Has the old school respect gone?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  so sorry OP that you spent such formative years in a home and away from your family.I definitely do think that this probably contributed to you hoping to find what your fantasy of the perfect family is.A wife who stays at home ,looking after the husband and kids and a man who is the provider. There are probably a few women around who share the same fantasy but I don't think that this is the best place to find them. Times have changed since the 50s and 60s,most women are wanting to have a career as well as a family,some young women I know who are in their late 20s early 30s are now really just wanting to focus on their careers. Good luck in your search,I hope you find what you are looking for,As to respect I think it is something we earn by our actions towards others.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  You're probably asking the wrong crowd. I think the women on this site came here because they are sexually liberated, and I'm not sure that goes together with your idea of your ideal woman. But surely they exist!   And to quote you:   But today wow what do we say it seem people are intentionally going out of there way to be difficult to make things hard, to challenge people and think it is fun?   I hope you don't believe "modern" women are like this. That kind of attitude has nothing to do with being outspoken, and I certainly don't tolerate it.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  There are many more opportunites for women in the work force these days as well as for many couples both need to be employed to keep up with the general cost of living, to pay for all the wonderful new things that are available as well.I think some of the women who do have to work may fantasise about the Old School Respect days.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  It is hard these days for women to not work, unless your husband brings home big bucks. You really have to choose between scaling down your lifestyle to be a stay at home mum or sacrificing some of your time to bring a 2nd income into the family coffers. But just because a woman has a job doesn't mean that she can't be wonderful. An understanding partner who can pitch in and help out goes a long way, you make it sound as though it's the womens fault that relationships are falling apart. Every marriage has its ups and downs, and usually both parties have a story to tell.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Times have indeed changed....but that's a good thing....without change, water would become stagnant and awful....without change cars wouldn't have made us lazy drivers.....without change we wouldn't be such a diverse culture and best of all....a unique bunch of people. Embrace change, it exists for the benefit of us all....be it positive or negative, it helps make life interesting...

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  The days of stay at home mums has well and truly gone, especially here in perth. Unless you are on a decidedly good wage (working on the mines) a single income family will struggle. My ex didnt work for about 7 or so years of our relationship when the kids came along and it took a huge toll on our relationship especially over the last few years. Paying $400 - $500 a week in rent or mortgage repayments means you have very little choice but to hAve both partners working. I was fine with her not working and it was good knowing my son and daughter were being looked after so well, but in the end it just wasn't possible.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Dear OP,You seem to have the word respect confused with old-fashioned.Wanting a 50's household experience isn't too uncommon, and nowadays is seen rather as a fetish. This is mainly because the world we live in, unless you are very successful, doesn't allow one person to stay at home making house and looking after the kids. Also, it doesn't recognise that a woman would like to be seen as more than a baby-making, dinner-providing, sex-on-tap machine. Sure, some women like that, that's their individual preference, but most certainly not all.When I'm in a relationship I always have the utmost respect for my partner, I am supporting, I am loving, and I will do everything within my power to ensure that both of our needs as well as our wants, are met. I am also challenging and if he's spouting BS at me, I have no problem calling him on it. I have a brain, I can use it, and I refuse to fall into any kind of gender binary where I am less of a person because of what's between my legs.Well, you can say "What would she know, she's single?". Yes, I am single and this has been by design. I have very definite ideas about what I'm doing with myself now, and for my future and these plans really don't mesh with anything that men in Sydney want, although, when I get to plan, it wouldn't be too different to the idyllic life you are after(assuming I have a partner then). Which I do see the irony in.Oh, one other thing OP- most of the women I know respect the nice, genuine & decent men that they know, and the nice, genuine, decent men respect women too.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Things seem so simple when you are a little kid don't they? Many kids see mum doing the housework, Dad coming home from work but what they don't see is the little arguments, financial stress, difficulties in making ends meet, problems with communicating, less opportunities for socialising due to having the kids, mum going nuts from having only kids to speak to for the day etc. I don't think your fantasy really exists anymore or ever existed in the first place.From a historical/sociological perspective: In the 50's and 60's the perception was that women stayed home and tended the house and the men were the breadwinners. In actual truth, depending on social class, many women worked unskilled jobs during the day when kids were at school to make extra money to help make ends meet. Nowadays, women have so many more career opportunities and the real opportunity to be able to live independent lives, without the need for the financial security of a man's income. Therefore I suspect, women can be much more choosy when it comes to the dating game. Women aren't having kids til much later so they have time to have some fun and meet the right person, rather than the right-now-before-I-become-an-old-spinster person. I think it's more a case of women, moreso than any other time in our history, have the ability to not settle for second best. They can be more like a man with their choice of partner. There is another possibility too: others respond to you in the same way you treat them. How many of the men see their partner snowed under with housework on the weekend and think to ask "do you need help?" Women's paid work loads are ever increasing and men aren't really doing all that much more housework than they used to. Maybe certain men need to take responsibility for their own self-sufficiency with regard to the household. I don't mind helping my partner when he's working 10 or 12 hour days at times, but he does the same for me. It's give and take, to get respect you need to give respect.

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  playful4u

  13 years ago

  These days women are becoming more like men and men are becoming more like women and both genders tend to have crossed lines in a western society. It would be easier to find a traditional man than a woman. Perhaps look at other ethnic groups for the more traditional kind of women.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  And the shit hits the fan If you have no career or work to fall back on Try sitting in an interview with some smarty pants kid with a suit on Who says and what have you been doing the last twenty odd years oh home maker, insert titter here and NEXT Even centrelink makes women go back to work when the child is six and single mums now, the young ones, have to get an education or work after bub is born. Stay at home mums can find themselves on poverty street with nothing. I know this, one of my friends her husband is a prick threw her out with nothing on but her clothes, not even shoes They own so much she cant get centrelink to many assets ( that she cant get to), no free legal the wait list is a year He has the money the power , they have six houses and four businesses and she is living off friends at the moment. to stressed to work and no roof over her head. Its the ugly truth that not all men are providers. So you have to keep up your skills to survive. Work out of the house work in the house, look at us wow we have two jobs now. Working to exhaustion.   I would think ther are a few women on here that got left with kids and no provider, he got sick of playing house.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Such an old fashioned term to begin with. There is no mention as to why you were made this and it could actually have some bearing as to why you think the respect and the breakdown of traditional family values have gone yes. If your family was a traditional one with Dad working and Mum at home, then suddenly those wonderful halcyon days were over, you could possibly be looking back through rose tinted glasses and wanting what you thought you had back then. In this day and age is is rarely practical for one partner to be at home all the time. I am certain that the majority of women would rather stay at home with thier babies. (even though after a while it becomes mind-numbingly boring conversing with toddlers) It is a huge wrench when they have to hand the care of thier precious children over to strangers and go back to work simply to cover the daily living expenses. The truth is that if we all waited until we could afford to have kids...the human race would die out pretty fast.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I felt certain that the OP would be crucified for expressing old fashioned ideas. I just wish my earning potential as such that I could support my family without Jennylee having to work.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'tuscanred'   Stay at home mums can find themselves on poverty street with nothing. I know this, one of my friends her husband is a prick threw her out with nothing on but her clothes, not even shoes They own so much she cant get centrelink to many assets ( that she cant get to), no free legal the wait list is a year He has the money the power , they have six houses and four businesses and she is living off friends at the moment. to stressed to work and no roof over her head. Its the ugly truth that not all men are providers. So you have to keep up your skills to survive. Work out of the house work in the house, look at us wow we have two jobs now. Working to exhaustion.   I would think ther are a few women on here that got left with kids and no provider, he got sick of playing house. And all too common a story, and it's sad, and she's lucky to have the grace of such good friends. So many people don't, especially those most disadvantaged, who have been in abusive relationships (I know this is off topic) and all their friends have drifted away.I think an education, and the means for a career, or at least a way to earn a supporting income, is the best thing all women can do for themselves, and their children. Fortunately there are a number of jobs that can be done at home these days with the advent of new technologies. Yay. So maybe the OP will be able to find his perfect mate, and yet she can still be a modern woman too.I would like a house husband. Is that traditional??

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Such a sad story Tuscan, resonates with me as I've seen a lot of it recently, And it's much more common than people think. At least I had a job to go back to even after 3 months leave. Taken me 6 Months even with a job to slowly get back on my feet. Can't imagine what it'd be like after not working for that long. even if the wife is staying at home it pays to be doing something even if its just distance education.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I can understand what your asking, but those days are really long gone, although there may be a small percentage of us that are still like this, at least till our kids are at full time school anyways, its not the way things really are done these days,especially when its a struggle on the one income for most these days, and being a state ward is no excuse as I to was one and I have no rose coloured glasses or fairytale thoughts on the way things should be, I’m a 100% proud of how far i’ve come and even though life wasn’t the best for us all in our younger years, it doesn’t determine who you become, and I do support my hubby 110% always and he does me too, in everything whether it be in our thoughts,desires,fantasy’s,needs or wants, it ourselves that limit us in life,as I was once told, Happiness is a choice - yours !!!! Sorry bout your background, but please don’t rely on being the victim forever, it gets one no where in life… be strong and 100% true to yourself and really you’ll be much happier! Best of Luck! xx

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'Otori' I don't mind helping my partner when he's working 10 or 12 hour days at times, but he does the same for me. It's give and take, to get respect you need to give respect. Otori, so true particularly about respect

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hi guys, Thanks so much to ALL for your replays wether I agree or not is not the issue I just wanted to hear some opinions on this. As to those who think that I am a victim I truly am not I can assure you I brought my first merc for 102 k when I was 23 years old I own my own business and live on 3 acres in sydney that i own so i am doing very well financially and don't feel at all I am a victim of my past. And for those who keep going on about the 50 s and 60 s I wasn't even born then to know what it is like then my dad left when I was 4 so never seen that side of life. I really just wanted to hear what people's different opinions where on this topic and thanks to all who replied and will reply. It is a shame in my opinion that it has gone this way I think it all steams are trust and trusting people unfortunately I don't have a Lot of trust but I learn more everyday. Keep the replies coming again thanks to all and keeps smiling and don't stop having fun..... Simon

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  And one last thing guys I don't have respect confused with old fashioned, there is a huge difference I know that but I thinki am old school from my grand father, but I still believe respect is something earned to taken. And I think a lot of people don't try to earn it anymore which is a shame.

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