Insecurities Version2

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I wouldn't rush into to it after just 2 months....?..Take it one step at a time, and be assured that in a right relationship feelings will always be present, but they can never be the sole foundation of a healthy relationship. I think the whole myth of a “soul mate” has done far more harm than good. I’d really love to believe that there’s a soul mate for everyone, your true other half, and that the universe will find a way of bringing you together, how wonderful does that sound? The thought that my love life is predetermined, means not only is there no way I can mess it up but also, I don’t actually have to do anything to make it happen, so why did i ever bother spending any money on memberships to dating sites? “Soul mate” is one of the words that really and truly scares me. There is no such thing as a soul mate, there is no perfect other who will complete you, no matter what Plato said.Story has it that there is this unspoken knowledge, some sort of feeling a person experiences when they come face to face with their soul mate because, the gods split human beings as a form of punishment for their pride. It’s this crazy idea that we’re incomplete people waiting around for someone else to complete us.I don’t know about you, but that doesn't sound very healthy to me. Unfortunately, those we feel great kinship with, those who feel like destiny, can often be the people who bring out the worst in us.There is only one way to determine if the person that you are dating/moving across the country for/turning your whole life upside down for is right for you.Ask yourself.....How do you feel about yourself when you are dating them? As time goes on, do you find that you are more critical of yourself, your body, your personality, and your little quirks, or do you see yourself through his/her eyes, as entirely lovable and sexy

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Mate at the end of the day this is a decision for YOU to make and only YOU. To me; your obviously not 100% on board with following this woman to the other side of the country because your still posting here wanting people's opinions. It's easy for us in forum land to say "hells yes brother!! Follow your heart!! YOLO!!" Etc etc. In your OP (prior to this) you didn't mention any of your friends history and bad luck story and whilst we feel for her, none of that should influence your decision. I stand by what I originally said and that's a resounding no. No way Jose actually. I think you've got a very big heart and are maybe feeling a deep connection with her which is exacerbated by your empathy for her situation. Possibly not the greatest foundations on which to build a relationship...... On the other side of the country after two months. Let her move, take some extended holidays over there with her and then make a more informed decision. Good luck mate. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Thanks for your response, lots to ponder

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  Tall74nHard9

  11 years ago

  Unfortunately you sound more like the smitten teenager, than a man capable of making sound decisions. It appears you see yourself as the Knight in shining armour ready to protect the damsel in distress. Think about it from outside for a moment - you only have known her for 2 months - that is only a blink of an eye. You should certainly know better at your stage in life that you shouldn't be prepared to make hasty decisions - rarely pays off in the long run. There are sooo many things that you should be considering before making such a big commitment, some of which you have mentioned, such as family, friends, work etc etc. Would you really be pleased to sacrifice all that you have currently, then (possibly) have it all fall in a heap later on, and have all estranged from yourself at a later date , and then try to re-build it all ? As you say, she is in the Defence Force, and they are prone to moving around the country. But the DF have recognized the general disruption this causes in family life, and have become more flexible over recent years. Perhaps she could try to secure another position in your home area, and the ability for you two to get to know each other fuller. Think of all that is important to you, and what you have built up over the years. If there is a good connection between you two, then she should be looking at some form of compromise with you, rather than 'dictating' the rest of your life. Talk to her and find out what other possibilities are present - maybe even outside of the DF if necessary. If she has no family to speak of, then she should be happy to be part of yours and understand that you have time and emotion invested in your current circumstances. Tall

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  MsJonesy

  11 years ago

  The extra information adds a bit of background. It is quite clear you are are having difficulty imagining not being around your family and friends. Work is another thing to consider; it's not always easy just to pick up a job at the same level and same industry. The soul mate thing. I've been there. My soul mate moved in with me after 3 months. We were together for 14 years, not because we were happy that long, but because circumstances became so complicated it took a number of years to be able to leave. With the perfect vision afforded through hindsight, the soul mate part was actually two souls saying I want someone in my life, I want companionship and I'll overlook all those little things that actually add up to making a bad decision. If you are soul mates you can be separated for awhile. I still recommend extended holidays and reassess after a period of time.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  You are 46 years of age and you ask this question ? And you have known her 2 months ? In my own experience you never know anyone,especially after 2 months. You only know a persons true colour when you are dividing joint assets I think you already know the answer to this deep down and her past life and her past relationships should not reflect on what you are together, but are you together ? but I think you should do what you think will give you the ultimate in happiness but the move must be for your happiness,not this lady I would wish you the best

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Too soon. You say you don't feel sorry for her, BUT... And then you list all the bad things that have happened to her. From what you have written it sounds to me you do feel sorry for her, and because you are so close you feel responsible for making things better for her. You have your own life that you are happy with, leaving all of that behind is a huge step. I don't believe in soulmates, however if you think she is the love of your life, she will still be a few months from now, even if your relationship becomes long distance. I would advise you to weigh things up carefully, both the emotional and practical stuff, and take your time. Good luck!

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Lets face it, the first 6 months of any relationship is amazing, you adore each other then once the comfort level is reached other parts of the personalities rear their head. Slow down and get to know each other,visit each other for as long as you can without making that huge commitment to make sure it is what it is. The expense and despair at uprooting life should be worth it, no harm in making sure before making the leap of faith.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Sounds like you are both lonely (you can loads of family and friends and still be lonely) and have found common ground. However, you must put yourself first which is something I feel you do not do too often. As many others will say - Take your time. We are all soul mates - kindred spirits though, is rare and worth cherishing.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  hey man there are no guarantees in this world. if it feels right do it .if it works great if it doesn't put it down to learning and experience . if you never go you will never know

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Are you going to follow her posting after posting to different bases all your life like a lovesick puppy?? If you would.....then go... If you can't see yourself doing that; then I wouldn't after only 2 months . - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Her past, is HER past. You can be sympathetic, sure.... but you can't save her from it...... and to turn your life upside down after 2 months..... concerns me.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Smile144, what's the upshot? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Just cant give up everything! Starting from scratch would be too stressful, but playing everything through totally!!

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Her past, is HER past. You can be sympathetic, sure.... but you can't save her from it...... and to turn your life upside down after 2 months..... concerns me. I completely agree.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Thanks Meander,When you connected so well with a person its so hard not to rethink everything

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  But like many posters have also remarked, I think your misconstruing your "connection" for sympathy. Admirable to a fault. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I wouldn't move ANYWHERE for someone after only 2 months. Have you even met her? It totally sounds like you feel sorry for her and want to be her knight in shining armour. Which is sweet, but not smart.

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