F57
D/s - do guys really understand it or is it just a ploy to get girls to do what they want?
December 26 2009
Comments
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I think people put things down that they are interested in, including what role they percieve themselves playing..... whether they have much experience or not is a different question. How people play out their fantasies are just as widely varied. "Little "d" doms... lmfao... you should know guys are very sensitive to being called little. :p Pro_guy
-
RHP User
16 years ago
What guy would not fantasise about being a sheik with a harem... or have one lady who prances about naked responding to every sexual desire. No whips, canes, paddles or paraphernalia. No complications... just the availability of a lustful woman willing to submit to every conceivable demand. But then that tends to be a one way street not considering the others needs. Then it becomes too complicated for those who just want a simple fuck when ever they feel like it. Probably why there's such a demand for blow up dolls?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Firstly, On ya Jacqui! Takes a brave and very self aware woman to identify the essence of their true nature and go for it! I have some very interesting reading material on the subject as I a great believer in investing time and effort in fully acquainting oneself with ...themselves (have said so ad-nauseum on forums) I'll go grab it for you ... xx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
....to be able to think like a man.... lolol....thanks for the inside story eunuch! Myname...indeed, it is awareness of who we are that enables us to grow and move forward. xx wow...I might just get this whole "lurve/sex" dynamic right in the end. Research and work experience still in progress...
-
RHP User
16 years ago
OK... So women really understand it? example A: man on man.... there are guys who are always "top". there are guys who are always "bottom" and there are guys who are "versatile". Working out who is what, is part and parcel of foreplay and it either works or it's a complete flop. :p The same guy can be a total bottom (the sub male) with men and have be the Dom in a relationship with a woman... or sub... The same guy can be a top (the dom male) with men and enjoy being a woman's puppy... or Dom. The roles played by versatile men will likely be persuaded by their mood at any particular point in time. Sub to a Dominant Male and Dom to a subordinate female... or any combination. I make this observation based on a couple I know who indulge in soft bdsm.. you know.. breathe play, rough play.. etc. He's a total bottom in a m/m situation and she is always a sub to him. I don't think you can readily presume that a person who is sub to a man will also be sub to a woman. As a Libra, I can tell you that I have to wait and see what the circumstances are and I then follow my instincts for the situation, if it is working for me. LMFAO... Doms with a little "d" ~ careful... you know how sensitive guys are about their "d"'s. Hugs Stalky
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Short of drawing a flow diagram to understand your tops and bottoms in a freestyle scenario...thinking that I must also learn how to play Chess one day....the reference to my post which I'll clarify now, is to do with straight men wanting straight girls. They describe themselves as Dominant, Sir, Master and anything else that will put them in a position to get the play they want. They seek a submissive girl. What they don't want to do is get involved. They don't actually want to get to know the girl...they already have pre-determined desires and wish to act on them accordingly. In some ways they want the kink of BDSM rather than the effort of D/s. My beef is, they need to clearly state this...saves a lot of that damn chatting that takes me away from my thinking :D Hence, myself submissive in play...is looking for a Dom..yes a REAL one with a big "D"...hehe But holy hell...it's an effort to get through the BS and find out if they want D/s play or the real deal! But that may all change shortly..*ahem*...*thinking*.. Jacqui xx
-
RHP User
16 years ago
The Dominant person is on top whilst the submissive is the bottom. Just think of when you ride the donkey and straddle your man taking all the initiative and having control... well that's a very simplistic example of being on top. But the play goes well beyond plain sex... it explores the senses and often pain to get the natural endorphins flowing. Subspace is a condition that can be achieved... but the process can be fragile in the hands of the inexperienced. The submissive is subjected to various stimuli in the hands of the Dominant or Dom. The Dom gets to be in that role because it's the will of the submissive person... they want the other to take control. To take them on this sensual and often erotic journey, where sex may or may not play a role. In the more complex cases it's referred to as an exchange of power... from the sub to the Dom... a gift from the sub. It's based on trust, not on how weak an individual is. Some women, who have strong personalities, often enjoy the release of reversing their daily role and allowing another to orchestrate the play... along agreed lines. A highly experience and knowledgeable Dominant person will often have the honourable title of Master, should his skills and reputation warrant it. These references need to earned and can not be assumed. When people swap roles during play it is called switching. Some subs will switch, though others prefer to maintain their preferred role... a role that suits their chosen character.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
It makes sense to me, but then again I have read, reflected, researched...and well, I know I am a bit tetchie with labels at the moment ...and I just get a bit disillusioned from time to time...especially when I can see the path... Submission is my freedom. It is the only place I am truly free (a thinking-free space where I can just "feel"..yes, the subspace). I am attracted to the unique agreement, the need to communicate to enable the trust that binds the relationship. I am attracted to the exploration of limits...the pushing of boundaries. Six months ago, after intense work experience (hehe), "researching" a sample of the male spectrum, I realised this...finally I understood...myself, my previous relationships and what I actually needed rather than wanted. I perhaps should have been a woman of the 1950's...but then again maybe no (not so many variations on vanilla back then or were there? :p) My journey is just beginning....finally Jacqui
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I do hope you find what you seek. Experiences that are beyond the norm... a natural high without artificial stimulants. Where your whole body is like a fine instrument being played by an accomplished musician.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Trish~ they're the wisest words Ive heard in this thread and those like it. Can't you just let go of the definitions too and see where your freedom takes you. They make teh sub/dom thing seem so regimented.. so "heterosexual"... yuck. Hugs Stalky
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Different strokes for different folks, guys... perhaps D/s is not for either of you and that's fine.... it's not for a lot of people... Human sexuality can be expressed in so many ways. People who enjoy D/s enjoy the rules and rituals, enjoy the strict definitions of Dominance and Submission, enjoy the control and power exchange. We enjoy the regimentedness, the strict roles. It can often be the whole point of the roleplay.... Letting go of the definitions defeats the purpose of D/s... No one is saying that you should like or enjoy or understand these things too... many don't. But don't judge others who do.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
The one thing I know and really love about the BDSM crowd is the degree of acceptance for other people's kinks and the generally non judgmental disposition of participants..... such a friendly lot of kinky fukrs usually... and sexy as all get up. Being aloof and dismissive of people who do not fit the recognised format is much less alluring. Being something of a dreamer that doesnt get much sleep, I can clearly imagine so many other less obvious ways to be submissive. Sumissives that do not involve being bashed about the lug with a stick.... that leave no bruises to be found, absent of any physical evidence of domination whatsoever.... submissive behaviour that apparently does not seem to be in your book, Soph. Serruptitious thinkers. Of course, I'm merely postulating as an outsider, standing here now on both feet, peeking in at the a d/s world with trepidation. :p Hugs Stalky
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Tricky...I agree with Sophie that there are definitely strict roles in D/s, and that that is all part of the game... fair enough...But I also get Stalky's point that having a bit of freedom to explore is kind of the point with all of this stuff.Maybe then it's true to say that we can choose to play & change roles, so long as we all know what rle we're in at any one time - otherwise its all going to get real confusing! and probably not very satisfying.. None of which is probably helping BrightStar sort the wheat from the chaff... I reckon it's a question of time - hopefully not too much of it wasted.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Fair comments Trish and Stalky...I can appreciate the abandonment of rules in favour of a "lets see" attitude...it enables a person to get what they want without the pressure of conforming. In the same way, rules whatever they may be can also enable a person to get what they want without conforming. Yes, it sounds like an oxymoron...but just think about this: Swingers need rules because they don't conform to the monogomous marital framework. Rules are needed so that they can freely get what they need to sustain and nurture their relationship. Submissive doesn't mean stupid. Dominant doesn't mean abusive and any inference to it is ill informed. D/s is simply a variance on a relationship that provides the people in that relationship with what they need. Not for everyone... I wonder though, does knowing what one wants make them aloof and dismissive? Well it all depends on who's judging them. Everyone has an opportunity to sort the wheat from the chaff...and thats what I need to do to get what I need. How I do it is with honesty and transparency...and for some, that is confronting. Cheers Jacqui
-
RHP User
16 years ago
...this passionate Virgo is gonna go and check her Horoscope....
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah, unfortunately there are a few guys out there that think that being an over-bearing arsehole bordering on physical abuse is 'being Dominant' I've had some subs say they love my form of Dominance. But I've also had a Domme say that I'm a natural sub. For me it is about the mindset I am in, and how I interact with the person. Each case is very individual.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I have strong feelings on this subject i like rules and i like ritual behaviour. The ritual greetings, reciting an affirmation each day. Having the desire to protect, direct and lead some one. There are many miscomcetions that need to be dispelled. So the wanna bes, these are people who wish to impose a title on then selves right from the start. Sir, Master what ever the title is has to be earned. The "Master" dies not take control his subbie will yeild control. this yeilding come from trust and know some one. Understand that the subbie is the one with the power in the relationship. The dominant like to be the one directing but will do so with in a frame work of certain conditions. While this as a natural consequence involves sex it is not about sex. A sunmissive yearns to "please" they get pleasure from pleasing some one. So when we talk about rules there are two types of rules. Those governing the fundamentals of the relationship...what you both want out out of it and where the limits if any are. It has nothing to do with how you will behave it is about what is ok and what is not. The second set of rules are behavioural rules...this is what you will do...this is when you will do it...this is how you should dress...it can go on and on. the common mistake is too many rules too fast. so make your juurney in to submission or dominance just that. a long road that has to be travelled. Keep the early rules simple say like always have bare feet in the house, when your master comes home greet them with a ritual say "Welcome Master, I am yours to command I am your propery, I live to serve you" make your own up. Then you remove his shoes and bathe his feet. Simple rituals strengthen this sort of relationship. With in the rules of the relationship there is and should be little to no fredom to stray out side of the rules. there is a need to have consequences for such straying... So do guys understand D/s relationships...no because it is not about having sex on tap 24/7 it is not about bossing some one around, it is not about simply getting your own way. the dom has responsibilites and too few know that and even less understand that. LC
-
RHP User
16 years ago
A good dominant is: More than anything a teacher, a gude , a mentor, a friend, a companion and a lover. He will hold you when you need comforting, he will nurse you when you are sick, he will guide you when you need help. He is sharing, he is caring, he is strong, he is confident, he is protecting. He know the value of the gift his sumvissive partner has entrusted to him, he will not abuse that gift nor is he abusive in nature. A good dominant will explore the mind of his partner before he explores their body. He will be a good communicator both in the way he speaks and the way he listens. He will understand the strenghts and weaknesses of his partner. He pushes boundries with out breaking them, he build strenght and does not engender waekness in his partner. He will appreciatte his partners submission and does not take it for granted. He will earn the respect of his partner not demand it. He will accept the responsibilities of guiding his partner in life, the home and the bedroon. He will accept that at times he is wrong and he will admit it. He will not hurt his partner menatlly or physically. We will know the needs and the wants of his partner and act accordingly. He will be both strict and fair in all his actions. He will be consistant in his behaviour. He will only have a submissive that whos wants and dsires are similar to those he has as well. So a dominant who who enjoys pyhtical control of a subbie will have a sibmissive who enjoys physical control. A good dominant will question his submissive decission to to offer them selves, he will make sure the submissive ubderstand her decission. A good dominant will discuss all of wnats and desires with the submissive make sure they understand his needs. I am going to stop because i could go on for a long time but in closing this A good Dominant is Loving . If you want to explore this I want you to remeber some thing: A man asked mozart one day how to write a symphony he responded " Well spend 5-10 year learning to play the piano. Go to school and study for 5 more years , apprentice with a master for 5 year and then write some somanat eventually you will be able to achieve your goal...." But the man said you wrote your first one when you were eight....Mozart responded that is true but then i didnt need to ask how... A lot of us are born to this other have to learn. You will make mistakes, admit them and move on. Start with small steps, read and learn find a mentor... Enough LC
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15120 Comments: 88136
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10230
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11663
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9760
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1006 Comments: 5243
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5774
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share