F48
Growth and Change
March 23 2011
Comments
-
RHP User
15 years ago
That's kind of a self-depracating post, so I thought I'd give it a bump onto the front page. . The two guys who couldn't / wouldn't have kids or marry you may have only held that opinion or given that impression because they were with you ... hehe bear with me.... and you didn't want those things. . I don't know what your views on marriage are, I understand what your view on children is. Society puts a degree of pressure on people to pro-create (and marry), and while your men may have shared your anti-kid view earlier on, people mature. Their friends might have had kids and they saw the joy there etc. etc. And they realised perhaps they do want kids. . But that's not the question... As I've matured my view on gay men has changed - I think that's just due to exposure to them. I worked in a fairly blokey environment for 10 or so years where there were 'no bloody poofters', so while not homophobic I guess I looked at them as somehow faulty, but was never able to form an opinion based on fact or experience. Now that I've worked with a couple and been accosted at nude beaches by them I am a little more open-minded. In fact I haven't bashed one in years. . Kidding. I never have and don't condone it. Besides, some of them are scary mofo's who would do me more damage than vv.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Change is the universal law. . Pertaining to your post, every new relationship offers up many variants and we have the wisdom of growth learning how to be more flexible, open and accomodating to the new relationship. Perhaps the children issue in that partner you mention was not fully explored/re-evaluated in your time together, it may have changed given more time? In any event, You have set him free to go on to his greater good. . When a couple meets and one has a child already, it makes sense to create a family bond between all 3 by making a new child together and that child then has the common blood-line to bring all 4 into family status(there is a blood connection between child one and child two with mother in common, and child two links the new dad with child one through mother) Ponder that equation for a while if it seems complex. . As for marriage, it can be for some, the completing factor to a secure bond of future together, outwardly expressed and give a commitment value to promises and joint prospects held high by the both. It can also be a dastardly deed in view of owning/posessing that person or for financial gain/security among many other insincere agendas behind marriage. . My advice to anyone: Choose a future, and live into it, live a life you love. Be happy. You are complete, whole and perfect - just the way you are.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I have to say yes, a lot has changed in regards to my beliefs or views as I've matured. I'm sure some of them are just the natural progression of a more mature and understanding woman. But I've become so much more accepting of the stranger things in life, cos shit it can throw some doozies at us all, and the effect it has on other people. . Basically I don't do a lot of judging of others, where as once upon a time I was pretty critical of them. Now I tend to look a bit further into why they might act /behave the way they do, and give them the benefit of the doubt that they most likely have their 'own shit' going on in the background. . Another one is the diff quirks and kinks that get people off, gone are the days of 'ewwwww' and 'gross' and I now find myself with one eyebrow raised and a bit of a smile in one corner of my mouth, thinking OOhhh you kinky bugger Good for you! . . My views on marriage have changed, but only because Ive been there and done that. All adds to that loooong learning curve though and Ive chosen to try and take the positives with me in the long term, the short term........well until he stops giving me the shits my hands are tied on that one
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I am your mother and should refuse to comment on this because of familiarity. BUT...you know me... Firstly you chose to have a long term relationship with men that did not suit you and you knew in the back of your mind that one day it would all be over. I do agree with what JG said. These men stayed with you because you looked after them and mothered them. They gladly accepted the no children and no marriage in order to be with you. While they were with you they had the opportunity to grow up slowly with you as a safety net. But then you also took advantage of this and did not have to go out into the big wide scary world alone. They, in turn, were your safety net. l Many views and beliefs have changed as I mature and keep on changing as I grow. If I did not learn new things constantly there would no longer be any reason for being. Veiws on religion have changed dramatically and keep evolving with time. The concept of "MYSELF" who I am, where I sit in the grand (and not so grand) scheme of things changes and grows with time. l I have had to walk away from loved ones and drop out of thier lives. So I know that love can exist and continue to exist when the person is no longer there.....even when they are dead. Learning to walk away (not often ) when someone's viewpoint does not coincide with mine was hard as was learning in my early 20's that the voice was more powerful than the fist. Needs and wants are entirely different and over time I have begun to realise that needs are few and basic, wants are endless. l One of the most important things that I have learnt is that life is precious and fleeting. This is but a moment in time and may not be here for us to enjoy tomorrow. That does not mean that we can forget about tomorrow and only live in the moment and for the moment. Everyone needs a contingency plan and we may just be here to witness tomorrow. Patience, tolerance - more what I can put up with and what I can not, have increased as I get older. Along with that comes the lessening of my desire to put up with bullshit. l l One of the biggest things is this.....if I will not remember this exact moment in 10 years time.....then it really is not that important.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I think there's a hell of a lot of difference between noticing that someone else has changed, and noticing that you have changed. I'm with Jeanza on the tow previous bfs. When people are "in love" I think that they empathise... a lot... and that can make them want and need different things than they might otherwise, but they are in sync with their lover... especially if it's a matter to which they do not have a passionate connection... I mean... if I'm feeling indifferent about something, I'll likely be easily pursuaded one way or another on a subject.. but deep down I'm still indifferent. Maybe these guys didn't particularly want children... but are still being empathic.. that is, indifferent to the idea so easily pursuaded by their lover.As for changes, I also agree with Jean. For sure I was homophobic some time back. I really think I had good reason to fear any man coming at me with an erection, but I'm getting over that and one day soon I hope to be kind of normal and obtain a kind of inner peace and harmony, mind and body. I think I'll install a jaccuzzi.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I don’t know how it keeps happening (when will I become the 'oh wise one?), but i tend to keep hitting huge milestones and then come to the realisation that I haven’t even began to start to understand what life means or what i think about it or something... Not finding the right words here.... maybe i'll make more sense below Got to a point in my career where instead of going, yay i got here! It is like hmmmm what else could i be doing with these x-amount of hours per week? Was this a good choice, what does it really contribute and mean blah blah didn’t expect to feel like that. Plus i question the corporate money hungry world, when I was young I aspired to be part of it and now I feel like it is just rotton and rotting our world in larger chunks each year... Another area: Thought I’d done my teens and 20s play’n thought i got it ‘out of my system’ and MATURED...BUT looking back over the last year, that would be a big ‘NO’ I didn’t ‘grow out of it’ like i thought i would ! When I got married and then had a beautiful bubba, i sooo strangely thought that i’d mature to the point where I wouldn’t want to misbehave and do all the fun norti stuff as I was a mummy, I would instead want to umm knit or something?! Yes I was delusional !!! (these were my subconcious thoughts, if i said them out loud to someone they woulda laughed at me 4 sure...). I had a fantasy about family and how I'd be?! I'd never done it b4, so i had no reference point, my parents are froma different solar system and time, so they weren't a reference point for me. Until now, well the last 12months, when my life took a sudden unscheduled left hand U turn up a hill and down to a right turn into a different life, so utterly weird for me; Ms.Plan Plan Plan!! I had followed my predetermined steps for nearly 20 years. At the time I thought it was all my plans and goals, but now i am not so sure... The old Euro parents and society coulda implanted a few of them there ideas in me mind BRAINWASHED i woz?.... So for the most part of the last 20 years i lived in my bubble of what i thought life was all about... that has very much popped now and at 35 years old, i am NOW VERY aware of how little i know about life and am very excited to explore my options going forward (although it took a while to get over the shock that i was 35 years stupid, i woz sure by this age i'd have it all worked out!!)... My current goal (always gotta have one..) I would like to try and block the 'noise' of society if i can and try and learn other maybe more natural (no not nude) ways of living life? This could be another crazy concept, but it is my quest none the less!! I wonder if this post makes me sound a little mental/c c crazy? Oh and I live by the new attitude of 'I don't really care what you think' in terms of I am comfortable to have my own opnions and be me without the fear of it 'not fitting in' i am just over the society hoops, done that enough for a while i think... so call me crazy and i'll go 'Yes? How may I help you?'
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Though I wonder if I made myself clear...I am in no way looking for rationilisations to why the previous bf's have made those changes in their lives but instead giving some background as to where my thoughts about life changes have come from. I know that we were young when together and ones out look does change as you get older - this I know and accept - I am more wondering what major changes have you made in your outlook on life/your beiefs (come on everyone admits that marriage and children are major changes in your life) not a reflective piece on my bad choices (for me) in life partners...lol..though the experience has taught me that I no longer want tos ettle for nearly perfect...I want someone for me that I dont need to hide any aspect of my personality from for fear of reject. . JG - I think for many their gradual acceptance of homosexual people comes from exposure to them and the fact that it is more widely acceptable now than wha it used to be . Tony - love that motto / DGT - like JG with gradual exposure to new things, things you may have thought were 'bad' or 'dirty' previously you slowly becoming to be more accepting of differences. It may not be your thing but that doesnt mean it is wrong and noone else should be doing it. By giving others the benefit of the dubt more often I believe that they too are mor elikely to to judge you less. . GT - You have been through one hell of a rough time and are understandably jaded after the experience. You know we are always thinking of you btu I hope you dont let the experience get you down too much and learn from it instead (though you sound like you already have) . Mother - Gee you liked them at the time...lol...but I know what you meant about them - they were what I needed at the time...I'm stilll trying to imagine you keeping your opinions to yourself thoug....strangely I cant see that... / Stalky - so when are you installing that jacuzzi???? / Boobs - No you dont sound crazy (well not to me anyway) more willing to learn, wanting to explore and discover..more open to the idea that maybe your initial plans/thoughts just werent for oyu. Enjoy the journey . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Charles_Dickens' Foculaison. Nicely written. You are one of only a handfull of ladies on here that can write as well as you do. The constructive sentences you write when we are sending ping pong emails to each other is great. I have to agree that we do change our views of things in life as we grow older. I of course have my Mother to thank for that. , Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
It is funny how many people think they will be mature at certain milestones of thier life. Mid thirties is a point where many stop and reflect. It is old enough to know what does not work and what we dont like any more and yet young enough for a complete about face of lifestyle / career if desired. Boobaliscious you dont sound crazy to me either. I completely understand where you are coming from. Have fun exploring.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Love the philosophy within this post- I think ALL of you guys so far have been very insightful, and i have to say i have enjoyed reading through this one! It does seem interesting that everyone so far is within the same age bracket - 30 - 50 odd. Unfortunately i do not have the same vernacular eloquence so will ask a question in the only language i know- "Building Site Australian" (Yet to be added as a recognised Websters Dictionary)So here goes-Focus, do you really think "fundamental life changes", are a reaction to age and maturity?Or could it be more environmental?We have had a series of devastating tragedies around the world, and as we continue towards 2012, i feel there are many people beginning to question their mortality! Some of the greatest "Fundamental life Changes" occur when someone has had to face their own mortality !On another note it's refreshing to see we are not just horny fuckers........ok "I" am but ........
-
RHP User
15 years ago
First - I am no longer the shy retiring type that stayed in the background and had low self esteem. I am no longer afraid of people and their opinions. It's what I think about me that counts.Second - I have learned that I am strong enough to withstand whatever life throws at me and I have learned to throw a few things back at life. Life is what you make of it.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
My whole life has been a series of speed humps...sometimes more speed than humps, at other times more humps than speed ;P . Gomez and I have now reached a speed hump that requires strategy to navigate. What the outcome will be, I don't know. Major illness and excessive work pressure has caused us to pause for a moment. And during such intense times, the burning truth is ignited (think Johnny Cash and The Burning Ring of Fire). The thing is, the truth can no longer be measured. It has distorted and it's muddled. But I am grateful for the opportunity Gomez gave me to trust again and to love so very deeply. . But it would seem that this speed hump has broken the axle. Do we get it repaired or do we ditch the vehicle? Deep down I know the truth and it involves change. And Gomez knows this too. It's hard sometimes....reaching milestones. . Mxxx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' It is funny how many people think they will be mature at certain milestones of thier life. Mid thirties is a point where many stop and reflect. It is old enough to know what does not work and what we dont like any more and yet young enough for a complete about face of lifestyle / career if desired. Boobaliscious you dont sound crazy to me either. I completely understand where you are coming from. Have fun exploring.Thanks to the ma and bub team, what great therapy this site it!
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Sometimes I think of the changes we go through as we live our lives in terms of what we are given when we arrive...and perhaps one of the biggest tragedies is what is stolen from us, something that begins almost within hours of that first breath we take. | We come into this world surrounded by the ability to love unconditionally, trust without question, are neither masters nor slaves of our emotions and perhaps as in touch with our sould and inner selves as we will ever be...we have all of our seven senses and they are all fully focused to lead us on this journey. Then the dance begins... | Our five primal survival senses are the only ones we seem to rely on, we learn and start to think, become educated in the ways of the world and through experience...are stripped of the gifts of our soul. Free will and thought, spirit and self fulfillment as unique individuals are sacrificed to the gods or stolen in the darkness of the night. | It's not really our fault...reality seems to be a very angry herd of ancient wooley mammoths that are ready to charge out and stampede us with social values, morality, religion and all the things that are supposed to comprise that big wonderful reality that in fact...does not exist. You have your reality and I have mine...when they collide we share yet another. We discover that feelings are never right or wrong...they are simply our feelings. Religion...I prefer to seek out my own perceptions of something that is there but is so far beyond comprehension that we have given it a name and a very profitable way to control the minds of the masses through fear and guilt. Morality and social values...thanks, I will write my own rule book there as it will save me from judging you from the pages of the one that you handed me to read. | Sometimes, and usually only when we collide full speed with a brick wall that we have denied was there even though we helped build it...do we see that it may be time to change. Grow, simply by drawing a line in the sand and taking back a bit of what we have sacrificed or has been stolen. Perhaps the more child-like I can again become...never innocent but always full of wonderment and constantly aware that any and everything can be new today when I open my eyes, the better I will be or perhaps the better my life will seem to be when I sit back at the end of the day with a nice single malt, a cohiba and say "Thanks, I had a good time" out into a star filled sky. | The universe...it hasn't really changed much in the last 10 million years or so and there is not a lot that I can do to change or add to that. I can just accept it and with a bit of luck...leave a few friends, some memories that will be shared in laughter and a few footprints that someone else might find along the way on their own adventure. | About an hour ago...yesterday is gone forever and I now have 23 hours left in this one to make the most of it. Think I will keep doing that until the universe changes the rules and until then...I am going to enjoy every breath until it is my last one. | I hope that each of you to too. |
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' Sometimes I think of the changes we go through as we live our lives in terms of what we are given when we arrive...and perhaps one of the biggest tragedies is what is stolen from us, something that begins almost within hours of that first breath we take. | We come into this world surrounded by the ability to love unconditionally, trust without question, are neither masters nor slaves of our emotions and perhaps as in touch with our sould and inner selves as we will ever be...we have all of our seven senses and they are all fully focused to lead us on this journey. Then the dance begins... | Our five primal survival senses are the only ones we seem to rely on, we learn and start to think, become educated in the ways of the world and through experience...are stripped of the gifts of our soul. Free will and thought, spirit and self fulfillment as unique individuals are sacrificed to the gods or stolen in the darkness of the night. | It's not really our fault...reality seems to be a very angry herd of ancient wooley mammoths that are ready to charge out and stampede us with social values, morality, religion and all the things that are supposed to comprise that big wonderful reality that in fact...does not exist. You have your reality and I have mine...when they collide we share yet another. We discover that feelings are never right or wrong...they are simply our feelings. Religion...I prefer to seek out my own perceptions of something that is there but is so far beyond comprehension that we have given it a name and a very profitable way to control the minds of the masses through fear and guilt. Morality and social values...thanks, I will write my own rule book there as it will save me from judging you from the pages of the one that you handed me to read. | Sometimes, and usually only when we collide full speed with a brick wall that we have denied was there even though we helped build it...do we see that it may be time to change. Grow, simply by drawing a line in the sand and taking back a bit of what we have sacrificed or has been stolen. Perhaps the more child-like I can again become...never innocent but always full of wonderment and constantly aware that any and everything can be new today when I open my eyes, the better I will be or perhaps the better my life will seem to be when I sit back at the end of the day with a nice single malt, a cohiba and say "Thanks, I had a good time" out into a star filled sky. | The universe...it hasn't really changed much in the last 10 million years or so and there is not a lot that I can do to change or add to that. I can just accept it and with a bit of luck...leave a few friends, some memories that will be shared in laughter and a few footprints that someone else might find along the way on their own adventure. | About an hour ago...yesterday is gone forever and I now have 23 hours left in this one to make the most of it. Think I will keep doing that until the universe changes the rules and until then...I am going to enjoy every breath until it is my last one. | I hope that each of you to too. | How old were you when you figured this all out??? You are one insightful, eloquently expressive, fascinating man....
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Hey Boobalicious - loved your post! I think a lot of people go through exactly the same thought processes. And I completely understand the whole Euro parents aspect too. Society, schooling, governments, Euro parents, etc, instill a view of what our life should be and what we should be striving for. Seems to me that a lot of people in their 30's and 40's suddenly realise that this is not really want they want or come to understand that it isn't all it is cracked up to be. You suddently realise that you have done the marriage and kids, you have done all the hard study the hard work and have climbed the corporate ladder. So you are suppose to be completely fulfilled now right - but some how your not. Good luck in exploring !!YOUR TIME STARTS NOW.xxMeeka
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Thankyou.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Mother (aka Fionabee) - for many years we get told you will understand when you are an adult, then when we hit tht magic marker w e got told you will undretsand more when you are older...I guess many are waiting for when we are supposed to hit this magic marker of understanding . Ruf - I see your point about facing our own mortality and the way it influences our thoughts, views, beliefs, my own views changed not with a look at my own mortality but with a couple of major life changes (weight loss and relationship status)...on my own for the first time since I was 18 made me really think about me - who I am and what I want in this life. / Mistress - I wonder could your changes within yourself have occured in the same manner as my own - with enormous weight loss??? Making us reevaluate who we THOUGHT we were?? / Morticiaa - some lives just dont seem fair do thay (and before anyway says anythig yes I know life isnt fair) some people are given trial after trial within their lives yet others are given what appear to be easy cruisy lives...I am sure Gomez and yourself will work through this latest speed hump and find the solotuion that is right for you ... if you need/want a friendly ear flirt me and we can chat . Boobs - anytime. Sometimes it is easier to speak with someone using the annonymity of the internet...I offer you the same as Morticiaa - if you want a friendly ear flirt me and we can chat . CM - wow! thats all I got...that post was amazing...I thank you . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Made a deal with the ancients on my way out... | ...best to keep my end of the bargain.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
What a question to read right now! I'm sitting in bed in my parents spare bedroom in a country on the other side of the planet, about to attend my brother's wedding. (He who swore he was inacapable of love but who is now completely head over heels) . I am not the person my parents wanted me to be, by any stretch of the imagination, but there is still love and acceptance in my family. I have changed so much and moved so far from my orgins. But I am happy and warm and comfortable where I am right now too. I think we can be many people at once and can retain our roots even as we grow and stretch and keep evolving.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'irresponsibility' What a question to read right now! I'm sitting in bed in my parents spare bedroom in a country on the other side of the planet, about to attend my brother's wedding. (He who swore he was inacapable of love but who is now completely head over heels) . I am not the person my parents wanted me to be, by any stretch of the imagination, but there is still love and acceptance in my family. I have changed so much and moved so far from my orgins. But I am happy and warm and comfortable where I am right now too. I think we can be many people at once and can retain our roots even as we grow and stretch and keep evolving. First, love your username, i can relate to that as 'one of my personalities' hehe I think you nailed it with, "I think we can be many people at once" that totally explains where I am with my life right now... I feel like through the day/week I just keep changing my hat and role when I need to, I am getting used to the fact that I am the daughter, the mum, the new single individual, the ex, this type friend, that type friend, this workmate, that workmate, home owner, neighbour (oh and now RHPer!! lol!)etc I don't think I ever really thought about how relevant that statement is as we get older and life just gets more and more complicated!
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Parent~Adult~Child identity and new information/data/revelation that one chooses to adopt as preferred beliefs, will call for a re-evaluation of old data/opinions and that new information will then be taken on as a new and more up to date point of view on a subject. example: Child - "policemen are scary" Parent - "Yes, you must watch out for police" Adult - "Police are a community service and are not scary but uphold the law" . As a child it is common to have this scary outlook on police, the parent will often support that notion. Child grows into adult and new data learned on the way, re-evaluated to be correct over old data, is adopted as the new belief that police are "part of society and functional" and not scary as a primary opinion. . Apply this to any/all belief systems a person may have and any changes are a direct result of Adult reasoning due to any available correct current information that person has acquired.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Irresponsibility - that is a key thing about knowing and liking who you are isnt it?? The love and acceptance by our families for being who we are...those of us with such families are lucky indeed...we all wear many hats through out our daily lives...showing various aspects of our personalities dependant on situation/environment/company...all of our experiences shape us, mould us, but it isnt until we sit down and really think about things can we pin down why or when we made such decisions...congratulations to your brother I truly hope he is happy with his new wife. . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
This is really amazing to read these posts (still reading). MsFocus, you do make yourself clear, I get what you are saying. Probably the death of my 2nd husband was a major turning point in my life. Many things pop up in life to change our paths, the way we look at things and behavioural. Lately I have experienced quite a few changes..I find myself certainly having a mortality check. Funny how JG mentioned the gays. I have made a truly beautiful, wonderful, kind gay friend. He is 150% gay. I love him so much. He is like a good brother and a best girlfriend in one. We confide in eachother to all sorts of depths. I have been to the G Bar in Newcastle, have met all different people, lesbians, gays, straight couples, gay couples. Everyone talks to me like I am their best friend and vice versa. It's a great, comfortable place where everyone is themselves. They have cruisy bands and some great singers get there. I love that. xxx Great Post luv, going back to read some more. Just reading this post has changed my views on things. Love change xx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
We are all here for a reason! to learn many life lessons! like it or not Life is a rollercoaster! Due to our own experience! we form our veiws! By the time we hit 40yrs most of us have had many! major things in our lives! love! marriage! separation! & divorce! not to mention all the head fucks that go with that, nasty court cases! & Children many of us are parents, so we have responsibility! to love nuture & guide our children to grow into wonderful Adults! through life we all are faced with sickness and death! Things that are totally out of our control! So we do Change along the way! all from living & learning! We all have our own Personal Journey! xxx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Tony - wow young man - you disappear for a while and come back wiser....what happened out there? . MsShoes - was that an invite to come to New Castlke and come out with you??? hahahahahaha....had one of those gay friends for quite sometime...we worked along side each other..regularly went shopping and drinking together (I will never see a cotton chequered shirt again without thinking about him) and some great times together...life moced on for us both but I will always remember him fondly . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
You are always welcome here xxx We have some good looken strapping males here in newy xxx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Reading your post clarifying a response to major changes in our lives prompted a memory of a book read years ago called 'Im ok, you're ok" and its reference to P.A.C - learning. So I posted from memory the best I could remember about new information updating personal belief. . Here's another doozie I believe - in a more spiritual nature: . We create collectively, and individually, the life and times you are experiencing, for the soul purpose of evolving. Your mind is right now filled with old thoughts. Not only old thoughts, but mostly someone elses old thoughts. It's important now, it's time now, to change your mind about some things. This is what self evolution is all about.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88157
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10229
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11672
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1008 Comments: 5262
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share