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RHP

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Five tips to fuck good

August 30 2014

fucking

1. Fuck loud: When the fucking is happening with you, it must be loud. While you are fucking your sexual lover, scream loud and smash many porcelain dolls. This will ensure that the fucking is never forgotten. In 100 years you can say to your sexual lover, "Remember the fucking?", and your sexual lover will say to you, "Yes, it was loud when it happened." 2. Fuck so good that you win an award: One of the top ways to fuck great is to fuck so good that you win a prize or trophy for how good it is. Then if someone asks if you fuck good, you can say, “Well, I won a prize for good fucking, so you tell me, idiot.” 3. Light a ring of sexual Fuck-Torches: Light a ring of sexual Fuck-Torches around your mattress to encircle your fuck-chamber with a sensual flame while you fuck like a master. Fuck-Torches are not expensive and they make you fuck good, so just buy so many of them. Then while you are fucking, your sexual lover might say, “I like your Fuck-Torches,” and you can say, “Thank you. They were not expensive.” 4. Sweat wine: What is the most sexual fuck-juice? That is correct—it is wine, the juice of love. Thus, if you want to fuck good, you must sweat wine out of your pores. You and your sexual lover can lick the wine off of you and it will be delicious and you will both become sexual and mad. You can sweat out good wine or garbage wine, who cares? 5. Be damp: What is damp? Damp is the most sexual wetness. This is why, when you fuck your sexual lover, you must be damp. Before you fuck, mist yourself in steam. This will make you not too wet and not too dry: Damp. Then when you and your sexual lover are inside of each other, you can enjoy the sexual dampness, and you can go insane with lust, no questions asked! Source: Clickhole

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I fuck so good, the neighbours know his name without meeting him ;) That was an amusing piece, LD. Thanks for sharing LOL - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    There are a few techniques there I haven't tried, must get on it! Any takers?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    But where do you get fuck-torches??????

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I'll give it a try ralf lol I'm always up for something new

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  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'xxticklishxx' But where do you get fuck-torches?????? and what the hell are they

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    11 years ago

    MMMMMMMMMM DELICIOUS.......I love the taste of that! I'm fucked after a lick, sip and suck. *A little salty but who cares!* Foxy

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  • MissBishere

    MissBishere

    11 years ago

    All these years I've been doing it wrong.... Well watch out now men of RHP I have my 5 points and will fuck you exquisitely..... All fuck studs please message me 😜 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Where's my trophy? :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I have no idea Im too busy enjoying it,!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Could you really trust advice coming form a source called "clickhole"... LOL

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Could you really trust advice coming form a source called "clickhole"... LOL Do you take The Onion articles seriously as well DG?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I suspect most men on this planet think they are "fuck studs" hope you have a big inbox (for messages)

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  • Seachange73

    Seachange73

    11 years ago

    LD What the hell? Lol. I have been missing out of getting the best shag eva!!! Haha. Goodness, Better blow up the above steps into poster size and pin it on my bedroom wall... New mantra....and all along I have been giving them the deep throat... No more of that rubbish... thanks for posting. a good read on Sat night...Now back to the footy.

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    11 years ago

    Knowing me - if I lit a circle of "Fuck-Torches" around the base of my bed - I'd set it on fire... Good excuse to call a truck full of really HOT firemen around! They'd say “I like your Fuck-Torches,” and I would say, “Thank you. They were not expensive.” Foxy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'tulips4u' I fuck so good, the neighbours know his name without meeting him ;) That was an amusing piece, LD. Thanks for sharing LOL - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Can someone run that by me again... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I was thinking it sounds a bit dangerous with the torches but I guess it adds to the excitement the danger...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I have a fuck problem. I am so damp extinguish I my fuck torches, causing me to cry out loud.

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  • SpikeDownunder

    SpikeDownunder

    11 years ago

    You can get fuck torches from Bunnings, or any good hardware shop. They are at the back on the left. Do not go to fancy candle suppliers for them. They have inferior models and will charge you three times the price. And a tip for young players, lot them at least half an hour before using them. They need to be warmed up for the best effect. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    11 years ago

    So thats what they are SpikeDownUnder, than you! I'd mistaken them for bush burners They're just past the thingys and right next to the whatchamacallits.

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  • MsJonesy

    MsJonesy

    11 years ago

    thank you

    reply

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    11 years ago

    Ok..... Loud - check...... Award winning fucking - check..... Fuck Touches - check...... Wine - ewwww but check..... Damp - double check...... And just think all this time I thought I was already fucking good, I will the fucking champion with tips like this..... Thanks LD 💋

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  • Genius_Ironman

    Genius_Ironman

    11 years ago

    The only porcelain I have close to the bedroom is in the ensuite. Would certainly be memorable were a lover to jump up and take a hammer to my dunny, but I doubt my reaction would be positive.

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  • MissBishere

    MissBishere

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Genius_Ironman' The only porcelain I have close to the bedroom is in the ensuite. Would certainly be memorable were a lover to jump up and take a hammer to my dunny, but I doubt my reaction would be positive. that just gave me the best LOL moment today...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    They would set off the fire alarm, although if 5 firemen arrived to put out the fire it could definitely get loud :-p

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  • 6exxy

    6exxy

    11 years ago

    Now that was breath taking, funny and enlightening. Luckdragon23 I'm just imagining. However the wet part is so true, sweaty hot sex!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    No, not the 8th to fuck Dan. I'm saying if you want to progress above trophy fucker and achieve 8th dan black belt Ninja fuck mastery, follow these additional steps: A: Hit me with you rhythm stick.. Each ninja fucker has refined their rhythm to an intricate pattern that must be followed in the correct sequence. However, never forget it is not the stroker, but the strokee who will be keeping time. Any off beats will put them off their score. Hit them slowly, hit them quick, but just hit them with your rhythm stick. B: Different strokes for different folks. Not every fucker is fucking to the same tune. Inexperienced fuckers should stick to straight four-four time. Time your thrusts on the major beats...1, 2, 3, 4. As you build up your confidence, you can double the work rate...1, and, 2, and, 3, and 4, and...etc. Working up to a crescendo, you can employ quick time so you are going at it 16 beats to the bar (so to speak). Let me demonstrate 1, ee, and AH, 2, ee, and, AH, 3, ee, and, AH, 4, ee, and Ahhhhhhh. This type of beat is fine for you standard whitebread fuckers, however you may encounter fuckers of different rhythmical persuasions. These will test your percussive talents with advanced syncopation and skipping beats. It may seem they are playing a completely different tune. If you are banging away on a Bon Jovi standard screamer, and they are bumping and grinding to some Jay-Z RnB, it can get very discordant as you are thinking you are "halfway there" but they are in an "Empire State of mind". It's OK to take control of the turntable and play D va J jay, but just make sure you match the beats as you change gears from a slow burner to an electro house banger. Please avoid trance tracks, although you might think 15 minutes of constant pulsating puts you in ninja territory your partner may need to be woken when it is time to drive them home. C: ...? Hope you had a giggle and not declared me insane (just yet).. Shine on you crazy diamonds.. Silva xxx

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  • Seachange73

    Seachange73

    11 years ago

    The jack rabbit fuckers are on 16 beats at every second intervals and crescendos reached 2mins after? Is that right? Lol - Posted from rhpmobile

    reply

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Yes Lily. Some don't realise it's a marathon not a sprint 🐢🐰

    reply

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