F47
Double Standards
August 04 2012
Comments
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beebs
13 years ago
I guess a question is how much responsibility does one have to take for someone else's behaviour? They are making free will choices and have to accept the consequences but all the same does one want to be an enabler??
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have different age criteria for men and women, and I'm more prepared to jump through a few hoops to meet a woman I'm interested in, whereas guys are a dime a dozen (sorry guys but it's true) so if they're too much work I just won't bother.
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RHP User
13 years ago
diwata, good question (and great bum! I thought it was Meeka at first! ) I too, have a set of 'hard rules' rules as such, and one is the same as you have stated - no attached men (agree with you on the open relationship part as they both consent (and Krissy's ideal scenario)). However, with other rules, individual circumstances also need to be taken in to account. I have pushed some of my 'rules' almost to breaking. Taking a step back and remembering why I set them (which just happened to be when not in the throes of lust ;p) helps. How to reconcile? I think the answer, at least part of it anyway, lies in beebs comments... Quoting 'beebs' I guess a question is how much responsibility does one have to take for someone else's behaviour? They are making free will choices and have to accept the consequences but all the same does one want to be an enabler?? It's not someone else's behaviour - we are accountable for our own behaviour. If you have knowledge of circumstances that would normally have you walking away, then it is only you that can make the decisions that follow that knowledge. Think back to your 'rules' and the reasons you made them (you may find the reasons are not as black and white as they first appear).
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RHP User
13 years ago
Double standards seem to be everywhere, even on RHP. Just a few I have noticed, and deliberately not meaning to comment on my personal position on any of them. A few that are around are. The you mention, different criteria for me or women "prospects" Bi women - giddy up! Bi men - yuck! Different approaches to forum posts depending if it is a whine or gripe depending on whether the OP is male or female. It's all about personality! But it doesn't always seem so. Why is it wrong for a woman to be a sex object but ok for a man to be reduced to a penis? If a couple is a man and a woman on this site, why do we rarely see pics of both? Why is it accepted that women can look sexy in pic but less so men? Sadly the references to someone being a "slut", why does it necessarily matter if there is a numerical difference between men and women and how many sexual partners they have had before? Why are some of us so offended by other peoples choices of activity, just because it is different from our own? Why does a "cheating" husband get treated so differently in forums and elsewhere than a "cheating" wife? There are probably a plethora of others. I find it interesting. People are people, we all make our own choices in life. Those choices have so very many variations. I find it fascinating that we on this site, who are probably a little more en and accepting, still retain so many of those view on what is stereotypically "good" or "bad" from wider society. None of this is meant to be a dig at anyone, I may well have displayed some of those double standards at times myself. Interesting post and I look forward to reading the other responses.
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RHP User
13 years ago
A standard designed to be used as a rule, guideline or definition. It is a consensus-built, repeatable way of doing or defining something. Human interaction its also based on your tribal conditioning. Standards change think of oral sex, it used to be illegal and still is in some states of the USA Standards change as we get better informed and make decisions on what is best for us. The standard for someone like me is to be a respectable old woman, forget about sex, get into gardening or knitting or what ever. To settle in a relationship and you made your bed lay in it mentality was the go. Now it is all the go for older women like me to have younger lovers. Lucky for me I do not apply myself to that standard. Life is fluid, its tricky and its an evolving process @justforfun , great post
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have none.However I don't want to be lied to.Much younger men between 20-35 are not an option for me, as my daughter is 28 and it would feel too hinky. If someone is attached, the answer is probably no,simply because the situation always tends to be tricky.I don't say no from a moral standpoint, but just because it seems too hard and then the guilt sets in theirs not mine. I too want to grow old disgracefully Tuscan,I am happy to embrace my inner slut,meet sexy interesting available people and enjoy life.....x Hugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
If you are aware that the man or woman is married that indicates that the person has been honest about it. I would base my decision about them more on why they felt the need to stray. Having been the 'unfaithful' husband myself many years ago, it would be hypocritical of me to judge a person based on their infidelities. I'm many things but I'm not a hypocrite.
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RHP User
13 years ago
My dilemma is not what other people are doing, as I try not to cast judgement on people - it's each to their own. But rather more my personal feelings, responsibility and attitude towards this. Beebs has nailed it in the head for me - thank you.Quoting 'beebs' I guess a question is how much responsibility does one have to take for someone else's behaviour? They are making free will choices and have to accept the consequences but all the same does one want to be an enabler?? I do not take responsibility for other peoples actions, in the same token, I do not want to be a party to anyone getting hurt either (whether or not the other person finds out). I am here for fun without hurting anyone.So, Im changing my rule to (whilst not in the throes of passion and still lucid :) ): no attached people. Couples and people who are in open relationships (as long as the other partner knows) are ok.This place is great! Not only am I rediscovering my sexuality, but also my character. Better go and post in the "how sweet it is" thread .@newkee: thanks, Meeka has a great set and appreciate that you think it was mine
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RHP User
13 years ago
Great post Diwata. I have set myself "guidelines" as opposed to "rules". Each situation merits its own individual consideration. Like the others have pointed out, things are not always black and white. To answer your question about cheating with a married woman. It may be the lady doesn't feel like she is cheating because her man and his ability to please her is not in question. For me, married/attached playmates pose too much hassle. I don't judge how they choose to lead their lives. As already mentioned, I can only be responsible for my own actions and decisions. My guidelines allow me to be flexible with my decisions. No guilt, just go with the flow. If it feels right, do it. If it doesn't feel right, then don't....pretty simple really. SFxx
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have used this term to an irate husband... You have relationship problem with your wife, dont include me in your them. If it is ok for a girl to have a homosexual relationship unbeknownst to her husband, then she may as well as well have a hetro one too.. same as men. If I meet someone I like. i will ask them, or attempt to seduce them.. I have walked up to a couple, in brs, parks and other public places, and asked .. "Mate, do you share your Girl?" 'Hey you guys aren't into threesomes by any chance?" In fact, I keep a greeting card (like a personal business card), and have handed it to the male and said.. "If she is too much for you mate, call me.. I have handed it to the female saying.." if he needs a hand.. or you are wanting more after.. call me.." Things have gotton a little tense at time.. but, I do judge my target.. and not being a drinker, helps me make educated decisions on who to hit on. mind you.. I haven't had a hell of lot of success.. but, it is fun :) caveman by nautre
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RHP User
13 years ago
Because I am a curious woman, I must know what the card actually says. Do you offer one off,short term,long term wife renovations? Do you do follow up visits, with a re-educating husbands component? Do you offer a similar service to neglected single women? Does the cave have a phone or does one send smoke signals to make contact? Do you have a customer satisfaction guarantee? yours in anticipation x Hugs H
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have designed and had business cards printed. They have a flower shape like a lilly, if you turn it the other way its like a woman’s vulva and clitoris. Its discreet, not to obvious. It says Scarlet Woman I give it to my women friends, many who are not on RHP but wanting sex If they go out, and they see a man they like they write their first name only and their mobile on it and hand it to a male. The women have had a lot of success with it. One woman had not had sex for 15 years and now has an ongoing younger lover that has really changed how she feels about herself. The other is a married woman who has a regular lover as well, her husband has not slept with her in years and they have separate parts of the house. So this guy comes around to service her now and again. I see them both vital women again. I am sure the card has worked for other women but I do not follow up on it. As for me, well I just let that twinkle in my eye be my calling card. Its like the movie, sit on a barstool cross your legs, and they will come. My talents are in getting people to meet each other , networking and also counselling I guess. Had the coffee with the girls meeting yesterday, hours of laughter and good to see how women are doing on rhp. Get yourselves organised ladies and meet other women off-line just to make friends with birds of a feather. Dammit Cavey where is my card? The answer is yes please as I am tired of trying to handle myself all the time, so I need a hand. I share myself , and I am into threesomes and I am wanting more, If thats possible
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RHP User
13 years ago
Well some of the posts have been enlightening and some scary. How can a man commit to a relationship and then withdraw sexual love after 6 months? Its a sad day when someone who commits to a relationship is forced to go outside same for attention. I am so glad to see so many women achieving sensual goals in their lives and becoming the sexual persons denied them through poor male intimacy. Men really have to get more in touch with womens' needs and desires. Its all too easy doing the deed but there is more to women than whats between their legs. I always find it hard to get involved when I don't have some sort if intellectual bonding with who I am seeing. Of course there are lots of people who are as thick as 2 short planks but look the goods... All it takes is a simple conversation to find the depths or lack there of, to decide if I want to make their knees tremble.... Mike
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hesione, I am not as young as I was a few years ago.. and I can't fight as well :) But.. "Yes" to most of them questions.. Tuscan... we will have to exchange cards sometime.. I HOPe to be down your way this break, and IF so, will call and drop in.. I do have a girl who could USE your cards.. and you have told me about them before... *chuckles* caveman
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RHP User
13 years ago
it is interesting on rhp , and other similar sites like it, that ppl often say they are not judgemental.... and then, well We all know whats next... one way or another peeps start being exactly that. So to add fuel IF a person shows mutual interest and attraction and is interested in meeting regardless of "situation"....it's simple....I will. Female ,TS/TV or the neighbours camel ( they have the most alluring eyes!!) I dont care...As long as that Individual person / camel wants to be "there" and has not been lured or unduly pressured ...so do I.If we want guilt trips or hypercritical judgemental attitudes.... go to church, it's cheaper than rhp and there's all that lovely hell and brimstone talk...hmmmmmmm maybe I will go !!
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RHP User
13 years ago
what we like in our everyday life.... is also what we like in our play life.. we say no to married, attached, coupled ....or whatever you want to call it...men, women, or even half of an 'allegedly' open couple. being aware that some one is attached, doesnt mean they are honest...not one cracker of honesty exists, if the one supposedly 'important' person .... the partner..... isnt aware their 'loved one' is out there playing... we have found that people will tell you the most desperate stories of sadness , loneliness and betrayal.... just to create a justification to stray, or seek attention elsewhere.... stories that quite often have no element of truth to them.... and hey...if people lie to their 'partners' and 'loved ones'...just think how easy it must be for them to lie to strangers....especially strangers who offer the things they so desperately seek.... ie sex. both of us has been the victim of dishonest, deceptive cheating partners , partners who chose lies and deceit over respect and honesty.... and we simply cannot bring ourselves to being part of anyone elses lies or deceptions...its not how we choose to live our lives.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Diwata,I had the exact same 'double standard' after I came out and was approached by couples who asked if I would play with them as individuals. I told myself it was all right to be with a married woman, but definitely not all right to be with a married man. I guess how I reassured myself that it wasn't 'cheating' was that I reasoned with myself that the woman would be getting out of it something unachieveable in her relationship/marriage.Take, for example, if you were in a relationship with a bi-male. You would more than likely feel better about him finding other men to play with on the side, as opposed to finding other women, no? As you would understand that you're unable to provide for him in that context?But is it really that different? Other things that are unachieveable in a long term relationship include the thrill of being with someone new (unless you swing) and discovering another body/mind. Double standards, while hypocritical, are unfortunately an element of being human...
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Playful2looking
13 years ago
Standards are fleible with most people they can convince themselves that it is ok to do things; especially if they twist it around in their heads For example I know guys who would not have sex with another women behind their partners back because they would consider this to be cheating on their wife/girl friend but they have no trouble with gay sex because in their head this is not cheating the same can be said for some women they will bonk another woman. They do not class this as cheating on their husband. Many husbands also think that two women having sex is not like real sex. But if she prefered to have sex with a man instead of pretending to be bi...my god that means she might fall in love with him or he might be a better fuck. That threatens their standards. We move the goal post around to suit ourselves we are human. Honesty is the best policy
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RHP User
13 years ago
The answer is in you. Only you can judge your standards. Is it acceptable when you look at yourself in the cold hard light of day. Yes? Then by all means do it again. No?, remember for next time and don't place yourself in the situation where you will do it again. No one else can tell you what your standards should be, we are all individual.
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brent3250
13 years ago
i believe double standard's are always going to happen in life but as you say you have set out a set of rules to go by while on this site , what you are contemplating on doing has the potential to ruin someone's marriage for what ??? some fun I'm sure if you actually look you will find a single woman who will be able to fulfill your desires We all have certain morals and some choose to break them for their own benefit , the question is how would you feel if something like this happened to you ? i'm sure we have all gone through it , so shouldn't be that hard to remember Sounds like i'm judging but you have your RULES which in fact are your own personal morals , if your willing to bend or break one of your rules whats stopping you breaking the rest??? your rules are who you are , don't loose that
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' I have used this term to an irate husband... You have relationship problem with your wife, dont include me in your them. If it is ok for a girl to have a homosexual relationship unbeknownst to her husband, then she may as well as well have a hetro one too.. same as men. If I meet someone I like. i will ask them, or attempt to seduce them.. I have walked up to a couple, in brs, parks and other public places, and asked .. "Mate, do you share your Girl?" 'Hey you guys aren't into threesomes by any chance?" In fact, I keep a greeting card (like a personal business card), and have handed it to the male and said.. "If she is too much for you mate, call me.. I have handed it to the female saying.." if he needs a hand.. or you are wanting more after.. call me.." Things have gotton a little tense at time.. but, I do judge my target.. and not being a drinker, helps me make educated decisions on who to hit on. mind you.. I haven't had a hell of lot of success.. but, it is fun :) caveman by nature That's really funny Cavey, I guess at 6ft hairy and gym boy you get away with it from pure intimidation ? Have a bunch of mates nice and close in case things go wrong do ya ?Ever give it to someone bigger than you or is it just a trick for the runts ?Fuckin hilarious.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' Hesione, I am not as young as I was a few years ago.. and I can't fight as well :) But.. "Yes" to most of them questions.. Tuscan... we will have to exchange cards sometime.. I HOPe to be down your way this break, and IF so, will call and drop in.. I do have a girl who could USE your cards.. and you have told me about them before... *chuckles* caveman What woman , needs to use the card when your around ..talking about taking coal to newcastle looking forward to the viist if you get the time. yeah i do tend to repeat myself at times...craft. I will have a few cards for your friend no probs.
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RHP User
13 years ago
Have you still got all your own teeth ?
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