Fetish vs real world...

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Have recieved a few emails from people who have viewed my topic, all telling me that my questions will not fall on non judgemental ears..... I know I'm new to this, but I'm still disappointed that people on this site aren't a little more open minded and honest about this stuff. People need to leave their baggage at the door so to speak - how else are we going to get our needs met? Isn't that the point of going on to a site like this? Being able to talk freely with other like minded people? Sorry if this sounds like a rant, just had a point to make for once. Sex is too much fun to be spoiled by people's hangups!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  And as soon as I posted my last comment I saw your response... thanks for sharing! Not all hope is lost!!! haha :D

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Im sure most of us....in someone elses eyes....have a fetish.Be it using vegetables to masturbate with....to cuckolding...to full on BDSM....and everything in betweenI do not pretend to know all there is to know about fetishes...nor do i try to understand how someone could have a particular one...but as long as there is informed consent for all parties involved...then i say go for it...its none of my business.Whatever floats your boat!JMO...BJxxx

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  Wild_Pagan_Love

  15 years ago

  Good on you babe for having the strength to explore your own fantasies and inner desires without fear or self judgment. Most people never do. You will be judged on here just like out in the real world, as most opposition comes from people who are too afraid to be honest with themselves. Even Einstein said 'great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds". Sexuality is a beautiful thing, and deserves to be explored. Just like other aspects of psychology, sexual desires or fetishes do come from our past. If its something you feel you need to work through, seeing a good psychologist wouldn't be a bad idea. Identifying it or the source of it could give you more sexual freedom. If everythings cool, just run with it and have fun! Don't worry about what the repressed masses think - I don't think they're in any position to make judgment!

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  KiwiJohn

  15 years ago

  I'm not the most experienced person to talk about this, but my understanding is most fetishes are born from the way a person's brain works or their life experiences. One thing I do know (from watching Law & Order lol) is that foot fetishes come from the way a human brain is wired. Apparently the part of the brain that controls sexual urges is physically located close to the part of the brain that controls foot movement and people with foot fetishes have literally got the wires in their brains crossed and thus associate feet with sex! The classic cliche about the English upper class (politicians and judges) having a spanking fetish supposedly comes from being raised by their nannies and thus being neglected by their parents and want to be punished to get attention. Other things like hair-pulling is probably a more primal urge - I think lions will bite the back of a lionesses neck to control her during mating in order to control her and guarantee successful mating, and who's to say humans (we are all primal animals) don't possess those sorts of needs? Submissive probably work in the same way with the need to be controlled as part of successful mating to ensure the continuation of the species.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I have 2 that would fall under this paradigm.Im not willing to share what they are publicly yet :P not untill I know the crowd here a little more and feel a little more comfortable in that sense (frear of judgement?)But the problem I have with one of my fetishes in particular is that when I engage in it I feel a mix of emotions... on on hand Im extremely turned on, its a very sexy thing to see a woman that enjoys it totally succumb to the sensations and lose herself there for a while... on the other hand it saddens me at the same time that I have to go to that length to feel excited... and thirdly I guess Im a little jealous; I wish I could experience something that would send me to that same place... (Im still hopeful Ill find something that can!)so yeah... its a mixed emotional bag and the impact on my daily life is that I experience all three of these emotions all at once when I fantasise about it... even now typing about it...odd isnt it?:PLS

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  A very interesting thread...and something I was discussing with a friend last night. First, rule out any and all genetic predisposition...the only thing any of us inherit are the needs for survival and procreation of the species is amongst them. Nature makes it feel good so we will continue to do it in spite of ourselves. And thus we are born. Our propensity to explore, enjoy, push or create new boundaries lies in our psychological-sexual and our sociological-sexual development which occurs, develops and changes throughout our lifetime. For some a game...for others an integral part of or demonstration of other more interwoven personality traits. Perhaps not unlike the differences between a neurosis and a psychosis...or being anti-social as opposed to being sociopathic. Think I will see how others respond before putting in the other one cent of my two...or send private messages to avoid public attention.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I dont know about predisposition to certain fetishes, but i do know you can train your mind to see normal things as a turn on. With practise you can train your body to respond to cues or to see pain as pleasure. For example in my younger years blow jobs were fun...but done for the benifit of a partner. But over the years of giving them to my partner & seeing how much he enjoys them....just the thought of sucking off a nice hard one (or better yet a soft one that hardens as you swallow it down your throat) will make me wet as. It is now something I do for itself & the enjoyment it gives me as well as the man. Once we start to associate a certain movement, look or item with sex & good feelings the body will eventually react to it just from looking at it. I dont know if Ive written it clearly...lol I know what I mean! You can train your body to respond to triggers. Mrs H xx

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hmmm....I am a bit confused here about the meaning of a 'fetish'. The drop-down menu on RHP lists things I wouldn't really consider a fetish (eg felatio), I would consider some of them just different sexual acts. I thought a fetish was something that was mostly seperate to an actual sex act...like an object that could arouse sexual feelings. Here's what Google says: "a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body" "Something nonsexual, such as an object or a part of the body which arouses sexual desire or is necessary for one to reach full sexual satisfaction" What do you all think? I have many fetishes,some developed in early childhood...... but seems no-one is going to share anything here, which is fair enough hehee!! Maybe I should cast the first stone!???

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Woops! I want to just correct myself and say that "felatio" isn't on the fetish drop down menu here on RHP!! Wooops!!!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  What is this?? An intelligent and interesting thread on RHP??? Wow this is fantastic, I'm amazed, how do I begin?? And will there be room for sms talk and z's in the place of s's??I'm not a neuro-scientist so I am not willing to take part in a debate that sees me as a complete amateur in a professional field, however I am interested in where the line is drawn between fetish, compulsion, obsession and addiction. A couple of the fetishes I have, may also fall under any of those categories, now I think of it.Also simple things like say, lingerie, according to the above google explanation, my obsession with that must be a fetish. But is it the underwear or the woman wearing it? I do not know.To cast the stone.....I like to be dominated by women in uniform......I guess that's a fetish. I also have a fetish for Asian women.....definitely conditioned by my surroundings on and off since day dot.There you go, judge away :)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Great feedback so far! :D Free: My fetish is quite odd, and I probably should get my head checked :P But If i do then maybie I wont like it anymore, and we can't have that!!! So happy being a deviant for now I think!! Kiwi: Found that foot fetish example interesting, thinking about doing a bit of research for fun just to find out a bit more on this topic. Chasing Midnight: Some interesting points made there... really made me think about just how many different topics/issues can stem from the title 'fetish'.... Also your choice of the word psychosis caught my attention - ( I think personally the need for a particular fetish of mine is more intense when under certain influences..... Might be too much information there haha) And would love to hear more from you - lets keep the dialogue going! Leo: I can relate to your 'mixed emotions' - Often after I have finished I can feel quite horrible about my thoughts... but can also be extremly turned on - also in social situations my fetish has been brought up in conversation (as a joke)... which reminds me of how odd my tastes are. Luxe: Your definitions of a fetish are probably right, but I personally saw it as also a need to have specific role/scenario/partner/fantasy/act played out during intercourse for that person to 'get off' ( and without it the person is unable to reach the same sexual high).... hope that made sense.. If you are happy to share, I'm happy to listen - maybie even give a few clues on mine - although mine is a little out there..

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  KiwiJohn

  15 years ago

  Im not going to ask what anyones is - as long as you're not breaking the law or hurting people that don't want to get hurt, I am not going to judge what rocks your world. What I do think is that the human body has been replicated billions of times (I think scientists have estimated that 60 billion people have existed over the ages), and whatever your fetish is, someone else has had it and there's probably dozens or hundred of people out there (and a German website!) who feel the same way. Unfortunately Victorian English, American mass media, and the concept of polite society (although there are obvious laws for a reason) values prevent us from expressing them comfortably and publicly. Everyone has a 'kink' of some sort if we realise it and accept it or not (mine is the rather tame love of being lightly scratched with fingernails). Personally I admire people (and probably envy their freedom) who have accepted who they are and live out their fetishes and fantasies comfortably at places like the Hellfire Club in Brisbane.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I like what you have to say Miss Boots............may i flip some of what you have said on it's head and suggest that instead of requiring the certain fetish to be expressed during intercourse to get off/reach maximum pleasure, in my case I utilise it's power to give myself a private and personal thrill that doesn't involve a sex partner. I don't require another to share in my fetish/es, although this is more likely due to my having not explored many of them with anyone (I'm very shy and very private). For example, I adore uniforms of many varieties but have never involved them in sex. Seeing people in society and in photos dressed in uniforms gets me VERY excited however and that's enough for me. Authenticity is another angle to this fetish...for someone merely to put an outfit, or worse, "costume", on won't work...has to be the real deal or done with a particular attitude. BJuice re:your example of the lingerie and is it the garment or the wearer?? That was part of the conundrum for me when pondering this topic. I am not sure. I do know that some things can be directly related to specific people and encounters, whereas others...????? That being said socks and stockings are another fetish of mine. Ohhh the floodgates are opening now haha :)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I was in conversation with someone tonight and as the conversation progressed I realised I was getting more and more turned on which surprised me because the topic wasnt sexual at all... then I realised what it was... we were talking about shopping for a particular item of clothing (not usually viewed as sexy or even interesting) and I realised that I view that item as a sexual reference... I have no idea why... but its fascinating... I went to my wardrobe... got my favorite one out and handled it... and yep...I love it... its so incredibly sexy... lolthen I realised that I had just found a fetish and I had to share :Pso there u go... it can happen just like that...Now that Im aware of it I notice that its one thing I always look at when people are wearing it and now I know why!LS

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  LS I could feel your excitement bouncing through the computer...Like a little boy at christmas! hahaha enjoy your new fetish & have fun with it! Good on you! Mrs H xx

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  bjuice... I would have to say that my fetish is compulsion/addiction... and has been for a few years now. My mind almost always turns to it - alone or not. Things in real life that remind me of it can get me HOT instantly. But I do go through little 'waves' of it, when I'm off it (which usually isn't for long) my mind will go to other fetishes that relate somehow... if that makes sense. (e.g - If my fetish was Biggie, I would listen to 2pac on my off days lol) luxe... I hear you! My fetish is usually most satisfying when alone - because of the authenticity factor... and I still havn't found someone to play my 'fantasy' out with yet, because I think it will just be wierd if it doesn't feel right and if I'm not completly comfortable with the person. I really want to do it, but really letting go and revealing it all to someone...that can be tricky.... but working on getting there! I love wearing stockings/socks/underwear either alone or with someone. Definately gets me going, even more so lately. Loving one new item in my wardrobe quite a bit at the moment.

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