F36
Feeling Blue?
October 29 2012
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hence my distaste for ONS. Cheers Felonious
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RHP User
13 years ago
Which is why I don't do casual. I used to when I was younger, no problems. You have to do what's right for you xxx
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erotictouch4u
13 years ago
I always stay intouch with those I meet and prefer to be more than just a casual sex friend. There is more to share, more you can explore and more to learn when you have a closer friendship than just a one-night meet. ET xox
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RHP User
13 years ago
ONS have their purpose,but personally i prefer ongoing intimate relationships...there"s so much out there and so little time
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi, i concur with the above,, i do have casual sex but much prefer to have ongoing friendships,, FWB,, and yes i do often feel empty after a casual encounter,, much better to curl up and appreciate each other after a nice meal, lots of play and gr8 sex. Take care and do whats right for you. SS xx
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RHP User
13 years ago
do my head (and heart) in... Not good for my self-esteem and generally the sex is so disconnected and empty that I just feel hollow and like a dirty slut afterwards. I've only had 3 in my life and I just can't do it anymore. That being said, I'm also known to misconstrue a more intimate casual thing too... fine line to tread, but when you find your balance you'll be fine.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Thanks for raising the question about whether or not its ok to text or phone after an encounter, or even a meeting. Far out, I just haven't a clue how it all works. If I play it cool, do they think I am uninterested? If I text do they think I'm a stalker? Its stuff like this that sees me taking breaks from RHP and the whole sex thing cos I just get confused about contemporary mor^es.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Felonious... I have been scratching my head trying to figure out what an "ons" was. LOL. I don't feel blue after a One night stand... I am usually just unsatisfied. I think guys that go into a sexual encounter with no intention of seeing the girl again just don't make much of an effort I reckon. Bad in bed! What these blokes don't realise is that I wouldn't see the again anyway... I'd rather root my dildo, at least I know I will be satisfied. Everyone knows that you don't usually have the best sex first up, not always but often enough to say its a norm? Or is that just me. Takes me a awhile to get my real dirty bitch on. ;-)
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RHP User
13 years ago
how i would love to see you turn on that dirty bitch ....in fact its a personal goal of mine to outperform the average dildo ;)
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RHP User
13 years ago
ONS aren't for me, for a variety of reasons. 1 is hygiene and sti's, and the 2nd one is that a "blow and go" is so unfulfilling. I freely admit to loving cuddles and waking up next to the person I went to bed with. Call me crazy but randoms aren't for me. But yes an ongoing fwb is damn near Impossible to find, it drives me nuts because apparently everyone wants the same but hasn't got the balls to do it. Or they lie and then after 2 weeks they start planning a wedding :-/
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RHP User
13 years ago
I thought you would be right on to that one. I agree totally with what you said.There is so much more to a woman thanan emotionally disconnected shag.I agree, good sex takes time and repeatperformances to get comfortable with yourpartner, and to learn each other.my opinion is that guys who intentionallyseek out ONS are missing out big time, andthey probably don't even realise it, ormaybe even care. Then again maybe they have beenhurt before and don't want to get close.Of course there are never any guarantees, eveneven with the best of intent.Cheers Felonious....give me the deluxe burger.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wildreturns, I still have no idea with how to continue contact with someone you may want a regaular relationship with. Sometimes I have text the guy after with no reply. Other times they text once I reply and thats it. I dont get it, I am upfront from the start and state clearly I want an ongoing thing. But after the first fuck thats usually it. apart from maybe 2 men I have met.. I hate the feeling so much it makes me not want to have sex again.. Maybe I should just stick with dates until I find a worthy contender. So confusing and emotional!! And BadinBed you are not the only one I feel exactly the same, it does take a few meets to get your freak on.. ;)
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Goodvintage
13 years ago
If the chemistry is mutually genuine and you both enjoy your first sexual encounter,it would be natural to want to meet again and explore further pleasures...A solid mental and sexual connection after your first encounter allows both partiesto be more relaxed and wanting the next time around...Exploring and enjoying each others company is alot more satisfying the more you know each other...Sexual confidence alleviates guilt, but you have control over your choices.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wildreturns, I think a lot of girls over think this stuff. Who gives a right bollock if it is the right thing to do. If you like them and want to see them again. I would text them, and just say I had an awesome time would love to do it again sometime. This whole thing some of my GFs have of "I wait for the guy to make the first move" stuff. I don't get it. Why is it so shamefully to let someone know you are interested?
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RHP User
13 years ago
Honeybee, I get what you are saying but don't you ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. So you make the odd mistake or misunderstand a situation. It happens to everyone. And the disconnected sex really just means you shouldn't have gone there. Meh it happens sometimes. So we are aren't perfect, we all learn as we go. But there is nothing wrong with your sexual desires ! Own it girlfriend. But then again, I love being a dirty girl sometimes. :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
thank you maam, encounters are indeed empty and an indication of selfishness and laziness.Why would anyone want to go there again.So even if you didn't intend for it to be a ONS that is what it ends up as. However if both of you know in advance that this one night is all you may ever have,then that can be magicalx R
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RHP User
13 years ago
gorgeous lady what goes around comes around for those people . It's not gender specific . I guess if the sex was really great they would be back for more but for the majority we tend to want to try the whole menu . For those we have taken time to be friends and explore , how often is the sex better a second or third time around . it is also my perception , correct me if I am wrong if most are just looking for the next thrill . UB40 uk band from another era had a song that comes to mind ....promises . Seriously how many guys are really looking for friends
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RHP User
13 years ago
I would like a woman to tell me that they had a good time and they want to do it again,it is a compliment good for a man's ego.To me if they don't say anything it probably means they didn't like it. On casual meets I think it's a good idea to try and get to know each other better before going for it,ie a few chats or calls. You may develop friendship or some kind of understanding and it will be easier to make it regular. If its a ONS after exchanging on or two msgs you can't really expect any connection there but I guess we are all different at the end of the day...
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RHP User
13 years ago
So glad I dont do casual anymore.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Good topic to raise! As a man, I prefer an all-emcompassing connection with a woman when enjoying repeat encounters. In my profile, I try to stress that I need stimulation of the mind, body and senses....as this makes the whole encounter so much better! In the past, I found the odd casual encounter rather empty and try to steer away from them. ( I am sure we are all learning....lol ). Each to their own, but some guys are missing out on so much on just getting "just casual sexual gratification" in just one encounter ??? Ongoing fun times can lead to heightened satisfaction.....for two people who choose to add the organ called "a heart" into the fray! So Kaede, the unfortunate thing that it's a numbers game and better screening can help ....in meeting the types of guys you really want to connect with....on a regular basis.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Funny! And such a noble goal but I trust you are just as stiff as a dildo ;-) There do seem to be a lot of men who are always after the next conquest and some how never slow down to enjoy the current "fling". I agree that they are loosing out... And the fact of the matter is that they are probably not that great in bed because they rarely go past the ONS so don't learn anything. I am no expert so I am surmising here. Should us girls be telling these guys that they are just not doing it for us in the sack? Do you think that will assist them? :p lol.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Meeka would like find out more , so how do we raise our standard . I guess also there can be naïveté as to how varied people needs and wants are . I have had several encounters where contact has been retained and I maybe not that long to be any record but it has been over a year so yes some do some wont. Just an opinion if there is continued contact does that affirm how good the sex was or the forming of a relationship with that person based on emotional chemistry . it's about like when we leave school or move how often have promises been made to keep in contact but what is the reality .
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RHP User
13 years ago
For many guys and some women that rhp is like a candy store with free lollies , some will gorge themselves as quickly as possible, others will pick and choose a selection find the best ones then enjoy them and then some will take the time to slowly savour each one carefully tasting licking exploring examining but may never find what they are looking for and the last group uses their eyes only and looks for the best wrapped ones . a question for the ladies how do you see rhp ?
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RHP User
13 years ago
I did casual a few times but it was never really satisfying. Not even on a emotional level but it just isn't as fun. I prefer to have friends with benifits rather than booty calls.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Meeka, I agree that women can take the lead and I am no shrinking violet and do just that but, what annoys and confuses the bejesus out of me is the lack of response. Even after guys saying they wanted to see me again they didn't reply to my text or call . . .
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RHP User
13 years ago
Makes perfect. I have to agree with what is being said. I love to learn things about my partner. It's the little details that can turn good sex into great sex. Exploring with your partner is the best thing, and you don't get that with a ons. As far as the contact after an encounter, I like to stay in contact with people. If something was good, why not continue it. If it wasn't what you expected, then maybe you try something different. Like I've said in other posts, I like to have a physical and intellectual connection to my partners. If you have that, then you should be able to be honest with them and the fun will just occur naturally.
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RHP User
13 years ago
One night stands, ongoing thing. I think the key point here is communication. Ask your potential play dates one key question; that is, what do YOU want to get out of an encounter with me? And then ask them for their own definition of what exactly that means to them. I think you'll screen out those guys that just want to wank inside a hole in no time. :). To address the question though, I think brave_heart said it best in another thread. "If I wanted to be a hooker, then I would be." And amen to that.
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RHP User
13 years ago
im new here. never had a one night stand in my life cos ive been married for 23 yrs....im being choosy cos i dont wanna end up with just anyone for this special experience.. one night or day is fine by me though ;)
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RHP User
13 years ago
Wildreturns, it means he is just not that into you. People say things because its polite or they think that's what the other person wants to hear or they think that's what they should say. Or he was thinking with his little head at the time but now the big head has taken over. Lol. Hope that isn't too harsh, but if someone is into you they will respond to texts or emails. :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have had ONS that have being great, fulfilling and connected.....I actually just had a full night with a married woman (with husband's approval) in Sweden and it was extraordinary.....For me, and I keep repeating this, is about being very present in the moment, being open and available (physically and emotionally).This can be achieved in a short time, and it depends on the level of connection and willingness to have a great time, for both parties.....I think that any people can't bother to open or be vulnerable, and them they feel un-fulfil.....No wonder.....If you want something to touch your heart, you need to open it first.....
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RHP User
13 years ago
That does NOT mean that it is all that I am interested in......no by a long way.....But sometimes circumstances don't allow for anything else.....So be it.
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RHP User
13 years ago
a lot of people use rhp like a take away quick and easy and I guess it works for the above average looking guys and woman where it's more a physical thing . Others have to work hard to even get a foot in the door . variety is the spice of life and newer is always better . the reality is that men can ons with more abandon than woman. In usual terms tho is not an ons meet fuck so bye all in one night . That's why the men outnumber the woman 100 to one .
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RHP User
13 years ago
That's my word of the day, and not in a good way! Recently I made a really personal and challenging decision to drop my guard and start saying yes to meeting some men. Not for sex, but for chat, laughs and to see if there was a spark. For reasons I won't go into, this was not an easy thing for me, but I did embrace it fully, with smiles and optimism. I screen men very well and I consider myself an excellent judge of character. People don't get into my life - casually or seriously - unless they have a strong sense of decency and courtesy, manners, kindness, humour and intelligence. I make it clear to men that I'm average looking, size 14, cuddly - and I send them a face pic. I think my photos are a bit flattering and I warn them of that. These are men who have contacted me because of what my profile says, not in spite of it, and we talk openly about what each of us is and isn't looking for and expecting before we meet. These are good guys, really good guys, or so I thought. Each has taken the lead in communication and shown genuine interest in me as a person, as well We're all different. The way we define soul mates is different. What we're looking for is different. What we've experienced to date is different. I admit I'm a hopeless romantic - I don't accept that the fairy tale is just a fairy tale, because I've lived it and therefore it was real for me. I've had two true soul mates in my life. One was fraught with tension (not of the good variety) but as essential to my happiness and well being as breathing is. That man is still in my life - I would stand in front of a bus for him as he would for me. That won't change as each of us makes new lives for ourselves, we're inextricably entwined on a deep soul level and have been since the moment we set eyes in each other 25 years ago. My other soul mate, the man I drove away with my own stupidity, awakened parts of my heart, mind, body and soul that I didn't know existed. I won't even try to describe it here, no words are enough. But I can say that, like some other people have posted, until you've experienced it it's hard to imagine. I longed for that kind of connection since I can remember remembering anything. I knew what it would feel like - I don't know how but from as young as about 4-5 I knew I hadn't found my 'people' and I knew what it would feel like when I did. I'd resigned myself - through my teen years, through my marriage, afterwards - that it wasn't going to happen. I always felt a little empty - not because I didn't have the right man in my life, but because I knew there was joy and passion and intensity and most of all love inside of me that hadn't been unlocked. It's easy and natural to say that unlocking such things is my own responsibility and within my own control and shouldn't require a man. I'm a deeply conscious, self-aware, self-responsible, spiritual human being. I'm well aware of my own responsibility for my own happiness. And still I say, this man, this connection, was everything I'd ever longed for, and more than I could have ever imagined, and being with him was the first and only time I've felt whole in my life. We have all sorts of experiences in life which unlock our potential, open up our hearts and minds, and help us grow as people. I believe the soul mate experience is one these and not something to be scoffed at or dismissed - JMO of course. From experience, you have a much better chance of meeting a soul mate if you're at peace with yourself and life. Not bitter. Not lacking. Not resentful. Not angry. Not sad. Happy, joyful, grateful, living fully. Yes, I believe it's possible to have more than one soul mate in life, I think it's simply a matter of crossing paths. I also think soul mates can be friends, lovers, family. For me, to date, it has only been men. (Sheesh, when I started I just had a simple thing to say. What a ramble :)) wonderful manners and courtesy. So - what happened. Dinner with one, great food, lively chat, a pleasant good bye and then ... radio silence. Lunch with another, lots of laughs, a bet we promised to make good on next time we met ... radio silence. An arrangement to meet with another, a message from me to ask his name (I realised I'd overlooked that detail eek) ... radio silence. I guess we won't be meeting. Damn I wish he didn't have my pic. Yes, I've contacted each man with an innocuous, light hearted message. No, none of them have responded. Blue?? You're not kidding. Either I'm an ugly troll, or dreadful company, or they're all just tossers. Either way, f**k! So people, once you've chatted/met/f**ked or whatever, show some common decency and s_p_e_a_k. If you want to see the person again, say so. If you don't, say so. Be a grown up ffs. END of RANT.
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RHP User
13 years ago
The post above is extraordinarily long because my iPhone somehow inserted a full other post in the middle. What the? Sorry folks - please ignore. With any luck the moderators will delete this, and that. Proper post coming up next ...
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RHP User
13 years ago
That's my word of the day, and not in a good way! Recently I made a really personal and challenging decision to drop my guard and start saying yes to meeting some men. Not for sex, but for chat, laughs and to see if there was a spark. For reasons I won't go into, this was not an easy thing for me, but I did embrace it fully, with smiles and optimism. I screen men very well and I consider myself an excellent judge of character. People don't get into my life - casually or seriously - unless they have a strong sense of decency and courtesy, manners, kindness, humour and intelligence. I make it clear to men that I'm average looking, size 14, cuddly - and I send them a face pic. I think my photos are a bit flattering and I warn them of that. These are men who have contacted me because of what my profile says, not in spite of it, and we talk openly about what each of us is and isn't looking for and expecting before we meet. These are good guys, really good guys, or so I thought. Each has taken the lead in communication and shown genuine interest in me as a person, as well as wonderful manners and courtesy. So - what happened. Dinner with one, great food, lively chat, a pleasant good bye and then ... radio silence. Lunch with another, lots of laughs, a bet we promised to make good on next time we met ... radio silence. An arrangement to meet with another, a message from me to ask his name (I realised I'd overlooked that detail eek) ... radio silence. I guess we won't be meeting. Damn I wish he didn't have my pic. Yes, I've contacted each man with an innocuous, light hearted message. No, none of them have responded. Blue?? You're not kidding. Either I'm an ugly troll, or dreadful company, or they're all just tossers. Either way, f**k! So people, once you've chatted/met/f**ked or whatever, show some common decency and s_p_e_a_k. If you want to see the person again, say so. If you don't, say so. Be a grown up ffs. END of RANT.
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RHP User
13 years ago
brave heart lets blow the blues away . Wanna see if we can be friends . You have had enough angst to last a life time . The effort is generally worth the effort if people took the time .
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RHP User
13 years ago
goals are made to be achieved :)...most men are too stubborn to be told but there are few out there willing too learn. ...it takes time to enjoy..i mean get too know someone intimately ...two like minded people togethor ..exploring...there is nothing better
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RHP User
13 years ago
maybe they do bugger does that mean I know what I want and get. hehehehe
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RHP User
13 years ago
after an encounter bwahahahahaha
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RHP User
13 years ago
Do people want to be friends with people whom are interested in lots of random fucking . Is there not a shallowness to it all and on what would the friendship be based.
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RHP User
13 years ago
once ya go black ya never come backGin Wigmore.☮
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RHP User
13 years ago
I find ons and fwb can both be unfulfilling sometimes. The saying is you get what you ask for is generally correct. I have started asking for more and won't accept any less then i deserve. Had a guy recently so excited over me,my pictures and how much he wanted to meet me,until I told him it wasn't certain he would get sex when we met. I am so glad I did that because he was full of crap. respecting ones self is a start. I think this is what the saying means by treat them mean keep em keen. My opinion is that most people here have had bad luck before as I have myself. So we are looking for the best or near best of our judgement,cause who wants to be hurt again? I don't know about others but if you get 3 or 4 or 20 messages a day,do you only reply to the 1st contacted 1? NO we don't,so 2nd choice is online before miss or mr hottie is,so we talk to them. then the hottie contacts you,do you ignore them? I think it is all in the game and the game is wrong. I started playing the game myself and had my tme of if you can't beat em join em. It was good for awhile.Actually is was good thinking like a man. Thump em an dump em. I didn't text or call them. Try it girls it is empowering! lol
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RHP User
13 years ago
It used to upset me a bit that they didnt give me a message afterwoods. But mees toughned up. I use them as much as they use me so its just a two way scratch. In hind sight I think its cause I was more looking for a relation ship. Now that Im not looking for it anymore its just a sex thing. And my gawd. Some of it has been great now that Ive looked at what someone has to offer sexually instead of potential partner.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I do get those feelings but not from a one night stand, I get them badly when stood up or where I have invested a lot of time, thought and emotion and it goes " lets just be good friends"
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RHP User
13 years ago
really
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RHP User
13 years ago
how come the woman that do it the most are the ones who complain the loudest
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have advised many women to get off rhp, if they head is not into one night stands. Because Ladies, most of the men on RHP crap on about how they will be a FWB right up to the time they zip up and go out the door. I am lucky I have a partner,I do well with one night stands, though most of my lovers come back anyway. They only come back because I am married. And I have my own fuck nest. And I have no emotional attachment other than friends. I have seen single women get really hurt and made to feel terrible by men that just say all the bullshit before they fuck them, and then crickets chirping in the silent nights. If you already have low self esteem this is not the place for you. Men can smell a woman that wants them to come back, and they are like a jack rabbit in the head lights Better screening cant work as people tell the biggest lies to get what they want. God knows how many times I have heard, but I thought he was a nice guy and was into me? bwahhh what happened? I never call a man , not unless he has called me back and wants to keep things going even if its just friendship I believe, they are the hound, I am the rabbit I am not going to chase after some man when there are thousands of them on RHP. This is not the place for women looking for Mr Honest or care for me. That guy is home with his wife or girlfriend, usually after he slips out of your bed. Harsh I know but you have to look after yourself on this thing, and get it into perspective. Look after yourself kiddo
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RHP User
13 years ago
I agree with you TR. I do think there are exceptions to the rule though, having met a couple on here in the past. Rare exceptions though, for sure. I find it fascinating all the talk of manners and courtesy on here, but the lack of evidence of the same. I agree it's largely a sex/pick up site and anyone on here expecting more is foolish. For the record, I don't expect more but I'm open to finding it. What I do expect, perhaps stupidly, is common human decency and courtesy. I refuse to set my bar so low as to make it ok for anyone to be rude, dismissive, discourteous etc. I don't care whether they're a ons, fwb or something more serious, if they can't act like a grown up I'm just not interested. It still surprises me how few people do really act like grown ups.
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RHP User
13 years ago
This can be the path to rack and ruin . after a time you may get sexed out or become a sex addict which some may not see as a bad thing. Usually we tire of the endless mindless fucking and look for quality and a bit of intimacy or get married. Lol we Frech invented random fucking while it was still tabo in the rest of the world Paris was gay in more ways than one. The best good things take time like good wine. HAPPY DAYS MAKE HAY WHILE THE SUNSHINES AND BEFORE YOUSE WELLS RUN DRY. LOL DONT KNOCK TILL YOU TRIED IT
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N4November
13 years ago
You have to be in the right head space and I think a lot of it is about trust and where you 'are' in your life. This is really about you. And they come second.A lot of people just can't do NSA. Baggage, problems, insecurities, agendas. Do you have these issues?I'm a great believer that 'like attracts like'.Keep looking hun if you have a clean slate and know this is what you want - you will find the genuine NSA/FWB - you just need to be discerning and be steadfast in what you are looking for.Genuine NSA relationships are wonderful and I have wonderful, wonderful life friends made this way!! xxxPS: when the love stick struck me - I love that I can share him unconditionally and vice versa!! Welcome to the sexy life of swinging with the RIGHT agenda!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
1. If he likes you he will follow up. 2. If you feel cheap or used afterwards, you were doing it for the wrong reasons.
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RHP User
13 years ago
We always go in with the intention of making long term friends and there is nothing wrong with flirty/dirty text and/or someone to chat to afterwards, nothing better than having continued hook ups with someone you have a connection with...
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Wildreturns, it means he is just not that into you. People say things because its polite or they think that's what the other person wants to hear or they think that's what they should say. Or he was thinking with his little head at the time but now the big head has taken over. Lol. Hope that isn't too harsh, but if someone is into you they will respond to texts or emails. :) So my question is why be gutless about it? At my age I have learned to accept NO and do so very graciously. Rejection is not frightening, it simply means I made an offer that was not accepted." thread, why don't people . . . .
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RHP User
13 years ago
As I was saying, its like the "done to death" thread, why don't people respond? Because they are fucking rude, cowardly and selfish! And to answer the OP's question, ONS can leave me feeling dissatisfied, empty and more alone than celibacy.
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