M51 F50

Have you lost someone ?

August 04 2010

Crazy world many of us on here live , little attachment isnt that what is suppose to happen when you are in a poly life ? We have lost a play friend not she hasn't passed on or anything nasty. We didn't fight , no harsh words. She just disappeared. No "I am going" , no " I dont want to play with you anymore" or "you guys suck" , just no more contact and away she has gone. it has been weeks now since we heard from here despite a couple of emails asking if she is around ...ok ? Now we are sad. We know , we are suppose to not be attached. It's all just play ......isn't it ? We are not so much mourning the lose of a lover but the lose of a friend. We are sad to see what seems to be the end. Have you lost a lover ? How we do restitute this crazy senario, we find ourselves in us poly folk ? Its sad losing a friend a lover. Its a funny complicated senario. Answers ...answers anyone. Brae and miss Sarah.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Sorry guys - no answers from me.. just an acknowledgement that yes - feelings can be stronger than we wish to admit at times. People say they want an NSA friendship here, but I think that few can really do that. We are after all human and humans have feelings that affect our judgement on so many things. Loosing a close friend can really affect you. I recently thought i'd lost a close friend due to a misunderstanding and whilst it's all sorted now, there was quite a bit of concern until the issues were resolved. I can only imagine how it must be not hearing back at all from your friend. Chin up guys - look forward, not backwards and start moving again. If the friend was a friend they will find you. If not then they were never really a friend in the first place. hugs Wayne x

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RHP User

15 years ago

can i first just say, it was a pleasure meeting you both last weekend Miss Sarah you are one gorgeous woman and well Brae what can i say about you apart from ....very charming xx now back to topic that sounds like every man i have slept with...i figger if i want to get rid of someone its easy i just have sex with him yeah and you guys only think im joking...the sad thing is its the truth but you just suck it up and get back out there and start looking again its hard when you lose a friend as well as a lover...i find losing a friend a lot harder personally give yourselves time to grieve and then start again good luck guys xx roxxy xxx

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RHP User

15 years ago

Quoting 'TassieRose' that sounds like every man i have slept with...i figger if i want to get rid of someone its easy i just have sex with him yeah and you guys only think im joking...the sad thing is its the truthSo true...

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RHP User

15 years ago

I am great at disappearing...it is what I do best! Unfortunately I cannot give any one reason...Sometimes life circumstances takes me away from that person, or it could be that I am feeling those feelings that I just don't want to, or vice versa. At times it is because I am bored with them or bored with what I am doing with them. There are a multitude of reasons. I'm sorry to hear what you and Miss Sarah have gone through Brae, but you have opened my eyes that the other person DOES have feelings. Usually I just think "meh, they will easily move on"...but I can see now, that this may not be the case. xFunlovingx

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RHP User

15 years ago

I like to subscribe to the idea of "no expectations ~ no disapointments"... a certain amount of detachment is probably necessary to achieve that... and given my circumstances the approach compliments my desires for a less complicated life. But I also recognise that it's all just an idea. The reality is that anyone with a heart and a brain and a sense of compassion and maybe some empathy cannot help but get emotionally involved with the beautiful characters that sometimes meet our minds, especially in the poly scene. I think that's just fine.. but christ it's bloody complicated at times and can be very painful.. especially if you've come to realise that it's not really an issue loving more than one person, we have the capacity, some of us, to love lots of ones. I sometimes recognise this connection and sometimes enjoy it and then of course I nearly always fear it. I'm one of those guys who walks away from emotional intimacy.. and always manage to push people away. So Brae, yes, Ive expereinced the situation about which you speak. Fortunately I have more than one character facet.. and at the necessary time, the harsh Stalky says "next", turns his face to the ocean breeze, looks up and thinks about tomorrow..... Hugs Stalky

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RHP User

15 years ago

and very intrigued & curious to hear others opinion. I realise we all have busy lives and certain priorities that come before fun sensual times, I am not a clingy, jealous, possessive, demanding woman......all I ask for is the courtesy of honesty. Call me old fashioned, but I like to wait for a man to contact me, I am not going to fight for his attention, .....is this why they feel I dont deserve a farewell message? I am one of the last few on this planet to have a mobile phone, so if a playmate wants to contact me, they need to acutally call me on the phone...not text, or leave a message for me....is the fact that I am not immediatley available on their whim another factor? The hurt that is experienced when cast aside by someone with whom you have shared ongoing personal and intimate times and parts of yourself with no contact, no reason given at all, cuts deeply, I choose to believe that most people are fundamentaly good....so it does hurt to lose a friend. I am overjoyed and congratulate the few men who have told me they have found someone special......I am ok if a man telling me he is just not that into me anymore....because they have taken a few minutes to let me know! I have even been fortunate to still have a platonic friendship with a couple of these men which is fantastic. Luckily, I have a life away from this crazy sandpit where friends/people do value fun, friendship, honesty and courtesy and their love and support of my worth as a fellow human being is strong enough to reaffirm my belief in myself and to give me the strength to stand up, brush myself down and call out "next"!

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playfulminx

15 years ago

It's hard isn't it? It's all very well to want no-strings fun but quite often you will get emotinally attached to people that you regularly have sexual fun with. Just human nature I suppose. Perhaps your playmate felt the same way and decided to bow out cold turkey? She probably figured that you two have each other and can console yourselves? Hope she pops up one day and says hi :D

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RHP User

15 years ago

and all people have feelings of one kind or another. I've made some great friends from here. Not 'play' friends, just normal, everyday, look out for you, give you a hand when you need it, care about your health and happiness kind of friends. I'd be sad if they dropped out of my life suddenly without a word.Sometimes 'play' friends become real life friends too. It's normal to be sad.*hugslilmiss x

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Jennie1972

15 years ago

I feel for anyone that has lost a lover and friend, whether its a play mate or something more it is hard when people leave your life. You have to remember the were great times when they were there and the fun they bought to your life whether it was for 1 night, 1 month or more, something that I am only just realising unfortunately. There will be more for you out there...its a big world.

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Jennie1972

15 years ago

It is sad to loose anyone in your life most of all a lover and a friend. You just have to remember the good times and what they bought to your life whether it was for one night, one month or longer. It was worth it.I am only just realising that now. Life goes on and there will be other people in your life.Good luck and keep smilingThere are plenty of fish out there...no matter how hot the one you lost was.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Thanks for your words of wisdom and support. It is sad to lose a friend , a lover , a listener etc. Jennie is right , you remember the great the good the wonderful ! We continue to hope that life is just so complicated at present she cant contact us........ Don't you love an optimist ! You know Wayne your right friends are friends in all situations , that means for us too , we will keep this in mind. Friends throu all! sweetie you just live up to your name ....... again ! Fun loving now you have truly made us think .... thank for your insight ..... clearer the situation maybe from your guidance. Roxxy I have told you how nice you are sista! Stalky many thanks mate I will look for the ocean breeze. Looks like a bike ride to the coast with Sarah on the back is in order ...... does it count wearing a full face helmet ? lilmiss your post always make us feel warm... thx Kisses to you all! A smile and a hug to all those who lost a lover ! Brae

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