F46
First contact / Hosting
August 31 2023
Do men really think they will get far with the first message sent being "Do you want to meet up?"
And the other being men expecting women to host. My safety comes first. Whether I can host or not I don't want a stranger in my house. Once I know them it's different. Does anyone else experience this and why do they expect it?
Comments
FeistyFatty
8 months ago
I've always hosted (1on1s and group). Im way safer in my own home.
Viccpl
8 months ago
Oh and ‘show me your pics’ and a distinct lack of tack with approach when ignoring preferences on your profile. Don’t mind people enquiring, but to charge in without consideration is a massive turn off!
There certainly is a sense of expectation which does come through is some messages for single chaps - fortunately there are others which are much more engaging.
And agree, hosting is a significant risk when you don’t have a history with someone, and frankly can be even when you do.
We always prefer a nice Hotel (as it adds to the excitement). You must be vigilant in protecting your privacy in that manner, especially if you have children. Far too much risk, no matter how well your vetting process is.
It just comes down to their sense of entitlement we think, and it’s certainly not an attractive trait at all.
On the upside, there is no shortage of chaps on here, and there are what appear to some really decent ones amongst them.
Margo_Lover
8 months ago
It has surprised us how few single guys can host.
It's pretty much the only theoretical advantage of seeing a single guy,
We had a guy to our home once. He went silly and we regreted him knowing our address. So we don't have people to our place now.
- Alex
ElectricDreamers
8 months ago
MrsElectric here - feeling grateful I have my bodyguard/husband on hand but that said - with or without him I'd never invite a (sex) stranger into our home.
I do play solo overseas - but can rarely host so if looking for a quick hook up I tend to target guys also travelling who have hotels, I might connect with a friend of a friend which makes things a little safer and whoever I meet has to do a meet first in a public place and be open to me taking a selfie of the 2 of us which I then send to my husband.
I'm really not keen on the idea of going to their home unless I know them or like I said we've had public interaction - preferably an actual date.
I think if guys led with being open to pay for or share hotel costs if you click it would go a long way towards setting a woman at ease.
We do live in a world where women need to stay viligent with their safety and your home is your sanctuary.
Kokoflamingo
8 months ago
I meet socially first. But yes, most guys expect you to invite them over, (a complete random,) for sex. There are decent men who are happy to meet up first in a social setting. Its not a free hooker site.
MsSuperFoxy
8 months ago
I experience this all this time. 😕
Simple really, BLOCK!
Most people like that will throw tantrums when firm bounderies are put in place. F*ck off ya idiots! 🙄
If people can't respect you straight off the bad, why give them the opportunity to met.
No one comes into my oasis without an invite, on my terms.
My body, my choice!
Ms FoxyMsSuperFoxy
8 months ago
They expect because people do say YES to their requests and give in and others just try to bait wantong the thrill without the chase.
Ms Foxy
Lovinglifenow202
8 months ago
They're married lol
RHP User
8 months ago
Yes experienced this as we all have. Just presuming I can host pisses me off. They don't think from a safety aspect. All they think about it them!
Mrs_Deep_Love
8 months ago
We've hosted. But never strangers and always friends.
RHP User
8 months ago
You can get nutty guys just as you can get nutty women, the safety of an individual flows both ways, no matter if you meet them at a motel or your place or theirs, things can go horribly wrong, and you end up regretting the meet, as far as guys wanting to meet up, after a first conversation, that's fair specially if you click but you could meet for lunch or go for coffee ,it doesn't mean your going to get down to the head core sex , meet greet see how that goes before you take the next step, if they are nutters simply be polite and go your own ways.
But extended conversation on here is like are you really looking for fun or simply talk someone to death and not meet up in a public place where it's much safer, talking ro someone is far different to actually meeting people.RHP User
8 months ago
I can host when I wasn’t being a parent and Hotel if I was traveling for work or pleasure. But wouldn’t you want a coffee or drink first to truly see if this person or persons are genuine and likeable. I’ve only ever done this and then if everyone’s happy 🔥. I couldn’t host without meeting or talking properly on and off RHP.
Oysterman
8 months ago
A coffee and chat usually determines the what, when and where future interaction may or may not eventuate !
A motel room is sufficient to relieve tensions and explore some of each others carnal desires. I believe a woman is far more relaxed and adventurous in familiar surroundings and being invited into her residence is a privilege that shouldn't be abused !
It is a given that if one sends a message to another there is an expectation that the writer wishes to meet !RHP User
8 months ago
I never ask anything like that within the first few comments, I genuinely find something of interest to them and base it around that, or just say that I'm looking for friends and should they feel comfortable chatting with me to feel free to. Then once we're happy with each other, then I might suggest meeting publicly first or if we're acting a lil spicy, then ask them if they're keen.
AussieKisser
8 months ago
Actually host or go somewhere else you should have it known to others just incase something happens.
Best to meet in a public place and get a feel of someone first too.
MrandMrsEss
8 months ago
Even as a couple we don’t feel safe having people in our home, this is mainly because we have children and don’t feel right playing in their space even though our place would be a swingers heaven!
If we didn’t have kids I don’t think we’d do first meets here either so with you there.
On the other hand it doesn’t hurt to ask if anyone is happy to host as if there’s distance to be covered then it means hotel and travel costs which can raise the expectation that play is expected, which shouldn’t be the case.
We much prefer to meet out for a drink and a flirty chat to establish a connection before moving to a place where play may occur.
With all of the above and us being far from most people we click online with means we don’t get to play as much as we’d like but that’s ok too.
Hmm maybe we need an excuse to visit Blacktown hehe 😘😘RHP User
8 months ago
Thats nothing compared to “Can we Fuck?” which I then replied “Yeah sure, let me just bend over” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Willow23
8 months ago
Just say firmly in your profile “I can’t host sorry”. You’re not obligated to say why. Also if I was worried about women wanting to sleep with me the first time, I’d stay off sites like AMM, RHP, Tinder etc.
Almost all the options we have to fill out are sexually related…..cause it’s a sex site.
Definitely join E Harmony.
Garyiskeen
8 months ago
I always host at my place.
Garyiskeen
8 months ago
One creative option I discovered. First meeting was in a bar and we both were very keen but weren't near either of our houses. I saw a massage place a few doors down so booked a one hour massage but asked the masseur to stay outside. "We'll massage each other." 😉
RHP User
8 months ago
I can give some male insight here, so to address the first question it helps first to understand what is the objective of the male vs the female objective. It matters because the objectives are different,.... as much as the techniques applied to the objectives are different
.. ok so keeping this in mind we can then look at why a man would be direct and straight to the point. Typically this is the default setting for dealing with men. Men will utilise this type of method on occasion with women for various reasons, time poor, tired, lack of confidence, lack of experience with engaging female interest etc. It is normally applied to coalesce with the numbers game perspective. Men tend to think with direct logic... so the numbers game tactic is One Of The first tools a teenage boy will build the rest of his skill sets on as he matures.
I can go into far more detail on this but happy to extrapolate on it further should anyone want to delve a little deeper. Ok so it's not an overly effective technique... but it does work at a low percentage rate. It does yeild results with more effectiveness when it's used by an experienced male who has developed other more difficult skill sets.... the reason for that is it's applied once the male has assessed the woman's main objective at that time. This can be determined within as little as 3 or 4 messages between the 2. Again this requires experience and the ability to read the females vibe. So that's a quick answer for the first question. Therefore it's a base level tool to engage interest from a small amount of women with the least amount of time and effort being consumed.
On to The second question... this is rarely a suggestion made with an insidious motive attached to it.
I have offered this suggestion many times..
The second choice is for the male to host and in my experience I have found the 3rd choice most women would prefer, to meet out in a public setting initially.. I will generally offer this straight off the bat.. so as it's a decision the female doesn't need to worry about.. it's also worth noting to any young males reading this that, making decisions about the date and taking the lead is a great way to present behaviour that most women generally find attractive.. women don't want to lead a man. I have found women will have a much keener interest in a man from the start if he shows traits that lean towards her interaction with him falling into a hypergamous connection.
But I am getting side tracked... ok so the idea offered of a woman hosting allows her to setup the first meet in a place of comfort and security for her... letting neighbours, friends or family know about the date details. Panic button location knowledge.. she might have dogs, security cameras etc. Some of these applications combined logically speaking actually improve the security and feeling of comfort for a woman. If I offer the idea of a woman hosting.. that's the whole point of it, to give a womans mind a sense of ease so we can both get on with the date.
It's interesting to note that Chivalry is much less noticeable nowadays then it was 20 years ago.
Largely because it's not taught with the same type of focus on applying it in the modern world. But it is worth noting that a man suggesting that a woman host likely is a genuine act of chivalry.
I'm not saying I have all the answers, or that any of it is right or wrong... I'm merely explaining the way men think and some possible reasons for why we do what we do. 🤙
Unfolding_it
8 months ago
Yes, dogging is organised here
beinghuman
8 months ago
Never has the expression “ get a room “ been more appropriate. There’s always some great last minute deals so once mutual attraction been assured choose one together. That said I really love getting it on in the wild and BNE has many beautiful parks with secluded hideaways. Adventurous fucking as opposed to sport fucking 🤔
Dan7474
7 months ago
stop complaining and just choose what you feel comfortable with.
RHP User
7 months ago
Just wondering if you can help when I reply to contacts it,s generally " hi and their name or good morning , good afternoon or evening hope your well, I hope you read my bio and if interested chat me please.
Is this ok as I don't seem to get many replies or am I missing something. Are there rules for guest replying to contacts being so new on this I'm not sure could someone look at my bio and give feed back please. ThankyouWarmMasseuse
7 months ago
If she finds him hot 🔥 absolutely no question . You know this is also true but may hide behind the narrative need emotional connection etc . That’s a natural public response. Privately if he’s hot 🔥 your already choosing the lingerie to wear
RHP User
7 months ago
Hard for Single guys to Host while Travelling.
Most Validations you see are for ONS, although every second account says they don't, contrary to the profile.
How do Ladies deal with Travellers they want to play with? Not every traveller spends every night in a Swanky Hotel.
Would you have sex in a rooftop tent or Tent? 🤭😂I don't expect most would.
I imagine there are quite a few ladies happy to host.
When I did have a House I was happy to Host and Happy to Host in Hervey Bay.
Mike75
7 months ago
They’re probably sick of going through all the BS chit chat of trying to get to know a girl on here,straight to the point 😁
KenandBarbie
7 months ago
"breaking the ice" is difficult for some guys. the lazy "Do you want to meet up" is just Gronk cave man speaking.
Its a challenge to read a profile and get a vibe of what might work to get a girls attention, but its not only guys that don't bother to give much away, 🤔🙄I've written so rather lengthy and in my opinion witty & fun🤪🤣😁😂😀 introductions to girls the have only guest memberships, which basically doesn't work at all if the guy doesn't message first, only to find they read it,🥱😒 but cant even be bothered replying🙁😖😞😕RHP User
7 months ago
Some do some don’t. Where do you’d set your standards?
This app is built to promise men sex so they’ll act as per the marketing.
Upside is you get lots of attention, downside is 95% of it is below standard. It’s sort of like looking for the right job.
Keep standards high and eventually the right one will present as expected.hotandready2
7 months ago
I hear you singlegirl3.you safety has to be number 1 priority ,it's a crazy world out there. Well done 👏
LivingLife007
7 months ago
It is difficult being the dreaded single male on this forum. It’s a rat race as there is a such a massive disparity between males to females on here. I initially thought it may be an average of 10 to 1 or so. but talking to numerous single females and working out the maths on the amount of messages they get inundated with, especially on joining, I would say it would be way over a hundred to one. I think they some guys may just be eager to try get in before the rest of the pack, but they obviously doing themselves a massive disservice in doing so.
The only advice I can give to my fellow single males on here is that respect, patience and courtesy go a long way in chatting to single females and couples. And even though I am a dreaded single male, I cannot complain as RHP has been really good to me as manners for go a long way.
And as a single male there is the expectation to host which is cool but if there is a bit of distance involved then I always offer the option of travelling to them and looking at hiring a hotel/ motel if they cannot host. I have also found that some females and more so couples are more comfortable in hosting in their own homes. I suppose it just depends on the individual.RHP User
7 months ago
At this point id just be happy to get a polite response from my messages.
HornyAllThTime84
7 months ago
I offered to host in my hotel once but she wanted her bed so invited me over to her house. Had only found her a couple hours earlier on tinder. Walked in her door and we were straight into it. Blew my mind. Wish I was going back to that state soon.
Maracus69
7 months ago
I prefer to meet for a drink somewhere neutral and if all goes well usually ask if they prefer to go to theirs or mine whatever comfortable
LylasVW2023
7 months ago
Or my favourite...
"Hey! Wanna fuck?"Coastguy
7 months ago
Umm, nope! Communication is fun and should be the first priority.
Men should host, If a woman has to travel, men should be at least fairly financially accountable. Public places when unsure.
Lowerhuntercpl
7 months ago
If a man can't host then it's a red flag. Either married or attached and is likely cheating. If you're single, surely you can either host or spring for a hotel.
RHP User
6 months ago
Safety always comes first! Meeting in a mutual place or hotel is the best way to start.
RHP User
5 months ago
I have had success with both of those lines. Everyone had a great time and nobody got hurt. If it's not for you then that's cool too, just say no. I always thought it was a bit loose for women to invite me straight up to their house without meeting me first though but it was also uncommon.
DannyOceans11
5 months ago
Do men no longer have manners or common sense and ability to be charming?
EarthQueen
5 months ago
I mean either could be a risk so you just try to suss people out the best you can using your intuition. Once you meet someone you can tell quickly if it's on or not. I probably feel safer at my place than someone else's.
I think this is a place where you can explore fantasies. Sometimes people want to have sex with strangers. Both men and women. Probably not completely safe but some people think its worth the risk.
Gregidge635
5 months ago
Because there’s a fine line between a couple of messages to harassment and it changes from
woman to woman
Kincraft
4 months ago
I'd assume 'want to meet' as a first message works, at least part of the time. There are women who dislike collecting 'pen pals', which could be men who have reservations about meeting in person. And, most of us know that women get a lot of messages. We can get lost in the masses if a meeting isn't organised quickly.
As for hosting... it's a tricky subject. When I left my marriage, I stayed with friends and family for a short while. Both kept houses that weren't suitable for guests.. or even living, really. And, I've been invited to other people's houses where they hadn't cleaned for years; cockroaches and worse roaming the place. The last one had a pitbull that broke free from its leash... and he wasn't satisfied with simply tearing my best jeans.
So, some of us make an effort to be clean and presentable. To maintain a respectable house that's safe and comfortable. To have our profile accurately reflect who we are.
It's unfortunate, but some people don't see a problem with using 10 year old photos. And, maybe think that, since you're at their house, you'll overlook the pockmarks on their arms, or don't mind that their dentures keep slipping out (and no.. she wasn't old).
So, meet at a coffee shop or park first. Escape is easier if you're not in a place appropriate for intimacy. If things aren't working out, be polite but make your excuses. And, rather than simply ghosting, explain why you're not interested... maybe it'll help them; you can disappear if they argue.
Now that I've got my own house, I prefer to host... mostly because I know my house is clean and safe. But it only stays that way if I'm careful about who I invite. In a similar way, I've chosen to only visit people who present well in person. Most often, you can tell the quality of a person by how they look after their belongings. If they've got the time and energy to keep their car tidy (as an example), then it's a fairly safe bet that the rest of their life is in order.
I side with avoiding people that offer to meet at a house first. That type of recklessness doesn't align with what I'm looking for. Although, I should be respectful and say that other people may use a term other than 'reckless'.. excitement or thrill maybe. At the least, I don't assume that I'll want to fuck someone I'm about to meet. I hope we'll get along... but that hope isn't sufficient to warrant immediate access to a bed.
cinamontan
4 months ago
Opening line of meeting up, is blocked and delete :)
Hosting at a hotel for first meet or an event imho is much safer then inviting to your place, regulars off course back at either individuals place..
brent0173
4 months ago
Do you want to meet up?...must work as a percentage play!!! Weird I know and again if they expect it, hosting, percentage must be doing it?
Boards
Forum help
Something related with that
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
report