M34
Has this lifestyle had a net positive or negative impact on you?
March 22 2024
I'm also interested to hear from couples about what affect it has had on your relationship.
I'll answer for myself in the comments.
Comments
Kokoflamingo
9 months ago
One of my friends urged me to join after I became single again. I had little confidence left back then....I was thinking, who wants to date a 50 year old? I joined the chatroom one night and got talking to some of the ladies. We decided to meet up for a drink and that turned into a string of social meet up events. Ive made a lot of good friends on here, and had casual fwb with some gorgeous men. I regained my confidence and got the old me back. I love the fact that you can meet up with likeminded people and just be yourself. I go to events at the adult clubs and love the social aspect of the scene. Ive met so many beautiful souls on here, my life is one of content and happiness. And to think, I could have got lost in my own pity party and becane a lonely old woman.
RHP User
9 months ago
First two weeks i wanted to delete the app becasue it was the same as all the others....millions of messages sent and no responses or all negative responses. Then i started chatting and making some freinds and it has really helped me understand that women like men for so many different reasons. Finding my strenths and being nice is the way to go....dont be a douche and someone is going to be drawn to you. Its been fun and i am going to host parties at my joint and meet more friendly and lovely people :)
RHP User
9 months ago
We've definitely found its been a positive experience. We are only relatively new to it but we've made a few really good friends along the way. It has helped with how Ems sees her body image alot, plus it has definitely improved our sex life we've found.
ElectricDreamers
9 months ago
We're not going to put the genie back in the bottle...
Definitely a positive for us overall. Made some of the most interesting friendships in our lives, met people from vastly different social spectrums and opened our eyes up to how different and individual sexual liberation is to different people.
We both feel there's nothing going on for us as individuals that we couldn't share with each-other. That's gold.
Yes, the runaround of missed or timewasting connections is frustrating, we gave up the quest for balance ages back - we create balance through different occasions and don't focus on finding it in the moment.
We've pushed our boundaries further than we ever thought we would and have only grown from the experience.
When our lives flash before us it's going to be an interesting visual.
Flirty2020
9 months ago
We decided to try this all out, after watching the movie “Eyes Wide Shut” - there was a masked orgy scene in the chateau that appealed to us.
The sumptuous setting, lighting, music, costumes all appeared to our senses. We are turned on by well choreographed visuals in a beautiful setting. (Not males masturbating on webcam, dirty mirror selfie photos, or males parading with erections on the clothing optional beach)
We have attended quite a few swingers clubs and also have been invited to many free & private parties. The latter appeal to us as the clubs can be seedy and dirty and tend to attract an element that we do not find attractive.
We have met some wonderful people along the way, with whom we have shared our bodies and many good times. These experiences have been very good for us, as a married couple, as sharing needs trust and also builds trust. It is also a good feeling to watch one another having fun and giving / receiving pleasure. There is a word for this - Compersion.
We have been happily married for many years and swinging for us is not an addiction nor something we have to do very often. If we are in the mood and the right person comes along then we will, if the time is right, arrange to play with them. We tend to take our time thoroughly checking that they will be compatible- we don’t like to have regrets nor negative experiences and so far have been very lucky and have enjoyed it so far. It is good to experiment and to explore new things, people and places, on this journey through life.
There are negatives that do come along, like arrogant, pushy, entitled & predatory males . There are many on this site. And the abuse and vitriol that follows should we reject their unsolicited advances & messages. It does make one rather jaded. And so we keep our private lives very separate to what happens on here.
Overall it has been a positive experience.
countrytouch82
9 months ago
Well I had got to my 30s and had still not got past platonic interactions, but luckily for me, although it didn't last, I found someone at 31. After that, while I was single again, I did however have new sexual experience and confidence. So I tried these sites again, and came across the available events.
So as it happens, the second person was not long afterwards, someone's wife one-on-one at a private swingers party. Then it was experiencing a variety of fantasy group scenarios. It also included attendance and hosting of social events here (I'd hosted various vanilla and community events before so just moved into the adult world).
The rest of my 30s is history, and includes some long term friendships made. I'm still single living regionally and still do most things solo, with family and friends partnered up with kids, but I have greatly valued the interactions I have had, without it, would probably have born-again V plates 😂 I'm still experiencing adult activities new to me on the odd occasion.
That's a saying about life. You risk regretting things you haven't done more than things you have.
Sorry it's hard to answer the question without a life story overview!
EarthQueen
9 months ago
As a single person I would say both.
The bad. As a cis-het woman who was initially pretty naive you have to deal with men online and when there's sex involved they can become a-holes or pushy or treat you like a free hooker. They can become so caught up in the sexual fantasy that they forget about the human and treat you like a commodity. So you learn from your mistakes, you adapt, make stronger boundaries and become familiar with the block button. Sometime, there's that sub drop after meeting someone then just adjusting to the come down. There has been times when it has impacted my mental health and I have felt jaded and cynical so its good to know when to stop, take a breath and re-set yourself.
The good. It can be empowering and fun and you meet interesting and open minded people. People you would probably never meet in your general day to day life, especially somewhere regional . You can have amazing sex, live out fantasies, go out to fun places and try new things. The exciting anticipation of an encounter can be such a buzz. It's fun to step outside of every day life and do something that brings you pleasure. I learnt what I will and won't put up with and become more confident to state what I wanted and needed. When the intent of sex is very up front and on the table I think sometimes people reveal more of themselves quickly in a way that can be very real, authentic and vulnerable which is so interesting. I really like that part of the journey.
I'm glad for my experiences good and bad. The amount of personal growth has been huge.RHP User
9 months ago
We are a relatively new couple to RHP, we’ve only had a couple’s profile for a month now. I can only echo the comments above. For the most part the experience has been great and enhanced our bond considerably. A year ago, our physical connection was almost completely broken and now our relationship is at an all-time high. The level of communication, honesty and trust required to make an ENM lifestyle work has been the magic elixir that transformed our relationship. There are some frustrations which others have already mentioned, but overall it’s been a blast and we look forward to exploring further.
Mrs_Deep_Love
9 months ago
Great question 🤔
Tim and I have been ENM for about 8 years and were also Monogamish in our early 20s.
In terms of mental health, confidence and self esteem. I don't think it's effective it that much. Those things don't come from external sources for me, it's held and grown within. I think it's helped me socially, basically I can talk to anyone.
It's been positive for our marriage, it has increased our ability to communicate. There are no hard conversations.
The negative for me is prior to joining the enm community, I had only surrounded myself with good men, I have since come across so many men that spoil it for the good men.
Obi1kenietzsche
9 months ago
Since joining the Pie I have:
*Gone on a boozy date with 3 women who tied me up, painted my face like a clown and left me with a carrot stuck in my bum.
*Got zapped on the pecker by an electric fence whilst attending a wild mountain party up behind Mullumbimby
*Been locked in a bedroom by a husband wearing a cardboard cut-out pic of his wife, and subsequently had to escape by climbing out of a second story window.
*Entertained a couple who arrived at my hotel riding on a tandem bicycle and then later found out that the wife could self orgasm as a result of her husband simply dancing about blowing notes on a small hunting horn.
Has my experience on the Pie been satisfying so far?
FUCK YES! 😆
Obi1.
Andrea_Sydney
9 months ago
Positive!
For just me - it has been empowering and amazing to allow myself to be a sexual being and go for my fantasies and feel that it totally accepted and even valued.
I was badly slut-shamed in the past by abusive partners and was operating in an environment where I had to deny having sexual feelings (to the point of having to be cute and quiet in bed and not ask for anything) - so this journey for me - 100% positive!
As a couple - positive!
It feels like we are doing this sacred and secret thing together that most will never experience. It’s deepened our intimacy immensely.
On top of that, to take pleasure out of seeing him experience pleasure (with someone else) and vice versa has added another layer of attachment.
I don’t have any downsides to report. I also never had any negative experiences. Getting seedy messages or having a nice message exchange turn bad is not a bad experience for me. I cut them off and move on.
Where I alone or we as a couple actually met, I never had a bad experience.
So yes - if you know how to navigate people and how to communicate in your relationship, I think this is all 100% positive ❤️RHP User
9 months ago
Cheers to @alexis for a great post that has got alot of people.being really honest about their experience :) I love learning about this stuff :)
kit_03
9 months ago
As a single women, it completely ripped me to the core! Learning (and still learning) about the lifestyle/scene has been one of the most terrifying, and one of the most growth experiences of my life ❤️ I have been a part of and witnessed some of the most heart wretching relationships, however I have also witnessed some of the most beautiful and soul connecting relationships. And I would not have been able to do this in a monogamous mindset. Accepting people, no matter where they are on their life journey, is what tore down my walls and I was able to build my own that aligned with my most authentic self 🩷
What a great question 😘 Thank you 💋Alexis
9 months ago
Well thanks everyone for all the wonderful replies.
The trend seems to be largely positive, particularly for couples, and a bit of a mixed bag for singles.
I am aware that I've posted this on a swingers forum so it'd be unlikely that people who have had an overall negative experience would stick around for too long. But it's been really great to read about everyone's experiences.Alexis
9 months ago
For myself, I would say at the moment it's at about 50/50. But I will say that is with not having had any amazing experiences (yet 🤞🤞) and having had some not so great ones. So if/when I do have some great experiences I'm sure that will swing to the positive.
Having said that, a couple more ghostings or negative experiences and I think I'll be outta here. Maybe I'll stick around just to read and post in the forums 😂😂
The positives:
I would say the effect on my body image , self-esteem, and confidence has been mostly positive. I had pretty bad acne as a teenager and I think I developed a subconscious belief that no girl would ever be interested in me based on looks. I've received quite a few compliments on my photos and smile, so that's been a confidence booster.
I gained quite a bit of weight during covid and lost most of it last year. Then coming out of a long term relationship and back into the dating/singles scene I didn't even know where to start. Hanging around in these forums and going on a few dates has really helped to gain confidence in getting back into things.
I think also to discover more about what I find attractive and what I'm looking for has been a really wonderful journey.
The negatives:
I would say that in my life I have a level of respect and decency that I do my best to treat everyone with. Whether it's an in person or online interaction.
I think everyone who has been in my life for any period of time has the same attitude. If they don't, they don't really stay in my life for long.
It's been enlightening and frustrating to discover that not everyone has the same view.
I've also struggled with the commodification of people. Not entirely, I guess there has always been a sexual marketplace that exists in the world. Just that, in this online environment, the attributes that I value, like a sense of humour, intelligence, interpersonal skills, compassion, etc, are extremely undervalued in place of things I find to be extremely shallow. Mostly physical attributes.
(I do know that some people value those same things as me and you're probably reading this right now, so I do appreciate you)
I've also found a lot of people seem to have a view of sex as a performance rather than an experience. Like, almost to the point of being theatrical. Which I kind of get, I know that, particularly for women, if the performance is poor then the experience is pretty average. But for me, I'd take some fun vanilla sex with a person I find funny and have a connection with over something super kinky with someone I don't really vibe with any day.
So that's my rant for the day 😂😂 I'm writing this at a time when I'm feeling pretty jaded and cynical, after I drove 40 minutes to meet someone who sat down and told me I'm not her type before we had even said a word 🙄🙄🙄
I'll probably feel better about things soon.
Having said all that, it's probably pretty amazing I'm still sitting at 50/50. I do like hanging out in these forums. A lot of cool people here.
nightingale8
9 months ago
The net negative reviewers have left the building. Maybe if we flash some nipples they might be curious enough to return
teamaj2
9 months ago
Alexis ,excellent post as always.
Pre entering this exciting ride seems a lifetime ago . It was 7 years ago .
It’s been a very positive experience for us both and we have no regrets .
My self esteem definitely took a turn for the better . I knew my husband thought I was attractive but I doubted if anyone else thought so . It’s fun to get dressed up , flirt , meet new people and as was said earlier - meet people we would never have met in everyday life .
It was a huge learning curve . We learnt a lot about people’s preferences , different ways to ‘be in a relationship’ away from societies norms. Everything is acceptable within a respectful, consensual relationship.
We pushed our boundaries, fulfilled many wish lists and loved every minute of it .
We both used to have issues with jealousy. No longer does this happen . Instead , if one of us is approached or propositioned it’s exciting and adds to our relationship. Neither of us feels threatened . Our communication was always our strength , it’s grown even stronger through our experiences.
The not so great experiences are just that - experiences. We move on , laugh about them and discuss how not to perhaps let these experiences occur again . Once again , it’s about communication.
AxRHP User
9 months ago
Definitely enhanced my life
I had been in a long monogamous marriage. We had sex a lot but separated due to other reasons. I went online to casually date as I didn’t want to enter into a new relationship. I met a woman who wanted to try a 4sum. So we went onto an app and did so. I then met a woman who was in the group swinging scene and she took me to a party. I really enjoyed it. Not just the sex but the lovely people I met. I dated more women and asked them if they wanted to party and they all said Yes. Some of those women remain friends to this day
I can honestly say I have met many wonderful people through this lifestyle
If the right woman came along I would enter into a long term relationship. In the meantime I am enjoying this lifestyle even though I am now older than many people online
Cucknshells
9 months ago
Overall it has had a positive impact. Especially in regard to my relationship with my husband. Also I found my special friend in the lifestyle.
I initially joined RHP to connect with couples in a similar situation. We went to some meet and greets and met some awesome people from the forums. I think that has been the best way to connect with people.
There have been some not good experiences. Some men have made me feel insignificant. Some have lied and treated me like a plan B.
However all my sexually encounters have been amazing. Just getting to that step has taken time.
I feel like maybe the good times are behind me. As in that period in my life has passed. I miss the friends I made on here that have moved on.
I wouldn’t change anything though. Very grateful for the experiences I have had and people I have met. No regrets.
Shells xx
Ex007
9 months ago
For over 10 years RPH has been a part of my life though I have been on and off during that time.
The positives:- I've met and made amazing connections with some wonderful people. Memories I will treasure forever and some I will long to ever experience again.
The negative being single it's not a subject you can talk about in the vanilla world of dating.
I made that mistake a couple of times then men get super creepy and gross. So for 7 years, I've felt stuck in limbo. I don't know if that will ever change.
I do not have time to organise events and the events I've gone to have been full of couples and 20somthing men. So I've given up on events. I'm not interested in being the 3rd wheel.
You also get to know the type of person/brain that does it for you. I find I'm not interested if my mind isn't engaged.
Knowledge is power but it is also a curse.
MrandMrsEss
9 months ago
As a couple that met, married and had kids in a wild whirlwind we also had to fit in one's complete lack of experience with sexuality. Pasts were discussed, interests piqued and we started a long slow dabbling into each other's desires.
We have made a few mistakes that shook us, tested us, made us work to resolve and happy to say made us stronger as individuals and partners. It has been an absolute pleasure being present to see MrsS evolve into her sexual self and the journey is ongoing.
Sites like these have of course helped connect and we have met some wonderful people but the toxicity of some really does tarnish our overall opinion of navigating the site and is why MrsS does not actively participate online.
We have only recently focused more on the meet and greets and parties and are having fun exploring those.
I think just the choice to be more open about our desires and not feeling like we have to hide anything from each other is the best part of this "lifestyle".
So overall a resounding positive for us and we learn even from the negatives.
Libertine001
9 months ago
I think you left out the probing incident when you got abducted...🤣🤣
Since touch the electric fence with your pecker, did you get a taste for it and buy a wand?
Libertine
Readytoplay81
9 months ago
I have mostly had positive experience when it comes to re gaining my confidence etc, I've met some amazing people but just recently had a very negative experience which I won't go into here.
It's definitely made me re think this lifestyleRHP User
9 months ago
I'm highly optimistic and don't discriminate between hurt and joy. So I'd have to say positive.
But being more introspective there's an obvious growth path around exploring and mastering feelings such as jealousy and envy. They have become teachers and friends and helped me change my point of view on relationships across the board.
As a couple, Abi and I have spent many nights diving into the emotional impact of evolving our polyamory. How we play with risk, prioritising individual growth to benefit the couple, what overstepping the mark actually looks like in practice and dealing successfully with the inevitable consequences of playing with fire.
The hands-down best interaction I've had on this site is with someone I have not met yet and had some amazing conversations and debates with over the last 3 years. I didn't expect that yet I'm extremely grateful for it.
Beats sitting around watching love island or MAFS.
Respectful83
9 months ago
Great topic. It's been a mixed road for myself. My ex wife and I entered the lifestyle, through this very site, back early in our marriage, which wasn't particularly strong, and we were both extremely niave, and unsure of what either of us wanted.
We saw some great times, some unpleasant times, but ultimately we didn't last.
I guess when analysing it, the exposure to the scene maybe hastened our decision to split.
As a single human, I have met some of the most incredible partners post marriage thanks to sites such as this one and similar, and absolutely some of the best times of my life. I have clear intentions and desires, am confident and extremely satisfied with my sexual life, which surprisingly is getting more vanilla the longer I engage with the scene.
So swings and roundabouts for me .
meadow
8 months ago
Unfortunately RHP destroyed my marriage of 20 years. Well, at the least it was the facilitator of that. A terrible car crash of events resulting in my ex wife leaving for multiple other men and ending up with serious mental health issues when things didn't work out for her... However after a number of years I've been able to form a new kink relationship and my life is back on track again. Overall I can't imagine not living this lifestyle. For better or worse it's what makes.most sense for me.
Rider
7 months ago
It's been a mixed bag for me. I found RHP after being on dating apps after my separation 10 years ago. I found the sex and connection I was craving here but also struglled a lot to make those connections. Social anxiety is crushing at times and it tokk a huge dose of courage to go to a swingers club as my first dip of the toes in this scene. I've met some really cool people and had some great expereinces but also had a few that felt empty and somehow missed the connection with that person. Not a slight on either of us just that it didn't spark. It's been hard as a shy single guy but I haven't given up but also stepped away a couple times as I had a couple relationships over the years,
DonnaBrett
5 months ago
We've been in the lifestyle for 25 years now. We (as a couple)started talking about it on our second date. It's been a great ride. We don't get into all that deep and meaningful mental health, self-esteem stuff etc. We just don't overthink it, it's just fun pure and simple and we've made some wonderful friends along the way so that's a bonus.
RHP User
3 months ago
It definitely has its pro's and con's
Pro was. It's been good for my confidence. I've met some really nice people from her in real life. Some things have progressed further. Some didn't. But that's all good. It's a great way to meet people.
Mentally and fitness wise it's been great too. I say fitness wise as it's good for me to exercise in general. Knowing you might meet someone on here, gives you motivation to try stay in shape
Cons. Very little. But 2 big stand out one's
I met someone away from here who I was really into. But she found out I was on here. I don't exactly know how but have my suspicions. It was in the very early days of meeting her. So It kind of killed any future there. I'll be honest I was gutted over that
2. I had the worst experience of my life meeting someone. I was new to this site and probably a bit nieve. I deleted my account at the time. But I came back and learnt from it. In fairness it's been the only bad experience I've had here.
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