M44
How do i stop being so sensitive?
June 21 2024
With so much rejection and "sorry not my type" stuff what do we do as men? Do not get me wrong i am doing ok....but there are some that come along and it seems as though it is going well and then convo dies and you wonder "did i say something wrong" or is it just a matter of..."she's just not that into you"
I am wondering if its just part of the process of speaking to a lot of people and i get it....but when you are a bit sensitive which most men don't talk about and i am very well comfortable with my feminine side....but i just want to stop taking rejection personally as i know women don't want to hurt someones feelings.
I know this maybe a bit of a soft sided story but i am vulnerable and thought i would ask.
Thanks guys
Comments
NeoAndTrin
4 months ago
You are in the wrong place if you don't want rejection unfortunately Bar. Women are way more picky here (the ones that are real in the first place) and why wouldn't they be? On a hook up site if a female has a choice between a Greek god bod vs a dad bod it doesn't really take much to realise which one she's going to chose. No offense to you just a generic statement.
I'd always just treat each new conversation with the lowest of expectations as things can only go up from there.
Flirty2020
4 months ago
You did not specify if the rejection is out there in real life with regards face to face meetings, or rather on this site.
If on this site, I have the following advice and comments :
1. Males on here outnumber females 100 to 1 if not more.
2. Females / couples are therefore spoilt for choice, if they are looking for a single male to have fun with.
3. Most, if not all, females/couples receive a high number of messages (from males) daily. Many of these messages can be quite disrespectful. With many more, the sender has not read the recipients profile and is therefore not a good match.
4. It is often easier to reject /ignore an unsolicited message from a single male, who does not meet your criteria, than respond and try to explain why.
5. It is a numbers game. You as a single male are on a website /group in which you are in the majority. You have steep competition.
6. It is so easy for people to not respond / reject & ghost on here. One of the drawbacks of the online dating world.
7. You would have better success if you attended organised Meet & Greets, parties & clubs (see the events section on here )
Try not to take things personally. It’s just the way that it is on here. It’s not even easy, as a couple, to meet suitable people to “play” with on here.
We too receive a lot of rejection and as a result of this we do become rather jaded at times.Flirty2020
4 months ago
@Barman
Let’s put it into perspective.
You are in a room with 99 males and 1 female.
The female can only choose 1 male.
What are your chances of scoring?
You are in a room with 9 males and 1 female. Your chances of scoring are better.
You are in a room with 10 females and 4 other males.
Your chances of scoring are probably certain.
It’s a numbers game . Try not to take it personally.
MsSuperFoxy
4 months ago
Every single human being is vulerable. It's not about "having thick skin" or being "sensitive" on this site or anywhere really in real life.
It's about learning from life lessons. It's about self control in all sorts of situations; integrity and being matured enough enough to grow as a better person.
FUUUUCK! I've had my fair share (as a single woman) of rejections. Now it doesn't bother me because, the more I got rejected, the more I controlled my emotions, the more confident I became.
That my dear, is how one handles rejection.
Sometimes, one has to be cruel to be kind.
Ms Foxy
teamaj2
4 months ago
Hi bartender , sorry you feel this way . Your feelings are always valid . Rejection is never an easy pill to swallow .
It’s a bit like applying for a job . So many applicants and the company is spoilt for choice . They choose who they think is the best for the job . RHP as we all know has a huge percentage of single males , women and couples seeking single males are swamped with choices .
I think most of us on here , have been rejected , it’s just the way it is .
I know it’s difficult . Be patient , respectful and try not to let it dampen your spirit.
Goodluck . Ax
CallMeV
4 months ago
I have been rejected/blocked by so many people when I was new to RHP. I have stopped using RHP for a while. However, it helped me to discover what's the reason behind the rejections.
Parties and events are the best way to approach people, can gauge the real connection and chances are high for private meet ups. Also easy to understand if they are into you or not. I have got a good hit rate with couples than single ladies.
Approach everyone with no expectations...And have an attitude, if they are not into you, it's their loss 😂
Andrea_Sydney
4 months ago
First of all, good on you for saying these things out loud! Men like you are leading the way for others to feel more normal about having feelings. I’m not even sure it’s a feminine side. Men have feelings too and I love it when a man comes out and talks about them! x
That aside. This app is brutal. I personally feel that the way people talk to each other here and the way they message and the way they present themselves here - is not very lifelike. It’s rude on here. And not at all in line with how I personally experience the swinger scene. It’s so much friendlier in real life.
Your question is about personal feelings of rejection, so I’m sorry for my little detour. It might explain a part of it though.
I believe that rhp should only ever be a funny little thing on the side in anyone’s mind. As in, your main area of meeting people should better be elsewhere. If your main fishing area is in this distorted pool where neither the male/female ratio nor the level of common courtesy has much to do with real life, you are bound to feel bad.
And just a little sidenote - it’s in my opinion not better as a female. Yes, we get lots of messages. They usually read like this “hi” or “wanna fuck?” Or “u horny?” and almost all profile pictures are just a torso. Imagine I go to a club and am suddenly surrounded by a number of men with nude upper bodies and paperbags over their heads saying these type of introductory sentences…
For my part rhp is a funny little thing on the side. If someone nice turns up here - great! Chances are not though and I’m ok with that because I meet my people elsewhere.
You are a real person and I like your forum contributions quite a lot - it’s not you who needs to adjust to this environment here, please don’t x
Lullah
4 months ago
Where do you start and stop with any expectations of yourself or others?
Does anyone need to develop a thick skin? I have always believed that being our authentic self trumps the BS put forward by so called experts, the new age movement, articles via MSM and a percentage of people in society relating to your OP is a load of codswallop.
I've yet to read or hear about where anyone is totally right about anything they proclaim is the truth, publicly or privately, there are so many opinions and so called truths without any real substance to back them up across many platforms relating to your OP leaving many feeling conflicted.
Sensitivity and vulnerability isn't negative at all 'IMO' we are here to learn, unlearn and relearn from all of our lived experiences whether here in RHP land or in real life.
Nothing is set in stone and stuffing up (we all stuff up at times) can be an opportunity for anyone to regroup and continue on to wherever their RHP or real life journey takes them.
I cocurr in relation to expectations others have mentioned, I learnt very early in my life to lower mine and at times not to have any, it comes in handy and along with being very independent, has got me through some challenging and unexpected times in my life.
Taking on board any feedback is a plus, but, at the end of the day you are the one at the helm of your RHP journey, steering the way you choose to.
Maybe it might be worth trying to change your mindset around the word reject/rejection, people make their choices for various reasons, it's not necesserily about rejecting someone.
Remember as Keith Richards says ''shit happens,'' so when shit happens that's an opportunity to take a step back, reflect, regroup and move on again.
It was good to read you are doing ok here so far, that sounds positive to me.
Always do your best to 'Stay True To Yourself.'
nightingale8
4 months ago
It’s all just 1s and 0s until you meet in real life. I’ve met HOT men who are ok online, average men who are pretty enticing on their profiles and in chat. Good to remember it’s not real, doesn’t reflect who you are or your value, just serves a purpose
countrytouch82
4 months ago
I haven't found the answer but I think I've found things that help along the way.
Yesterday I tried speed dating again, about the 10th time, with the standard next day email of "sorry no one matched with you this time".
Of course, I didn't indicate a yes for everyone else, only a minority, so I am also technically rejecting many people. As we all do, because we are seeking a great match.
In real life, or online, we just have to move on. We don't get to interrogate any or all of the other people to find out why x, y or z was not interested. It might be something you can possibly change about yourself or your approach, but most often it's not.
In the meantime, there are of course many things about life to try and enjoy, strictly solo as well. For me, of late, it includes car racing (driving not watching). Like many of my hobbies, not exactly a social avenue featuring a smorgasbord of potential dating interests, but something for myself and to make new friends.
My own mother has matched with someone new in recent times, in her 70s as well, so a new romantic match can certainly come along, we are just not much privy as to where or when or how it might happen.RHP User
3 months ago
It’s hard for some girls to mate . I spoken to a couple and had the same problem. Your pic looks good 👍 don’t stress . People please keep n upto date pic ! Nothing worse. God bless
countrytouch82
3 months ago
I've once read on a woman's profile the phrase "soften the f*ck up".
I felt it meant a lot considering the usual opposite.RHP User
3 months ago
I had to read this a couple of times . Good question. Sadly so many things have changed since the internet has come along . Ghosting is one of my pet hates . You connect with someone then all of a sudden they disappear . People make choices in life and doesn’t mean you are at fault …. Maybe the fault lays with the other party not you . You just need to be patient and stay the course
mrFahrenheit
3 months ago
This site caters for a vast array of kinks and bents. Choose your kink, don’t be mediocre at it, get involved in the forums and community. If you build it they will come. Expectations will always leave you exposed. the win is communicating with like minded people and the anticipation and growth that you gain from taking risks and being vulnerable. It’s a numbers game, keep your eye on the journey the destination is undetermined .
Mask_007
3 months ago
I'm in the same boat my friend. I'm here sean RHP first started! I have meet some people, but never had anything with anyone from here over these years a part of "no you are not my type "
Well. Life is too short. Maybe is they are making me a favour of staying out of my way,because the are not woth enough for me.
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