F65
Does anybody else on here ever feel marginilized.
January 29 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'll jump in and have a 'crack' at this one. . When I look in the mirror, which is essentially the only place you should be seeking validation, I do see a gorgeous person and a body beautiful! . Anything or anyone else is just peripheral chatter that my ears don't pay too much attention to. . Inner beauty. Try it. Much more satisfying than profile pic adoration.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think we all have something to offer, it just depends how you market it. I've definitely never looked in the mirror and thought, "Wow, I'm hot", it's usually more "Wow, this is what we're dealing with today? ugh... ok, well i guess i'll just have to make the most of it." but I'm happy and that seems to get me laid more often than when i'm feeling sorry for myself. :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Erm.. if you were 86 and hot I'D be disturbed!! Now grab yourself a bulldog clip, pull back the wrinkles and bunch all that loose skin near your shoulder blades. Secure with bulldog clip and get one of the nurses to get a good shot of you minus the zimmerframe.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Oh I love flirty's style and that's exactly how we all should view ourselves but can totally understand Crack's feelings. These forums have become such a critical place whereas it should all be light hearted fun. We got a message from a rather attractive couple recently, I politely replied with "I don't think we match your list of requirements" as they were high and lengthy. Now we have a healthy opinion of ourselves but we would never go so far as to describe ourselves as "very attractive" and would likely shy away from a profile that demands such things. We have met a number of people we find very, very attractive and they seemed to enjoy their time with us. There's looks and personalities out there that match and others that don't but when prospective mates have a healthy regard for themselves and are open to the myriad of things that can spark an attraction then there's more chance of fun to be had. I don't know how some people find anyone to have fun with as their desires are so limited by race, dress/trouser size, social status etc. Some of our best memories are with people we would never have met in our normal circles. Crack, your profile is a great read, I'm sure there's plenty that'll think you're the bee's knees!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78' I think we all have something to offer, it just depends how you market it. I've definitely never looked in the mirror and thought, "Wow, I'm hot", it's usually more "Wow, this is what we're dealing with today? ugh... ok, well i guess i'll just have to make the most of it." but I'm happy and that seems to get me laid more often than when i'm feeling sorry for myself. :) Just to clarify, I don't see "wow, I'm hot", I see "wow Im happy" in my own skin. It's not as tight as I'd like in places, but it's nothing a couple of carefully considered clothing choices and candlelight can't fix LOL. . It's that old "you gotta love yourself before anyone else can" thing. . In my experience, rare is the package deal in this world who is in possession of a flawless exterior and interior!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Thank you Puppy for responding with so much understanding. Your words re my profile were very kind and I very much appreciate you taking the time to read it. Bifem, I would love to have the attitude you embody and I admire and applaud you for it. Do I sound like I feel sorry for myself? I don't mean to. I wish people could see inside me - the pain I feel with regard to these things and the self loathing that lurks every time I catch sight of myself in the mirror or shop window. I know it's not healthy. Hearing the few comments thus far, it makes me feel even more so how on the outer I am. I wish I knew how to stop feeling so low about myself and how to adopt the attitude of ladies like Bifem and Curious. I once knew a beautiful red haired girl - vivacious and with a smile that could brighten the coldest of nights. I worked with her. No one could ever imagine her taking her own life... She was a 'bigger' girl. I wonder what demons of self loathing tortured her sleep to the point where she felt life was no longer worth living. A persons inner pain should never be dismissed as 'feeling sorry' for oneself, or worthy of only contempt. The price to be paid for such attitudes is way, way to much.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' Quoting 'curiousnewgirl78' I think we all have something to offer, it just depends how you market it. I've definitely never looked in the mirror and thought, "Wow, I'm hot", it's usually more "Wow, this is what we're dealing with today? ugh... ok, well i guess i'll just have to make the most of it." but I'm happy and that seems to get me laid more often than when i'm feeling sorry for myself. :) Just to clarify, I don't see "wow, I'm hot", I see "wow Im happy" in my own skin. It's not as tight as I'd like in places, but it's nothing a couple of carefully considered clothing choices and candlelight can't fix LOL. . It's that old "you gotta love yourself before anyone else can" thing. . In my experience, rare is the package deal in this world who is in possession of a flawless exterior and interior!I didn't see your comment before posting mine, was just a coincidence that we both talked about the mirror :) you're totally right about the 'gotta love yourself thing'.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I agree with the others...you gotta work with what you've got. The only person you can be is yourself, after all. I know you've probably heard all this before, but it's true. After all, whose life are you living?? It doesn't do to compare yourself to others who may be "hotter" or "younger" or whatever....just worry about yourself and try to be the best person you can be. We can't all be supermodels, but I think you'll find that 99% of the population ISN'T!!!! I find it interesting that you say you feel less attractive etc on 'sites like this' as opposed to out in the community. For me it's the opposite. I sometimes see those glamazon girls who are half my age with their perfect skin, amazing bodies and sky-scraper high heels and think I am an old ugly beast hahaha. Doesn't last long though. I am happy being me with what God gave me. I just try to do the best I can. xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Interesting and something that I have noticed too as a generalization of societal dictates...but then again, dictators are meant to be overthrown and usually not much effort is required if you challenge them. | The "beautiful people" will and have always been there...go back to say, the Roman Empire and have a look at who was beautiful then? They were replicated in stone and really, marble heads...so what's the difference now? I somehow think that there would have been a few ladies in waiting or peasants in the village that would have been a lot more fun...but then again, some of their friends were not all that hot either. Nero fiddling around when Rome went up in smoke and Julius? Talk about friends that would stab you in the back? | Pictures are nothing but pixels and shades of a few very select colours that the human eye can perceive and even our words sometimes don't tell the whole story. You are right...and I love it when someone reads a few lines in a profile and says "You are not my type" or better still when I pop open a personal gallery which, even though the pictures could be the ones I have shot by professionals for business reasons, are really quite deliberately crap. "Not my type"...thank you for thinning out the wheat from the chaff early on, it could have cost me a dinner out or worse, a few drinks and regrets in the morning. | The world is a funny place. I just sent an email to a friend that said "I will decide if and why I find you attractive because really, that is all that matters...how you see you and how I see you". Cowboy logic maybe...but really, who cares? | I am a confirmed believer in the 7 senses and only one of them is sight. Given the odds...I would rather rely on the the other 6 before making a call and misssing the chance to meet someone that maybe...just maybe, I really should have. | Enjoy the adventure...it's a journey not a destination.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' A persons inner pain should never be dismissed as 'feeling sorry' for oneself, or worthy of only contempt. The price to be paid for such attitudes is way, way to much. I was only talking about myself and my moods, not trying to say that 'feeling sorry' for oneself was what you displayed. but if you really do feel that you are that much on the outer or feeling low, a bit of a chat with your GP might be in order, they can look at your whole situation and advise if it's something to be concerned about. If it really bothers you, don't ignore it, it might be fixable. :) Best of luck to you babe xx Sarah.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sarah, thank you.. I know you weren't impuning me and Sarah, your words are wise. I have spoken to a GP and subsequently a counsellor. It's very hard with these feelings. To rationalize them is easy but to actually make the changes needed in ones intrinsic belief system is a whole lot harder. These feelings have been with me for years, to greater and lesser degrees. I keep waiting for the epiphany of self acceptance that many seem to achieve - and am optimistic that one day I will get there. I am diminished but not beaten by these feelings.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't think for one minute you sound at all sorry for yourself. Infact, your assessment of 'sites like this' suggested you are reflective, analytical and pretty observant. . In your second comment, you stray into self-perception and insecurities and this is an area that fascinates me. I consider myself to be very confident and fairly secure in my strengths and weaknesses. Its all ebbs and flows though, and occasionally hormones (at least for women) get thrown into the mix and the black and white can become grey. Some days, as curious says, it's really all about working with what you've got. . I have observed people close to me who, at face value, are gorgeous, extremely talented, very intelligent people, yet are riddled with insecurities and self doubt and have wondered how this can be. How can this person not see all that those around them can? The human being is a fascinating study in contradiction. And society is full of extremes, so I do agree that feeling marginalised in this community in particular is a very real possibility. However, be cautious in making the connection between aesthetics and perfection. All is not as it seems. People are more than the sum of their strengths. A personality, a whole person, is made up of a unique blend of strength and weakness and this is what makes someone who they are, along with the sum total of their experiences and the lessons they have learnt to get to where they are. . I also like what CM has said here with regard to finding someone attractive and his right to own that belief as something individually his. I also agree with what he said about people who save you time, effort and an investment of any kind by dismissing you, the package, on a very surface level rather than peeling back a few layers. It is not until you are few levels down that a persons true character becomes apparent. Thanks for starting an interesting thread
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'flirty_bi_fem' People are more than the sum of their strengths. A personality, a whole person, is made up of a unique blend of strength and weakness and this is what makes someone who they are, along with the sum total of their experiences and the lessons they have learnt to get to where they are. . | If this just happened to be the Australian Open...you would have just hit an ace for the winner and walking away with the cup. | Well spoken.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Check out Cambalam1987, he is looking for someone whose beauty comes from within, ya neva know...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Crackup, now reading your second post has alarm bells ringing for me. Again your profile shows a taste of an insightful and no doubt caring person. We can all look at ourselves in a good light and a critical light but these views can be healthy or unhealthy and I think you're being unhealthily critical of yourself. I deal intimately with people's psychology every day and reading what you have said I think you need to seek some help and don't feel bad about it. Too many people carry around burdens that they are too embarrassed to seek help, there's such a stigma with seeking help for your mind. If your body is causing you pain you go to a doctor right? Well same thing with your mind. Avoiding things and that's how lovely people like the one you described end up taking their own life. So DO IT, pick up the phone and make an appointment with your regular GP or contact Beyond Blue. Make a start, it's the hardest bit of the journey. Oh and not knowing what you don't like physically it's hard to advise but most things can be tweaked so ask the GP if they can help or join an active hobby or gym or whatever. Feeling low is a vicious cycle and leads to deeper depression and the hole only gets harder to get out of. Endorphins are the happy drug you need, now sex is great for them but any regular exercise that leaves you sweating will produce those natural happy drugs as well. Oh and if situations make you feel worse, avoid them, so if this place shits you then give it a rest. Just read Jean's comment and have a laugh before you go! xxx Mr "know it all" Pup :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hello PuppyHow do you fix a broken mind? When your eye looks at yourself and see's only the flaws and ugly bits and when your cognizant brain 'knows' that they are the parts that the rest of the world see to but are just to polite to say? How do you fix that? Don't get me wrong - I"m not on suicide watch or anything. I have a life i.e. family, etc and I function normally within that realm but my inner feelings about myself and my physical being when I scrutinize them, are exactly as I have stated previously. I just want what other people seem to have achieved .. a sense of acceptance of oneself. I don't meant to be disrespectful of your profession, I know they do wonderful things but can they change a belief system?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp'I wish people could see inside me - the pain I feel with regard to these things and the self loathing that lurks every time I catch sight of myself in the mirror or shop window. I know it's not healthy...I wish I knew how to stop feeling so low about myself. A persons inner pain should never be dismissed as 'feeling sorry' for oneself, or worthy of only contempt. The price to be paid for such attitudes is way, way to much | On rare occassions, I don't mind stepping out from behind some of the many masques that we all wear on any number of forum sites, including this one. For me, there is indeed "Life Before and After RHP" and I dp comment on many sites in the guises of the various masques that I wear. | On two occassions, I have been very close to very beautiful people who have done or tried exactly what you have described in your friend, the escape of suicide. The first was in my youth. An incredible young woman...beautiful, educated and gifted with many talents. No one knew...until we read the very long note that she had left, what was behind the masque. The other, someone that was in the the early stages of diagnosed clinical depression...tried a combination of alcohol and a full box of a fortunately low dose sleeping pill. Her young son, then only 8...found her and cried out for help. She was barely conscious...he stood squarely at attention with a few tears running down his little face as together, we managed to talk to 000 and resuscitate his mother. Throughout this, he only broke rank a few times to whisper "Please don't let my mummy die"...and then broke down in my arms as she was rushed to the hospital. | They now lead a happy life together...she is under the care of a very good specialist psychologist and medicates daily with both a median dose of an SSRI prescription and a mild sedative to relieve anexiety. The little boy...happy and carefree, with more strength and love in his little heart that most adult that I know. To this day, I tell him when I see him that he is indeed one of my true life heroes. He laughs now...and just says "W did what we had to do, didn't we, sir." | You see, both of these wonderful human beings suffered from a physiologically based disorder (disease if you like) that they could not control nor were responsible in any way for it's presence in their lives...no more so than a than any one else with a disease has a choice or is responsible for having it. It just is...and the only responsibility that any of us may have is to seek out the help that is there and be willing to accept that there are people who care and can help. What I have written here....is in no way about me, it's just about other human beings that may just understand and even though I don't know you, caresabout other human beings that are walking this planet and not liking the footprints they are leaving. | And as for FBF and Puppy...ladies if I may, I would like to add you to my ever growing list of everyday heroes. There are a lot of you out there and even though I really don't know either of you well at all either...I am happy to know you are there. | I will leave this now...and maybe one day will get to know all of you. It would indeed be my pleasure.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Our profiles on here are an advertisement. Nobody ( well...no one in thier right mind anyway) is going to put up a picture taken first thing in the morning with a bad hair day and a shocking hang over. Most of us are putting up our best features and sometimes this can take many pics to get it just right. Of course there are the odd few people that do seem to have it all but that is only the appearance of pictures. These can be illusions at best. I suggest that you go to a few drinks nights, meet some of the regulars and find that we are just normal people the same as you. We do not all possess beautiful bodies, beautiful faces. Most of us have just leaned to put our best foot forward, so to speak, and you have no need to feel marginalised at all. Confidence is the key. Make the best of what you have and work with it. Be proud of who you are and hold your head up high. We are all beautiful in ways that are uniquely ours.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have to agree with Pups here, some help sounds like it is needed. Do yr best to get some and learn to like/love yrself for who and what you are and make other peoples opinions secondary. . . Relating back to the original question though, I have found that the opposite applies crackup. . 99 % of the people on here, when met face to face are average, you would pass them in the shops or at a hotel with no second glance at all. I think the compliments and adulation given are giving some of us a false sense of beauty? That may not be the right word, when we all have beauty with in and with out. . Maybe the compliments come from knowing the inner beauty of a person? Or from certain camera angles that hide our flaws? . Horny young men, and not so young, commenting on our physical appearance is likely a reflection of their desires than our beauty more often than not. Dont take this as me saying we are all unattractive please, but join in the happy band of the "I may not be the most beautiful but damn Im still as good and lovable as any" . Stop and remember, beauty fades personality does not. GL xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't really have any other words than to say 'thank you'. Sarah, for your kind words, and sharing your own personal insights. Puppy, your professional and sage advice - Mrs Puppy is a lucky woman, Midnight - a compassionate and witty man, thank you for your post. GL and FB again, two ladies that show great maturity and strength of character and self belief, thank you for the value of your views also.I never really ever thought of myself as needing 'help' as such. You go about your life and I just thought everybody had demons or dark places like mine. And I also kind of thought, as I got older, that these dark places would recede and become less important but alas, as I venture travel through my middle years, they seem to be gather more force and malignantly colour my view of myself. I know it pains those who love me to hear me when I say these things, sometimes to the point they lose patience with me. It is then I feel at my darkest, to stretch the patience of those you love to such a point where they get angry with you, is a place of both guilt and devastation.As an aside, I must thank RHP too for allowing this post to become public. I hope that in discussing my issues, that others who suffer from similar or other forms of what I guess u can consider illness are also encouraged to talk about their feelings.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' I keep waiting for the epiphany of self acceptance that many seem to achieve - and am optimistic that one day I will get there. I am diminished but not beaten by these feelings. for me there was no sudden epiphany, acceptance came long after i started to make myself work for it, and as determined as i was to get there, it wasn't the most direct path. I had to (figuratively) kick my own ass a few times to keep moving forward and it was quite a gradual process.. That optimism you have is a powerful thing, and i find it heartening to read that you won't let it beat you, just keep on working on it, and celebrate your small successes. Even some progress is better than none :)xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
You know instead of focusing/obsessing about your flaws in the mirror, you could maybe look at the things you do like about yourself. Find the positive instead of the negative. Weather it be the curve of an eyebrow, the length of your eyelashes, the shape of your mouth...the flaws you find on yourself at not necessarily flaws someone else will pick up unless you point them out.When I was younger I really didn't like my body, definitely hated my boobs. Sex was in the dark or creatively covered up. But you know what...what is the point? The body I have is the body I have. If someone doesn't like it well I figure it is their loss. My body is capable of giving great pleasure and receiving it too. Yes I could probably obsess with dieting like my mother has for pretty much all her life, I could be anally-retentive like my size 6 sister who is soooooo up tight I think its only the tension holding her together. Personally, I would rather just be happy. There are men and women out there who enjoy my lush curves and like my boobs. ( I have very large areola, which used to embarrass me no end, now I figure, hey if I was in a line up, they'd definitely be able to pick mine out in a line up! They're unique!) There are people out there who enjoy and love my body type and there are those who don't. Everyone has a type and I bet you're someone's type too!Look at all the pretty celebs, Jennifer Aniston in particular, who wouldn't like to 'do' her? (Ok I can hear the groans of "NO not me'). Yet she is mostly single. Look at the celebrity divorce rate and I bet it had nothing to do with looks, more about inward beauty, (or lack there of), and attitude. NO one is perfect, its the differences that make it all fun.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I was told for 15 years how useless and fat and ugly I was. After a while you actually start to believe this sort of psycological abuse. It takes a long time to accept that we are beautiful people. I still see ugly and fat in the mirror when I walk past but at least now I can tell myself it is an illusion. Too many kids have told me they love me. Too many people ring me every day, too many tell me how much I mean to them. Depression is an illness and nothing to be ashamed of. It is usually a chemical imbalance of the brain and a simple trip to the doctors can make a world of difference to your life. Often we go through life not even recognising that we need this help, that we have these problems until it is too late. Many people who do suffer from this are so adept at hiding it from thier family and friends that when the crunch comes, everyone is astounded that they never knew. The self loathing is something that you need to work through. Only you know why you feel that way but others can help you to see how wrong it is. As you venture through your middle years, the hormonal imbalances gets greater and the dark places get darker without the help you need. Please seek this help. Your GP is the first place you need to go and if you need to talk privately, please dont hesitate to message me.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Addressing issues of the mind carries waaaaay too much negative stigma. A healthy body needs exercise and if you go see a professional physiologist then you'll get better results. The mind is exactly the same. The shitter is there are quality professionals and then there are crap ones. Crack don't look at yourself negatively thinking "you need help", we ALL need help! Some of us are lucky enough to garner it from those we know, some of us find it better to get it from a stranger, it's all good! I'm only on the outer of this mind field, it's not my profession but my profession demands I be pretty good at it (mainly because our health system as a whole is absolutely crap at it). As I'm sure you know the people out there that SEEM to have it all together are usually compensating and hiding their gremlins. I know a number of people that SO have their shit together mentally and every one of them is not the person you'd pick out on the street. Depression is something most people have to deal with apart from the very luck (and very few), I think it's more common than not (so does your average GP who has most of their patients on antidepressants) but it's not addressed (drugs mask problems and at best give temporary relief). Accept that you have these feelings, accept that they also allow you to be a more empathetic person too. Accept that loved ones will feel like they can't help and it'll frustrate them, don't beat yourself up about it just thank them and show them heaps of love when you're "up". Oh I just read Fiona's last response, she's correct but PLEASE don't ONLY take drugs, they can help get you over a hump but they are severely flawed as long term treatment, they MUST be used along side cognitive behavioural treatment. Best of luck.
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RHP User
15 years ago
We have the Mr Pup who is a health professional and while I am usually anti mainstream medicine he is right!!! * I was lucky years ago to come into contact with a lovely lady from over East who knew of the " share the love campaign" now defunct from the searching I have done. Louise L Hay seems to come very close to the same philosophy. * Jo emanated this aura of love for everyone and everything, it is/was contagious. Time spent with her made me feel loved,valued and appreciated. Her house had small post it note size stickers all over it reminding us to share the love,bright colourful posters, positive affirmations that everyone and everything was worth loving. I think to this day her values affected and coloured my view of myself and of others. * Some may find Louise L Hay's readings a little over the top and too hippy ish, but if one person can learn to love themselves from her work its worth it. * "I love and accept myself the way I am and I love and accept others in the same way" "Everyone I come into contact with appreciates me for the wonderful person that I am" And while some may view you a crack pot, as least you are a happy loved and loving crackpot xxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
hey how are ya this is too hard without paying cash if you wanna chat via cam and know how you wont be disappointed... by the way omg your ass is perfect
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RHP User
15 years ago
I agree. It is more than just the drugs. It is a combination of things that bring about the change. The trip to the GP is only the beginning and he / she will have a list of people you can try for the correct help. It is a matter of finding a compatable one. The correct diet and excersize are the other edge to the sword.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I was told tonight that I look grumpy... and anyone who knows me really well, knows that the mechanism that Ive relied on in recent years to get passed that condition was to go to the gym... so he says... "You need to go to the gym"... now... he meant that I need to go to gym because he knows the dopamines from exercise improves my mood... but standing there wearing nothing but a bath towel and currently carrying 12 kg above my "sexy man" weight... true 12kg is not beyond reproach but that advice really didn't cheer me up at all. I know gym is the cure for me, not for the 12kg but for the dopamines... but I don't want to be told that. I'm going to wallow in self pity and another bag of jelly snakes for a few more days yet, I feel. I know I shouldn't.. but that's the way it is sometimes. Tomorrow is yet another day.. maybe it will be better.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
The sad truth is though - I am a size 12. I eat well. I exercise regularly. I have lost upwards of 12 kilos in the past 14 months. I did all these things, thinking they would empower me. Usually, when you listen to other peoples story's - they do. But in reaching these goals, it has just made me more unhappy with my other perceived faults. Like in doing that..it's not good enough..I am not good enough. I have a sense of what perhaps, an anorexic person feels. When they look in the mirror and see the distorted image of grotesque obesity - an object of loathsomeness. It is a mind thing - as many of you have pointed out. You can shift kilo's, you can drop a dress size, you can take as many lovers as you care but until you can learn to love yourself, it is of empty worth.
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RHP User
15 years ago
A wise woman I met on here told me one day "It's not the Olympics Mark" Continually comparing yourself can be a dangerous path to go down when it comes to your own mental health. It actually would be a form of self torture if you get good at it enough! As my sexual power and strength weakens and it will and has already I am spending more time and effort into other things that give me pleasure and satisfaction. That isn't self satisfaction by the way... ok so on the odd occasion:) Luckily for me I have a geeky side to myself and since I have lived in Australia have new fun interests other than needing someone replying to a message or telling me I am great or funny or nice or whatever. We all need some positive feedback and acknowledgement that we exist on the planet so if you are not getting that from rhp then I would be looking at developing other interests and hobbies that give you that feeling of success in whatever form that takes. In some ways different areas of our lives are like a game, if you know the rules of the game and how it is played then you have an advantage. Or at the very least you will understand why things are they way they are...
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' The correct diet and excersize are the other edge to the sword. Spot on Fionabee!!! Get out, get walking with funky music! I have found that the times when I have hit rock bottom, those dorphin thingos are what gets you back on an even keel! And afterwards I think to myself...why did I let it go on that long?? The only person who can get you out of a slump is yourself, props & drugs help you regain balance but only you can keep it there... . That said Crackup I do understand what you mean, when we troll on here we try to look for average people who might not be perfect but neither are we. But on our first night in a club we got pulled by the hottest (and lovliest) couple ever!! When I saw thier profile on here the next day I was gobsmacked because I would have never in 1000 years expected them to be interested in us! Sometimes if you are not photogenic its better to head to a meet n greet where you are animated & send out those sexy woman vibes! . What was it someone said a few weeks ago? Fake it til you make it! You ARE attractive. You ARE sexy. Men & women WILL want to sleep with you! Dont get me wrong its not easy, but there are good matches out there for everyone! . And yes our profile photos were the best of about 100! The first one which is pure cleavage in a blue corset was one of about 20. Hubby was so over it by the time we got the right angle, the right degree of 'push' & zoom. But its worth the effort! . . I hope you refind your mojo!
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have come to find that if the people you come into contact with day to day talk differently or just plain ignore you you must brush it off and remember there are 6 billion people out there so you can afford to ignore them and find the people who will be friendly and respect and like you for who you are.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'jun_fan'hey how are ya this is too hard without paying cash if you wanna chat via cam and know how you wont be disappointed... by the way omg your ass is perfect Thanks dude, but I am just not into you!! As for my arse... it took about 30 shots of me clenching, releasing... deciding 'do I want it with the carrot in.. or out'.. lean forward, or back a little... it was murder. I think the best part is you can't see how hungover and bloodshot my eyes are. I guess it's true.. sometimes beauty is found behind you.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' The sad truth is though - I am a size 12. I eat well. I exercise regularly. I have lost upwards of 12 kilos in the past 14 months. I did all these things, thinking they would empower me. Usually, when you listen to other peoples story's - they do. But in reaching these goals, it has just made me more unhappy with my other perceived faults. Like in doing that..it's not good enough..I am not good enough. I have a sense of what perhaps, an anorexic person feels. When they look in the mirror and see the distorted image of grotesque obesity - an object of loathsomeness. It is a mind thing - as many of you have pointed out. You can shift kilo's, you can drop a dress size, you can take as many lovers as you care but until you can learn to love yourself, it is of empty worth. As I think I was saying... it's not about the kilograms... it's about the dopamines. Looking inwards or backwards at yourself is rarely rewarding in my opinion. Our bodies are simple chemical machines with energy in and energy out...... a chemical imbalance can cause us to be in a depressed state and dopamines are the body's version of a happy pill which we get naturally from ...errr.. laughter... great company.... sex .... or exercise for example.... and being neither up or down creates inner peace and harmony.... so meditation is also a useful trick that you can do by yourself.... of course, if you feel particularly low... knowing that logically your perceptions are being distorted, there's nothing wrong with seeing your doctor who may decide to prescribe something to help bring some stability to your chemical imbalance until the exercise, meditation and healthy living.. and laughing ... take effect.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Jean_Girard' I guess it's true.. sometimes beauty is found behind you. You better believe it, sugarlips. :pHugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp'Hello PuppyHow do you fix a broken mind? When your eye looks at yourself and see's only the flaws and ugly bits and when your cognizant brain 'knows' that they are the parts that the rest of the world see to but are just to polite to say? How do you fix that? Don't get me wrong - I"m not on suicide watch or anything. I have a life i.e. family, etc and I function normally within that realm but my inner feelings about myself and my physical being when I scrutinize them, are exactly as I have stated previously. I just want what other people seem to have achieved .. a sense of acceptance of oneself. I don't meant to be disrespectful of your profession, I know they do wonderful things but can they change a belief system? Hun, I feel for you and I too have been where you are at the moment. But, I got through it...YOU HAVE TO...for you mainly...bugger everyone else! You have to change your belief system for you and you only. You cannot look to the outside world to get self validation or to feel that you are acceptable, even a little! For example...If finding a man/woman and having that person give you attention makes you feel good about yourself...then you are doing it all wrong! (I am not saying you are like this...but you will be surprised how many people cannot function without a "relationship" in their lives) Quoting 'CrackUp'The sad truth is though - I am a size 12. I eat well. I exercise regularly. I have lost upwards of 12 kilos in the past 14 months. I did all these things, thinking they would empower me. Usually, when you listen to other peoples story's - they do. But in reaching these goals, it has just made me more unhappy with my other perceived faults. Like in doing that..it's not good enough..I am not good enough. I have a sense of what perhaps, an anorexic person feels. When they look in the mirror and see the distorted image of grotesque obesity - an object of loathsomeness. It is a mind thing - as many of you have pointed out. You can shift kilo's, you can drop a dress size, you can take as many lovers as you care but until you can learn to love yourself, it is of empty worth. Good news: YOU CAN LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF! There is a fantastic book out in the book stores called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L Hay! I have recommended this book to alot of people and the ones that have actually read the book and applied it have contacted me back to say that the book made such a difference in their lives! Go and buy the book hun or borrow it from your Library (although some Libraries have a long waiting list for the book)...I recommend that you start at the back of the book by reading the authors story...this will make you see that she is not unlike what you and I and many other people are dealing with! < Have you tried a Gratitude Journal? You write down 5 things that you are grateful for that day...doesn't have to be major things...It can even be the fact that you heard birds singing that day or about the weather or your car or whatever! Some days it will be near impossible to get 5 things...and other days you won't be able to stop! Being positive is what it is about in the end...and yes, having been negative most of my life...I still did it! < Saying to yourself "Love is Everywhere and I am Loving and Loveable"...is way more powerful than "I hate myself no wonder no one likes me"! You CAN change that negative thought pattern...you really can hun...I believe in you! Maddalena aka xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
The comments here have been varied and great - I believe you must be in acceptance of yourself. While MrTy is a bit of a rugged cut in pixels, once you met him it is a totally different experience. I am (Mrs Ty) have the body and looks but we feel many couples dismiss our advances purely on his initial picture alone and this only tells us that they are only interested in what turns them on in the first instance and not really interested in meting the person. That's Ok with us as we are all different. We have had some of the BEST meets and parties with people who would never be called or categorised as beautiful people but as people they are absolute stunners and sexual wonders.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Crackup you can see by the number of replies that many people have fought and still fight the demons that have got you too. I'd dare to say having these demons is more "normal" than not having them. Even our King of Fun, Stalky let's you have a peek at his dark side! Crack, how about you get rid of the 86 and fess up to your age - this 86 is another negative vibe (unless you are actually 86!). Now someone was telling me the other day about the most simple form of meditation that the Balinese practice: Close your eyes and just smile! How simple is that? You can actually stimulate happy vibes by having happy expressions so when you feel low; find a quiet, comfy place; sit down, close your eyes and force yourself to smile. Sheesh I've just solved the worlds problems; all we need to do is round up all world leaders and religious leaders and send them for permanent "smile surgery"!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Oh just a comment on mainstream v's alternative medicine. It is VERY, VERY dangerous to be "anti-mainstream" medicine and the same can be said of being "anti-alternative" medicine. Generally people who choose to devote their life to any health based vocation are doing it as they want to make people's lives better. Yes there's big business making shit loads of money out of it, think drug companies yes? But also think vitamin companies too - there's big dollars on both sides! Now in all fields there are egos that think they are right and everyone else is wrong and no where is the effect more devastating than health care. I despise any so called "professional" that advises a patient to NOT seek treatment outside what that professional prescribes. There are many mainstream practitioners who fob off alternative medicine and are viewed as narrow minded. But in my experience the alternative medicine side is far more narrow-minded. I could nearly advertise my services as "holistic" but I never will as in my experience many of these holistic practitioners use this label to do less treatment, charge more for it and have less success. I offer an open mind, give treatment advice based on sound scientific principles and never disregard things I know nothing about. Of course I generalise, but I do so out of professional experience with both sides. My general advice is: Find a GP who cares and has an open mind and if you seek alternative treatment be very aware of those who are against the mainstream - if they care and they know their stuff they will know their limitations.
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RHP User
15 years ago
God/buddha some one bless the choices we have in health practioners, the abilty to search out the best in each modality and to heal, become whole and healthy. Lets hope that as we grow and learn so does each side of the medical coin. * I am thankful I have a GP that recognises I prefer less reliance on pharmaceuticals. I am glad my homeopath acknowldges my GP is not a drug farmer and has a broad based knowledge of most health issues. In conjunction they work superbly well. * AS much as I have been horrified at pharmaceutical companies and doctors pushing medication, an article I was reading last week relating to vitamins and supplements totally apalled me to the stage the article was binned and considered by me to be utter trash. * I am glad I live in an age where I can make choices, based on research and learning and know which ever medicine one chooses for treatment and realise both can be less than ideal. * A husband treated for chronic pain and depression for 10 years with ms contin, rohypnol and pethidine on demand, as well as various other relaxants, then have the medications withdrawn, to suffer violent withdrawal symptons and be pumped full of haloperidol taught me in a very big hurry to question all decisions of all GP's and seek a consultants advice ASAP. GL
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RHP User
15 years ago
Dear Crackup?we are still waiting for at least a "thanks but no thanks" to both the flirt and our message?So we do wonder who is being marginalised??Guess its case of at least replying?You never know who you might find on the other end of the linepics never tell the whole story, but with and age stating 86 on your profileand no pic to even give anyone a clue, how do we even know your even a female profileOver the last few weeks caught out 5 couples profiles as being malesand suspect quite a few females are fakes too. After a while couples get very suspiciousof pic collectors and cheaters. NO wonder folk run out of patience here.our two bobs worth....LOL
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RHP User
15 years ago
When someone calls me "hot" or attractive my first reaction is to wonder what they are seeing that I don't. Since it does happen every now and again I can only assume that to some I am attractive but not necessarily everyone. I guess there may be some people turned off by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It is common for mates and I to disagree on how attractive someone is - I am sure the hot or not ratings are varied - except for some fundamental rules: Fit and healthy beats over or under weight. (many argue the sweet spot but thats fine) Prime of life 25 to 30 beats older and younger. The further away from that age the less likely you are to be considered sexually attractive. ie anyone at 25 is likely to be more attractive than anyone at 103. The older you get the more you appreciate that physical perfection is less relevant. (is that because we are more marginalised and more unlikely to be accepted or because we are wiser?) Symmetry counts - good teeth count (see fit and healthy) Personality counts - laid back optimists beat negative princesses (female and male) every time. The more average they are the prettier they are - eyes not too close, not too far apart, not too big, not too small, same for nose, mouth, ears, breasts, hips, etc. The prettier the person the more likely they are to be obsessed by their own percieved flaws - most others find the a flaw to be their best feature - tooth gap; mole; etc as true perfection can be a bit creepy. The more options we have and the less time to choose the more likely we are to go for pretty and healthy. Is it shallow of me to admit it?
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RHP User
15 years ago
It really is wonderful of people on here to offer such sound and profound insight. It heartens me greatly to read the responses herein. I'm really glad to that it's opened up the discussion of traditional medical treatment and or alternatives. I think both are valid and really applaud both sides that embrace the notion that the two can be used harmoniously and to great effect.Umm Human Bio - thank you for whipping me in public. I think my answer based on your attempt at shaming me in the open forum instead of talking to me personally, is a - thanks, but no thanks.. oh and I am a guy..just so you know.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'HumanBio101 and jun_fan'Not worth repeating. | I hope you don't take this reply en masse' as offensive but what if...just maybe, this is sincere and there are a few people here that have an understanding of this type of psychological condition, it's depth and the potential outcomes? Sure, there are enough fruit loops on this site to fill a large family size cereal box...but what if, and what if even if there was a 99% chance you happen to be right...or even marginally humourous?| I personally would not like to be the 1% factor in the equation...would you?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' It really is wonderful of people on here to offer such sound and profound insight. It heartens me greatly to read the responses herein. I'm really glad to that it's opened up the discussion of traditional medical treatment and or alternatives. I think both are valid and really applaud both sides that embrace the notion that the two can be used harmoniously and to great effect.Umm Human Bio - thank you for whipping me in public. I think my answer based on your attempt at shaming me in the open forum instead of talking to me personally, is a - thanks, but no thanks.. oh and I am a guy..just so you know.Yep... doesn't surprise us at all that your a guy, and why shouldn't you be whipped in publicUMMMM.. HELLO we sent you messages YOU never replied so GO Figure?? HOW are we supposed to talk to you personally if you don't or won't have the manners to reply to messages....ANOTHER faker on RHP...GeeeezANOTHER female profile thats a male.... LOL
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RHP User
15 years ago
Dear Crack Up?How are we supposed to communicate with you personally (??????) when you don't replyto messages (HUH?). Maybe some manners in replying to messages would save youbeing whipped in public.Least everyone knows now your a guy (not that the 86 years old wasn't a clue)Another one for the block list?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hey HB, give her a break, if you can read she's likely not feeling her bubbly self at the moment so might have overlooked your message or maybe as she's a faceless 86yo woman that could be a man she's been inundated by so many messages from all the kinky people out there that are into just that and she's lost you in the pile! Just my 2 bobs worth..with my tongue stuck where it usually is (that is in my cheek and not THAT cheek) :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'puppy' Hey HB, give her a break, if you can read she's likely not feeling her bubbly self at the moment so might have overlooked your message or maybe as she's a faceless 86yo woman that could be a man she's been inundated by so many messages from all the kinky people out there that are into just that and she's lost you in the pile! Just my 2 bobs worth..with my tongue stuck where it usually is (that is in my cheek and not THAT cheek) :)Mmmmm... well we get 20+ messages a week and still manage to answer them allyep... it probably a guys profile, sorry no tolerance for BS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Krissy xx I wish I could hug you because I sense from your words you have indeed been through the same..your note about the hairdresser..I can't bear to see myself in those mirrors - that echoed such a strong feeling for me. It is the most dreadful thing to have no 'self love' and to learn to do it..well as you say, baby steps and a long road.Midnight and Puppy - thank you for your defense. What lucky women to have you inhabiting their world - you are both intelligent and sensitive not like a certain boorish couple who seem to have a need to grind their axe on my wheel. God help the poor women they happen across who don't jump through said couples self appointed hoops - they seem to take great delight in public vilification. I almost wish I was a man...I would cheerfully like to smack them (or the author of the posts at least), in the mouth but enough wasted breath on paranoid couples thinking men lurk behind every female profile.I really want to keep this positive..thank you again to the wonderful caring majority who have commented and been so helpful.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'CrackUp' Krissy xx I wish I could hug you because I sense from your words you have indeed been through the same..your note about the hairdresser..I can't bear to see myself in those mirrors - that echoed such a strong feeling for me. It is the most dreadful thing to have no 'self love' and to learn to do it..well as you say, baby steps and a long road.Midnight and Puppy - thank you for your defense. What lucky women to have you inhabiting their world - you are both intelligent and sensitive not like a certain boorish couple who seem to have a need to grind their axe on my wheel. God help the poor women they happen across who don't jump through said couples self appointed hoops - they seem to take great delight in public vilification. I almost wish I was a man...I would cheerfully like to smack them (or the author of the posts at least), in the mouth but enough wasted breath on paranoid couples thinking men lurk behind every female profile.I really want to keep this positive..thank you again to the wonderful caring majority who have commented and been so helpful.LOL.... still no mention of your reasons to answer or even reply to messages hey?Guess basic manners not your forte"...So then the ethics here are to ignore messages...... typical !!!
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