F53
I fail to understand...
April 18 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hanna Have often had this thought myself. If you are young enough to move on why settle for less than what you want!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Isn't it mavellous that people actually want to explore their sexuality and push their limits together.. you know... as a couple? I fail to see how monogamy is a significant consideration, a deal breaker, in such a relationship.We are all quick to put our own stamp on how other people should behave. I find it fascinating how sexual relationships are so diverse, and even how some of the most open relationships are not devoid of loving care and affection for one another. Or a relationship that involves three.. really, why should there be limits?Also, I can't see any reason to accuse someone for falling in love with a person, and then later discovers that the sexual diversity one seeks is at odds with the sexual interests of the other ... it's just sex... just one aspect of consideration in a relationship, so why should that difference dictate if the relationship stands or falls? Maybe people should try and source lovers with similar passions... you know.. to just get the politics right to begin with and let the rest sort itself out.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
I am not talking about the "Open Relationships" and "Couples" here...and from what I read neither were you! I too don't understand the guys that are under 30 or even 25 that are in a relationship but are seeking sex elsewhere! I agree..just leave the person if all your needs aren't being met! It seems that people would rather have "sex on the side" than either sit down and talk to the other half or have the balls to leave them and move on! < Many years ago I had a friendship with a married man, he was 26 and also had 3 children! He was in my circle of friends at the time and was forever picking up in bars or clubs that we went to. I asked him why he married his wife if he had to pick up all the time...and his answer? "So that I have my children to the one woman"! No words of love and no words of being able to communicate with her about the absence of sex in their lives(or so I thought there was an absense)! I ran into him not too long ago and asked how things were going...things are exactly the same...he is still married and still has sex all over the place with other women! I was flabbergasted! Yes, his wife is very hot and the kids are gorgeous with great manners...all I can think of is her hotness and the fact that he has produced good looking kids with his wife is the only reason why he married and stays married till this day! Oh by the way...their sex life is great! That was one thing he admitted to me as well! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I watched my father who was notorious at chasing ANYTHING that wore a skirt... He loved my mother, but could not help himself... some of the girls were fugly ( as I later found out when mum and I spoke about it) and I failed to see why at the time. He didnt have a sex addiction as such... just couldnt keep it in his pants.I think ... they just do not have the balls to fess up and move on~ married on in a partnership~ Scared of being alone is their truth. They wont move on until they meet someone through their affairs that want them too. They will jump from relationship to relationship.If this avenue was around in my fathers day... Woooosh!.. he would be one of these men lolBTW... I love my Daddy to bits xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
It's not just the sex on the side, it's the way some people treat their supposed loved ones. So nasty and belittling. If it is an open situation and both parties know whats happening and are happy to live that way, then good. But if it's a case of cheating just for sex how can they say they "Love" their partner. Surely the other person would be hurt and maybe devastated if they found out. Where's the love then????
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Hanna_ybbn
15 years ago
Thanks to all for contributing. I admit when I first posted this topic I wasn't sure the response it would illicit.It's nice to see some differing opinions and points of view - food for thought.xFunlovingx You are correct! I was not relating to 'open' relationships.I've had an affair with a married man.He loves and adores his wife. He is a great guy. Terrific to talk to about business and just stuff.I like him heaps. Probably one day I will love him who knows. This person is a friend though.I value his friendship greatly. Because he has been so completely honest with me.Before we began our affair, I asked why he wanted to be unfaithful to his wife.He said that actually, it was nothing to do with that. They have a good partnership and an average sex life for an older couple, so why?He told me that he wants intimacy and to be able to express himself in a way that he knows he can't with his wife. I argued that perhaps her tastes too had changed over the years and perhaps it was worth them rediscovering each other again?He is a 56 year old man and his wife is of similar vintage and although he's opened his life to such possibilities, I believe he is still very much stuck in the trappings of having the perfect 'nuclear' family.I think this hinders his ability to talk to his wife about his desires and fantasy's. He's probably scared shitless to a degree too!!!I don't care about what people think of me for fucking a married man. I've done it before and I'll do it again. It's hassle free for the most part and you know you're not going to be hounded.Also, I'm not the married one and didn't need to make that decision so I can sleep very well at night, cheers!I do not seek a relationship with this man other than the friendship that came with the sexual compatibility we share.I can see this perspective - I really can. I just don't get it when a 20-something year old feels the need to stray from someone he's been attached to for a few months and pledged his undying love to???!!! WTF???!!!Han
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sometimes you have kinks / wants / needs / desires that can not be fulfilled by your partner (young old or indifferent) . I remember when I was younger in what I considered a serious relationship (we were together for 5 yrs - my age 19-24) where he met every other need of mine (at the time) but one...and I didnt know how to approach him about it...how to get it from anyone else (til I found ICQ...lol)...sometimes as a younger person (and as an older person) you just dont know how to approach that special person in your life about your various sexual needs... . I dont know about anyone else but I know for a fact I wasnt nearly as sexually confident at 18-early 20's as what I am now...now I know not to settle for second best but back then he wasnt second best he just wasnt perfect....who is??? . Kisses Focus
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RHP User
15 years ago
Love your honesty! xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Great discussion. i have often wondered why men/women who are married and seek extra-marrital sexual exploits dont just lay their cards on the table and either fix it or move on.But It took me a bloody long time to do it. Our marriage was "good". It just lacked a little bit in every area. All those little bits added up to make a huge missing part.And i was terrified of the "failure" aspect, let alone the surviving financially etc. But neither of us had affairs. We became swingers instead.The thrill of being "desired" by other men was intoxicating after 20 years of ...just being there. Chatting, meeting and exploring with others (4somes) made us both feel sexy and alive again. It was truely liberating.Unfortunately the slings and arrows of our marriage had worked too deep and created a wedge that i was not able to build a bridge across and i chose to leave the marriage.Maybe it is the thrill of the chase, the sense of excitement, that vibrance of being alive that makes a married/attached person seek forbidden pleasures. Refilling the self esteem tank.Maybe it is because we present ourselves to our life partners in an image of respectahility resposibility etc that in fact make us suitable life partners...... and conversely make it impossible to be anything else.I admire couples who truly do grow with each other and embrace all the changes that life introduces.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think Stalky et al are right that being in love with someone does not necessitate them sharing every sexual kink we may have. Also agree to Hanna and FL that if you're young and finding sex boring with one person it's probably best to let go and be single and explore without anyone getting hurt. It's a hard one, hard to say what's wrong and right as there are just too many permutations of this thing we call love and it's hard to judge anyone but ones self
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Goodvintage
15 years ago
They are young, adventureous, impulsive etc.... Their libidos are at their peek.... They reek of pheromones... They challange the unknown... I guess they are learning about life... mmm..did any of us do that...?...lol
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Hanna_ybbn
15 years ago
Quoting 'fcukmenow' They are young, adventureous, impulsive etc.... Their libidos are at their peek.... They reek of pheromones... They challange the unknown... I guess they are learning about life... mmm..did any of us do that...?...lol I don't disagree with any of that. I cannot apply the logic to that which I refer though!I've got nothing against the youth of today (oh my god I sound like my mother lo)Han
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thanks Hanna for describing your affair with a married man - I'm one like the one you have been with :-) My marriage is "good", I love my wife and look to fulfill those desires that are lacking with my "full time" partner... Women I have been with over the few years were mostly those I struck friendship with first - intelligent, great in conversation and funny... never speak to any under 30 as a rule as they in most cases have not grown emotionally yet, and need to be attached first to know how to detach themselves and have just physical fun with no strings attached... When we both know that we will just be together for pleasure and not expect a relationship it works perfectly .. Anyway, back to topic - you're right, and as I mentioned myself can;t quite understand why people under 30 do it - they have all the options in their life to work things out with their partners. If I had my time again of some 20 years ago I would explore with my partner all aspects of our sexuality... but then at that time I was trying to look respectable to my partner in all ways, including being sexually "normal" and not adventurous - women do not take that well... so maybe for some youg guys who are committed to a partner in some way this is an escape... my advice would be lay your cards down on the table and you might be surprised - your partner could be open to your adventures, or if not then you can still look for another one :-)
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RHP User
15 years ago
sometimes we dont know what we want until someone else shows us that we want it.I have enough trouble trying to make sense of my own relationships...so Im not even gonna worry about anyone elses!!hahahaha!Good topic though.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Hanna_ybbn' I don't care about what people think of me for fucking a married man. I've done it before and I'll do it again. It's hassle free for the most part and you know you're not going to be hounded. Also, I'm not the married one and didn't need to make that decision so I can sleep very well at night, cheers! I do not seek a relationship with this man other than the friendship that came with the sexual compatibility we share. Han I think that you are great for being so open and honest! I too have had affairs with married men in the past and I am sure if the right one came along...I would do it again! I sleep well at night too....especially after a great session! xFunlovingx
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Hanna_ybbn
15 years ago
thedoctor2640 I really had to think there for a moment...... "hanks Hanna for describing your affair with a married man - I'm one like the one you have been with :-) "*does a little trip down amnesia lane..nope! No Doctor - yet!* Again, thanks for the thoughtful contributions.Actually Doc, yours is the closest to describing what it was I was ultimately trying to say I suppose!"you're right, and as I mentioned myself can;t quite understand why people under 30 do it - they have all the options in their life to work things out with their partners. If I had my time again of some 20 years ago I would explore with my partner all aspects of our sexuality... but then at that time I was trying to look respectable to my partner in all ways, including being sexually "normal" and not adventurous - women do not take that well... so maybe for some youg guys who are committed to a partner in some way this is an escape... my advice would be lay your cards down on the table and you might be surprised - your partner could be open to your adventures, or if not then you can still look for another one :-)"Love it! I also think you have perfectly and eloquently stated where it is that my married lover stands. Fabulous!Let me throw this in the mix though; don't you think, as a society, we've come a long way in just a few short years and that what once were 'tabu' topics or practices, are now more openly discussed, if not accepted?It's a shame that in that process, as a society, we have failed to stand firm to our values and convictions. Instead, we are conditioned to believe this and do that.Yeah, I'm going with healthy, educated and thoughtful evolution I think.xFunlovingxCheers! Love it! Just want to clarify the affair thing. I do not view this as a 'relationship' at all. It started as a matter of right time, right place, convenience and attraction of course. As we've gotten to know more about each other, yes, we've developed a friendship. I would hope so!For me though, right now, this is an ideal situation. I am honest with myself. I might grow to love him but I am not going to fall in love with him. No.Actually I already love him.....very, very well I also love that we will email a few times during the week or txt. As I said, I enjoy his business savvy. I think what I love most though is that if I don't want to reply, then I don't have to and neither does he. Neither one of us is offended. It's brilliant!Oh and hello to Charles_Dickens. Reserving my right to comment on you at this point.... Han
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RHP User
15 years ago
Some people simply do it for the attention. We all like to feel we are attractive to others and to be able to get intimate with someone other than the person's partner is simple confirmation that they are still desirable.
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RHP User
15 years ago
This might have to be explained - and Hanna is probably on the way to do so, but let me say I do not have affairs. To me an affair would mean emotional attachment to someone. I am faithful to my wife, she's the one I am attached to... OK, bag me if you will. But let me explain about love. Hanna started that - she loves the man. That's good. As far as love goes I love most people - the vast majority of them actually. The exception would be the few narcissistic bastards that are not capable of accepting anyone else's needs or opinions, but then I never associate with those so nothing to regret there... So yes, I am a loving person, even if you offend me as it happens sometimes, I forgive and move on - but moving on means moving away unfortunately for those who offend me. BUt love does not need to be lost. I am not religious, but like Charles Dickens I know life is too short to not love everything that is beautiful and exciting andthat's what sexy ladies are... do I need to be sorry every time I have a great time playing tennis with somebody else than my wife, whenever I get exciting eating food cooked by someone else...? Heck no, and I treat sex just like something that excites me... my wife knows it does, and in my sex life her needs come first... what i do with the surplus is my business I'd say - but back to the topic, we should stick to that, and again yes I agree with Hanna until the age of 30 I had no surplus in my sex life, but perhaps young people grow up faster these days than our older generation ;-)
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RHP User
15 years ago
I would say lots of couples fail to face the music in a timely manner due to external commitments and any manner of distraction that avoids the inevitable truth. Being on here covertly or individual pursuit being engaged in.... is a sign post indicating the end of a road, and if not realised at the sign, you can certainly see the end from there.. . I stood on tiptoe Anxiously looking, Peering as far as I could... down the road, that took you.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think it's generally accepted by many that sex shouldn't be what drives you, the reality for many is often different. When you eventually do break up and face the hundred 'so what happened' inquiries, answering with a 'we just weren't sexually compatible' is seen as the wrong answer and is usually greeted with assumptions that this means that you liked to hire expensive hookers to dress up as Hitler to whip you and the other half wasn't cool with it. So I guess there are a lot of people out there looking for a bit on the side until a 'generally accepted' excuse for breaking up arises. Ironically if you said she picked her nose and ate it, people would probably be pretty cool with your reasoning. . Which you pretty much summised with "Not enough truth. People afraid to be themselves for fear of judgment and conclusively this is the debacle of a society we end up participating in!" :-D
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