M49 F38
How to say no?
December 05 2024
We are going to a private party this weekend, we have met a few and they are nice and already she’s stressed that if she relaxes and engages with people they will expect more.
Does anyone, especially women with the same personality traits, have any advice on how she can frame her words to voice a “no further” without feeling like she’s offending anyone?
Comments
Cheekyeurocouple
3 months ago
We can relate to your question.HOW TO SAY NO been there lots of times.In the swinging scene it shouldnt stress you out at all NO MEANS NO dont feel that you have to go along with something that just doesnt sit right within you open up and be who you want to be and you will know when it will be right for you and your partner enjoy it guys its all about having fun with any force or pier pressure from others
Andrea_Sydney
3 months ago
I find that in most cases you don’t really get advances at private parties unless you flag that you want it. This could be by the way you are interacting or even said outright. Most swinging males know not to approach unless such interaction has given reason to think it might be wanted. In saying all that, of course it happens that someone wants to play and I don’t and they either ask me or do something to start the play. For things bring done, I find it really easy: I just let a kiss be only a peck for example if someone leans in. Or if someone reaches across and grabs my boob and I don’t want it, I just remove the hand without any drama or comment. I haven’t had anyone not get the message.
Now for direct questions this is probably the hardest, and yes, I always feel slightly bad to say no in such cases, especially if they are nice.
I find it helps to have sentences lined up in my head, for example ah not just yet, still just going with the flow. Or no, I’m just taking a little break at the moment. Or whatever. People get the message. Usually. You are two of you. I think it can be harder for single women.
Women in couples don’t get approached that much. You talk and everyone is friendly and then people start playing and you either go along or go get another drink and sit or stand elsewhere or watch a bit. It’s all really easy and respectful at private events. Normally. You will probably find that if you want to play, you will have to put yourself out there and join or ask for lack of people asking you in straightforward ways. People can tell when you are apprehensive. And nobody is there to convince someone who isn’t up for it (because it’s not sexy for the person doing the convincing).
Please let her know it will all be fine!
If all else fails she can say we are just playing together today, not with others just yet. Easy! And if you change your mind later and play with someone else, nobody will mind that either.
Enjoy your night x
Sawadee
3 months ago
You just described Mrs Sawadee to a tee.. She is a natural smiler with a soft disposition which is often mistaken for being interested in by the reciever putting her in a embarrassing place.. Like Mrs Ess this doesnt sit well with her so she then withdraws and does nothing ... a tricky one...
NeoAndTrin
3 months ago
Yeah that's always going to be tough at a private party, but if everyone else there is of a similar disposition then it shouldn't be a problem to say thanks but no thanks. Decent people won't take offense to that.
If they press why she could always use "You look a bit too much like my ex sorry"...that's usually a good out.
boobsandbusted
3 months ago
Mrs b also has this problem so we found it best where we don’t pit her on that situation that makes her feel the worst which is one on one catch ups coffee drinks or dinner with people we don’t know from before hand ,we find party’s private or morePublic so much easier and she feels no stress or horror , saying thanks but no , with in an eye blink the advancer just up and goes for a new target because there are
More than just her and throws his line in the water in a different direction or they will stay and just politely try and win you you over for another time which says a lot about a person and likely to be a winner ,also if at a party you can tell the hosts and they can be the bad guy for her if he persists
We have had a lot of this experiance for Mrs b and more than happy if you want to message us , to have a chat ,it’s not that bad after a while providing you have some tools to work with and know some sighns
Cumberlander
3 months ago
As someone with no experience and who is not a "woman with the same personality traits", I would give the following insight:
Everybody has varying degrees of skin thickness. No matter how you approach it, there will always be those who shrug it off, and those who feel personally affronted. How they respond is not your responsibility. By all means, don't be dicks about it. Politeness never hurt anyone. But be confident in your rejection. More than that, you can't control.
That's my totally uneducated opinion on it. LOLRHP User
3 months ago
I think this is something you could practice at home. Role play the situation with MrsS saying no at the end. It might make it more comfortable for her in a party situation.
I also think she could just make an excuse, even if it isn’t necessarily the whole truth. Like just say that you guys decided to only play together that night. It would get her out of the situation without necessarily making the other person feel bad.
And lastly, reminding herself that a lot of the time, these ideas of other people’s expectations, aren’t actually what the other people are thinking at all.
nightingale8
3 months ago
“I’d just like to watch” is a fine line
Hope you enjoy the event!!
Flirty2020
3 months ago
Someone should invent a LED bracelet or necklace, that you can change to green if you find someone attractive and want to play with them, and if not, then change it back to red.
Flirty2020
3 months ago
We have a discreet signal that we use between one another.
One squeeze = decision coming up /acknowledgement needed
Two squeezes = Ok, yes I find the other person to be attractive and would like to play with them
Three squeezes = SOS. No. Don’t won’t to go further at all
What will then happen, if I give the 3 squeezes, is that my husband will be the one to respectively say no etc etc. This takes the pressure off me.
TheFriendYouWant
3 months ago
Ess, as a single guy who enjoys playing with couples, I genuinely understand not everyone is attracted to everyone. In that party situation where conversation has been flowing I will leave very definitive exit points where a couple can choose to express that they aren’t interested without awkwardness. I know this isn’t a conscious thought of everyone’s, it’s just a way to help everyone enjoy their experience. That and body language/positioning, if the female half stands on the other side of her partner during the conversation with both, she has a barrier and a level of protection. If the conversation becomes more positive then she can move to a more central spot. Just my take as a single guy.
Mctag9
2 months ago
I've been in situations where the lady of a couple is clearly not into it and appears under pressure from a male partner or I've met first time date and I'm not attracted - I pretend that I have gastro, that kills the mood for everyone and no one gets shitty with anybody else.... 😂🤣😅
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