Embarassing Sexual Encounters

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Here is a link to this very topic....they will give you a great giggle. Enjoy... . http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Adult-Forums/What-is-the-funniest-thing-you-have-experienced-when-having-sex-35201 Hugs...xFunlovingx

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Hi Beltane, As your home alone, I will share with you the experience that I had and it has disturbed me for life, so funny now but some things never heal only linger in the shadowsHope it reads ok as not read over it my self bit long, again. I lived in a small country town in Scotland, and was behind times in music and usual things not fun though had heaps of it Any way 6 miles up the road was another village that had a pub and dance floor, Sat nights usually had country and western bands on. The reverend of this town, its church was about 2 miles closer to our village and he new some of us idiots walked it in the snow, Also a old bloke died in the snow walking it, I think more for drink and cold, any way he used to keep the key behind a loose limestone in the wall to the rear of the church. This had your fireplace, and white shaggy fluffy rug there a chair and small like kitchenette and tea making stuff, Any way, due to the population a lot of us hung about that ranged from 13 to 17 odd one was older. This night was supposed to be a milk night (night we only drink pints of milk we had whisky, beer nights too) how ever a bus of other villagers came for the band, this was after two pints of milk was a natural and mutual decision to go on the beer I had was 14 and 2 months so mid winter, and one of the elder asked if I had lost my virginity, embarrassed I said yes they asked me about it then laughed and pointed to this 23 yr old very large lady very very large for any age and said she loves the first timers. Being little tipsy not wanting to show my fear I went to this lady and just blatantly said, Would you like to take my virginity, I can show you a nice place out of the snow. To which she said fit the fuck ye spikken abooot mun, I pointed over the rest of the crowed and she clipped my ear booted my up the arse and sent me back to all my mates. An hour later she came up to me and said meet me ootside n dene spik te then fucks aboot it, nodding towards my mates. Out I went, she said where’s your spot I said its a walk away, as long as its safe lets go, so 2 miles later getting slagged of all the way her puffing and panting like she was going to die arrived at the church In we went, what the fuck how can you be a fucking virgin with a key to this place, dunno I said thought every one new about it, I come here if really cold and been out shooting. She cried in laughter had my pants down before I could say any thing, she lay on the huge white rug skirt up her wast and said well get the fucker in then So go down and started to kiss her neck play with her tits (more of a squash squash then so lack of experience) Mean while I feel warmth on my little knight (was armoured back then) and throwing my ass back and forth like a trooper then stoped (read on) Still squashing her tits, she says wil ye stop de in at wi mi fucking tits men an put ye cock in mi loch n caar ye fuckin ass. Uggh I said I’m done was great, she sits up bashes me in the chin says ye fuckin cunt ye, ye fucked fuck all ye wasne even in ye fuck. Near dying of embarrassment pulled my pants up said fuck you could of said some thing, I thouched ye was gettin me all randy, I said well I’m a virgin and your the virgin thief so you know more than me, asked my age I said 14 she belted me so hard got up got dropped her skirt of her hip walked of, I say hold up you’ve left your knickers, and I will walk you back She says keep the knickers you can learn my fucking them and I will walk my self back. (Basically I shagged her thighs) No I know this is going to get out real soon so lock up and run home, don’t show my face for 3 days (Sunday pretended to be sick I was with stomach ache of embarrassment) and then got of school till Wed and my mom said if you don’t go to school I will tell your dad about your carrot throwing (dad due home Thur, carrot throwing for another) So at the bus stop they ask hey must have really fucked you too knackered to come out immediately I play on it and say yea fuck was good (I hit 16.5, she comes in the butchers shop where I worked, I had to carry the meet out (ha again) I say how come you didn’t tell every one, she said I was only 14 get fucking real now piss off) Obviously they now the truth now round the local area, as I told them later in life once I did loose it. Hope it brought a smile to your face, and hope I don’t get ridiculed for it on here or women not even talk to now because of it, but I as 14 so cant be that bad talking about an ex sort of thing. Headless

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  ... that's hilarious & scary all at the same time! X

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Oh my god Headless ,ya pour wee thang!! that was so hilarious ,you captured the EVENT perfectly.....surely it could only get better after that

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  RHP User

  14 years ago

  Thanks Funloving, there's a site to store in my favourites.   I took ages to reply to this as I didn't really think anyone had replied (ticking that "follow this topic" box really helps.....ooops!).   My most embarassing isn't as hilarious as Headess's situation by far, but I was dating guy who lived in England and I had described to him some of the shops in Fyshwick (ACT) where some of the even have shopping trolleys and aisles (aisle 1 gay/lesbian, aisle 2 anal etc). He insisted we head to Canberra on our next visit. So, with kids spending the weekend at my ex-huband's, head to Canberra for a weekend we did. He had a bit of a cat fetish (maybe a story for another thread) where he had bought me this satin black teddy with fur trimmings, complete with fluffy ears, tail and gloves for paws. His fantasy was for me to come out and "pounce" on him, like a cat. Now.......even though I was a lot slimmer back then than I am now, I still wasn't exactly "petite".   So, the scene was set. I had sent him out to pick up something I had "forgotten" at the reception desk at the motel and I was waiting in the bathroom, donning the pussy cat outfit, waiting for hime to return. Once I'd heard him return, positive he had settled on the bed (which he had) I decided to POUNCE.   I came out of the bathroom and leapt and POUNCE turned into BOUNCE (mental note to test bounciness of beds in motels before attempting this stunt again). I missed him completely, bounced once, cleared him, bounced on the other side of him, hit the wall, bounced back onto the edge of the bed and landed with a hard thud on the floor.   I ended up spending the rest of the night nursing a very sore and swollen ankle which I had twisted.

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