For Better or Worse?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  What do you think, have you become more open, more cynical, more sexual, more whatever and do you think its a good thing or are you like me and wondering if it was worth it?   Well lets see Im definately more open but I also didnt come here with eyes closed either..Ive been swinging for 20 years..and was into BDSM for 4 years so, you know...Im no prude...however my cynicism level is now at major overflow..and I dont like that about myself..but in the last year Ive encounteredd way too many liars, cheaters, stood ups, false friends, major bullshit artisits....etc from this site and this has made me that way...although I concur, its a choice. Have I become more sexual ? - no sadly....cause I cant find what Im looking for..I was actually more sexually active before I rejoined this site...the guys Ive met in person from here since rejoining a year ago, have all been bitter, angry and just looking for a fuck for the evening (oh lets not kid ourselves.....a hour if that) to soothe their wounded egos...sorry Im not man bashing but thats been my personal experience... Im at that point now I cant be bothered....yep spend many Saturday nites at home alone..but it is what it is...Id rather that than another boring Sat nite sipping bourbon in a crowded bar, and pretending to be fascinated by a guy moaning how his been taken to the cleaner by his ex and the amount of child support he still has to pay - deal with it - get over it ...you make choices and heres the repercussions of those choices - and if your victim here ...well arent we all a victim to circumstances to some degree ?? you just have to get on with it ... What has shocked me since rejoining - (I had a break for 3 years whilst I was in a relationship with a guy I met from here) is how many partners (male and female) who are cheating - yes playing without partners knowledge - that saddens me..I mean why fucking bother getting married or hooking up ? Play together and with others with partners knowledge for sure but cheating...nah And the other thing that has surprised me (and this comes from a male friend who has a profile on here and who is very bi)...the amount of partnered males in hetero relationships playing with guys on the side - without their partners knowledge.....always protesting that "No Im not gay, but love sucking cock, being sucked and being fucked and fucking guys.. - but Im not gay, hell Im not bi even !!! Oh pluuzzzeee Why cant we be honest with each other about our likes, dislikes, wants, desires, fantasies etc...?? Why cant we even be honest with ourselves ???? Upside...made some awesome online friends..who many Ive met offline...and truly I am blessed to have them in my life.......and for that fact alone, Im grateful that I rejoined....worth my membership :)

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I think that not only have I learned a lot as well, but I think I've also grown alot since being here. I have been involved now with RHP for some 2 years or so. I would like to think I'm a little past the newbie stage and more than qualified to judge myself on such progression.   I don't look at people the way you do differently, as I think that from being part of the forums, and seeing people such as DGT, Mischeviouslad, MsVelvetBlue, xfunlovingx, and the like, they not only challenge my perspective, but also give help to view people as simply that. People. Individuals who have their own story, their own journey, and their own experiences, that have made them the people they are today.   Afterall life would be pretty boring if we were all the same.   Chris

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I nearly posted a thread last week about this. I think we've been losing our innocence from the day we were born anyhow, we see things, do things, do wrong, do right, adjust, desensitize, form opinions, change opinions, have sex with random people *smiles* piss in the corner of a room when your too drunk to realize where you are... so i've heard, and sometimes even shit our pants by accident cause you thought it was a fart ...so be it, that's life ...all part of the fabric that makes us i would have thought. I've only been here 9 months, a newbie, still discovering things, bloody oath... but it's all still just a game though yeah, bit like yahtzee... games are meant to be fun, so throw the dice and see what happens, no pressure no regrets. When i was building fences as a job i would look at other people's fences for imperfections, my point is it's so hard not to be a product of your environment ...so it's only natural your 'brain will do that' as you say Viking. I also have the same thoughts when looking at people on the street, yeah good on ya RHP *grins* Don't you find those thoughts fascinating though, i certainly don't frown upon them, it's like you know something they don't, a foreign language, how cool ...ohh those poor buggers missing out on all this sexual exploration stuff, even the gone wrong experiences and the likes, threads on cock size v's vaginal width ratios, why don't you fuckers respond to my messages and the ohh poor me i'm not getting laid post's. i say take on board what you want and mark the rest down as experience, good or bad. For me, it's only a small part of my life, a part that's happening now. It certainly doesn't define me and i reckon it's worth the ride, for better or worse.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I joined RHP after I came out of a 13 year sexless marriage. By sexless I mean years passed with no sex along with never, ever kissing. Since puberty I've always been very sexual so I was in a bit of a state when my marriage ended - naive, full of self doubt, assuming I was just deeply unattractive. RHP saved my sanity, to be honest. The forums and chat rooms gave me a safe place to learn (I had a lot of catching up to do) and to explore. I talked to SO many people and learnt words (and sexual acts) that I could never have imagined. A wonderful girl I chatted to taught me how to squirt (well, I dribble at best!). I asked lots of questions, she answered patiently, I practiced and voila! I met the first man I slept with after my husband in the chat room. He was from another state and after some months I flew over to spend a lovely long weekend with him. Months later he flew here to surprise me for my birthday. He's still a friend. I met the love of my life on here - the man, and the love, and the sexual chemistry and the relationship I'd always dreamed of (which I then proceeded to completely screw up!). So many people say RHP is a sex site but for me it has been so, so much more. On the downside, I've learnt that a LOT of people cheat. I've always had excellent judgment in that regard and now I doubt myself that I'll be able to tell if a partner is cheating, because it's so common. I admit I also worry that - having discovered through this process that monogamy and love and giving deeply of my heart (which for me leads to being much more sexually adventurous) are what I find sexiest of all - I'll bore the pants off most men. So, on balance, RHP has given me much more than its taken. Thanks RHP ;)

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I am only on here for 2 years and it is the best site I have come across. I was on the normal dating site, you know to find a partner, ohh was I naïve, only to discover its all the same, the bottom line is everybody likes to fuck, full stop. I had to go through being scammed and blackmail to find myself on here. I didn’t go out much for 10 years after I lost my husband was part of being deeply hurt, scared and a mother with young children. I have to say I have not come across many men crying about there relationship maybe because I prefer older men more my age, and this stage is behind them. I have to say too I am more open to my sexuality then ever before in my life. I like the attention I get from males…..I find the “male “ soooo fascinating. I mean wow, wow, wow , they drive km and km and km just for a fuck. Its super, but it must be so hard for the male to be driven by this desire foe a sexual release. I can say I liked men before, now I like em even more. I love being on here. Oh, and people lying, this is not only on sites like this , people lying everywhere. Cheers Litonya

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hello all , we are only about 1 year into the whole swinger/ swapping scene, as a couple , love arranging meets with people to "check each other out" , Made some good friendships on the way. What we find funny and interesting , is with our Old "normal " group of friends and family , when we see that friends that have an unhappy married life , with limited sex. You know , that it would be good for them to open up their life , but hard to tell them what we have done , ---the risk of word getting around.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I don't think I've been changed in my attitudes or expectations of others outside of this site. That is to say, I don't look at people and wonder whether they have any involvement in swinging or particular fetishes. It's just not my business and not my concern. In my first marriage, I was very miserable and, as a result, unfaithful so it doesn't surprise me that there are so many "cheaters" about. My ex-wife cheated on me, I cheated on her, all the women who cheated on their husbands to be with me knew I was married and cheating. It's actually very commonplace. (I guess I didn't lose my innocense here because it had long since perished.) I think this promiscuity is often transient. A person is unhappy at home and unsure what to do about it so decies to test the waters outside of the relationship. Sometimes it gives them the verification they weere looking for to end the relationship and sometimes they come to the realization that what they have at home is not so bad and return their efforts to rectifying their marriage. (It has been documented that many relationships have been saved by the experiences of an extramarital affair.) Sometimes, as with the bisexual men, they trully love their wives but have a deep yearning for something else that their wife can't give. It's selfish, I know, but we are all motivated by our own self interests, it's our decision making that differs. They choose to lead a double life. In one they fulfill their sexual desires and in the other, their emotional needs. Remember, sex is not love and visa-versa. These people are going to do what they feel they need to do, with or without the approval of others. It doesn't necessarily make them 'bad' people. If you become involved, with or without full knowledge of their circumstances, that does not make you a bad person. ...Or maybe I'm completely wrong in my attitude and I'm a bad person. C'est la vie.   p.s. I'm glad you haven't left, Halcyon.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I have been on and off this site since 2006 (just back after a 6 month break). I joined on the recommendation of a friend as I certainly wasn't finding other sites particularly successful in terms of meeting guys. Since joining RHP I think I have learned more about negotiating what I want sexually. I have also learned more about sex and being playful. I'm still curious about a lot of things and have accepted that I don't always have to act on curiosity. I have had my values and beliefs challenged and especially about extra marital relationships. I have had two ongoing lovers and a few one off encounters and met some great people who I won't have sex with but who are good friends (including the OP). Sure I've met some liars , some nasty, bitter people, had someone try and swindle me (I still laugh about the beautiful roses he bought in an effort to convince me he was for real) but you meet them at the pub as well as online. There have been times I regretted the amount of time I have spent posting in forums or being in the chat room but I have also appreciated the times when I was damn lonely and the chat room was somewhere where people took an interest and made me feel as though I was a valuable human being. So have I answered the question?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I guess the major way this and other similar sites has changed meis, I no longer worship the ground women walk on, as I did when I first joinedall those years ago, yep the pedestal has well and truly been smashed tosmithereens and re moulded into a headstone, with suitable epitaph attached.I still like women as a species, but the ones I would regard as special are few and far between.Other than that, I don't know, I have learnt tolerance, the meh factor, cynicism, butafter 50 years on this planet who nows how much of those things I would have pickedup otherwise.Cheers Felonious

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  So interesting and so true... I have been involved with a few married women in the last year or so who wanted discreet affairs, and now I can't look at any of the mums in the same way when I pick my daughter up from school, or at the shops ... Very sad really, as I am sure most of them are just regular loyal wives. I don't judge, but I get cynical I suppose.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  this site has provided me with more friends,more laughs than sex.....but then I do laugh a great deal...to the wise ,the wicked ,the wonderful,the wiccans,the wizards,the warped, the wunderkids,the wistfull,the wery articulate,the well informed,the well adjusted,the welcoming,the wealth of life experienced,the west coasters,what else can I say but wunderbar

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  ... last year and still consider myself innocent. I know that is probably a really uncool thing to declare but I'm good with that. I always have, and always will be my own person. Life at times has been really cruel (and I do mean really) but I refuse whole heartedly to become jaded. KK xx

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  We all have choices, there is no point in going on these sites with your eyes shut, surely we all have some inkling as to what to expect? Life's a journey, we chose to travel this path for whatever reason, perhaps some excitement, out of boredom, curiosity?I have no regrets, no false expectations, it has been entertaining and a learning curve, the many interesting people on the forums give this site character.There really is nothing hidden per se, to come on this site is to expect Sex, simple as that, the degrees of relationships is up to you, you are in control, whether it be casual, FWB, or perhaps something more(that one is a bonus, to expect to come on here for a serious relationship is being a bit blind but it has happened with some on here which they are indeed fortunate.One should never be naive, judgemental or critical of others choices on this site as one would be deemed hypocritical.I find this site honest as we are all basically on here for one thing, and that is to get some action one way or another.

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  Paradisepair

  13 years ago

  I have to bite my tongue when some vanilla friends open up about their (lack of) sex life. We've only been here since Xmas. One thing that stands out to me about RHP is the stark constrast between the singles dating here, a world that sounds as full of potential cheaters, and couples dating where trust (in your partner) is what has brought many of the couples here into playing AND without trust in eachother no couple should play.

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  Cheekyarses

  13 years ago

  I met my best friend on this site, so was it worth it to join - for this reason absolutely! We have met some of the nicest people on here and we have had all sorts of experiences!!! My husband & I can now talk more n more openly about so much and we have lots and lots of fun..... We have experienced lots - but so much more to do, see, and so many wonderful ppl to meet xxx

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  We totally agree with your veiws ......all good fun -we have had,

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Ha! It's funny you say that, Since venturing into the lifestyle some years back, we have both become a lot more open when we're walking through the streets, shopping centres looking at different people and wondering if they swing or not and sometimes wishing they did.. In a way it's a good thing, as it allows us to open up our mind and speak openly about what we think of people we come across in our lives..

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