M51
Don't want to come across as a slut or a player
December 10 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
just be cool...don't sweat it ;)
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RHP User
11 years ago
no point living in denial we are all players in our own games ! Sluts are honest a Slut will tell you they are fucking your brother ! Sister ! Best friend ! Parent ! Sluts in denial fuck them behind your back . Give me an honest Slut anyday Bahahahaha - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm hearing you say two different things here. "The girl to guy ratio gives you a sense of urgency and you want to meet as many as you can" and "Is there a politically correct way in getting to know a few people at a time but hiding it" If you're looking for more than a quick fuck, why the urgency? Is it the "kid in a candy store" feeling, or are you afraid you'll miss out if you don't act fast? Then there is the feeling deceitful. Well duh, you're telling us you're planning on hiding your actions. Frankly your whole posts reads to me as "I want it all and I want it know, but I know I'm not doing the right thing by hiding my actions, so you all need to tell me how to do it in a way that makes it all ok." My advice: Whoa, slow down! This site doesn't promote monogamy (swingers site, helloooo), but be respectful to your partners by being upfront. The topic may not come up, but always be honest when asked. I've met many women who find dishonesty rather unattractive. (And most of us have pretty good bullshit detectors!) My 2cts. Good luck!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I find you may talk to 50 people yet only one person might really be a match. So investing a lot of time in one person at a time is probably not very efficient use of your time. I think most people would be getting to know numerous people at once. There are lots of people online who are not really who they say they are, pictures taken at flattering angles or from 10 years ago, etc. You can't say anybody is a match until you have met them, and even slept with them. I would say your attitude, although very noble, is old fashioned and out of touch with the online dating world. Just my opinion. As for me I think online dating is a waste of time so I am not the best person to comment!! I think you should go to the meet & greet nights and meet people face to face. (Just ingnore the fact that most people have already seen each other naked.... Got to love the swing parties. :P)
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RHP User
11 years ago
because you will find as you get around to meeting people that a lot are prepared to screw you around no matter how wonderful and keen they sounded and meeting will actually sort who is who in the zoo. You will find liars and fakes and people with pictures 20yrs old, and....the list goes on. Chat to whoever you like but I suggest when you find someone that you MEET that checks all the boxes, don't take that one for granted.
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RHP User
11 years ago
This is a very interesting question, and reflects a somewhat unusual position for a place like this. Generally, people on this site have what's called a 'sex-positive' attitude. They view sex as a natural, fun, and life-affirming activity. Sex is pleasurable. Hooray for sex! This stands in contrast to thousands of years of Abrahamic religious traditions that have hammered into us the idea that sex is something to be repressed, ashamed of - sex is a baser impulse, a negative. At the same time, historical attitudes to sex carry a whole lot of other baggage - possessiveness, jealousy, something to be restricted. This comes out of an idea that sex is a finite resource, and is deeply wound up in (in my opinion very archaic) notions of conservative 'morality'. However, other ways of thinking, particularly amongst polyamorists and more sex-positive people generally, is that sex is an infinitely renewable resource. If sex is good and sex is pleasurable, then why shouldn't you seek to share that experience and spread the love, so to speak? Why should having sex with one person diminish what you have with another? I think it would be useful for you to interrogate why it is you feel having multiple partners is inherently wrong or immoral? Perhaps you'll find the answer is not so much about having multiple partners, but in how they're treated. Are they treated with respect and honesty? Are their expectations the same as yours? Do they view sex in the same way, or are their expectations different, more traditional? Are you being deceptive? These are the sorts of questions that, to me, speak to the core of what a 'player' is. 'Slut' is not really a term I use in my vocabulary. Of course, not everyone on here is a full polyamorist, and it's a wide and complex spectrum. I think if you're honest about what you're looking though and act in good faith then you should be fine.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Check out the book 'The Ethical Slut'. I haven't read it yet, but by all accounts it's an incredibly thoughtful and thought-provoking take on the matter.
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's like you are sitting next to each other and came up with the same conclusion! :P I reckon the OP has come from the vanilla world were dating numerous partners can be frowned upon... I don't think he is aware that most people on RHP will not mind, in fact will expect, that he be talking to numerous people at the same time. meander, I don't think his intention is to be deceitful as such, if anything he obviously wants to be too honest in my opinion. I have a GF who will talk to a few guys online but if she agrees to meet with one for a coffee she will immediately let the other blokes know that she isn't available anymore .... Completely nuts when she has even met the guy yet. But that is her strict upbringing and her ethics. You don't lead other people on. That Is how she sees it. Doneit, please assume that anyone you are "getting to know" is most likely getting to know a number of men too.
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RHP User
11 years ago
My friend is on a vanilla dating site btw.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Actually my vanilla friend considers all the men, women and couples on any adult dating site such as RHP to be players. I was shocked when she referred to me that way once. If she was chatting to a bloke who mentioned he was on an adult site she would drop him like a hot potato. She thinks it's fine if everyone is on the same page, but she is only interest in men who are after relationships not serial rooters. :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Honesty is the key. Not everyone will accept or share you with others, that is their right and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you lie, even if it is a lie of omission you will hurt people. Of course you have the right to do as you will but not many will sympathize with you when the shit hits the fan and tears flow. So with respect be honest and go have fun, if that person can not accept it, then bad luck, there a plenty of polyamorous people for you to share your love with. Do not place your own personal needs above others, as in the long term you are the one that will be hurt the most. It does really read like you are just looking for justification for actions you know are disrespectful and wrong. For guys in there late 30's to 40's it becomes a lot easier to seduce women, how you use your wisdom will define your character. As for slut, my personal definition of slut is not something anyone should be proud of. A slut uses people by the supply or withdrawal of sex, it is not gender oriented but due to the nature of gender's differing sexual needs, it is easier for a woman to be a slut, not because that is in their nature, just that men are too easy to control with sex. Its lucky because if the guys had the sexual power they would be far more likely to be sluts. Why anyone would want to own that word is a sign of personal problems. I love sex, I am polyamorous, but I will never be a slut, even if I had the power to be one.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Given that you say you're "genuinely in search of a like minded partner"... ... try going into it with no pressure, as in no preconceived notions and/or expectations and view each potential connection as simply being whatever it is til it aint.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'meander, I don't think his intention is to be deceitful as such, if anything he obviously wants to be too honest in my opinion. I partly agree, as I don't think the OP would have said he felt deceitful it that were the case. However, while he may not want to outright lie, I think hiding things and lying by omission aren't exactly honest behaviours either. Doneit, some great advice here. Hope (some of) it was helpful to you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' It's like you are sitting next to each other and came up with the same conclusion! :P I reckon the OP has come from the vanilla world were dating numerous partners can be frowned upon... I have a GF who will talk to a few guys online but if she agrees to meet with one for a coffee she will immediately let the other blokes know that she isn't available anymore .... Completely nuts when she has even met the guy yet. But that is her strict upbringing and her ethics. You don't lead other people on. That Is how she sees it. Doneit, please assume that anyone you are "getting to know" is most likely getting to know a number of men too. Though if she was on my couch, I don't know that I'd be spending all my time on the RHP forums! It's funny, I'm actually probably a lot like your friend. Australia really doesn't have the 'dating' culture that various European countries and the States have. I'm not much of a dater myself, so I'd probably place too much significance on it. It's one of the reasons I enjoy sites like this, because everyone's (theoretically) a lot more open about where they stand and what they're looking for. Also, your last sentence is important. Probably a lot of double standards out there!
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him_and_me
11 years ago
About the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut is someone who sleeps with anyone. A bitch is someone who sleeps with anyone...except me :( * *No offence is intended by this rubbish joke. It is simply meant as comic relief. Please continue with the more sensible comments. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Some good advice. I do have old school values and after reading the responses it's quite clear. I've meet someone who ticks all the boxes so chatting to other girls seems wrong. My moral compass went a bit haywire. Will set due north. All good. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' About the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut is someone who sleeps with anyone. A bitch is someone who sleeps with anyone...except me :( * *No offence is intended by this rubbish joke. It is simply meant as comic relief. Please continue with the more sensible comments. - Posted from rhpmobile I like this one. Sexually Liberated Ultimate Temptress....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nothing wrong with that, and of course you must always do what feels right for you. I think when people first join it is very exciting, particularly when connecting with someone for the first time. It's fantastic and you are buzzing all day... But unfortunately you relaise after awhile that not all is what it seems with lots of people. We all probably sound terribly jaded but I know I was burned when I first joined. I had this amazing connection with someone and the sexual tension was intense and after a few weeks of flirtation we tried to set up a meeting. Of course for one reason on another it didn't happen and he eventually admitted to me that he was actually married and was unlikely to met anyone face to face. So I learned that you shouldn't invest your emotions or time or even trust with online flirtation or friendships.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I know what you are saying doneit74 .... hence why no point looking at this profile as its just one to make forum comments and check out people :) But i do want to say, being a female i have found guys seem to ask alot of questions to see what i have got up to .... now my time is really precious to me when i have free and i was messed around.... but in the last week i did manage to see 5 different guys.... I enjoyed every one, and basically now have to hide my posting due to the stigma that this is not appropriate !!! ..... This would not happen on a normal week, but it did ! not sure if telling the last guy he was the 5th would have gone down as well as just letting him in on one or two :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
You are a Man... a living breathing sexual human entity. Don't be afraid of it.... ashamed of it.... or fall for the lie that women aren't living breathing sexual human entities too. Dont swing your dick all around town though..... have standards, aim for high quality people... be a high quality person yourself and the rest takes care of itself. Live a life of abundance. DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Obviously people's opinion of what a slut is differs greatly. I am open, honest and have a strong moral compass ( relating to honesty and respect for myself and others) yet if I find the right mental and physical connection with someone, I will be THEIR personal slut. I love to gift my whole self to a partner. To allow them to use and ride and manipulate their will on me. If used with respect to what I have offered, it is the hottest ,dirtiest thing imaginable and I will push myself to give more more more. Any cock with a cock will never see this side of me , but who doesn't want to give themselves with total abandon to the moment? And if I have that connection with more than one person at a time, then so be it. As long as I act with integrity always, then I hold my head up high. Maybe a little off topic but eh! Fuck on I say ; p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
a high quality person?..I imagine that we would all have a slightly different definition.." Classy" for instance is a word that always makes me wince...as soon as someone describes themselves as such...tells me immediately they just ain't ...I love the word slut,just means I am good at doing the dishes and washing floors..well that is according to Mr.Chaucer :) xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
"I hope I don't sound like a slut but guess what?? I am!!! Is that bad do you think?? Cos like bitches love it and I don't wanna attract someone like myself...." Close?? No?? Oh.... Bugger....oh well; stiff shit :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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