M58
Funny sex toy stories
July 18 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Yeah, but only for three nights.
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RHP User
13 years ago
But that was way too much information
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RHP User
13 years ago
I guess she was just completetly blown away...I hope you at least had a happy endingxHugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
I was given a vibrating vag for a b/day once and it took me ages to try it out! That said it was not as good as servicing myself with a bit of lubricant and my hand. Didn't bother after that and have since lost it moving house. Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
That is absolutely friggin hilarious!!! Hmmmm, reminds me of a song..... My polyester girl.....so shiny! Took you for a ride up in an aeroplane But your body burst and left and ugly stain Had to take your pieces back to the factory It took them several weeks to get you back to me She's my Polyester Girl.......Sorry, I am such a dag!! XXX
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RHP User
13 years ago
An anecdote some off here know already...A few years ago I was hesitating over buying my first vibrator, as I live at home still and my mother likes to do spontaneous 'cleans' of my room. At the encouragement of a friend, I bought one online, and it arrived in your average Australian Post post bag in a box.I opened the bag, to find that the box was incredibly graphic. So I not only had the issue of finding an appropriate place for my new toy, but I had the additional problem of disposing of the packaging discreetly. My friend suggested I throw it out in a bin at uni, so after removing the toy and flattening the box, I stuffed it back in the post bag and headed off to uni.As soon as I got to uni, I went to the first bin I saw, opened it, threw the package in and walked away without a backwards glance.It was only when I was walking away that I realised I had thrown it in a bin marked 'Throw It & We'll Sort It".......in a post bag that had my name and address on it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Imagine what you could do with a bike tyre if your dick pumps up a plastic doll till she bursts! Tour De Fuck. I had one of those sex toy parties and the person giving the demo had a big dildo and said pass it around to show the ladies. So there we are passing the dildo trying not to look all embarased as it was with work girls from my office. then one says at the top of her lungs. Fuck me this has been used its got pubes wrapped around it! All eyes then turned to the very red faced sales lady.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You've lost it? It didn't just pop up recently on the news did it? Remember reading a couple of weeks ago about some people finding what they thought was a never been discovered before 'mushroom', turned out it was a fake vagina...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Usually guys are happy when a girl goes down on them on the third date. :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Fucking disturbing.... (responses excluded)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I had my wonderful Subbie Boy come round one day on my free weekend. Had hours of hot, horny, dirty sex. After he left I washed and dried and put everything away so the house was back to normal for when the kids came home....later that night I'm cooking tea and my 3yo is telling me all about her "beautiful new bracelet" like the great mum I am I just nodded and agreed and concentrated more on the boiling pots than I did on her. When I dished tea up I notice my daughters "beautiful new bracelet" is my 5 layered, beaded cock ring....Whoops!!! Hugs roxxy
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playful4u
13 years ago
At least she went out with a good bang.
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RHP User
13 years ago
i reckon ...any chance you had of getting a fuck from here (RHP) those that read the forums anyway ( the classy ones ..oh and the dirty ones Yes You Meeks) have just scrubbed a line through your name. Jeesus a blow up doll why not just put you hand inside doggy bag and give yourself a wank if you love the feel of Plastic ..
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RHP User
13 years ago
I bought one of those tenga eggs to use on my sub while he was tied up one day for a long tease and denial session, they really do look like peeled, boiled eggs when you pull them out of the shell. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i6kWbdTvjkApparently they feel pretty good too but I noticed he had a really weird look on his face after a while. I was concerned about ropes cutting off his circulation or something, but he said it was the egg. I immediately took it off, worried about rubber allergies or maybe the lube that came with it was irritating him, but he started to laugh and said, " calamari" When the egg is stretched out over a cock it really does look like you're fucking a squid... took me ages to get my serious Domme face back on. :Dxx Sarah
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wowwow,studley's tag is THE PHANTOM he has no pics in his profile he says he is a funny man,and this is pretty funny,the post of the week I reckonx Hugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wow, there are some great stories here!! Thanks for making me smile this morning :) I'll have a think at work today, I'm sure I must have one to share!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Had a hospital for a pre admission check... so there I am laying on this upright chair thingo and everyone one poking around.. Trouble began when one of the nurses moved my bag which had a new vibrator inside that I had bought on my way to the hospital to kill some time.. Yep' and newly installed batteries...Anyway' Im laying there with the room all quite and I tune into this low hum ... just barely audible.. Me thinking it was one of the many machines in the room. Then a cold sweat came over me with the realisation what it was.. I cant move and the bag was on the other side of the room.. and about 2 - 3 nurses in the room...Then one nurse pipes up ' can anyone hear that noise ' what noise says the other' that humming noise ? listen.. Oh yeah' ... what is it ? Anyway' just then the doctor walks in , and I see him with this puzzled look on his face, and says the same.. whats that buzzing noise, then he goes trying to trace where its coming from which naturaly lead him to my bag... Its coming from this bag' he pipes up... Oh' I say, must be that new mobile phone I bought, dont worry' I'll fix it in a minute when we're finished here... All but one nurse left the room and she proceeds to take my blood pressure with this little smirk on her face.. I burst out laughing and so did she... Then she says ' what are you laughing at.. I said probally the same thing as you... Then she says' that sound is familiar, is it what Im thinking it is. ? Then I fessed up and we laughed some more. we finished up and I got to my bag and turned it off... When I was leaving I could hear one of the other nurses burst out laughing... Least they got a good laugh for the day...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Just had a vision of the thing shooting all over the room like when you let a balloon go... hahahaha.. this takes chasing a fuck to a whole new level.... lol
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thanks all for replying to the thread, I was a bit fearful of how it would be received, like life I suppose you have to take some risks. The replies cracked me up too.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'roxxyrose' I had my wonderful Subbie Boy come round one day on my free weekend. Had hours of hot, horny, dirty sex. After he left I washed and dried and put everything away so the house was back to normal for when the kids came home....later that night I'm cooking tea and my 3yo is telling me all about her "beautiful new bracelet" like the great mum I am I just nodded and agreed and concentrated more on the boiling pots than I did on her. When I dished tea up I notice my daughters "beautiful new bracelet" is my 5 layered, beaded cock ring....Whoops!!! Hugs roxxy YOU DIRTY BIRD ROXXY!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Saskia72'You've lost it? It didn't just pop up recently on the news did it? Remember reading a couple of weeks ago about some people finding what they thought was a never been discovered before 'mushroom', turned out it was a fake vagina... Hahahaha Twas many moons ago and I was living in a female challenged part of the country. And yes I wasn't too intersted in the bloody thing anyway. No cuddlles, no after sex chat, no way to dispose of it!!!!! Mike
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