has the princess syndrome and expected you to sit by your phone or computer for her next contact???.... If you are a male and start having nice exchanges with one particular woman, trust me you should still be hunting. She may be "the one" if that is what you are after but you can easily develop unattractive traits with this one person. The internet is very fickle and unreliable but you can stack the odds in your favour as you will learn. If she had real high interest level in you then you could have told her you were going to a orgy and she would still want to meet you. It is true though in the amount of information you present can generate attraction or have the opposite effect. Aren't you so glad you didn't take it further with her?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'hplovecrack' interest level in you apart from being insecure. No loss end of story next. Your on a site where people go on dates / hangout or are already fucking other people she will know this. Everyone knows this fact. Maybe she has the princess syndrome and expected you to sit by your phone or computer for her next contact???.... If you are a male and start having nice exchanges with one particular woman, trust me you should still be hunting. She may be "the one" if that is what you are after but you can easily develop unattractive traits with this one person. The internet is very fickle and unreliable but you can stack the odds in your favour as you will learn. If she had real high interest level in you then you could have told her you were going to a orgy and she would still want to meet you. It is true though in the amount of information you present can generate attraction or have the opposite effect. Aren't you so glad you didn't take it further with her? Thanks for the comments. Some good thoughts and yes I am glad I did not end up meeting her. Although I accept I worded things poorly, I was taken back after she had been the one suggesting we meet, comments about lying in bed thinking of me etc etc. There’s a good chat taking place on the topic in the main hot forum, “Where have all the ……”, which has brought up a few comments about why people are on this site. I think some forget this is not RSVP. As I have found on these forums, yet again some great advise coming forward. Thanks.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Just adding to my last comment - actually I was disappointed I did not meet with her. Very attractive, and dispite some communication hicups, seemed to be a loverly person too. Just trying to be the man, yer, glad I did not meet her. Well, nah, I was a bit sad, and dissappointed. Perhaps I should comment on the 'what's a real man' forum now.
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RHP User
14 years ago
especially when I am communicating with one person only. Some feelings of being bummed out are ok we are guys not robots but quickly I mean quickly delete her number msn contact email etc. She is now in your past, a minor memory. Picture this, you are communicating with a number of women, being very social outside of RHP, everywhere you go you are social and using other sites. What happens is you don't overvalue her. She behaves poorly doesn't do things she says then you cut her loose and she will be a little blip on your radar and you will not give a flying $%^@! Take the time to notice your behavour when you have a number of women on the go and one misbehaves... Your attitude will be completely different compared to relying on one person. If she is attractive then she has a cue of guys lining their cocks up to be social... sorry chat nicely. Easy for her to forget about you if she has a mass of messages in her inbox. Great environment for some women to develop bad behaviour. attitudes and believe they are Jessica Alba. One of my rules is never maintain attraction for someone who doesn't deserve it. If she behaves poorly, just plain isn't attracted to me for any reason valid or not then MY ATTRACTION FOR HER DISAPPEARS VERY QUICKLY. You are having interactions with someone who you are not really that attracted to and she annoys you and you cut her. Do you feel bad? No. The more attractive women is getting all these brownie points that she doesn't deserve plus she may have a poor personality in person or be a starfish in bed. Some guys skip some of the so called average looking women on here and other sites, I truely believe they are missing out on some gems. Send me your email address and I will send you a few pdfs to read.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks HP. After one last attempt to communicate with the other person, I quickly realised that perhaps I was not so much at fault as this person not, well, I’ll just say not reading correctly. I don’t think I need to be rude about her, I do think there might be a few issues. What I have learnt quickly, as you mentioned, to look for those signs in the way they reply. I particularly found this in her pattern of make a negative comment to me (some just strange) then block me from replying. Sometime later look at my profile, I make contact, get a reply, then blocked without a chance to respond. Hmmm, I think a little power game. Fits in with the way it was more, more, I'm loving what you are saying, lying in bed thinking of you, while the compliments were coming, the first hint of there being more in life than her, rude reply and bang profile blocked. Jessica Alba. Yes well I was left thinking, whoa, hang on, mid 40s, far from a healthy weight. I just found her eyes stunning and seemed a nice person. I don’t kid myself, got the extra weight myself, I do believe, and now seeing evidence of this from others, I am at least a nice person. Yes you’re right the attraction disappeared very quickly, far more about attitude than looks. That and as you commented chatting to a few women, is healthy. I’m having more fun, my tone and attitude is more about just that, fun. Chatting regularly with some lovely women now. In fact going for dinner and a night out this Saturday. Interestingly, my communication has not significantly changed, yet I’m receiving some wonderful replies, even the rejections are polite and friendly, often thanking me to taking time to actually read their profile and individualise my initial message. I think I may have just stumbled across a person perhaps still moving on from other problems in life. Interesting many women state in the profile for men to not be playing games. I think I got played. I hope at least I boost her self-worth and she felt empowered by having the last (sometimes irrational) word each time and the power of blocking any reply. “Some guys skip the so called average looking women on here and other sites, I truly believe that are missing out on some gems.” Truer words have not been spoken. I’m finding very precious gems that provide such pleasure in their beauty and their worth. I’ve mentioned before, I’m getting some great advice through the forums. I see a lot of the same guys names pop up. Shame more at not in these pages, they might learn something. Thanks HP, very helpful comments and appreciated. Jason
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