F74
Do you judge a person by their posts?
March 17 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
well yea...of course people do...and to be honest, we find those who contribute intelligently and pasionately much more interesting than those who respond with jokes, sarcasm or insult....you know the ones...they cant write a serious response without making sideways sarcastic comments at the same time......some of the most passionate debates here have been with people who have since become 'friends'......including those, whose points of view have been diametrically opposed to our own....thats the nature of friendships......some of our 'friends' on the outside would both shock and surprise people who we interact with in these forums.... but that goes for most of us i think......
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RHP User
14 years ago
When it comes down to it, words can mean little, or nothing at all, in the face of our actions.What we do and how it is done can give meaning to our words or give lie to them.I try not to judge people on words alone, especially the written word.A phone conversation works better as it is 'free form', in real time and carries emotional signals.Even after speaking 'face to face' many will not live up to their words while others exceed them.In the end - 'We are what we do, not what we say'
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RHP User
14 years ago
Yes, I've passed a few judgements on other posters, generally based on the manner in which they express themselves. Then there are several others who, while we've disagreed, I can tell that I'm argueing with intelligent people and I don't resent them holding an opposing veiw. I expect that I'm a little harder to pin down then most. I can be flippant, deliberately antagonistic, supportive, introspective, critical, all depending on my mood or the topic under discussion.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sometimes I get annoyed by people's opinions, and sometimes I am goaded into some kind of fruckas. I can be that way with my longest held friends so it usually does no more than get my guard up. I'm struggling to think of anyone I dislike because of their posts though. I'm sure face to face, we're more complete if I can put it that way.... Anyway, I gym in the morning surf in the afternoon and try to reduce my stress levels in the interim.... so if you stress me. You catch more flies with honey... or whatever the saying is. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
For what it's worth it seems to me that this forum is a little like a village.There are the long term residents,the new arrivals,and the people passing through.I find it endlessly fascinating . Unless people here are totally disingenuous then of course whatever they say reveals something about them,might be their lifestyle choices,their personal politics,,their favourite rants ,their kindness to a fellow postee offering condolence and advice....this I have learned in just over two weeks. Whether we like to admit it or not,we all judge based on the information we receive,and sometimes we might be spot on and other times the opposite may be true.Until, and if we meet in person it is at best a two dimensional image we are engaging with. Sometimes it's clear whether or not people have met in person,by following the more interactive posts and I confess iit makes me feel a little voyeuristic but who cares. I will often look at someones profile if what they have posted intrigues me and some of you I would love to meet over a glass of wine it's true, and other's not. x H
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RHP User
14 years ago
hard not to judge at first i think, it's hard wired in us humans...... the challenge is to rewire those 'reactive' thought patterns in our brains, that takes practice..... however when we only have words from a post to go off, our sensory perception is limited..... it's only guess work really. things might be different in person, or worse. haha..... 'predictable posts'.... from the angry one's you mean??? obviously their not getting enough kisses and cuddles 'bitter pills' i only stock 'happy pills'
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RHP User
14 years ago
Yes, there are predictable posters....there are those who are relatively objective and those who are rather bitter about one thing or another. Do I sound/read better or worse online? I've no idea, I should probably ask some people I've met.And true, some of the people I've come to like or befriend on here have opinions which are awfully different to my own. It's all about how the point is made and how it is argued.
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RHP User
14 years ago
To be honest, I'm not sure it really matters. To me, the forums are a show of the diversity of the people living this 'lifestyle' and regardless of how judgemental, predictable, informative, amusing, sensitive posts can be, surely what matters is that people are contributing in the first place.I think we all have something to offer and without all those variations, it wouldn't be half as fun. And do I form judgements? Not really, but I suppose it does make me think about the possible reasons for strong opinions. Beyond that, mostly, I just see healthy sharing of thoughts and beliefs.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Words at times, are so ineffective.....and in cyber land..well we can be whoever we want to be, behind our computer monitor....some us are brave enough to share a part of ourselves honestly when posting.. and others Im sure have a completely different persona....who knows...until you meet offline......all I know in this little village....there are so pretty interesting, brave, funny, intelligent, people out there in RHP land with fabulous stories to tell and I enjoy being here and reading of their experiences By nature though people are judgemental...some more than others.....we make judgements on people within seconds of meeting them....yet at times we can be wrong...it depends whether you misjudgement bothers you or not and whether you wish to pursue it further........my own personal experience is that you never truly know anyone until a) your breaking up with them or b) you are in a crisis - I mean a real crisis and their true nature comes to the for....... In answer to your specific questions TR.... Of course some people are bitter, just as some people are happy, angry, in love, horny, sad, lonely etc...we come from our own perspectives and experiences and it would be fair to say, based on our lifes journey that naturally some forums will touch us personally ..nothing wrong with that..... as a result of this and of sharing and reading other posts I have met some great friends via the forums because the persons postings has intrigued me and Ive been honored to be able to meet some people in real life (yourself included) and even though we may have opposing views on some subjects thats what makes us interesting and diverse and I like to think I am open minded to have my thought processes challenged, ( as you and I have had some very interesting discussions) however, no one is rite or wrong...we just are... Predictability in posting - If a post in specifically about cheating partners for instance, I will be predictable in my posting because of my own experiences....if the posting is about euthansia, based on my profession I will be predicatable however my personal experience on that subject will be dramatically different.........should I apologise for my views ? ..no....and I wouldnt want anyone to apologise for their thoughts or feelings either, but I do detest name calling or deragatory comments and cruelty.. . Im not put off by contacting people about their posts..some I might not agree with but I can appreciate a well thought out and intelligently argued post....and I have contacted people accordingly....people intrigue me....and Im always interested in what motivates them and like other posters Id like to think I can be open to the sharing of alternative thoughts and beliefs...take from it what I think I can use and let the rest go..... At the end of the day its all about being comfortable with who you are..and as you have taught me my good friend TR, pay it forward...as great kindness has been shown to me of recent weeks...I hope a time comes soon, that I can pay that kindness forward to someone else.....because ultimately, thats what counts...being kind to yourself and others...
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RHP User
14 years ago
Words are thoughts expressed outwardly. . Words are dense - Thoughts span time and space. Have you ever wondered what the 'Speed' of a thought may be? . Have you ever had a 'Point of view', and been able to 'Drop' your point of view? . People on these here forums are who they are. And we all have to be something...Right?
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RHP User
14 years ago
Occasionally I am moved either by the rhetoric or the pretty pictures to check out the profile of a forum contributor. It is not unusual to find that the impression given by the profile differs wildly from that on the forums and vice versa. Weird.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Your posts seem completely congruous with your profile pic. No, no, that's a good thing, ...honest.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...that one day I shall be the member of an adult website where i will not be judged on the colour of my forum posts but on the content of my private gallery! It's fair enough to use the forums to get an idea about other people but try to remember all the posts and not just one bad one. We can all have off days.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' Your posts seem completely congruous with your profile pic. No, no, that's a good thing, ...honest. Actually I'm friendlier in real life. Really!
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RHP User
14 years ago
none at all .. but each to thier own
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think people occassionally get the wrong idea about me. I am shy and fairly quiet in real life I think, the Italian temper doesn't come out that often these days. I have mellowed with age. But it's hard to know how others perceive you. ;-) Meeks xx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'meet2plzu' Quoting 'Meeka100' I have mellowed with age. mellowed with age? whatever could you mean? i thought you weren't a day over 30!
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RHP User
14 years ago
I would have said "25" for extra brownie points.
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RHP User
14 years ago
"I am a goddess, who is ten feet tall," well that would put my face level with your,......Mmmmmm
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903'"I am a goddess, who is ten feet tall," well that would put my face level with your,......Mmmmmm ohhh baby my kind of man
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RHP User
14 years ago
Aren't most people multi faceted? I sort of assume so, or at least give the benefit of doubt and reassess as time goes on- I am judgemental but in an open way- Some people write things off straight away on very little info and never think twice- I can't help it....!Analogy- If I met a new a burger shop that did a bad chip I would take note what day what time maybe it's the cook not the ingredients, maybe it's the ingredients and not the cook- they might change them down the track- Did I wait at the counter like I was in a hurry- I like to give my chip cooker space to do their best lol or take too long to pick them up? I seek to make a learned assessment. I would still try a burger- may be the best ever... I don't judge a burger maker on their chips :) Maybe they are new and ironing out the wrinkles- I would try the chips again and give the menu several chances and different opportunities in varying circumstances before I conclude anything and even if I wrote it off it's just my opinion, based on my experience- but I know a good chip IMHO ;)Aren't most people a bit of everything wrapped up into 1 confusing and interesting ball of polarities, or is it just me?I thought I was like most people to varying degrees? Sometimes- smart ,funny, silly, dynamic, fun, giving, sharing, kind, happy, open minded, pleasing, active, rational, confident. hopeful, tolerant, considerate, sophisticated, sensible, thorough etc.But that doesn't mean I am not at times-dumb, serious, humourless, static, boring, needy, greedy, mean, sad, narrow, annoying, lazy, unreasonable, insecure, doubting, criticizing, thoughtless, naive, foolish, careless etc.I like to try to and bring out the best in people and myself so the positive's outweigh the negatives even and especially if it's a bad week, month, year, life.Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Peoples posts can tell u alot about a person! For instance if my friends were to come on this site, they would be able to spot my profile and posts a mile away, even without the username or pics. I think I represent my self pretty damn accurately. And if people don't like who I am or my posts, don't get snipey, just move the fk on :) Tuscanred- I am a goddess, who is ten foot tall, bullet proof and has ten Ph.D. in bullshit.... Yeah and I'm a virgin:D well, half virgin at least;)
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think I'd really enjoy your Berger Cass. Great attitude. Hugs Stalky
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RHP User
14 years ago
Some of us like to watch, some like to show off, and some like a bit of both.Not sure 'judge' is the right word, but I definitely form opinions based on peoples words.But it's only part of the picture. There's also the photos and the profile, and there's the firm knowledge that not only is the written word easily misinterpreted, but that what we see here is only a small part of the whole.Some people write well (and I do like that), but some dont and yet still have very interesting opinions and information to share.So no judgement, but definitely interesting to the voyeur in me.Write in txt speak however and I will assume you are an idiot. Np on ur ph, not here pls m8.Mr Chick.
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QLDtwo4fun
14 years ago
I enjoy the variety of views and comments, particularly some of the witty comments from some of the regular posters. Whilst I don't always agree with them, there is a handful of posters who I reckon would make an entertaining dinner party group, and as a bonus just think of the dessert.
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RHP User
14 years ago
If anything it edges towards positive because of the careful consideration part :) Used as a verb it is about forming opinions and estimations and used as a noun it is about assessing worth/quality- see below 2 very different things. People just think it's a bad word because it can be used in a negative context and because one could be and lots are often wrong in there opinions/judgements.Jensman this is one of those, words here I go... ;) Because the word 'assumption' is thrown in there in the informal sense of the word- there are negative connotations attached. This is an example of what I meant in your post about words- To make things worse for this rather benign word, one of it's synonyms (words of same or nearly the same meaning) is 'critic'- which is a 'fault finder' and in 1 sense has the negative connotations of 'arrogance' but then same like heaps of words in this convoluted language it also has a completely differing sense- 'accepting something unprovable as true' with no mention of arrogance- (that's is simply forming an opinion- like the 1st sense of the word judge) I said it was contradicting I think a better way to describe it is inconsistent and undermining. Fault finding/ criticising are not in the definition of judge in the true sense of the word perhaps like a 4th cousin twice removed but ffs. To me a considered assessment is weighing up all the info not limited just to qualitative data and certainly not limited to faults because to carefully determine the quality of something you have to look at the pro's and con's not just faults.Cass xxx cursed a pedant in a ridiculously ambiguous language.judge (jj)v. judged, judg·ing, judg·esv.tr.1. To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration: judge heights; judging character.2.a. Law To hear and decide on in a court of law; try: judge a case.b. Obsolete To pass sentence on; condemn.c. To act as one appointed to decide the winners of: judge an essay contest.3. To determine or declare after consideration or deliberation.4. Informal To have as an opinion or assumption; suppose: I judge you're right.5. Bible To govern; rule. Used of an ancient Israelite leader.v.intr.1. To form an opinion or evaluation.2. To act or decide as a judge.n.1. One who judges, especially:a. One who makes estimates as to worth, quality, or fitness: a good judge of used cars; a poor judge of character.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx' Cass xxx cursed a pedant in a ridiculously ambiguous language.but not sure I would call you 'pedantic' either. I prefer anal, it just somehow feels right in our ambiguous world.Mr C
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thing is I am not such a fan of the definition- I try not to be annoying to my detriment :P I care about communication and how much time and energy is wasted every minute with arguments over words that are misconstrued because of perpetuated misconceptions and pure lingual laziness.Anal retentive-I looked it up, being so overly concerned with book learning as I am ;) funny- that's the definition of pedantic :) wish more people used their dictionaries in general.The term anal-retentive (also anally retentive), commonly abbreviated to anal,<1> is used conversationally to describe a person who pays such attention to detail that the obsession becomes an annoyance to others, potentially to the detriment of the anal-retentive person. a·nal-re·ten·tive (nl-r-tntv)adj. PsychologyIndicating personality traits, such as meticulousness, avarice, and obstinacy, originating in habits, attitudes, or values associated with infantile pleasure in retention of faeces.WTF!!! Ha- I am at least not 'clinically' anal retentive I use an enema !Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
A fastidious girl who loves anal Cass, and surely everyone loves a cunning linguist with a penchant for precision.Cheers,Mr Chick
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RHP User
14 years ago
Thanks.Geez words get me wet! Fastidious, cunning, penchant.......No more foreplay necessary- except for sheer indulgence. Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
I still judge people more on their forum posts than their profile.
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RHP User
14 years ago
So cheers for that - interesting read
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RHP User
14 years ago
Goodness, we all have to judge others based on something, surely? While I'm deeply committed to the idea of being non-judgmental as a person, I don't think that's the same as not taking in the information someone presents to us - what they do, what they say etc - to assess whether we're likely to click with that someone. I'm here looking for people I might click with. I accept that along the way there'll be people I definitely don't click with. And then in the in-between space, there will be people that I can observe and appreciate without having any interest in them. And of course, the same would go for people's view of me. Judgment is fundamental to human nature. Acceptance is an art form.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I put up two posts recently to flush out a guy I had blocked, havjng suspected that he was viewing me again from a new or different user id....proved by the text messages he sent me within 5 minutes of each that correlated exactly to indicate having viewed such posts... Silly me, I could have avoided being naughty on here to find that out if I knew what I have only just found out...that there's this function on this new fangled piece of phone technology that allows me to block his calls at the least and possibly his texts.... LOL. So, I guess I could have been judged, directly of incorrectly, but at least I got to the bottom of it and located and blocked his extra id he had been viewing me from.
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RHP User
14 years ago
...to judge a pic and profile, rather than a stupid post thread. You can be a nasty piece of work in here, we can have a hellfight over your stream of failed relationship dramas or your jealousy over my near perfect spelling and grammar, but if you're smoking hot and I read that you like to be tied up, choked and peed on in the shower by a man in a gimp suit, with a ten inch dildo up your butt, lubed up in baby oil and smashed hard for hours, chances are I'll probably want you to come over. And if you shit me I'll gag you.Sometimes angry encounters are H O T! Take that! And that!!Ok I retract the "for hours" bit. I don't have that much hot water.RA
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RHP User
14 years ago
…well put it this way, I don't go round searching any more – to much of a meat market and false pictures of both genders - then folks like I and others the same with real pictures to stand up against the false ones is no hope – maybe due to false pictures is why so many don’t meet up I for one will meet any one for a coffee, even invite them round here (been slandered for saying that before but it is me as a person) as too the profiles, you’re not going to say any thing bad about your self ha the ones that say - my friends say - well if a friend...they won’t say any thing bad or they won’t be your friend sure as monkeys _ _ _ _ you won’t add it to your profile any way So yes I do take what is said in the forums more than what is said on ones profile …in the forum one can get annoyed about some thing or excited, aroused then the words used and or how they put forward there argument or feelings sheds far more light on the said person in real terms than what is said on there profile and no excuse for it you are the person behind your words like it or not!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Who gives a damn what others think when I write on the forums. But then I bet you all knew I was going to say that ay??? One thing I'll bet you didn't see coming though is since coming back I have noticed the new batch of ladies over 50 are boring as bat shit!!!! ....so did ya see that coming or not?? Hugs roxxy
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'RandomAgent' ...to judge a pic and profile, rather than a stupid post thread. You can be a nasty piece of work in here, we can have a hellfight over your stream of failed relationship dramas or your jealousy over my near perfect spelling and grammar, but if you're smoking hot and I read that you like to be tied up, choked and peed on in the shower by a man in a gimp suit, with a ten inch dildo up your butt, lubed up in baby oil and smashed hard for hours, chances are I'll probably want you to come over. And if you shit me I'll gag you.Sometimes angry encounters are H O T! Take that! And that!!Ok I retract the "for hours" bit. I don't have that much hot water.RA great way to voice your opinions - love it
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RHP User
14 years ago
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it. cavey omar wasn't one
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RHP User
14 years ago
And its many failings when used in haste, I'll stand by what I've written, and not worry too much as long as a semblance of sense still resides in it, and I afford others the same. I think we all have different facets, and non is perfect, glad I got rid of my stalker, and here's to you, ten foot tall goddess...I love reading your posts.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'roxxyrose' Who gives a damn what others think when I write on the forums. But then I bet you all knew I was going to say that ay??? One thing I'll bet you didn't see coming though is since coming back I have noticed the new batch of ladies over 50 are boring as bat shit!!!! ....so did ya see that coming or not?? Hugs roxxy No, roxxyrose ... didn't see that coming.Not sure whether to feel intimidated - generalisations about over-50s ladies. This Rox says to self: "Did she mean me? Boring as bat-shit?"The boring ones are the ones who don't contribute, or perhaps they are un-boring because they are toooo busy with their lives to read/respond to the forum pages ...(The other) Rox
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RHP User
14 years ago
Mostly what you see here is an on line persona. How can I possibly judge someone for a role they may or may not be playing at this moment in time? Any one who believes that what someone writes on this forum is the real person shining through has rocks in thier head. Yes the wrtiting style of an individual does not change as demonstrated when various long time profiles are closed and then come back a few months later. Everyone does remember them. Writing style however, is not personality. A few words on a computer monitor does not create intimacy...it is merely an illusion. Only what I want you to see.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Is that in my own mind I'm fabulously non-judgemental, insightful, witty and interesting. I form coherent sentences and I care a little bit about everyone. Occasionally I cringe when people turn on their 'angry font' and place a few unpleasant words together. Generally I enjoy the forums and once in a while I warm to particular inhabitants of Forumville. I like visiting here and i try not to get too bent out of shape if I don't agree.... xoxoxoxo
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RHP User
14 years ago
I come in the forums to read the views of others. I like the funny things people say to one another.as to negative posts and if they were to be directed at me,who cares. If someone is having a sad day let them vent,they obviously need to. when you meet face to face there is a difference,you say it as it is! Online you can edit before you post, hey and you even have spell check,and goggle to make you seem knowledgable.This isn't the real world and I am sure everyone is different coming from behind a Keyboard! Good book to read " Personality Plus" talks about the different personality traits and helps you understand that everyone has good in them,even if their personality isn't the same as yours. Imagine if we were all the same,ewwwww. Oh and I am a Goddess and I am 163 cms. Self appointed but I am not waiting for someone else to realise my beauty lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it. cavey omar wasn't one That was on the big bang theory just now! Sheldon's quote makes a heck of a lot more sense now:) I do my best not to judge based on opinions, but when it comes to rudeness I can't help it. It makes me a sad panda.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Krissy_G' But outer universe Im trying to be polite. Its well )smacks hand for typing( Ya get the meaning ox
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RHP User
14 years ago
Do I judge a person by their posts,hell yeah!!Do I think that what I read is a projection of their whole persona,hell no. Sometimes what I read sickens me. I find it difficult to comprehend the motivation.Why would you deliberately set out to denigrate and hurt?Only explanation is, like all bullys, cyber bullying is the refuge of the coward and to boast about it, a reflection of a puerile mind. If a post is thoughtful, then surely that shows an aspect of that persons persona.If a post shares, what are often quite intimate and even poignant details of that persons life and you pay attention to their posts, then a picture of them begins to emerge. Obviously not a whole picture, but a glimpse of who the person is. There are definitely people that I want to get to know outside of the forums and some I already haveHugs H
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RHP User
14 years ago
if a post is thoughtful, then surely that shows an aspect of that person persona..,,beleiving that, you"ll beleive the sky is red and grass blue..i for one could not put my personality into my profile .because it so varied.at times im sad .happy ,angry there not one set mood with me or anyone else.i could put that im a happy out going guy .settled in life, always ready to take on the next challange.can you honestly say you can judge me from that..it the people that get sucked in the the words of so called nice guy of sociaty that ends up being,bashed ,stalked ,wraped or go missing..how people portray themself and what they do in there private life to different things..you cant tell me after reading a lot to of the replies to forums on here that, thats how you are in every day life..take the fake bi.forum..i dare half you guys to turn up to work and tell your work mates you love to suck a good cock..in every day life people put on a show in one way or the other not to be judged by the general public..how i judge a persons person is on ho w they treat the people around them not what they write on a screen
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Hesione' Do I judge a person by their posts,hell yeah!!Do I think that what I read is a projection of their whole persona,hell no. Sometimes what I read sickens me. I find it difficult to comprehend the motivation.Why would you deliberately set out to denigrate and hurt?Only explanation is, like all bullys, cyber bullying is the refuge of the coward and to boast about it, a reflection of a puerile mind. If a post is thoughtful, then surely that shows an aspect of that persons persona.If a post shares, what are often quite intimate and even poignant details of that persons life and you pay attention to their posts, then a picture of them begins to emerge. Obviously not a whole picture, but a glimpse of who the person is. There are definitely people that I want to get to know outside of the forums and some I already haveHugs H I'm confused..you are asking yourself the question? I noticed from when you weren't here for too long...you would jump on newbies in the Forums and ridicule them for daring to ask a question that has been asked before! Look in the mirror! Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'Heedlesshorseman' …well put it this way, I don't go round searching any more – to much of a meat market and false pictures of both genders - then folks like I and others the same with real pictures to stand up against the false onesis no hope – maybe due to false pictures is why so many don’t meet up I for one will meet any one for a coffee, even invite them round here (been slandered for saying that before but it is me as a person) as too the profiles, you’re not going to say any thing bad about your self ha the ones that say - my friends say - well if a friend...they won’t say any thing bad or they won’t be your friendsure as monkeys _ _ _ _ you won’t add it to your profile any waySo yes I do take what is said in the forums more than what is said on ones profile…in the forum one can get annoyed about some thing or excited, aroused then the words used and or how they put forward there argument or feelings sheds far more light on the said person in real terms than what is said on there profile and no excuse for it you are the person behind your words like it or not!! I agree, when you compose your profile, you are trying to sell yourself in the best light, whilst on the forums we are reacting to others opinions and revealing where we stand on topics, I find this can often be more telling than the persons profile.
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RHP User
14 years ago
The only way to really tell what a person is like is to meet them in person. Kinkisthenewpink is absolutely correct when she says that we are all a bit judgemental. But I don't know why some people just post on the forums to attack other members. I find it a real turn off and I would certainly not like to meet them at all. We all need to be more tolerant of others, even though their opionons differ from our own.
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