M47
Does being a single parent mean you have "baggage" ?
January 10 2011
Comments
-
RHP User
15 years ago
There are women (and men for that matter ) on this site who dont have children, dont want children and dont want anything to do with yours either. It just depends on what you are looking for. Many of the women on this site are in the same predicament though. If you are just looking for a playmate and nothing more then the kids should not be involved anyway. Time enough to introduce children into the mix if the relationship gets serious...yours...and hers. I certainly do not consider children as baggage and I find that a bit of a harsh way of putting things even if the woman in question did not want children herself. We all have pasts. Each one of us. Many of us have children. Just keep them separate and all should be okay. If you only have them some of the time, that leaves some of the time for play time. Good luck and keep on trying.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Glad to hear someone honestly explain their view on the matter. I do keep my personal life and my children seperate, in fact I wouldnt even contemplate introducing someone to my children until I'd been seriously seeing someone for 18 months + as dont want them getting confused if people are coming in and out of my life. End of the day, I'm not looking for a parent for my children, just someone who I can enjoy spending time with and if something more comes of it then we will cross that bridge then.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Just thought i would pop my 2 cents in ;-) Hubby & I have 2 kids and its been frustrating trying to organise playmeets for us because we need to organise bbsitters. But it was always our intention to have people over once we got to know them a bit, for some play time after the kiddies were in bed. As long as we knew the people & were always present we had no problems with using our family home for fun. . Now one of our new friends is in your situation...and while trying to organise a date, I told him we were happy to come to his place after kids were asleep. He said that because he only had his kids every second wknd they dont do playmeets when he had them. He was worried about the kids comming out of bed at night to find Daddy & girlfriend naked in the lounge room with 2 strangers. Which is fine. Totally respect him for making that call. . Now I had thought about all that but I was confident that most of the playing woyld be out of the first room and that I would hear my kids before they saw any life scaring scenes. And that we could disscuss & mitigate any thing that our kids did see together ( hubby & I). . But then I started thinking...what if hubby and I split up? Would I be comfortable with him having playmeets while he had the kids? And the answer was a resounding NO! If we were no longer together I would not want him doing it on kid wknds. I just dont think he would think about it enough or keep an ear open. Im always the one to hear them first. Call me two faced but there you go... . As for us playing with single fathers that is fine...but then we have kids too. If I didnt have kids I dont spose it would be a problem...just that you might be harder to pin down for dates. But we are the same. I put all that in my profile...that we can't do spur of the moment but with planning...We can blow your mind! xx Mrs H .Good luck & hope you find what your lookin for...some times it does take time!
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Ok I just read your profile. This is just my personal opinion. but take it with a grain of salt cos obviously you are not looking to attract us! I would however listen to advise from the single ladies! They know their stuff...and its their market! I would change your name...The site is about sex...I dont think parttimedad is really relevant as a username. . Your first paragraph makes you sound REALLY REALLY busy! I know we all do that stuff but maybe putting the list like that is a little off putting? But obviously you are getting msges so maybe not .... . And you have really high standards....I wouldnt bother msging you cos ( trying to say this with out sounding whingy or putting my self down...thats not my intention, We are very comfy with who we are!) But wouldnt msg you cos I think we are not good enough for you (cos your criterea is so high, not because we have bad body image or low self esteem.lol)...but if you msged us I would be like 'Yippee! we meet his criterea' But its also kinda daunting... . But you are getting msg rapport going...apparently that is quite rare on here for single males...Read the forums...most men get no reply at all! So you must be doing it right! Mrs H xxxx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I usually avoid children like the plague, and therefore men with small children. Tho children are not necessarily baggage On the other hand I also avoid people with baggage, ( not children) usually issues to do with exes or something else where professional help needs to be sought. The way I see it, is theres plenty of single parents that are in the same boat as you, and dont mind the " I cant go out this weekend, i have the kids) thing. Horses for courses GL
-
RHP User
15 years ago
i have a rule, NO men in my house....that means if my kids are there or not i only play when i have my free once a fortnight weekend now because thats the only free time i get there is no way i would risk my kids getting out of bed to find some strange man in the house and id never risk a strange man with my kids . having said that...when i split with my ex he started having them once a fortnight for the weekend and he would have all sorts of women coming and going and it got to the stage i had to put my foot down and tell him to stop...we had a major fight about it but i dont think my kids should be exposed to that...its not like he has them every day for christ sake....he finally seen things my way and after that once he was seeing someone for 6 weeks he could introduce our kids so Mrs H i totally get where your coming from there . personally at your age i would presume a bloke had kids anyway....i wouldnt see it as baggage unless he was dragging them with us on our dates and if he did that he would have a lot more problems than just his kids roxxy
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I'm very open to dads with children, I have an ankle biter myself so a few more doesn't phase me ! BUT, I'd NEVER play while they are at home particularly on a casual basis. I know of people who have been sprung by the kids while playing and I would hate to explain what I was doing to my little one ! I don't have an issue with the "parttimedad" tag. In fact I like the fact it's not sexual. It tells me that your focus is on your kids; I respect that. There's always time to play you just need to be a little creative in the where and when. Hugs, Miss Saturn
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Ok everyone so shoot me now.... . So I am the one everyone talks about at social get togethers - you know the type..the early 30's woman not married, not in a long term relationship, not divorced, and no kids... oh poor me...oh and I am one of the ones Fionabee mentions - dont want anything to do with you and your kids...why?? basically because I am selfish...I want our time to be about us...I dont want to hear about the cute things your kids did the other day...I dont want to be told at the last minute that we cant hook up after all because something has happened and the ex wants you to have the kids for the weekend again and I know you dont get to spend that much time with them and are going to jump at the opportuntuy to spend more time with them but honey thats your problem not mine.... . Look I understand that they are a huge part of your life, whether you be male or female, but when it comes to someone who has recently split after such a long relationship then I am going to be scared thats ALL there is in your life...call me narrow minded, selfish, judgemental, do your worst...but I am very clear on my profile what I dont want in my life and kids is one of them. . Sure I understand we all have baggage but I have found (in my experience only) that kids is one thing you cant seem to leave at the door...oh and yes I have met and played with some lovely single parents but ultimately I got tired of hearing about the kids...hence why I am so adamant about it now. . . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Personally I've never had an issue with anyone due to being a parent, but I'm upfront with people about the fact that I'm just plain NOT available when I have my children. If you're looking for a relationship it might be an issue but if you're only looking for play meets it's not hard to keep that part of your life completely separate. It only becomes 'baggage' when you want to merge those parts together. Most of us have lives and other priorities and very few people would be available for meets 24/7. If someone has an issue with you having other priorities and they want to make a big deal about it / can't get over it, they're incompatible, simple as that. Their problem, not yours.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
As a parent even when we meet with non kid people we find it hard not to talk about them. . Especially as Im still a stay at home mum....My kids are my job...You guys get to talk about orders, customers & cruddy bosses, I get to whinge about the crayon on the wall & the funny thing they did yesterday. . To be fair I try not to talk about them, but sometimes it just slips out :-( . And there is a big attraction to non child couples because they have more availability. For us to go out you have find our free night & my mums. lol. And if the other couple has kids its as bad again. I envy those who can go out at the drop of a hat or have any wknd they want to see others swingers. I can see why some people would shy away from the trouble of it all. That said you would think they would give you a chance to prove how fun we can be! PTdad...Focus had a good point are you sure the baggage she was talking about was your kids & not your relationship with your Ex? Geeze now I feel like Im picking on you! Mrs H xx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Children, full or part-time...really is not an issue and in fact I am a bit of "kid magnet", maybe because I never grew up in the first place (no comments required, thanks) but enjoy their view of the world. Dogs too...I like them and they seem to like me. Sure...everything has a time and a place and agree with the others about playing around the kids and maybe even nudging slowly into a relationship as kids are people too and have a lot of emotions and feelings. I would never hit the "no" button simply because someone had kids...and even more so if we were only ever really going to be sharing benefits as friends. | My profile mentions baggage...not kids. To me, that's when you meet someone and about 5 minutes in they are carping on about "the ex" or that dreaded "last guy I met that dumped me" ...that's baggage than needs to be checked through, please. We all have relationship stories that may or may not come up at some point but I steer very clear of relationship issues and trying to solve all the emotional issues of past experiences. No thanks...not my mess so not really keen to clean it up. Talk to me about sex, music, the weather, Japanese silk ropes, politics, your lastest lingerie purchase, your dog, canola oil and latex sheets....but not relationship issues, puh-leez! | PS... if the ladies are willing to help with hints about your profile, go for it. I just had a few comments that I really did try to take on board from a very lovely young lady and she was....right. Okay so she's also not tall and a total pocket rocket but that's irrelevant and it not a fetish...just a "thing" I have. | Good luck...and enjoy the journey!
-
RHP User
15 years ago
for casual fun - which is what you're clearly looking for on your profile? i don't really see how having children really makes a difference one way or another - although it obviously means you can't play at home, and from time to time you may have to changes plans without much notice. but having a housemate often means the same for me, or playing with married guys for those who do that, so... *shrug*. and as for dating? actually, as someone who hasn't had the opportunity to have children yet, i'm always open to date single dads. a cool guy who comes with added family? it's a veritable Brady Bunch moment! everyone has demands on their time to a greater or lesser extent - having kids to look after is one of the best reasons i ever heard to have limited time. i've seen plenty of people carrying around a heap of baggage here - and most of them don't have kids, just unresolved issues from the past - emotional hurt, or a chip on their shoulder, or bitterness, or jadedness (is that even a word?)... having kids is greatly more attractive than any of those hot numbers :)
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Hiya parttimedad.... I really don't think you have much to worry about. It's a new "scene" for you now, being single with kids (even though you have been here long time :P). And like all things new, time is required to adjust. I guess when someone says they don't like kids, (and I have been a single parent) it is reasonable to feel affronted, after all we love our kids and we feel in some illogical way that our kids haven't been respected. But, if we can step back from that feeling, then we can see that there wasn't necessarily going to be a "click" with the person who doesn't like kids, because their values and priorities are perhaps different to ours. And thats ok :) As Gormet Lady said, horses for courses. . Search with different eyes
-
RHP User
15 years ago
You could always do what I do and move from state to state, relationship to relationship and hope those darn kids or their mothers never find me!! . Hi kiddies if you're reading this *waves* . :-D
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Thanks everyone for your responses, I love a good old fashioned debate, especially where people have the intelligence to put forward their point of view without needing to put people down, abuse someone or their view etc. I have a title that reflects I'm a dad as 1/ I'm not very creative (I'm an "IT geek" not a marketer) and 2/ I want to be completely upfront with people. I would never play with my kids in the house, too much risk and I have 50% of my life off from them so plenty of time for play without mentally scarring young minds." Dad what are you doing with the candle, that girl in the mask and that goat ??" Completely understand the "selfish" attitude of people who dont have kids. God I would love that freedom again too but you play the hand you are dealt. I just dont believe in judging a person on something that does not and most likely will not affect you.I'm here for playtime only and I dont stuff people around by changing plans or committing to anything if I am not going to be able to make it. I'm also lucky I have free babysitting from such a large family so its not like its one day a month I could see someone and then only for 45 minutes I see me having kids as having as much an impact on someones decision to play with me as me rejecting them because they have to be interstate one week a month because of work. On the profile note, I probably do need to rewrite it (any one volunteering to help :P) as I borrowed a lot from our couples profile and just changed we to I haha I just want to convey that I'm looking for people who arent up themselves but take pride in their appearance/hygeine and who arent here to waste peoples time. That definitely doesnt mean you can only be a size 6-8 model as beauty can take many forms. Dean
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' You could always do what I do and move from state to state, relationship to relationship and hope those darn kids or their mothers never find me!! . Hi kiddies if you're reading this *waves* . :-DI love it!!! I always tell people that I have 2 children......that I know of :-D
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' You could always do what I do and move from state to state, relationship to relationship and hope those darn kids or their mothers never find me!! . Hi kiddies if you're reading this *waves* . :-D You are so very funny...love your work! Kisses Focus (child free and staying that way!!)
-
RHP User
15 years ago
All this talk about baggage got me thinking, which is always a dangerous thing!!!Firstly, those who say they don't have any baggage are liars, simple as that. If they have reached the age that allows them to be on this site, they have baggage. It can be a lost love, a bad job, family problems. Everyone has baggage. I remember meeting a woman for coffee who swore she had no baggage and didn't want to meet anyone who 'had baggage'. Then she proceeded to bitch about her boring job, her jealousy of her more successful sister, how her parents still treat her like a child etc. Yet she firmly thought she had no baggage because to her, baggage only meant children or an ex. And yes, the date did conclude early, never even finished my first coffee, but I was polite when I left .The question one should be asking is how people deal with their baggage, whether it is carried around with them for all to see, each bag opened and its contents discussed at great and nausiating length to basically a total stranger. Or is it hidden, locked away in that mythical attic, weighing down on the person until the either explode or collapse under the pressure. Do they just carry a little of it around, like an overnight bag, stored somewhere close by to be opened when they need it. There are those that are so proud of their baggage they display it to the world, the old 'woe is me' attitude.It is how you manage your baggage that matters. Does it consume you to a point you are alienating yourself from everyone. It is your crutch, the things you blame when something goes wrong, even if it has nothing to do with your baggage. Or have you accepted your baggage and treat it as just part of your life experiences, a memory, neither fond or bad, just something you have lived and accepted.I refuse to call it baggage (even though I have used that term numerous times here), I call it LIFE. Yes I have experienced LIFE, I have a son who I haven't seen for 9 years, an ex who has continuously stopped every attempt to see him. I raised our daughter by myself whilst still being in the military and having to deploy overseas. Yes it was hard, well to be honest it was bloody difficult, both financially and emotionally but my daughter and I survived. Hell we did better than just survived, we conquered every damn problem life threw at us. It made both of us better people, we don't take things for granted.To the OP, embrace the fact you are a single father, no greater joy can be had. If you are worried about women not wanting you because you are taking the responsibility to raise your children, are they really the type of women you want anyway. I know I personally preferred dating women who were parents themselves, they understood the simple fact that my daughter came first, she was (and still is) my primary responsibility. Yes I did lose a few women who couldn't handle that and I firmly believe a dodge a major bullet every time.Apologies for the long post (and I guess the rant). I just get pissed off at those who have on their profile that they don't want anyone with baggage. What are they after, a monk or nun????Mooka
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'mooka' Apologies for the long post (and I guess the rant). I just get pissed off at those who have on their profile that they don't want anyone with baggage. What are they after, a monk or nun????Mooka Ahh the corruption possibilities - where do I find me one of these????? Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'focusliason' Quoting 'mooka' Apologies for the long post (and I guess the rant). I just get pissed off at those who have on their profile that they don't want anyone with baggage. What are they after, a monk or nun????Mooka Ahh the corruption possibilities - where do I find me one of these????? Kisses Focus Nah Focus! You are not the right type...Priests usually want you before puberty! lol I personally would aim for nuible 18 yrolds...perfectly legal but ohhhh so tender! teeheehee
-
RHP User
15 years ago
On a barely more serious note... Mooka is kind of right. Everyone has baggage of one form or another... it's called a past. It's how the individual person deals with that baggage that is the turn on or turn off... and just as important is the way you deal with your partner's baggage. . I've been in a relationship with a single mother, three huskies and two kids. I was probably too immature to really make that work - plus that relationship had a lot of peripheral issues that still give me poo pains. Oh yes - the baggage in that one was enough to make a donkey's back hurt. At the same time I didn't deal with the issues at hand well. Did the baggage break us? Maybe. But it wasn't the baggage by itself. . I've also been in relationships where the baggage load was nothing. No kids (that have found me *wave*). No exes ringing us at odd hours or smashing up the place (let's put our rose-coloured glasses on and assume the burglary a few weeks after we split was a coincidence). We both started from a pretty clean slate. Oh except one of the huskies (rip Ash) who was my baggage. But fucking cute baggage at that! That relationship had it's own issues... some of them mine, some of them hers. None of them the husky's. Did the lack of baggage keep us together? Nope. . So having seen both extremes.. it's not a matter of 'is baggage a turn-off'. The simplistic answer is yes we'd all love to go back to 16 and make a go of Mandy, your half-German, half-Australian virgin highschool sweetheart. But if she's the same now as she was 20 years ago, has she lived? Has she learnt anything? Or has she been living a safe life too scared to commit to something? . I probably held similar views to FocusLiaison after my donkey crippling relationship. Surely it has to be easier to have a relationship with no baggage? But the reality is that baggage made that person who they are, and if the relationship and connection between two people is based on something more than wanting an easy life it would be silly to make it an automatic "No - too much baggage" - NEXT! . PS - Feel free to look me up Mandy :-D That is unless you live in a caravan out the front of your parents house with 20 cats and 8 kids from 3 different relationships. My donkey ain't carrying all that shit around!
-
RHP User
15 years ago
I also subscribe to the "everyone has baggage or you haven't lived" idea... but having a couple of kids under you belt isn't really baggage unless you let it be so. You'll see that I also like the Polyanna principle... so change your name from partimedad78 to fulltimefun69 (0r something), dry your eyes .... and swim back in the big pool when the kids are at their mums. Unless asked, you dont have to tell people anything about yourself at least, until the relationship looks like getting serious. At 32 you're going to have to expect whoever you meet also has lead some kind of a life.HugsStalky
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'MrandMrsH' Quoting 'focusliason' Quoting 'mooka' Apologies for the long post (and I guess the rant). I just get pissed off at those who have on their profile that they don't want anyone with baggage. What are they after, a monk or nun????Mooka Ahh the corruption possibilities - where do I find me one of these????? Kisses Focus Nah Focus! You are not the right type...Priests usually want you before puberty! lol I personally would aim for nuible 18 yrolds...perfectly legal but ohhhh so tender! teeheehee Another idea down the drain...sigh...back to the drawing board...lol...hmmm corrupting young ones...nah been there done that let me see how many 'older' gentleman (above 30) that need my attention hehehehe . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
At the end of the day there are going to be potential matches for any single parent including yourself, there would be many women in very similar circumstances as you and they will also understand your position hence there shouldnt be any problem. The only baggage is the negative types and their attitudes. Good luck in your search and be patient.. Trips xx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
A girls got to have variety! Just dont give any of those poor old fellows heart attacks Mrs H xx
-
RHP User
15 years ago
single with kids is what 'baggage' means, just as much as unresolved issues.
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Well i have never considered my kids *baggage*. and neither does the peron i am dating. I guess different strokes for different folks :)
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Ooops i meant *person*
-
RHP User
15 years ago
There goes my plans for the weekend...was going to see how many times I oculd get emergency services of some kind out to visit...now I need to come up with something different . Kisses Focus
-
RHP User
15 years ago
Even though I said baggage shouldn't be a straight out 'no'. I'm starting to think Stalky and I's bromance isn't going to work out if he can't shake that weirdo couple that is living up to his name along for the ride. We're still bros though :-D
-
RHP User
15 years ago
the issues that we all carry around with us. whether they be children, emotional scarring, histories of abuse, financial woes, unemployment, problems with exes or inlaws or even unresolved issues with the judicial system are all 'baggage' of one form or another. we all have something that we tote, seen or not, and they remain unresolved unless we and our new partners etc can put them to rest or find a solution. I was a single dad myself for 13 years, albeit part time and week about, and found all sorts of barriers were in place when it came to a new relationship.........until i reacquainted myself with the woman i married a little over 12 months ago..... since then its been one solution after another..........but we still have unresolved issues, as thats the nature of blended families........
-
N4November
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' I also subscribe to the "everyone has baggage or you haven't lived" idea... but having a couple of kids under you belt isn't really baggage unless you let it be so. You'll see that I also like the Polyanna principle... so change your name from partimedad78 to fulltimefun69 (0r something), dry your eyes .... and swim back in the big pool when the kids are at their mums. Unless asked, you dont have to tell people anything about yourself at least, until the relationship looks like getting serious. At 32 you're going to have to expect whoever you meet also has lead some kind of a life.HugsStalky I would strongly recommend Stalky's advice...... glass half full thing I think!!! xxx
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88157
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10230
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11668
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1008 Comments: 5262
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share